Pretty good story so far, but I want to know what your reaction will be when you get stared at be Celestia?

Me, I would probably shit my pants.

>HiE

>Self Insert

Ha! no.

Review train here with some helpful writing tips!

I actually like the story so far, which is weird, because I don't usually like HiE self-inserts. I thought your reactions were believable enough, and I liked how you didn't do the beaten-to-death "Fluttershy finds my body in the Everfree forest" routine. So props for that. I also think it's a neat idea to write a story with your brother, and your suggestion rules show that you're at least partially aware of how to develop a character.

However, you're doing yourself a HUGE disservice with your description. HiE self-inserts are terrible 99.99999% of the time, so calling it that in the description is a sure way to get down-thumbed to oblivion without anyone actually reading your story.

Good luck!

You know, you're going to get a lot of hate for doing a self-insert fic-- but you're writing itself is not bad (technically and formatting-wise). Not at all. I think it was a mistake to pick this subject, though.

There are things to improve, but you write a lot better than some of the other fics that I've seen.

Honestly, if I were you, I'd pick another topic idea that doesn't have humans in it and just start writing. Do something fun and short.

Don't let the downvotes make you feel bad about yourself or anything-- just treat them as points of advice.

*full disclosure-- I gave this no vote myself*

>>13042131304213

>>13044521304452

Thanks you guys. I had a feeling people/ponies wouldn't like what I was doing because it's been done so many times before. But after becoming obsesed with stories like these (not just with ponies but other things like books as well) I had to try doing one myself just so I could at least say I tried to contribute to what I love. Hopefuly you're guys comments along with my brother's nagging will keep me writing this.

-Thanks Spleedude

P.S. do you really think I should remove the self-insert thing in the description sience my character knows nothing of MLP?

>>13048711304871 Yes. People will downthumb this based solely on the fact that the phrase 'self-insert' appears in the title. Your writing isn't terrible, and I think your story at least deserves a chance, so you should do everything you can to help it out.

>>13048711304871

I was just about to bomb this thing with a down-thumb. Then I saw my TWE comrade, ScribbleStick, comment that he actually *shudder* likes this HiE self-insert. I may need to investigate further.

Meaningful comment after I read. Wish me luck, I'm going in.

*15 minutes later*

So, I'm done and normally this is the part where I would tear this thing apart and attempt to hold back my laughter while the author flames me and others for pointing out the flaws in his/her story. I wanted to hate it, I really did.

There was a couple remnants of the spell-checker incorrectly replacing words. I saw one missed capital letter. Maybe... uh, maybe a punctuation thingy or something.

I really got nothing... This absolutely does not deserve the downvotes it got. It's pretty well written, it has *gasp* original HiE plot devices, I love the fact that they dropped in right during the final showdown with NMM, and there was no "magical" portals or dying or any other played out faggotry for the humans to get to Equestria.

Well played sir. Well played.

Image: http://i.imgur.com/m1C1E.gif

offending geological construct

As a mining engineer and geologist, this made me laugh.

p.s. Lose the self-insert thing in the description.

Ok how about pony transformations? That seems the case with most fics. Ive seen

>>13059491305949

Well I was thinking of doing somthing like that, though it woulden't be permenent and I have a very unique way for it to happen. I can't tell you what it is you just have to vote for the right episode. My brother on the other hand/hoof didn't want that to happen to him at all so I don't think he will be pony-fied or whatever it's called.

>>Sleedude wat about turners nc him into a dragon... and how do I vote?

>>13113151311315

I personaly woulden't turn my charcter into a dragon but if my brother wanted to do somthing like that it would be up to him (if he had a unique way for it to happen).

You vote by just telling me in the comments unless I find a better way.

That's what I was trying to say but autocorrect changed that.

And here I thought you had given up on this thing.

>>18121571812157

Nope just took me a bit longer than expected.

Merry Christmas Faithful reader thanks for the support.