Seems good so far. Tracking.

>>12964701296470 Get out...

Anyway, the story premise sounds good, this prologue is sound, tracking this.

Description looks interesting. Added to read later.

btw, cover art: link

Riddle 1: dreams

Riddle 2: Love

Am I right?

Looks interesting and well-written, faved!

>>12965761296576 Thank you so much!

>>12966121296612 I won't say~

>>12966201296620 aww, but you pretty much did with your prologue and summary. I think. I'm not reading to much into this right?

>>12964711296471

... Troll or hater, I'm guessing? I always get curious when I see a comment replying to another comment that's been deleted.

>>12969201296920 Spam about a website or something.

>>12969361296936 >>12969201296920 Yup, some dude spamming advertising on his web.

>>12969361296936

>>12969511296951

Ugh, spam. I give it two months before we have a "report as spam" button added to the comments.

>>12970021297002 I was actually looking for one when it first came up.

Well, this was pretty good for a first chapter. I can see a lot of cheesy romance potential for later in this story, with the blue feather (of dreams) and the riddles, which I'm pretty sure were already answered in another comment. Not to say that this is a bad thing though. It'll be interesting to see how you handle Twilight's conflict.

I'm afraid I can't offer much in terms of constructive criticism here. The writing and descriptions are pretty solid, although a little to loose with exclamation marks if you ask me. I'm not sure if it's a wise choice to start with ponies already having a thing for each other, but I guess we'll have to see in later chapters. You got Twilight down pretty well, I'd say, with the teleporting and obsessiveness, and Rainbow Dash doesn't seem that far off either. Although I'm wondering if that much detailed description of the book cover was necessary. I mean, it's one of your biggest paragraphs. I think just one sentence saying that the cover showed Daring Do holding a blue feather and flying away from some bad guys would have been enough.

Also, a couple of things I found:

>Rainbow grumbled several illegible words before opening the book.

You are now imagining speech bubbles.

>“I’ll miss you.” Twilight whispered

comma

>>12971491297149 Ahhh I see. Yes, the book description I thought would just be me trying my hand at descriptive writing, but I guess there's a time and place for that. Thank you for the corrections and criticisms! Much appreciated!

>>12971491297149

I'm not sure if it's a wise choice to start with ponies already having a thing for each other

eep. *hides*

Anyway, fresh spin on old formula yay! Sudden duck face

>>12972351297235

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire.png

Heh, every story is different. For yours I don't think it would have as big an effect, since it's mostly about how society reacts to their relationship. Whereas Rainbow Dash in this one already having a kind of crush on Twilight would either foreshadow her choice if it came to an ultimatum between the Wonderbolts or Twilight (story-telling wise not so good) or could introduce a similar conflict to Twilight's in Dash's mind (good). That's why I'm not sure - predictability is boring, conflict is good.

Either way I'll be following this story.

>>12978821297882 I'm glad this got featured. It may be my Twidash bias, but I think this story deserves more attention.

I'm liking it so far. Please continue soon.

proceed please...

Silly Twilight... You need to learn that there's more to life than solid fact. Surely you've read poetry and understood it from some sort of emotional standpoint at least one point in your lifetime, correct? The answers are dreams and love. Those are both things that are mostly indescribable by science. Books may have the answers to almost everything, Twilight, but sometimes, you'll have to look out of your area of expertise and/or comfort to find your answers, even if you hate doing so.

...I feel slightly wise and I hate it.

LIke I will say this to another featured story: if you only have a prolouge, you should wait about publishing it until you have the first chapter ready. Prologues feel like teasers, giving only glimpses of the true story but not the story really. I may be unfair, and if you believe I am, I apologise. None the less, I put this story into the "read later" ones.

Good idea for the story.

Will fave and see where it goes.

Is the first one dreams and the second one love?

I guess i kind of got it from the description but oh well.

Good so far, tracking.

>>12970021297002

And I give it 5 seconds after that before kids begin to troll people they don't like with it

This sound good, tracking and MOAR!!!

Brilliant writing I hope it updates soon.

>>12966121296612

Based on Celestia's hint: "Both answers don’t go well with each other, most of the times, ponies would have to choose one or the other"

I think the first is: Friendship (yet Dreams does seem a much more likely answer based on the question you are probably correct)

The second is : Love

Deathscare:  Sorry I am unable to provide any constructive suggestions for improvment....I am very unqualified to do so as I am just starting out on story telling in writing.  While I am sure there are corrections to be made they are more than likely minor. I like where this is going and seems like there is going to be a good buildup to the romance. I liked the hints you made with each pony (I won't say them so I don't spoil it for others). This looks to be one of my favs

Reward:

Image: http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k98/wolfantix/129924821915.jpg

The only criticism I can offer is that IT IS TOO SHORT! I want more! MORE I SAY!

But other then that it is great! And with each update my demand for more might lesson, but probably not until the end.

In answer to the riddles, you gave it away in the title.

Riddle Answer 1: Dreams

Riddle Answer 2: Love

Updated! Yay!

oh how tragic... I very much look forward to where you'll be taking this story in later chapters!

I'm not crying.

I so love where this is headed......this has got to be one of my favorite story arcs in a love story..... the broken heart born of the misconceptions of a partial conversation........keep at it.........can't wait to see what happens!  

There be feels here that I sort of regret feeling. I need to learn to wait for these stories to finish so I don't have a hole in my heart from cliffhangers anymore.

I'm very glad I found this fic. It's rather amazing :D. Only a couple of grammar and spelling errors but the thing that got me the most was the accent applejack had. Saying "Cant'alot" would be more of a New Yorker style of saying it. When going for any accent you should imagine the word being said in the accent you are trying to go with. With a southern accent it would probably be more of "Cantirlot" (XD I don't know. I'm southern and that's how it sounds like when I say it. )  but in the show itself it sounds like she is saying "Canterlot"

Personally, I would have had Rarity and Twilight see Dash listening to the talk, Dash cries and flies away and Twilight feels guilty.

Great chapter, now MOAR!!!

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rainbow_Dash.png

Very well written! it kept me intently reading the whole time. Can't wait to see where you go with this awesome story!

This is going so great! Can't wait to read more, and see how it turns out :)

Oh Twilight! This is breakin mah heart bro!

Also, First?

Oh man, can we have some crazy Twilight ?

Also second ?

>>13999441399944 *Insert obligatory offensive comment about people calling first* :P

IT'S DREAMS AND LOVE! HOW COULD SHE NOT POSSIBLY SEE THAT?!?!

Confound these romance stories, they drive me to read.

>>13999931399993

*insert sarcastic "insert" comment in response to sarcastic inert comment*

Oh Celestia Twi.

I thought you got this "go bonkers and become a villain" thing over at Lesson Zero.

Get your head checked, and watch out for the crocodiles.

Twilight Sparkle's plans=crazy Shenanigans

Looking forward to more!

No, please dear Luna, no! There's a reason I avoid crazy Twilight in romance stories! No me gusta! NO ME GUSTA!!!

... Wow, Twilight really doesn't understand riddles...

... The first chapter was good.

This one... not so much.

Fav to see how things go.

Not liking or disliking however. Not bad enough for the thumbs down, but not good enough for the thumbs up either.

Oh Celestia, Twilight, what are you up to? Twilight going crazy in a TwiDash fic? this is going to be interesting

And... poor AJ...

For future reference, I'm pretty certain that "practising" is spelled "practicing" :P. Also, another thing I noticed, Fluttershy does not go "yup" XD. She says something like, "Oh I know, isn't it wonderful?" These slight things perturb me when reading. Great story though, and I'm really looking forward to the next chapter, also if you need someone to proofread, I can possibly help out if I'm available.

Oh wait...

one

two....

umm, umm

TWELFTH!!!

that applejack thing came out of nowhere and i feel like it lost a bit of its power. slightly amused to heartbroken no build up what-so-ever but either way its still an amazing fic

TwiDash?

*sigh* alright [Read Later]

Hooray, everything is ruined!  Misunderstandings for everyone!

Also, flog your proofreader; I see errors.  

>>14745801474580 Argh I knew it! I'm gonna do a proofread now

... Ouch...

The misery, the wonderful, wonderful misery.

Why did you tell me!?”

>>Based on the context surrounding that line, the did should be didn't.

As for the story itself...

Oww... right in the feels...

Warning: Emotional Overload

//:System commands: Emotional Control

//: Vent Emotional backlog

Warning: Insufficient emotional memory. Do you wish to dump?

//:Declined

Warning: Catastrophic emotional overload...

...

Warning! PONIES.exe has preformed a illegal operation, and must be terminated. If you have not seen this screen previously, restart your cerebral Cortex. If this has happened in the past, please call Tech support or visit Hasbro.com/Mylittlepony to determine the cause of this crash.

Starting memory dump...

3234284597694 bytes of emotions dumped...

System shutting down...

Oh man, that was a very good chapter but I think you can put a "sad" tag for your fic only with this chapter.

I can't way for the next one.

Please update soon.

Cédric

Love.exe is not responding. Please call an administrator...

This was amazing piece of work... Darn it, right into feels

Poor Twi

Awesome chapter is awesome.

Update soon please, update soon

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl_sad.png

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9r5gaDmnx1qhq4jp.gif

>>14748421474842 Yup! Fixed! Thank you!

Image: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2497mHXvqTo/UEvE9ENFSBI/AAAAAAAAADE/5PHzEj9wcpM/s1600/shattered+heart.png

right in the feels

pinkie really needs a combo for a pony breakdown

>>14749421474942

That was Genius. It made me feel so much better after reading this chapter.

>>15333351533335

Thank you.

>>15333441533344

Your welcome!

Whoever gets the song reference, this is for you: /)

And to everyone who reads my stories, this is for you: /)

(\ Got the reference.

(\ Love this story.

>>16321741632174 Thank you ^^

(\ for the song, Damn I love Disney songs.

and (\ is for thanking us readers

It is Disney Hercule song "I won't say I'm in love" ?

Image: http://img651.imageshack.us/img651/5764/likethischapter.jpg

Very nice chapter, I can't way for the next one.

Cédric

“Hey!” Twilight recoiled. “That escalated pretty quickly!

Image: http://images.wikia.com/dragonage/images/2/2a/Anchorman-well-that-escalated-quickly.jpg

Great chapter!

>>16322011632201 You readers are what make my hobby so worthwhile. I love every single one of you!

>>16322031632203 yes it is!

>>16322341632234 Was wondering how long it would take for someone to find that :P I hope it didn't feel forced!

>Read first line of song

>Happened to be thinking of the movie due to line just before song

>Managed to pull off the song and the story's scene mentally in one go

Yesss.

I liked the story, and I got the song reference, but I didn't like that it was in there. It's kind of annoying reading a song, especially when each line is followed by a bit of narration. Very disorienting. Still, keep up the good work.

>>16322631632263

Eventually, you get used to it, and if you know the song well enough, you can play it in your head and match your reading speed to get to the next lyrics in time.

I really loved this chapter... I'm looking forward for more

CAN'T WAIT!

This is for you: /)

And because I got the reference: /)

>>16322631632263 I clearly understand. That was my biggest worry going into this, I, however, wanted to try something different, to see what the response would be. :) Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy the future chapters to come!

like your adaption of the Disney song hun, I decided to play that song while reading that Scene and imagined this scene happening with this song~ -giggles-

Great Chapter hun and can't wait for the next one

>>16322411632241

Yeah, I noticed that instantly when I read it, and no, it didn't feel forced at all.

>>16323141632314 Thank you!

>>16323431632343 Whew, that's good. Thanks for commenting!

Oh.. I just KNOW Rarity will kill me for this... but I just get the feeling that Rarity takes the place of the short pudgy Muse in this song >.< -hides from Rarity-

>>16323771632377 Oh my, my head. HAHAHA someone NEEDS TO MAKE THAT NOW.

Good chapter and I liked the reference from the song. Nice to see an adaptation on it, moment I saw the song I was already singing it in my head.

So Rainbow is off at Wonderbolt camp feeling less than awesome which is bad for her.

Twilight is going insane in the head and feeling a lot of grief over a mare.

And the friends are having a hard time sorting this thing out.

So in short, Shit be whack yo.

Fo shizzle Clone Dizzle

>>16324651632465 Cool! Glad you liked it!

>>16324761632476 Stuff's going DOWN SON.

I don't know why, but I imagined that song playing to the tune of "One Day More" from Les Miserables.

Didn't get the reference to be honest... but I love how you blended the song in!

(\ for awesome chapter

I was hearing the song in my head while reading.

I couldn't help but Facehoof because of that song. Not only because it's very corny.

But because I can fully see it happen. The mental images, I'm telling ya.

that's the hercules song right? The reference is kinda funny.

Awesome chapter, MOAR

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Fluttershy.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rainbow_Dash.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Applejack.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Pinkie_Pie.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rarity.png