Before Twilight and her friends saved the Crystal Empire, its ruler had to watch it die. Long before she meets Shining Armor and Twilight, Cadence walks through her home for the last time.
How can you even write a story about something before we know what it is? I am honestly intrigued.
Well you take what you know from leaked snippets of footage from conventions, wildly speculate a little, have an idea that just runs away with your writing hands and thus you have written a story 'bout something that hasn't even happened yet.
Also, dear writer: This was a lovely little short story, a pleasure to read and with no glaring issues to jerk one from the narrative. I could feel the gloom of dusty crystal and the slight sadness such a place is pervaded with. Good show!
Taking a look at it, the concepts presented are at least intriguing. (And thank you for spelling Cadence with an e. And making her worst princess. :3) Writing flaws aside, the main problem with this is pacing. The snapshot approach is effective for the route you're trying to take, but the snapshots are each too brief to really give a tangible image of what it is she's lost.
I suspect season 3 will kill the hell out of this, but it'll be fun to see just how.
Can you point out the writing flaws to me? If I ever decide to go back to this, I'd like to know what they are so I can fix them. I'll probably expand on the snapshots-I went into this thinking it would be flashfic, but it ran over 1000 words anyway.
I didn't know which way to go with the spelling of Cadence, as I've seen it done both ways by official sources, so I went with the spelling that felt more intuitive to me.
For being written prior to the first episode of Season 3, I salute you!
I personally didn't notice any overt grammatical issues, but I agree with presentperfect about pacing. This actually wasn't bad (honestly, it seemed a nice one shot), but the subject almost begs for further exploration of Cadence and her ties to the Crystal Empire, and it's downfall.
Thumbs up though. MOAR!!!
The correct spelling is Cadance. Cadenza works too, but it's more rare.
Very nice. Will be obliterated by canon, but an enjoyable read nevertheless.
"Cadence peaked through the wooden doors" -> should be "peeked"
You should definitely consider expanding it. That would be my one biggest suggestion for this story. Sadly, I do not have the time at the moment to do a thorough editing, and it would be pointless anyway if you're planning on reworking this to any degree. Good luck.
I've expanded this a bit. Please let me know if its better or if I've somehow made it worse.
I think this story needs some more love, much like Cadence does.
You've earned a fav from me.
For a speculative piece, I think you've done a great job on capturing the gradual decline of the Crystal Empire. Personally, I like using flashbacks in the same way, but haven't applied it to pony fiction yet.
I have to agree with the others, this has a lot of potential, and there are so many ways you could extrapolate on the details - especially about Cadence's regret afterwards, and her emotions as the city began to fall, and eventually freeze over.
Well done, I do hope you continue your style.
Excellent piece of work, and that means a lot coming from me. This story is far more deserving of a place on the Featured bar than some of that dreck. I applaud your writing skill and wish you the best in your future endeavours. Consider yourself watched.
this was truly amazing. i enjoyed every part. It was beautifully done. I just don't really understand it, which is my fault, not the author's. How has she been blind and how had that failed the kingdom? Otherwise amazing and I can't believe how much I liked it
>>12640631264063 "Cadence" is how Meghan McCarthy spelled it in her script, and it makes more sense. "Cadance" was just so they could copyright it or something; it was a change enacted by Hasbro.
I liked this. It didn't have much to it, but I think the simplistic style made it more enjoyable.
Unfortunately, I believe this story has been struck by the EqD effect. You get it linked on Equestria Daily, which leads to a higher view-count. The problem is that barely any of the EqD readers have an account on FIMFiction, so they don't favorite it, or even leave an upvote.
Well! Looks like my advice helped. :) Congrats on getting onto EQD!
>>14111651411165 Just like they can copyright 'rarity' or 'applejack'...
>>14127231412723 To be honest, I've never seen a "®" on any of the pony names in official merch or ads. The most I've seen is a ™, which doesn't mean as much.
(I'd like to be able to remember if I've seen stuff like "Vinyl Scratch™" anywhere. That would be cool if they're doing that to the names we created!)
You said it yourself, Hasbro changed it. It's their show so they make the final decisions. And it's their decisions that are official, in this case it's Cadance. Her name in the script means nothing, so I don't see why you brought that up. Scripts are unofficial, it's the episodes that come out of the scripts that are official. In A Canterlot Wedding we didn't get to see the spelling of her name, Hasbro showed with their merchandise.
Cadence is also a common real life name, and from what I've seen, Hasbro tends to keep away from those. It doesn't matter that Cadenza is Italian for Cadence. Cadance is the real spelling of her nickname, that's how it is. Unless you can make Hasbro change their mind about it.
>>14142381414238 ♪ La la la la la! Aaaaaaaaa.
This was a fun little piece of speculative fiction, and was very good for a short story. Cadance feelings for her lost empire come quite clear all through, and I specially liked the subtle way you marked the impressive passage of time, it was very effective and didn't affect the pace or got in the way of showing her walk through the ruins of her kingdom.
Just one thing that wasn't clear for me on the overall narrative: Did she meet Princess Celestia before or after her walk through the ruins? The way she looks at things makes it look like it has been a while since she has been there, but the final section is not in italics indicating that it didn't happen on the past.
You reply to a three weeks old comment and then this is the best you can do? Are you trying to point out that both Cadence and Cadenza are musical terms? I really don't see how it relates to this. I thought better of you, but you proved me wrong on that point. If you have anything else to say, just pm me, this has gone on long enough.
No fighting, guys...
>>14179241417924 I guess it's just a matter of opinion. I'm of the opinion that "Cadence" is her real name, and you're of the opinion that it's "Cadance".
>>14183981418398 Yes, sensei.
>>14183981418398 if you MUST fight, use Pies.
some new info on the Crystal Empire has come up. Maybe this story could be a Parallel Universe thing.
Just found this; really nice work. You did a great job maintaining a single feeling all the way through. Unfortunately, to fit it with canon (or however you say that) would involve a fairly significant re-write.
Overall, I liked it, despite the feels.