Now, I could be evil and make this a once-shot, but instead there's more coming.

In the meantime, go get another box of tissues, you may need it.

hah... was just about to read this on deviantart XD

also... did you just "like" ur own story? tsk tsk, that's bad sportsmanship ;)

Looks interesting, I can't wait to devour this story I think I shall add this to my favorites and start tracking it!

>>12598931259893 if you don't like what you write yourself who else it?

>>12599271259927 I think you misunderstand, I was talking about the like-button. I never used the like-button on any of my own stories, that's all.

>>12599431259943 and i was making a joke.

>>12599531259953 *bitch slap*

>>12599681259968 the pain. its delicious

>>12598931259893

I did not, why do you ask?

>>12598991259899

I'll try not to keep you waiting too long then.

>>12599781259978

Get a room

>>12598931259893 It also doesn't work. You don't count as a viewer of your own story either.

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9in5tdNQ71r9l4zu.gif

You monster!!!

Please continue

I have this nagging feeling that this will probably be featured. Onward!

We will always miss her . . . *tosses body out the window*

ANYWAY, let's get to the story!

was the title based off the dragonforce song?

>>12599681259968

Is your pic the mark of chaos from 40K? And why?

WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!

I mean, the bits leading up the Twilight entering the room were good, I liked them, but then...

I know this might be a LITTLE extreme, but:

>>12604401260440

Image: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/1/16/Drevil_million_dollars.jpg/200px-Drevil_million_dollars.jpg

>>12605601260560

I can dream.

>>12606111260611

>>12606941260694

Yes.

>>12608341260834

Explanation.

>>12608621260862

Smart aleck.

You know what I mean.  This is Princess Mother-bucking Celestia!  She doesn't just drop dead!

Your supposedly heart-wrenching scene instead comes right out of left field.

Fly free for what we believe

One thousand hearts bleeding the eternal dream

Feel me the touch we all need

So silently now we will kneel

Cry for eternity

Could be better overall, but here is a mechanical error I noticed:

the room's sole occupant: the Princess Celestia herself.

We all know that it's Celestia. Also, the proper way to say this would be "the Princess, Celestia, herself." Even then, it's pretty awkward prose.

There was another error, but looking back I can't find it. Oh well, put it through spell check or something

I require moar.

Anyways grammer mistake:

She couldn't remember how she had gotten to Canterlot, nor could she, for the life of her, feel an patience for the ponies in the crowded street.

"feel any patience"

If you need any pre-readers I would love to be one.

>>12609131260913

This help then? And I apologize for being a smart-ass, its my nature.

>>12615641261564

Thanks for pointing it out, I'll see what I can do to rewrite it and read the rest of it over again.

>>12617251261725

In the pipes, I promise. Also: fixed the issue. As for prereaders, I'm talking with a few people already, but I'll keep you in mind if I need another.

Wow...this is very moving. I don't even know what's going on yet, but I have faith that all shall be explained in time. Liked and fave'd. Celestia...Twilight...

Pweese continue

>>12620421262042

I'm planning to, but pulling crying Fluttershy out against me?

That's low, man.

>>12620551262055

You just made fluttershy happy!

In order to properly pass judgement on this fic, I require.... more.

I'll be following this story and awaiting your updates.

Normally I don't read sad, tragic fics but this one has my attention somehow...it's been a while since I've used the waterworks...

I eagerly await what comes next...

>>12612851261285 Oh and I thought of that song when I looked at the title

A sad and angsty "Twilight becomes an alicorn" fanfic? It's been awhile since I've seen one of these. Should be interesting.

Why didn't Twilight just teleport into the room?

I have wanted to see more stories like this. I have one in mind, but I got at least 3 stories before it.

Speaking of which writing time...

Oh and it looks good so far. Maybe make the chapters longer, and work on the pacing a bit.

Hmmm. It's been a while since one of these came out.

And the story will never update, and it shall be forgotten in a week, just as all other Alicorn-Twilight fanfics have been.

Sorry, I'm just really leery of these fics. All too often they get abandoned.

Hmmmm.

Kill orks, or read a 'Alicorn Twilight'?

Ohhhhh, I do have a Thunder Hammer....

oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please more! you did an amazing job at drawing me in at the first sentence and i teared up in the end. please make due with all haste to get the next chapter out! and for good writing i give you

Alicorn Twilight. God help me.

Alright, the weak premise aside, your prose needs some work. While it's nice to see proper spelling and a fair crack at proper punctuation and grammar, your sentences require some serious and desperately needed attention. This is mainly because you use way too many clauses way too often. The end result is clunky, awkward, and a struggle to get through.

Also, I would suggest doing some research into show vs tell. Your descriptions of pony's expressions were very blunt in this regard.

Overall, your writing quality probably needs some work to excuse the weak and frankly terribly cliché story premise. Best of luck for the future, author!

I love the cover! Love this story!

So, Celestia kicked the bucket, eh? Took her long enough...

>>12607041260704

it's the standard chaos logo/symbol, so it's not necessarily from warhammer 40k (chaos existed long before warhammer 40k and so did the chaos symbol).

as to why? well i agree with the chaos philosophy, order is unnatural, chaos isn't, and if something similar were to happen in our reality that happened in the warhammer 40k story-line then i would side with the forces of chaos, why? let's just say i'm not a fan of humanity and keep it at that...

The old girl should have at least one chapter left in her.

>>12608341260834 this one is better!

hmmm... why did this happen, i wonder? i hope this turn of events will be explained in later chapters.

Damn you. Why am I sad? It's just a story, why am I sad? What happened?! Why did she die?! I'm so confused!

Please more.......

So I was getting into it and it fell flat right around the point Celestia died.

Now, Celestia's my Favorite character in the whole show so believe me when I tell you how painful the "meh" was that escaped my mouth was when she kicked the bucket.

I hope to see stuff expanded on.

Interesting, please tell me you're not going to bump off Luna too.

This is a story all about how Twi's life got flipped, turned upside down

>>12636571263657

Agreed. It all feels just a little more than contrived, hoping there's some exposition to be had.

That is all.

I didn't feel much emotion for this because of pacing and lack of explanation, but it IS a prologue.   That said, the premise should be interesting.   That, and I'm a sucker for Shining Armor.  I hope you continue to update it.  Tracking.

>>12630261263026

Don't worry, they will be longer, this was an attempt at a prologue.

>>12633761263376

Truth be told, I'd probably make the same decision, war waits for no one.

>>12631681263168

I agree, hence the decision to just write my own. I'm hoping to expand this into a long 20+ chapter novella, but we'll see how it goes.

>>12635451263545

Now that's just mean-spirited!

>>12638711263871

Well now that I'm done maiming the enemies of man...

Time to read yo snazy story!

finally got featured. thought that it would take a bit longer, but i knew it would get up there. congrats

>>12606111260611

God damn it!

You are everywhere!

What anti-protagonist are you; The borg; Changling; Daleks; Pylons; Harbinger?

Are you assuming direct control?

Exterminate?

Do you want love?

resistance is futile?

you must construct additional Pylons?

Will saying your name backwards send you back to the 4th dimension from whence you came?

Twilight acends the throne? Oh this will be good. Favorited

>>12639131263913

Hahahahahaha! I am way beyond your comprehension. Don't worry, I'm not here to destroy. Just here. Omnipotent and all that jazz.

>>12639131263913

Live for the swarm?

>>12640361264036

Swarm of what?

Daleks Borg or Pylons?

>>12640461264046

THE swarm.

>>12638711263871

Prologu successful as attempted prologue

>>12640661264066

What? Who told you I play Starcraft II?

Nope not me! na-nha.

Do do do, Moving on.

This is about the only story I have seen where Celestia is not killed by someone with the likes of Thor the God of Thunder, with no epic battler to re-take Canterlot.

Meaning I like it! Now all you have to do is not be like the rest of them (You know who you are), Don't make this into a Half-life ep3

Just. Please, update more then once in a blue moon. Thx Babycakes.

Back to killing orks!

>>12617931261793

Hm... no complaints on the story yet, it's just not long enough for me to judge either way yet....

On the other hoof, it just might be your smart-alek comments that could convince me to watch you...

I'll see if I notice the next chapter when it comes out...

And yes, now I'm just putting ellipses on the end of everything for the heck of it ...  

Thumbs up, but no fav yet....

Can't wait for the next chapter.

holy crap that hit me hard

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwsbegJUTf1qht847.gif

Celestia.... RIP

DETAILS, BACKSTORY, CONTINUATION, DO IT NAO.

"Twilight becomes an alicorn" fic #6129383?

Alicorn Twilight + dead Celestia dropped into a 1000-word chapter is like starting Star Wars with "Luke, I am your father!"   It's too much happening too early.  Save the work, write a few more chapters, and release them all at once or combine them into a more substantial Chapter One.

>>12638511263851 I'm not gonna lie, I clicked on this only because I recalled the Dragonforce song too x3

....okay, I'll admit I'm a little skeptical about this one. I'll see where this goes, but you're treading on somewhat thin ice. Develop your characters, man. This whole chapter is hardly over one thousand words long, and yet it contains a (supposedly) sad scene and also introduces the conflict. I'm not saying it's bad, but I'd really like to see you elaborate and give more detail to your scenes and characters so that it is easier to empathize with them.

That's all I have for now. Like I said, let's see where this goes.

"Twiley"

SHIIIIIETTT Guards are busted.

"I AM NOT DEAD."

This is going somewhere. I know that it will turn into death.

Twilight, on the other hoof, attempted to return Shining's small, comforting smile, and took his hoof, allowing him to pull her back to her feet.

Back to her feet.

FEET...

Image: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FJPRdtaUOzM/T1VZ6eZpiNI/AAAAAAAAhlQ/pwhxvp6xpF0/s1600/don__t_do_this_to_me__smarty_pants__by_manateemckenzie-d4r6o86.png

^ Twilight trying to revive Celestia

Twilight, on the other hoof, attempted to return Shining's small, comforting smile, and took his hoof, allowing him to pull her back to her feet.

Feet

Feet

Feet

Image: http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/24427240.jpg

Aww, it's sad...

Excellent so far. Really grabs your attention from the beginning, and there's a real sense of frenetic, fast-paced, panicked rushing. I'm looking forward to more.

Also, the cover image is amazing.

Oh my god... She's dead

>>12638711263871 It's because this fandom twisted her so much I hate her...

>>12640661264066 Pfff, no! One word: TYRANIDS.

IMA keep my eye on this

I find this fic spectacularly appropriate for my own feelings at the moment. My grandmother passed away mere hours ago.

I will track this even as I mourn her passing.

>>12646661264666

Hooves can be correctly referred to as feet.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse_hoof

Calm down.

Regarding the story, I worry that this will tread very familiar territory and/or end up abandoned, but I'll read more if you post more and I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Hooray! A Twilight Alicorn story where the Captain of the Guard isn't some crappy OC! FINALLY!!!!!1!!!ONE!!!

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/230/952/49e.png

Oh please please please PLEASE DEAR FAUST have Shining Armor matter in this story!

Image: http://mlpchan.net/site/src/1344896469220.gif

In case you haven't noticed, I'm excited, and I look forward to more.

Alicorn Twilight x Luna? I think so.

WTB (Why The Buck) IS CELASTIA SICK MUST READ NEW CHAPTER SOON!!!

In my professional opinion as certified* doctor, I think Celestia may be suffering from a rather large dose of Dead.

Also, That picture of a Twilicorn...Is it relevant?

Well, scratch that princess.  Not like anypony really liked her very much anyways.

In all seriousness, I like the way this is going so far and am assuming that the reason Celestia is KIA will be explained later.  There is really not much to say beyond that though so further critique will have to wait until we get more story.

The first chapter is very well done, and I'm sure you will continue to excel at writing poni fanfiction. But you really, really, really need to tell us why Celestia died in a later chapter. I suggest taking the easy way out and blaming the Griffin/Dragon/Changeling Empire. It's all the rage these days.

Celestia be damned, someone beat me to it!

Why didn't I come here sooner to post that song!!!!!!

Good start but what happened to Twilight's ability to teleport?

That's my only complaint with the story so far.

Based on the picture, alicorn Twilight story? I'm always a sucker for one of those, so count me in.

Nice start, looking forward to finding out what happened to Celestia.

Wow, right in the feels

I'm looking forward to more. I haven't read very many Alicorn Twilight stories, so it will be interesting to read another one

Oh no i'm out of tissues!

Is it just me, or is the cover art a HUGE spoiler. She's an alicorn in the picture, and if Celestia dies, then that might be what she means about Twilight making her proud.

Anyway, this is one of the most riveting and well written prologues I've ever seen. If the rest of the story is like this, you'll have one of the best fan fics I've seen recently.

Can't wait for an update.

NOOOOO!PRINCESS CELESTIA!!!!!!!!!!

>>12655991265599

Me too

Rather major character dies in the very first chapter as a cheap method of generating drama....Yeeaaaah. Then it turns out to be Celestia who's keeling over which raises more questions as to why an immortal character just bought the farm, but also a favorite of mine. Diagnosis? Alicorn twilight story where Twilight rises to power via nepotism and considering that there's a romance tag, Twi and Luna will likely hook up, because all bonds made during the death of a loved one are deep and meaningful. You probably should have built up to this rather than just dumping it in the prologue.

Okay. I've just read through the comments, and there seems to be two distinct opinions. They are: 'Loving this story', and 'Tired of this cliche crap'. I have to say, I am firmly in the first group.

>>12654431265443 It's Twilight. She panics. Also, I believe that you need to know what a place looks like to teleport there. Twilight had never seen that room before, so she couldn't teleport there.

Looking forward to more!

This is Australia...

Reminds me of the scene where Yoda dies in Star Wars.

>>12552871255287