Line in the Sand
Line in the Sand
“Okay, and if 'tin' is spelled T-I-N, it follows that tinsel would be spelled...”
“T-I-N-S-I-L?” Spike guessed.
“Close, that second I is an E.”
“Auuugh!” He slammed his head on the baby dragon-sized school desk Twilight had found for him somewhere. It was every bit as uncomfortable as it looked. “Can't you just eat me?!”
“Don't give up yet, Spike, you've been doing so well! I believe in you, I know you can do this.”
Spike made a few grumpy sounds that could have been interpreted into a vague comment on Twilight's momma.
“Okay Spike, just one more word for the day. Let's try 'cane.'”
“Like a sugarcane or a walking stick cane?”
“They're spelled the same way, Spike!”
“Oh. Okay. Ummm.” He wrinkled his forehead, thinking back over the lessons. The torturous, agonizing, mind-numbing lessons. It SOUNDED like 'kay,' but he knew it was one of the ones with a Y sound in the middle without the Y. “Oh!” He brightened up, he totally had this one. “K-A-I-N!”
Seeing his teacher grimace, his smile flagged.
“Actually, it starts with a C,” Twilight said matter-of-factly.
“Cs shouldn't exist anyway if you ask me,” Spike growled. “Everything they do can be done by S or K! Well, except for that 'chuh' sound, I guess they're okay for that.”
“And there's no I in the middle.”
“Oh come on! That was totally the right vowel sound for that!”
“And there's an E at the end.”
“A POX UPON YOUR SILENT ES!” Spike shrieked, flailing his claws in the air, causing Twilight to jump a little. He'd learned that phrase from a play script she'd read to him. A very, very boring play about a non-meat-eating pony with a red V on his chest.
“Okay, I think we're getting just a little bit of study burnout,” Twilight commented with a giggle. “How about a break for lunch?”
Spike agreed gratefully.
Only a week since Twilight had taken him into the castle, and he hadn't seen anything inside it except for her room and the library and a hall full of paintings that he had been forced to sit through an artistic lecture on. Twilight was a studyholic and expected him to be one too, and it wasn't like he could say no when that was the only reason he wasn't dead yet! He'd already memorized the whole alphabet and was going through boring basic vocabulary now, divorced from any fun context like stories or even history. For some reason Twilight seemed to find little random facts about grammar or spelling or language evolution totally fascinating and didn't seem to even notice, let alone understand when Spike failed to share her enthusiasm. At least she'd decided to leave cursive for later, but in a strange way that disappointed him. He liked the way the letters in cursive ran together, it was like they were holding hands together in harmony.
Besides the traumas of education being forced upon him, Spike also had to deal with a lot of other little quirks from the unicorn. She constantly misplaced or forgot things, not because she had a bad memory, but because she always tried to do too much, and he'd only added on to her already overburdened schedule. She was also a perfectionist and got very upset with herself or him whenever something wasn't just the way she wanted it. He was left to play along and pretend he cared about what color of ink was appropriate for scribbling notes in margins, and ended up being helpful to her a lot mostly to save on unnecessary stress.
So Spike found things that Twilight lost, and reminded her of things that she forgot, and downplayed things she found important because they were never important and she really needed to learn to relax before she became the youngest pony in the world to die of a heart attack. His casual, practical way of looking at things seemed to frustrate, confuse and amuse her in equal parts, while her OCD and geekiness bugged him a little, but also felt kind of... complementary, maybe.
Of course, the thing that bothered him about her most of all was something he couldn't talk about, not that she had the same kinda tact. The exact way she talked about eating him in the vague, somewhere out there future was interestingly different, though. She apologized for it, sometimes, stiffly and randomly and without any emotion to it, like she knew on some level that what she was doing was wrong – or at least, that she knew that he felt it was wrong. But it kept slipping out again and again, a natural part of her conversation, along with little things like telling him how nice he smelled, how round his tummy looked and other creepy stuff. Twilight seemed to lack the layers of sophistication that Rarity used to conceal such nastiness, or Fluttershy's kindness, but her love of sheer learning seemed to have partially bridged the gap between pony thinking and dragon thinking. Just a little bit.
Probably not enough, but maybe it was something to build on.
Lunch was okay as long as he didn't watch Twilight eat. She was really good about getting him fresh-mined gemstones with low impurities, every bit as nitpicky about it as she was everything else. Although that made sense, you wouldn't want to feed your food trash, because then when you ate it, it'd taste like trash too, Spike figured. Didn't stop him from enjoying the crushed spinel cereal or chrysoberyl skewers, though.
Just as he was downing his last mouthful while Twilight complained about him spilling one tiny bit of spinel on her freshly-cleaned floor (that he had cleaned without her even asking, hmph!), there came a knock at the door. Spike blinked; this was weird. Nopony ever came up to Twilight's tower, she seemed like a total shut-in who was almost proud of not having any friends.
Twilight got up to open it, blinking and looking as surprised as Spike felt, only to let out a girly little shriek.
“Cadence! It's been months!”
The two ponies embraced while Spike stared, considering how much the other pony's mane tips reminded him of cinnamon buns. Oh, yeah, and she had a horn, so she was a unicorn. Nobility from the accessories. And wings, so she was a pegasus. Wait, that couldn't be right. Wings and a horn?
He had tons of time to be bewildered, since the two ponies were busy doing some kind of freakish pony ritual involving a chant and wiggling their butts at each other. He privately wondered if this was some kind of alternative dating scene thing (not that he would have thought Twilight would dare allot any portion of her precious schedule to something that fulfilled the body instead of the brain), but figured he'd look like an idiot if he asked. So instead he asked his backup question.
“What kind of pony are you?”
“Oh, I'm sorry Princess Cadence-”
Spike's eyes bugged out. This was the PRINCESS HERSELF?!
“-this is my emergency food supply, Spike. I'm teaching him to read as an experiment on cognitive development in reptiles, I thought it might be useful to learn how our prey respond to organized mental stimuli!”
“That sounds like a fantastic idea, Twilight! Buuuuut... your little backup snack has been making waves over in Ponyville and Canterlot both, haven't you heard?
“He... he has?” Twilight looked back over at Spike, who grinned nervously.
Princess Cadence bent down so she wasn't quite so looming as she turned her attention to Spike.
And to answer your question, you cute little morsel, you, I am an alicorn – a pony that has the traits of all three types of ponies” Moving her head back up to Twilight, Cadence's tone switched from sweet to business-like, if still friendly. “Actually he's why I'm here.”
“He is?”
“I am?” Spike asked at the same time.
He and Twilight glanced at each other suspiciously.
“Yes, you see, she of the oh-so-difficult-to-condition flowing mane wants to meet him for lunch. Alone, for some reason.”
And just like that, from safety to the cooking pot again, was that how it was? There was even less warning than usual for this one, but at least he was getting used to it. He had his first three and a half escape routes already sketched out. Hopefully that would be enough. His biggest worry was the horns. If alicorns did magic half as good as Twilight, he was in troubllllle. Still, the time it took for the trip to whatever lunchroom awaited would probably be the best time to gouge out some eyes or... whatever. Ow. He didn't want to gouge eyes, but what if they left him no choice? And the guards, oh jeez, he'd forgotten how many GUARDS there were, over a dozen even if he went for a straight line outside from here!
“But... but... my experiment... and... he can't even read a book yet, do you know how depressing that is?!” Twilight whined, fidgeting from one hoof to the other while Spike quietly schemed and panicked inside his head.
“What's really depressing is that's the best you can do to beg for your number one emergency food supply's life,” Spike put in sourly, sharpening his claws with feigned nonchalance. That's right, don't let them know you're freaking out.
“Oh, don't worry, you'll probably get him back safe and sound,” Cadence replied with a smile. “Although with her, you never can tell for sure,” she added lowly, amused. “You know how she is.”
And just like that, without even a fight, Twilight let him go. He tried not to feel betrayed, and her wobbly bottom lip and saddened expression made that easier. Still, it required a tweakage of his... priorities. He'd thought he'd have time, to prepare, get supplies, figure out stuff involving magic stone spells and how to bargain with immortal personifications of chaos. Apparently not. Apparently, he was back to running again.
Although what the Princess had said about 'probably' getting back was... interesting. But was it worth gambling his poor handsome life on it?
That wasn't the only question in his head, and he voiced one of the more harmless other ones as she walked with him to where they needed to go, unaccompanied by guards.
“So if you're the Princess and all, why're you playing waiter for this other pony? Um, your highness,” he added belatedly.
She laughed, her multi-colored mane waving with her merriment.
“Oh, you poor little dumpling, I'm just a princess, not the Princess!”
“Uh. What?”
“The rank's really just a formality, I don't have any formal responsibilities,” she explained. “I'm much younger than the real Princess, and my talents lend themselves better to working behind the scenes anyway. Everypony talks like there's only one Princess... why, half the time ponies seem to act like I come out of nowhere whenever I assert myself. But that's got its conveniences, for what I do, being a royal wallflower's pretty handy.”
She showed off her flank and its fractured blue heart Cutie Mark with a quick, graceful sway of her hips, not even breaking her stride.
“Cousin Blueblood likes to call me the prima donna puppet meister, because I pull on heartstrings,” she went on, her tone edging to dry humor. “I heal discord between ponies, remind them of the bonds of love and compassion between each other that makes Equestria harmonious. Kinda like diplomacy between friends and family – only your friends and family are the whole kingdom.”
“Ever think that some not-pony people might wanna get in on that?” Spike put in so sharply that one of the guards they were passing raised an eyebrow and glared at him menacingly, which he pretended not to notice as a way of hiding how terrified he was of the glare.
“Awww, so cute, it thinks it's people!” Cadence said with a very loud laugh. “I think I can already see why Twilight's bothered to spend her time on you. You seem like a very quick-witted little guy.” One of her eyes turned to look at him while her head remained straight forward. “Of course, your history seems to point in that direction anyway. Even royal ears've started to hear the discord you've been sowing in our little kingdom, Spike.”
Spike swallowed. She looked way too alert to get away with ambushing her eyes.
“I, I didn't mean to....”
Except he had.
“I just wanted to be safe...”
Except that wasn't all he wanted, not anymore.
“That's not a crime, right? Heheh.”
Except it might be, in the land of the ponies.
“Don't worry,” she soothed him, the expressive tenderness of her voice contrasting with the quietly regal, almost icy calm of her expression and posture, her gold-shod hooves very loud on the hard floor. “Whether what you've done so far to my little ponies merits any kind of punishment isn't for me to decide. I just want to make sure that you understand that if you misbehave around Twilight, you'll be put down.”
“I understand,” he said through a throat suddenly parched for water and painfully tight. The Princess-who-wasn't-a-Princess had said that with such a warm, cheerful voice. “I'll be a good emergency food supply, I promise! No one'll ever be, uh, supplied in an emergency than ol' Spike!”
“That's what I like to hear. I'll never understand why food insists on giving itself names,” she added to herself with a wry smile, swaying her head from side to side.
He was too nervous to talk much after that, afraid he'd say something to push the balance on the scales over to 'eat the delicious little dragon' side. Princess Cadence didn't push him, but started to engage the other ponies they walked past. Servants, guards, nobleponies, she seemed to know them all by name, and their family lives and the latest gossip too. Spike would've felt a lot better if the gossip hadn't involved killing things, failed attempts at killing things, eating things that had been killed or cooking things things that had been killed before eating them. The names of prey, creatures he knew to knew had wanted to live just as much as he did right now, whirled past his ears, numbing them till all he could focus on was the tone of the words. The happiness. The affection. The harmony.
Every time he drifted just a little bit to one side, a few inches, testing the extent of her attention and the invisible, figurative leash between them, her horn glowed slightly and he felt a magical nothingness, warm but irresistible, nudge him back on the right angle, exactly the same path as her, perfectly aligned. There was no way he could get away. Which meant he might not live to see his basket tonight. He'd gotten to really like that dumb basket.
“In you go, sweetling,” she said after a sudden stop, just when he'd entered into a practically trance-like state of frantic exit-route-calculating that all came to nothing.
The guards standing at attention each opened one side of a massive door. Good thing, too – Spike couldn't have opened it, the thing was taller than five ponies standing on top of each other and made of thick, shiny metal. Still, it had the same elegance of design that the whole castle had, almost girly curves as the sides met up at the very high top. Spike looked inside but didn't have time to process more than vague colors before Cadence's hoof shoved him in firmly, and the doors shut behind him with an ominous kerthongongong.
Trapped in an unfamiliar room, great.
It was a very large room with exactly one very long table in it. At that table were exactly two seats. And sitting in one of the two seats was the only pony in the entire room.
The actual-Princess-Princess was an immense but delicate-looking creature with a mane and tail like flowing water. A weird combination of stormy weather through the peaked window behind her and the architecture around a nearby fireplace conspired to cast a faint shadow that just barely resisted the gleam of the twenty or so candles on the crystal chandelier overhead. In that shadow, for a second, she seemed like a dark, mysterious thing, and Spike thought he saw pinprick glittering lights in one long strand of her mane. Then he blinked, and his eyes adjusted, and she was clearly a large but motherly-looking white pony with her mane and tail in very gentle pastels, the gold of crown, hoof boots and neckpiece less intimidating and more accessorizing, almost like jewelry.
“Ah, Spike. I'm so glad you could join me for lunch. Won't you have a seat?”
Her voice was as motherly-sounding as her features, and Spike was a little surprised at how solid it sounded despite its mildness, unlike what he'd expected from the sheer otherworldliness of her tail and mane.
And she had invited him to lunch. Regular lunch, not put Spike in a pot and eat him lunch! Lunch. Alone. With the ruler of all ponies everywhere. Wow. He would've felt totally awed if he didn't hate everything about the ponies' meat murder machine with a vengeance. He still felt a little awed, and not just because this was the first time he'd ever had two lunches straight in a row.
“Uh, y-yeah, sure, thanks!”
No matter how quiet and polite he tried to be about it, the chair made a very loud scrapping sound on the polished floor as he pulled it out. Even when he climbed up to his seat, he felt awkward, like every scrap of his claws was making a huge racket. But she just sat there, not moving except for, of course, her hair. When he finally got an eyeful of the table, he almost drooled right there on the probably priceless silk or satin or whatever fancy cloth it was tablecloth. They'd given him a bowl full of the finest, biggest, priciest gems he'd ever seen. Black opals shining with every color but black, red beryls like plump pink grapefruits, sprinkles of smaller blue garnets for contrast. The whole thing was topped with a very generous sprinkle of diamond dust like powdered sugar. He was instantly hungry again even though he'd already had lunch. Then his eyes drifted over to the Princess's place, dreading whatever horrific, decadent display of meat he was certain to see.
It was just a bowl of something brown and faintly steaming, with a small saucer of fancy seeded whole grain crackers on the side.
“Beef consommé,” she told him, seeing where his eyes went. “Would you like a taste? It's quite good.”
“That's okay, thanks though your majesty,” he murmured, thinking about a little cow he'd left far away in Ponyville.
She nodded, seemingly not offended.
“So then, where shall we begin?”
He smiled and tried not to scratch the sudden furious itch on the back of his neck.
“I have other reasons for wanting to talk to you today, but I understand that you're probably worried about being punished, so I suppose we should get that out of the way beforehoof. Let's see now, your list of crimes to date, insofar as they're known....”
Her horn glowed faintly gold and a scroll over to one side of the table floated over to her face.
“Simple assault, assault causing bodily injury, aggravated assault, intent to commit assault, impersonating a food temporarily classified as a foreign dignitary, waylaying a food temporary classified as a foreign dignitary, criminal mischief, larceny, intent to commit larceny, intent to commit criminal mischief, resisting lawful detainment, criminal tampering of business resources, collaboration with an enemy food during a time of war and, ah-” Her nose wrinkled delicately. “-defecating in public.”
“There wasn't an outhouse for miles around okay?!” Spike burst out, then flinched, his face heating up. “I mean, um, your highness... pleasedontkillme....”
She raised an eyebrow, blank-faced.
“Is that the kind of Princess I come off as, then?”
“Oh, no, no, I just mean... I um... I'm sorry your highness, you don't come off as anything at all! And I didn't want to do all that stuff, I swear!”
The Princess tsked.
“Try to relax, Spike. This is going to be a very boring, not to mention dishonest, conversation if we insist on standing on formalities. I was hoping you'd respond well to my little joke, but I guess when you're as old as I am you lose touch with the current era's sense of humor.”
“Your... joke?”
“Food isn't charged with crimes, Spike,” she told him smilingly. “It's just eaten or thrown away. I thought of the rap sheet as a rather silly way of telling you that for the duration of this conversation, I would like you to consider yourself to be neither greater than nor less than a pony.”
Spike stared, honestly so shocked that he didn't know what to say. So he just nodded dumbly and shoveled a random gem into his mouth without looking at it. It was the best gem he'd ever had in his whole life.
“And on that note, Twilight has been telling me that you've proved yourself oddly helpful with assisting her in her studies. Is there a reason you feel obligated to help her sort her schedule, stack her books alphabetically and find her lost quills?”
“What? Oh, that stuff, it's nothing. I mean, don't take this the wrong way, but she gets stressed over so many little things, I figure she just needs someone to help her learn how to take it easy. And we're going to be living together for... for a while... so I thought it would be good to... you know, do whatever hospitality is, like that, but with the guest instead of the host.”
“And you still feel this way, even knowing that my student fully intends to eat you eventually?”
They stared at each other. Spike watched a shine of something like candlelight, a thin sliver of white, shift around in her dark purple eye as she cocked it at him thoughtfully. He didn't feel scared. He didn't feel particularly anything, which was kinda interesting by itself.
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I don't wanna get eaten, but letting her be unhappy isn't gonna help that.”
“Are you pleasing her to try to make yourself look less appealing as food, then?”
“Uh, no. That doesn't actually work on ponies, does it?”
She chuckled.
“No, it doesn't. Prey species tend to be consistently surprised at the failure of diplomacy. My little ponies will talk to anything... at least once. But expecting them not to have a toast afterward is, well, generally beyond their common sense of self-restraint.”
“Tell me about it! I've tried everything I can think of, Princess, I swear I have, and it's like nopony understands they don't have to eat everything else!”
“What do you mean?”
The words he'd been wanting to say, wanting to SCREAM, his whole life just spilled out, thoughtless and outraged.
“You know what my first memory is?! Some vacationing ponies with big floppy sunhats finding me on a picnic and trying to put me on their grill! Of course, I'm a dragon, so it actually felt kinda good, but that's not the point! Even before I came to Equestria, I kept bumping into ponies. Must be all that manifest destiny junk your settlers talk about. Ponies, ponies everywhere. They don't stop if you cry. They don't if you scream. If you beg, they laugh or look confused. If you fight, they fight HARDER. Hide in the water? Sea ponies. On a mountain or in a tree? Pegasus ponies. Earth ponies will keep on going till you get tired, unicorns will use their totally unfair magic, and that's not counting all the crazy ponies like Pinkie Pie WHO BY THE WAY GRABBED ME FROM THE SIDE OF A FREAKING MOVING TRAIN.”
“Everyone else gets it, everyone who's not a pony understands. Why don't the ponies get it?! Half the time you don't act like you know that other things get hurt at all, and the rest of the time you act like they do but it's not important. It's like your stomachs just went and decided one day to eat up your shoulder angels that're supposed to tell everybody when to feel bad about doing bad stuff!”
“It's not like you need food either! I mean, I could get it if you were all starving or something, but you can eat all kinds of stuff! You have food everywhere! You can even eat GRASS, but instead, you pick on griffins and minotaurs and dragons and birds and squirrels and everything else that just wants to live! And I don't wanna hate you, I realize that now, but I just, I've tried everything, everything I can think of, and... it's just... it's just not fair....”
There was no taking it all back once it'd been said. To even try would be stupid, as good as telling the Princess he thought she was an idiot. So he didn't take it back. And he didn't want to. It was a good thing scrubbing tears out of his eyes kept him from seeing her face, she was probably looking scary and angry right now. Any chance he'd had, he'd definitely blown it.
“I see. It must feel a lot like running into a pitfall, or a bonfire, on a regular basis. A force of nature that doesn't know how to be anything other than what it is. Only more frustrating, maybe, since you feel like you should be able to convince ponies to not want to eat you, but they keep trying anyway.”
He looked up, blinking his blurry eyes. Was she... sympathizing with him?!
“Y-yeah... that's exactly how it feels. Sometimes I swear I'm the unluckiest dragon in the world.”
“Well, that's one way to look at it.”
“What other way is there?”
“In a sense, you are a very unlucky dragon. It's certainly unlucky to keep bumping into things that hurt you or try to hurt you over and over again. Honestly, even scouring through my depressingly large store of memories, I can't think of a single other person who's encountered ponies on completely separate occasions as many times as you have. On the other hoof, in an equal sense, you could call yourself the luckiest dragon in the world. Because even though you stumble into hunt after hunt, getting hurt over and over, you also manage to survive each and every time, don't you? Where another would die the first time, the second time, maybe even the third time at best. Fortune and misfortune can sometimes be two sides of the same coin.” Her eyes shifted over to the window behind her briefly. “An unpleasant but rather clever fellow I once knew liked to say that.”
“Gee, I hadn't ever thought about it like that, Princess. I guess that does make me feel a little better about it.”
“Only a little?”
“Yeah. No offense, Princess, and I appreciate this and all, but no matter what you say, as soon as I leave this room I'm just food again.”
“And that doesn't feel very fair, I imagine.”
“Well, yeah, I mean no, no it doesn't! Why do ponies get to eat everything else and everything else just has to take it? It's just so, so....”
“Arbitrary?”
Spike's very soul clenched up at the word. It was the perfect word. Absolutely perfect.
“Yeah. Arbitrary.”
“There are, of course, some minor differences between ponies and even the most advanced kinds of prey species, but that's barely even the frame on the painting. The broad strokes, Spike, the actual picture, isn't even about food. Perhaps you've noticed?”
“Food isn't the problem. Food's the excuse,” Spike said slowly, feeling grimly triumphant as the Princess of all the ponies smiled and nodded to him like a student who'd gotten a math question right in front of the class.
“Yes. The real problem is that my little ponies aren't able to grasp the suffering of those who aren't ponies, not on a personal level. There can't be harmony between two people unless they can first understand each other. And whether they choose not to or they're simply unable to, my little ponies don't understand you, or anyone else who isn't a pony. So they have their excuses. It's arbitrary, like a line in the sand, but they can't grasp anything else.”
He wanted to tell her about Fluttershy, tell her about the one other pony he'd met who did understand and fought against her own instincts, but something in him held back. There was no way to guess what kind of effect his words would have if he said something careless. Instead, he pointed out the obvious.
“You seem like you understand.”
She shrugged and took a dainty sip of soup from her levitating spoon.
“I have an unfair advantage. Alicorns live long enough to understand many things, in time. And forget just as many things. Time's like luck that way – it takes with the one hoof and gives with the other.”
“Heh, I bet.”
“Of course, it's sometimes possible to live quite a lot of life in a very short amount of time, isn't it? And after a while, after enough ponies, I imagine you've started to listen a bit to that voice that talks to you just before bed, blaming you for everything. Making you wonder if it's not you that's doing something wrong to make the ponies the way they are. If maybe you deserve to be eaten.”
Spike remained quiet.
“But you know that's wrong, of course,” Princess Celestia went on, and Spike's heart nearly stopped beating out of sheer amazement. “You just want to live a life without discord, a life of harmony, simple pleasures, friendship and perhaps a nice little hoard of gems in a cave that you could call your own.”
“I... I don't get it. You're a pony. You're the ruler of all the ponies. Shouldn't you....”
“Remember what I said before, Spike. You are no better or worse than my little ponies, and don't deserve to die any more than they do.”
She said the words so lightly, offhandedly, with almost the same tone Twilight used when ordering her lunch. But to Spike, they hung in the air with the weight of something infinite, burning into his mind with the magical intensity of a prayer or some other mysterious religious ritual. For a very long moment, he simply couldn't believe that she'd said what she'd said, and he kept blinking and waiting for the universe to correct its obvious malfunction.
Nothing.
Oh my gosh.
Hope, that unreliable, backstabbing emotion that ruined his life almost as much as the ponies had, swelled up in him like never before, irrational, dumb wanting to believe that wouldn't take no for an answer. For just a terrible, guilty second, he felt for Princess Celestia a strange twisting emotion in his throat and stomach. Maybe she did care. Maybe everything would finally be okay. Forget the stupid cow soup she was still drinking tiny ladylike spoonfuls of, forget Equestria, Ample Acres, Little Strongheart, forget EVERYTHING. He just wanted to believe that she cared.
Someone to tell him that he was supposed to be alive, that there were good reasons why he was alive.
Friends.
Family.
A mom.
He wanted to believe so much it hurt.
“So... you're not going to eat me? Like, ever?”
If she said what he thought she was going to say, he was gonna hug her. Yep. Never mind that it was totally rude to hug royalty uninvited and all, he'd do it anyway, and thank her so many millions of times. For being sane. For stepping over that line in the sand. For being... harmonious, that was the word, right?
“Oh, please don't take me the wrong way. All lines are equally arbitrary and all art's equally subjective. I may choose not to eat you before we finish this meal together, but then again, I may choose to eat you, too. I may eat you next week, or ten years from now, or I may let Twilight eat you, or have you served as an appetizer for one of Prince Blueblood's little soirees. I may never eat you. I may eat you before I finish this sentence.”
Something in Spike quietly died as he calmed down to a lightheaded feeling of chilly, almost peaceful sense of pure reasoning. Hold off on the feelings, Spike. You'll be able to feel things later. For now, just keep... just keep talking. He didn't deserve to die. She said that. And she knew that. And she... didn't care.
And also....
“But that doesn't make any sense. You said I'm supposed to be no better or worse than a pony.”
“Yes. What part of that doesn't make sense to you, Spike?”
The silence stretched between them like an abyss.
“Um,” Spike said.
“Err,” he tried again.
“Y-y'know...” was his greatest triumph, a whole word and abbreviation of a word stuttered out as the Princess waited and watched, sipping away at her soup, occasionally nibbling on a cracker.
He just couldn't think with her looking at him like that.
Finally, out of the dumb muteness, he came up with something that he could dare to talk about.
“Why did you want to have lunch with me, Princess?” he asked in a tiny voice, reaching down with one hand to fiddle with his tail anxiously.
“Don't look so anxious! It's not exactly a serious matter of state. It's very unusual for my student to take an interest in anything beyond the academic, and after hearing a few reports of your escapades, my curiosity was piqued. While I've read a fair amount, and can guess more still, there's nothing quite like hearing some things first-”
Then she coughed, and he jumped at the sudden sound, the first sound she'd made that wasn't deliberate or ladylike. It was a nasty, wet noise that went on for a few seconds as the Princess quickly levitated a napkin in front of her face. When she brought it down, it was red, and something was wriggling in it before she folded it over. She looked almost ashamed when she was done.
“I apologize, my health isn't at its peak these days. Tell me, Spike, why did you decide to come here instead of living with other dragons? Even with your habit of bumping into ponies in the oddest places, it would've been safer to stay far from my kingdom's borders.”
“A dragon told me this place had lots of gems.” Spike looked down at his food and crunched a gemstone bitterly. “He wasn't kidding, but I didn't think it would get this crazy.”
“So it comes down to food after all, then?” Unaccountably, she seemed disappointed, as though he'd failed a hidden pop quiz. Then she brightened up. “No, I don't think so. The accelerated growth phenomenon is well-documented in dragons so ravenous that they would take unreasonable risks to sate their appetites. I think it's something else. Are you sure you're being completely honest with me, Spike?”
“You just said you might eat me. Why should I be honest with you?” he challenged her.
“No matter what perils we might find ourselves facing, Spike, honesty is always helpful for defusing complicated situations. Take it from an old pony who's seen too many liars come to bad ends. Such as the end of my fork,” she added mock-idly, eyes uplifted to the ceiling. As Spike began to hyperventilate, claws digging into the edge of the table, she smiled and winked. “Gotcha.”
Honesty. Right.
“You're a weird Princess, Princess.”
“Well now! It appears that Canterlot has yet to completely mummify you in its generous supply of courtesies and formalities. I'll tell you what, Spike. Answer me truthfully about my question, and you can ask me a question back. Does that sound fair?”
“I guess.”
She waited.
“It was mostly an accident, I guess. I'm always running... running from ponies... and I ended up running to more ponies. Kinda funny, huh?”
Neither of them laughed.
“And I could try to leave, but....”
Spike closed his eyes, grimacing.
“I like ponies,” he admitted angrily, opening his eyes again. The Princess was smiling a little now, but he couldn't tell if it meant anything. “They're cute, and fun and interesting. When they're not trying to hurt me, I can almost forget everything and just have fun. It's like magnets or something, I dunno. I like everything else about them, just not the... the things they do to eat.”
“Which is, in fact, the dominant trait of pony society.”
“Well, yeah, but does it have to be that way?”
“That's a very philosophical question. I'm not sure if I can give you a straightforward answer on that one, so I'll let you have another, if you like.”
“Oh! The question. Right.”
Spike thought and thought with his blood pounding in his ears.
“How did you turn that crazy Discord guy to stone?”
“Oh, has Twilight's interest in history rubbed off on you? In all honesty, turning a living creature to stone is well beyond my power even if I wanted to try it. But when the Elements of Harmony, six powerful artifacts of friendship that are now lost to time, were wielded against him, they read his heart and chose the punishment.”
“I heard you weren't the only Princess back then, too...”
“I had a sister once,” the Princess said, her voice thick with nostalgia. “She was delicious. Spike, are you alright? You should drink a little more milk with your gems so you don't choke.”
“I... I'm f-fine,” he wheezed, swallowing all the milk in his glass.
“Yes, it was only the Elements, wielded between the two of us, that allowed us to beat Discord in the end. Laughter, Kindness, Honesty, Generosity and Loyalty came together to create the sixth, Magic. The only thing strong enough to vanquish Discord. They took the form of necklaces and a crown, back then. There's no telling what they would look like now. I've never been able to find the ponies that could serve as their Bearers and manifest them.”
“Wait, I'm confused. Are the elements like feelings or ponies or things? Because you make it sound like they're all that stuff.”
“The Elements are physical embodiments of the feelings and ideals that are used to create and maintain friendship and harmony. They're physical things once they're manifested, but to appear, they have to be called up by ponies that embody their principles.”
“But if they're all that powerful, why didn't you keep them?”
“I intended to. The Elements are often... whimsical, and will hide sometimes, even from their own Bearers. The more I think back on it, the more I think that it was inevitable. Cruelty, sadness, acrimony, pragmatism and tact all are recurring aspects of life, the more so the longer you live, and yet they're opposed by the Elements of Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Loyalty and Honesty. Did the Elements of Harmony forsake me, or did I outgrow them? Like any line in the sand, it depends on which side your hooves are planted on.”
“Now, I wonder why you asked me such a question of ancient history,” she mused into the quiet as Spike ran out of things to say. “Don't worry, I won't insist that you tell me. Everyone likes having secrets, a little thing they can call theirs. I have Equestria and my little ponies, and don't have any need to swallow a young dragon's thoughts whole. For now, at least.”
“Gee, thanks.”
She levitated a covered silver platter over closer to him.
“Would you like some dessert? The chef really is quite proud of his caramelized quail flambé.”
“That's okay, I-”
There was a knock at the door.
“Come in, my little pony. Oh, if it isn't my flav – ah, faithful student. What is it?”
Twilight looked back and forth between Spike and the Princess confusedly before speaking.
“I'm sorry to interrupt, Princess, but Gilt Veneer says that Shining Armor said that Gallant Courier's returned a few days ahead of schedule, and he wants to present his report on exploitable weaknesses in Griffonia's western border ay-ess-ay-pee. Crow Hopper was going to wait to tell you until later, but since you've had a good half hour for lunch anyway, I thought that you'd want to put your royal duties first.”
She peered over at Spike, chewing her bottom lip.
“So you didn't want him after all? I know he's not grade A+ quality, but I did get him as an emergency food supply, so portability and longevity were more on my mind than getting choice cuts....”
Spike couldn't find the energy to be either offended or disappointed.
“You're incredibly thoughtful as always, Twilight. I suppose we can save dessert for another day, hmm, Spike?”
“I guess, as long as the dessert's not me.”
“Oh, Spike!”
The ponies laughed.
They laughed so hard.
“You'll have to excuse my emergency food supply, Princess, he's very snarky.”
“I find him rather refreshing, actually. Well, off you go, then, leave the wrinkled old nag to the boring work of sovereignty....”
Spike followed Twilight out, a million thoughts buzzing in his head as worked the last specks of diamond dust out of his teeth with his tongue.
“I hope you weren't that rude to her the whole time,” Twilight chided him mildly. “She's the Princess, you have to remember to respect her.”
“Right,” Spike mumbled, thinking about how the Princess's teeth had looked when she'd laughed, perfectly white and matching.
And sharp.
“You must be incredibly full from having two meals in a row. I hope you didn't eat so much you got a tummy ache. Oh, but eating too little would have been so rude to the cooks! You did try to eat just the right amount, didn't you?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you sure you didn't eat too much? You're being really quiet.”
Spike looked around to make sure they weren't near anypony else, not even – especially not even – the easily-forgotten guards.
“Twilight, can we go somewhere else for a second? There's something important about the Princess I need to tell you about but I don't want anypony to hear.”
“Oh my gosh, it's not about her sickness is it? She's not dying, is she?! She always tries to be so strong OHMYGOSH SHE'S DYING ISN'T SHE TELL ME SPIKE-”
“Twi... can't... breathe...” Spike wheezed out, struggling for air against her hooves as she shook him back and forth in the air like a doll, her eyes huge as saucers and dilated with panic.
“Oh, sorry!”
She dropped him and he regained access to sweet, sweet oxygen.
“I don't know anything whatever she's sick with, but she's fine as far as I can tell,” he said after he got his lungs comfortable again. “She just coughed once during lunch.”
“Thank goodness, I was so worried, even the best doctors in the land can't seem to do anything for her. Okay, Spike, we'll step outside for a second. ...is it good news? ...is it bad news? I mean, if it's about the Princess, whatever it is, it obviously has to be important, and you even said it was important so that makes it double-important so-”
“Twilight.”
“Right. Right. I'll just wait till we get outside.”
Was it a coincidence that the nearest door out took them to the sculpture gardens? Looking back and forth, Spike realized that the windows from the room he'd been in had given a clear view of Discord and the other statues. He wondered if that meant anything, but decided he wasn't the kind of dragon to bother his head about fancy pscholobabble like Twilight seemed to love. The clouds overhead were heavy with rain that didn't quite wanna fall yet, giving things an air of dark, impending doom that fit Spike's mood perfectly.
“So....” Twilight put out as they strolled through the statues.
There wasn't any easy way to say it, so Spike just dived right in there.
“Twilight, your Princess is crazy. And also totally evil.”
Twilight's eyes bugged so far out of her head that they nearly impaled him.
“WHAT?!”
“I know it sounds nuts,” Spike started, then realized too late that any sentence that started out like that was probably a bad idea, and kept going anyway because it was too late to turn back, “but she's totally off her rocker! She was talking about how she'd 'outgrown' stuff like kindness and she wants to eat people like me even though she knows it's wrong! She's not like the rest of you, she gets it, and she does it ANYWAY!”
“You're not even making any sense, Spike! I don't know what you think you heard, but obviously you misunderstood! The Princess is incredibly kind, and wise, and she knows all sorts of things nopony else knows, and, and....” Her face scrunched up in anger, teeth bared and eyes narrowed. “And I'm not going to stand here and listen to this vile slander against her!”
“But Twilight-”
“And you'd better watch yourself, mister, because you're aiming for dropping from number one emergency food supply to number two or three! Maybe I said I'd teach you how to read, but that doesn't give you a freebie to go lying and spreading rumors about Princess Celestia!”
“Twilight, she even admitted it was wrong to eat me and then went and said-”
“Oh come on, Spike, even prey like you has to know that an unbelievable lie isn't gonna do him any good! The Princess would never say such a foalish thing! No, not another word out of your mouth, young dragon. Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it! I have half a mind to make you sit in a corner all day.”
Okay, fine. She wanted to play hardball, he could do things that way, too.
“SHE SAID SHE ATE HER SISTER!”
As Twilight stared silently, mouth hanging slightly loose, Spike wondered if he'd maybe gone a little too hard on that hardball.
“How dare you,” she said after several seconds, her voice low and gravely in fury.
One of her hooves raised up as if to hit him, and he flinched back from it out of reflex. Twilight blinked, her eyes moving from him to her hoof as if she was surprised to see it there, and then put the hoof down. Her expression went from no-holds-barred rage to cold, controlled anger.
“What could possibly lead you to tell these... these terrible lies about the Princess... I don't know, and I don't care, but it's going to stop. Now.”
“I'm telling the truth!”
Spike hadn't expected her to believe him without a lot of arguing, but this was worse than he'd thought it would be. She was acting like he'd just torn up a holy book in the middle of church or something. Twilight was the Princess's personal student, but he'd thought most students didn't even like their teachers that much. The intensity of her reaction totally took him by surprise and left him unarmed, cornered and helpless in something that he'd started thinking he had a chance of winning.
He'd made a bad call. Maybe if he backed up and apologized he could still get out of this with her not hating him. He liked it when she was nice to him and forgot to act like he was just food. And she so obviously needed someone like him around to help keep her slightly less crazy than her normal levels of crazy.
Before he could get the apology out, she was talking again.
“You know what, I'm starting to think this was all just a big mistake.”
No. Oh no. Come on, not after all this, he couldn't have blown it over something so simple, so obvious!
“Maybe I should just put you in a pot with some butter and garlic and be done with it. After all, you don't really appreciate the joys of studying, and if you're just going to misbehave like this it's really hurting not just me but everypony else to try and keep you around as an emergency food supply.”
“Can't you think of me as anything else but that for just a minute?!” he hollered, so frustrated he could just die. Which could actually be one of the ways this conversation ended, come to think of it.
“If you're so smart and know so much because you spend all your time studying instead of making friends, how come you don't get something your own tutor gets?! How can you not get it when even a fraidy-pony like Fluttershy gets it?! I don't have to be food! What is it about eating me that makes your life better, huh?! What does it do for you that you can't get from the kitchen?! Why do you just assume that I'm making stuff up when you know that I wanna live and don't wanna make you upset, but I told you this anyway?! I trusted you even though I knew I shouldn't have! You said you believed in me and I believed you!”
Spike flung himself down on the round pedestal holding up the Discord statue.
“You know what, just do it,” he told her, absolutely crazily, making an arbitrary line in hopes that she wouldn't cross it. “I cleaned up your room, I helped you find stuff, I put up with your checklists for checklists and learned all those stupid grammar things and squiggly freaking lines and silent Es and none of that matters to you more than one argument and a snack? If you're gonna kill me, kill me. Make it all be for nothing. I dare you.”
Don't do it, he begged on the inside.
Please Twilight, have an epiphany or something and go Fluttershy? Pretty pretty please? Maybe realize that you don't want to hurt the cute, awesome little helpful dragon after all?
Please?
“Do it,” he repeated, sticking his tongue out and making a rude gesture as she stared at him.
Don't do it, Twilight.
“Oh, enough with the drama already, would you just get on with it?” a third voice snapped impatiently.
Pony and dragon alike jumped and yelped before turning to stare at....
At....
At what was very obviously Discord, sitting on top of the statue of himself, his mismatched body starkly colorful against the dreary weather.
“You're free?!” Spike blurted, without any idea of whether this was a good or a bad thing.
“Oh, my little dragon, I'm always free as a dandelion seed on the wind! Freedom's up here, you know,” Discord said with a grin, jabbing a talon at his own temple.
“But, but how....”
Twilight was looking back and forth between Spike and Discord. Flustered, she finally pulled out a scroll from somewhere and started mumbling something about diplomatic traditions vis-à-vis anthropomorphic personifications of ideals, looking through it frantically.
“Actually, I've been out of that dreary granite for a minute and a half, listening to you two wallow in, well, my spesh-ee-ah-li-tee,” Discord explained further, tapping with his tail significantly at the cracks that ran the length of his stone perch. Then he leaned over closer to Twilight, hands on his knees, one eye huge and soul-swallowing, the other squinted down to almost nothing. “SOOOO then, my little unicorn, what will it be? Food or friend? Comestible or comrade? Don't keep us waiting! I'm sure Spike is just DYING to know.”
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And finally, the beast has been unleashed.
Congratulations. You officially ticked me off so much that I want to punch everypony in this fic in the face (except for Fluttershy). And I especially want to murder Celestia. You gave some hints about why they might be acting this way, but if this is natural, I swear to Luna, so help me.
Damn, Celestia is off her rocker...
I so called it! I knew that Princess Celestia was going to be disturbed and far more disturbed than the rest! I mean, she ATE Princess Luna!
And Discord is free! Yes! But, somehow I'm thinking that he won't make the entire situation better. Maybe terrorize the ponies but won't stop their endless hunger? I don't know, but i'm getting that feeling...
DIscord, yes! So... Celestia knows it's wrong, but I'm betting the whole eating thing was Discord's last laugh before getting turned into stone. Tricking Celestia into eating her own sister is the most horrible revenge.
1751631
I too wish to murder everyone, cept Spike. Here's hoping this chapter is the turning point,
Holy crap, that was a twist there. And when Celestia said "she was delicious, that sent shivers down my spine. I am torn on this fic, I hate that its such a twisted, evil story of a cute funny cartoon, yet find the story and characters so intriguing and I get so sucked into it. Keep up the good work.
1751752
Making celestia eat her sister......priceless.
1751700>>1751880
What I want is for Discord to undo whatever he did and re-engage the ponies' conscious. I want to see the population to feel such soul crushing guilt that mass suicide is the only option. Pegasi falling out of the sky, unicorns using self imploding magic, earth ponies poisoning, sea ponies closing their gills. Everypony dies, Spike lives.
1733622
I wouldn't worry about your characterization of Spike It has been spot on. He has to be worldly and deep because he is our only guide into a world trying EAT HIM! He is the only sane voice. Still, the chapters with Twilight still show that underneath it all, he is still Spike from the show. Naturally helpful with a load of snark.
1751921
This
Discord is free......
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1751921
I just want them to be normal again. No more death. Luna coming back would be nice too.
ARGHHHHHHHHHH! Dammit author this cliffhanger was too much to the point where I am now doing backflips and cartwheels in my room just trying to exert this pent up rage/anxiety for the next chapter!
All else I can say is that if Discord was the one who changed everypony into carnivores I will, without a doubt, rip my way into the story and strangle Discord with his own frilly training bra!
*pants*
Now that that is over... good chapter author, good chapter indeed. Cheers.
...Why do I suddenly feel like massacring every single pony (with a few exceptions) in this story? Oh well.
Now I look forward to seeing what happens next!
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Seriously, wat.
Ok.. now we're going to have fun. I wonder where the Elements of Harmony come into play here though.
And Damn it I want somePONY to understand and be on Spike's side! And to think some Fanfic's have Twilight being an equivalent to Spike's mother or sister... this really is an interesting take on it.
( thought don't get me wrong, I still want to see them become friends and be like on the show. I think that's called Hope. Which does not seem to be a theme here....)
1834062
It's mentioned in certain chapters. I won't ruin it for you. Also, nice to see you have time to read between working on your stuff.
The one time I want Discord to show up HE DOES, this story is dark as hell but I think I might keep reading. so MOAR
Okay, question time.
Lets say Discord did in fact turn ponies into monsters as a parting shot against Celestia and Luna.
Even if he can and would be willing to turn the ponies back to normal, would the ponies want to?
Right now, with their dubious 'gift', Equestria is the dominant nation on the planet, and ponies have full superiority over all other races, through power and fear. Even fully grown dragons run scared.
Would they give up that position?
o_o
Celestia ate who now?
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1754180 Luna be like encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ0Av2PYRlQnsXLh9uf_AH0_5YIQJ1E8jILmLNlMCoEPIpj47M9