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Hi buddy :
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hmm, it all seems a bit rushed and not thought through all to well. If you take your time give more detailed inforation, and don't try to rush the story forward (it felt felt kind of fast and forced) you can become a good writer.
BUT there is one thing that's absolutely impossible in this story: You can't create alicorns out of nowhere(or at luna and tia can't ^^) but what irritated me the most was: hi i'm celestia, and i'm luna, we don't know you but here become a friggin alicorn! (*facehoof*) thereis no way in hell that would happen ^^
And one last tipp: don't try to squeeze in too many characters just because you want to. there's no connection between the characters at all, so i don't unterstand hoow everything felt to me. Here is a summary how the story felt to me: Oh Lunar divide has no cutie mark, but hey he knows Twilight so whatever 
Shining Armor an Cadence GO! LOL i!'m in the castle! Ohhh Princesses , I'm an alicorn and ur not!(u jelly?) oh and theres a chicken too!
yeah that about sums it up ^^
You wouldn't believe how annoying it was to write this comment, as my laptop decided to delete half the text *accidently*(2 times-.-) and kept freezing up, so i really, really,reeeeeaaalyyyy hope that my comment helps you out, and i'm looking forward to you next story!
Okay, a couple problems here.
1st - Wall of text. You need to break this up. Every time you start a new idea or person starts to speak you need to start a new paragraph.
2nd - Get rid of the centering. Only use this for titles or when you really need it.
3rd - Is this written in 1st or 3rd person? Be consistent with it. It's mostly written in 1st person but sometimes you slip into 3rd for some unknown reason.
4th - Don't write in first person unless there's no other choice. It's not the easiest tense to write in, comes off as a self-insert and has a terrible tendency to start sentences with "I".
5th - Alicorns don't work that way. They're born not made, they're incredibly rare and until Princess Cadance came along there were only supposed to be 2 of them. Fact is, she was not supposed to be an alicorn.
6th - This is really rushed. Too much is happening, not enough time is given for descriptions, interactions and it's starting to sound a lot like a Mary Sue self-insert fic.
The bad news is that your story suffers from, um, basically every single one of the problems that plague first-time authors. The plot hits every new-author cliché in the book (your alicorn is even red, if "The Crimson Tide" is any indication). The commenters above outlined the other issues pretty well. (I'd emphasize the "wall of text" problem — it will disproportionately drive away readers.)
The good news is that there's definitely some potential buried here. Normally a story with all of this story's faults would be smacked with a stack of downvotes, so the fact that it's still at 0/0 is actually a good sign. The Fisher/fissure pun is clever on several levels. Despite the story's breakneck pace, it actually flows pretty well.
What would improve your next story (aside from fixing the formatting and tense issues) would be to slow way down. Instead of summarizing conversations, let us hear them. Show how the events of your story make your characters feel. Explore the little details (it's a shame that Fisher is only ever given two sentences and we never speak with him, because he sounds like an interesting guy). Dig into the awesome meaty confrontations: you can make an entire scene out of "Using his magical horn given to him by Luna back at the Canterlot royal castle, he soothed the dragon to sleep."
(And then think about how much more awesome it would be if Lunar Divide had to deal with a dragon without magic, and found a clever way to win anyway! What makes a good story is characters overcoming limitations. This is why there's such hate for alicorn OCs here; there's nothing that can actually challenge the perfect pony who can do everything and who everyone likes.)
I'd also recommend removing all of your time skips and focusing on one specific event in your character's life. This advice isn't because you shouldn't time-skip (my own No Regrets takes place in five scenes over 250 years), but because I think that writing a story or two without giving yourself that "easy out" will help you grow as a writer. If you force yourself to explore a single scene in greater depth, you'll start discovering how much those little details add to the story.
Best wishes for your next story! I hope to see more. 
Uhm, no she isn't.
Chrysalis is a changeling, has no cutie mark and her official nomenclature is "pegacorn".
From the script, taken from the episode in which she finally reveals herself she is described as: "QUEEN CHRYSALIS, a GANGLY BLACK PEGACORN with a gnarled black horn."
And Lauren Frost was pretty clear at the start that there was only supposed to be 2 alicorns in the series. Cadance was not supposed to be one but Lauren no longer had any real control over the show at that point having given up her producer credits to work on other things or something like that.
References: Twitter & Interview with Rebecca Dart the designer of Chrysalis Equestria Daily.
>>1281532 are you talking, about your writing style? yes i noticed them, they got better, (still feels a bit rushed though) still needs more depth 
but you improved greatly!
But what i don't get, you got two chapters, one with lunar divide getting his cutie mark, and this one about Flareshocks life. i can't see a connection between those two storys, so the only explenation is that you "accidently" posted the one shot about Flareshock as chapter two for Lunar divides story ^^ (instead of creating a new story for it) correct me if i'm wrong 
very good, now you just have to find a good balance between storytelling and talking, and you're all set. as stated before: it still is very rushed, very objectiv. for example: when they go to canterlot, it's just. Boom, we're here. you could have described their feelings as they are flying to canterlot, fear before the unknown, worrying that they might not make it in time, and stuff like that ^^
Sidenote: you should consider giving this a alternate universe tag, as Discord acts very out of character and other stuff that's not Show-physics approved.
Kudos
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