So the story has been fine so far, but a few issues, if I may: The big one is a complete lack of pacing, in most storys the process of hank and tuco going to equestria (assuming I read right) could take an entire chapter up. The characters are a bit underdeveloped, as you give too much credit to the idea that we know all about them all. Characters act completeley OOC out of fucking nowhere. The transformation of pinkie from fun pink pony to phsycho bitch was way to sudden, and her loss into drugs could have been a back story for some chapters. Once again, pacing. It all feels a bit rushed. But despite this, the basic story line is great. I like the of ponyville becoming drug adicts, and most of the story has been fine. Oh, one more thing, that whole TV character thingcame right smack-dab out of oblivion, and was accepted by the characters waaaaaay to quickly, the entire thing can just be taken out entirely. tl;dr: good story so far, but if it was revised and some slight changes were made, it could become something really special. Thanks for reading!
1786239 Thanks for the critique, I completely agree with you that it was rushed lol. I felt like I was behind schedule and felt bad letting you bros go on so long without new chapters. Truthfully, I've been winging it the entire time without taking time to plan things out and I agree that if a few things were changed it probably would have been epic. Unfortunately, this was my first fanfiction.. Ever.. and I don't have alot of experience with storytelling but before you count me out just yet, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve for the final chapter. So hopefully I can pull this off, thank you very much for your comment and for giving my fanfiction your attention.
Oooo... Glad to see this updated! Perfect way to procrastinate finals!
So the story has been fine so far, but a few issues, if I may: The big one is a complete lack of pacing, in most storys the process of hank and tuco going to equestria (assuming I read right) could take an entire chapter up. The characters are a bit underdeveloped, as you give too much credit to the idea that we know all about them all. Characters act completeley OOC out of fucking nowhere. The transformation of pinkie from fun pink pony to phsycho bitch was way to sudden, and her loss into drugs could have been a back story for some chapters. Once again, pacing. It all feels a bit rushed. But despite this, the basic story line is great. I like the of ponyville becoming drug adicts, and most of the story has been fine. Oh, one more thing, that whole TV character thingcame right smack-dab out of oblivion, and was accepted by the characters waaaaaay to quickly, the entire thing can just be taken out entirely. tl;dr: good story so far, but if it was revised and some slight changes were made, it could become something really special. Thanks for reading!
1786239
Thanks for the critique, I completely agree with you that it was rushed lol. I felt like I was behind schedule and felt bad letting you bros go on so long without new chapters. Truthfully, I've been winging it the entire time without taking time to plan things out and I agree that if a few things were changed it probably would have been epic. Unfortunately, this was my first fanfiction.. Ever.. and I don't have alot of experience with storytelling but before you count me out just yet, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve for the final chapter. So hopefully I can pull this off, thank you very much for your comment and for giving my fanfiction your attention.