Episode 116 (Shining Armor Part 13.5) Debates-Setabed
Pony POV Series
Shining Armor Arc
Debates-Setabed
Written by LZ
Edited by Alexwarlorn, Kendell2, and Lous Badalaments
On Wondering About Bolts
Our time in Zebrawa that remained was thankfully uneventful. I was still on my guard, even more so after Cadence seeing it as well, but events at breakfast the night after the race made me try and calm down a little. It also helped that as Cadence's bodyguard, staying close to her was my job. Cadence and the hoofmaidens made some not-too-subtle mentions of Ace Rimmer, Lord Flashheart, and tuxedoes when they were discussing the planned farewell dinner happening right before we departed for North Triana. If Private Ranger hadn't developed an odd twitch in his eye and distracted Cadence, she could very well have been about to tell me I was to take a day off again.
I managed to remain in my armor the rest of the trip... not literally, I took it off to go to sleep and shower and the like, before you try and mention it. The last day was the airshow and the farewell dinner that evening, and I was not a penguin for either.
I was, however, subjected to the horrors of Ellis, Thunderchild, and Audience forming a supergroup of trivia-geekiness, with Sunset on vocals. Discussions about flight displays and aerobatics on the ride to the airbase (that one fifteen miles north of the city I mentioned before) led to discussions on racing, including the Equestrian Sky League, NASCART, athletics, and other sports.
At the flight display, I just sat there and kept an eye on things, barely watching the show. Between the Royal Equestrian Trivia Quartet, the fact the VIP box was shared with the Wonderbolts managers and reserve flyers, and the presence of the Ambassador and her husband, Cadence was well distracted from anything I might have been doing.
This was quite a busy airshow. There was of course, the Zebrawan Air Force's own team - Kweupe's cousin was apparently amongst their pegasi. There was a flight team from Zamunda, but oddly enough here to display light airships.
"Hey, we've got two of them back on the ship!" Twinkle Shine apparently was getting into Airshipspotting as three flew overhead firing volleys of party cannon rounds.
"P-10 Patrol Craft. Flight Lieutenant Rimmer and Squadron Commander Flashhea... Private Ranger, you've got that twitch again..." Audience helpfully pointed out.
There was also the Fenwickian Yellowjackets. Go on, guess what color of uniform they wore. A private weather firm (Not the one that had supplied the four bodies at the university) also put on a show, and of course, the Wonderbolts had their own time to make a display.
I'd like to try and describe it, but... Well, when I was looking at the show, there wasn't much to see really. Pegasi looping the loop and doing barrel rolls and stuff. I don't know the names of any tricks or whatever. Thunderchild's the living Wonderbolts encyclopedia.
The rest of the VIP box occupants seemed rather pleased by it, Guests, Guards, and sidelined Wonderbolts alike...
(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): Just wondering, Captain, where do the Wonderbolts fit in with the Guard?)
Uh, they don't. I think. You'd need to ask Thunderchild, but I'm pretty sure any formal connection to the Guard or even the Government is non-existent...
Captain Sparkle's correct. There's no modern connection between the Wonderbolts and the Guard. But there is a historical link.
Hundreds of years ago, there were Royal Guard sporting teams formed for recruitment drives. Lance-Corporal Audience knows his history better than me, but there were three teams: Pegasus Display Team, Earth Pony Cart Racing Team, and Unicorn Magic Display Team; exploiting the most popular pastimes of the time.
Back then, towns and villages held competitions against neighbors. Hoofball and Cloudball were played between villages in two senses: where the teams came from and where they actually played. The goal was to get the ball into the other village. Relay and endurance racing was popular too. Unicorns seemed to try teleporting a lot more back then. So I guess it made sense to try recruit Ponies by showing them the Guard did all the fun stuff as well. And of course, patriotism is another big draw.
(Lance-Corporal Audience: Actually, there was also a more pragmatic reason for all of that: Communication. The spells for teleporting scrolls over long distances directly hadn't been invented, and the technology of the time meant no trains, no telegraphs, no radios. We're barely starting to properly use them as it is today. All three main subspecies of Pony had their own means of transporting messenges.
Earth Ponies hauled a carriage, one rider, one hauler. That way they took turns and rested. Pegasi used relays, taking breaks at cloudposts every so often and passing it to another messenger in the area. Unicorns teleported from place to place but obviously, teleportation has a very limited range for most Unicorns. Back in the day, the most effective was a series of short teleports rather than one long-range one, passing it to the next messenger when they tired.
Guard display teams tried to encourage the notion of the Guard as a source of employment too. It was also partly an effort to muscle in on the messenger trade. It eventually created the Royal Mail, NASCART, and relevant to what you were asking Sergeant Thunderchild, the Equestrian Skyracing League.)
(Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): ...No Unicorn sports?)
(Lance-Corporal Audience: Not from the display team. The teleporting scroll put an end to that, so most unicorns just went into other things like archery, alchemy, academics, and all that. It may have resulted in more traveling magic stage shows and the like but they still don't seem that common...)
But yeah, anyway, those display teams inspired other teams to try and be a bit more dedicated to it. First with little amateur contests began, then proper rules and leagues. The Equestrian Skyracing League was formed and tried to have the Guard officially compete - for a while, the Guard Display Team did. But then teams began to go pro. And there's an obvious problem there. Can't be a professional racer and a guard at the same time. Clash of interests. So when the whole league went pro, no more official Guard participation in ESL contests. The MoD decided to just disband the teams as they increasingly were overshadowed by other teams.
(Lance-Corporal Audience: Another factor for the disbanding was Princess Celestia had managed to smooth out concerns over the increasing power of Columbia in the Griffin Lands, until the Hooviets rose as a military power, we didn't have any active threats to defend against, and the main worry was the fears of a powerful republic in the Griffin Kingdoms. While we needed to maintain a standing army for protection against unknown attacks, we were no longer at risk of a war breaking out at any moment. This resulted in the MoD not prioritizing recruitment as heavily as they previously did.)
One officer who was retiring soon had other ideas. She wanted to try recruit some of her old buddies to join her as she tried to form her own team and asked for Celestia's blessings to discuss it with them. She'd actually become interested in the new racing sports that were becoming popular...
(Lance-Corporal Audience: Her Highness had always been trying to find both new ways to keep herself fit and also to connect with the populace better after 'The Century of Chubby Celly', and Her Highness is of course striving to prevent another Annus Adipem, or fat year.)
...So she gave her personal blessing to the team, which pretty much was seen as offering support. Since Celestia was backing them, they attracted some of the best fliers, and swiftly took a clean sweep in the debut season. That team was of course, the Wonder Bolts. They made it all one word a few years later. The name may have had an origin in the Guard Display Teams too, but the records aren't clear on the issue, though they mention one team was nicknamed 'the Blue Alicorns' that might have been the officer's original team. But other than Celestia's support, which was entirely a personal act on her part and always clearly marked as not an official act in her capacity as the ruler of Equestria, there were no formal links to the Government or the Guard with the Wonderbolts - other than historical and recruitment based links.
It's the same today. Celestia only calls herself a supporter of the Wonderbolts, and has no official links. A lot of people don't seem to know that, though. Ask any civilian fan about it, or why the 18th don't like them, I bet they'll get it wrong. Some more confusion of it might also be the Wonderbolts do support our troops and encourage recruiting, but that's not official, its just respecting the roots of the team and the troops themselves more than anything.
And why don't the 18th like them? Simple. Cloudsdale Best Young Flyer contest, originally for Clousdale and now open to entrants from all over the East Coast and Everfree. It used to be a contest the 18th pretty much ran. And then the Wonderbolts observed it, and the mayor decided to have them sponsor it, Celestia attended with members of the Pegasus Guards, and the event was pretty much seen as a recruitment drive by flight teams. The 18th were not happy - the contest had been linked to them for centuries...
...Unfortunately, it was an unofficial link. Which is something they forget.
(Lance-Corporal Audience: Not quite unofficial; the event was originally organized by the Pegasus Legions soon after the unification of the tribes. The City of Cloudsdale revived it about three hundred years back, and the link with the 18th lasted for a long time until some military reforms formed the Guard Cadets youth organization a century back. The Wonderbolts connection formed about eighty years back, when it was already mostly for athletes rather than aspiring military recruits. Something the 18th also overlook is the fact the Wonderbolts sponsoring it meant less money from their budget being spent there.)
But yeah. Ask a civvy, they'll probably tell you the 'Bolts are Celestia's personal display team, that they're the Equestrian display team, that they're linked to the Royal Guard, that the 18th are just jealous, and that they're combat flyers. None of which is strictly true. They're not officially the Equestrian team, they're not officially linked to the Guard, the 18th legion are not officially jealous, and they are officially and factually NOT combat flyers.
Now, I'm a fan, yeah. But I'm also a soldier and a pegasus soldier at that. Sometimes I wince when I imagine the prospect of ponies or griffins actually using some of the 'Bolts so-called 'combat formation' displays. It's the kind of tactics that look cool in plays and in stories but fail miserably in real life. And sure, the faux-dogfights look great but anyone with a real knowledge of combat can tell you it's so very, very, very fake.
Bunched up together with very little spacing? Flying without barding? Without anything more than using a bladewing technique for armament?
(Lance-Corporal Audience: The bladewing is a spell where pegasi focus their flight magic's strength around the edge of the wing: A pegasus actually requires weather magic to fly properly: If not for the magic they'd be expending a lot more physical energy and their muscles would tire way faster. The physical strains of flying mean without magic, they'd have less altitude, speed, range, and if the magic vanished in mid-air it could throw them into a spin.
There's also a fairly weak shield spell around all pegasi in flight: so weak it's vulnerable to fire, lighting strikes can disrupt the flight magic, and arrows or other high velocity objects able to deliver a lot of energy on a focused area will go right through. It's primary purpose is to help the pegasus fly and protect them from suffering damage from g-forces at high speeds, not protection from attack, though since it also does help them reduce the risk of injury in crashes without magic they'd be in trouble even more. But Sarge does explain the next bit pretty well.)
Absurd. Modern air combat, you can expect a light airship or helicopter as a threat, and a bladewing will do nothing against that. Against ground targets, you're outranged. Even old-style weather warfare was never really skyduels like they show off. Sure, it's impressive, but it's not combat effective. It wasn't even all that effective back when pegasi hurled javelins and lighting bolts at each other as standard.
(Lance-Corporal Audience: The bladewing spell's true utility is mainly for cutting through clouds or soft materials, and for attacking with flybys, as well as an improvised weapon if none others are available. It has its uses (particularly to Neighponese Shinobi who make great use of stealth and ambush tactics), but it wasn't developed nor used for prolonged close quarters combat like those duels portray it as. )
Oh, yeah, we do use lightning today, in what you call a close-air support role or for ambush tactics Mostly good for aiming at the ground or anything flying that's getting absurdly close - like, for instance, three to five pegasi all bunched together. Like the Wonderbolts in their 'combat' formations.
(Interviwer's Notes (Pegasus): Or for bursting domes crazy Deer have made to try and kill your friend?)
That too. Bottom line is, that's a trick that's been around since the dawn of flight. One good thundercloud manipulator can hold off a platoon trying to attack him or her on their cloud if they don't bring up support. Older tactics are pretty much suicide in modern combat against combined arms and more advanced weapons.
For a start we've got arrows. Ballistas with bundles of them, or just clockwork bolt throwers shooting a stream of them. Then there's guns, blunderbusses and grapeshot light cannons that can be plopped onto clouds if you like. Multiple shot things like volley guns, volley rockets. Area of effect weapons like Medusa Rockets.
Basically, rockets you fire at a crowd of pegasi, or better, over them. They fly past, spitting out a rain of burning nasty stuff. Looks like snakes, hence the name for the rockets. Hits the wing, burns through the natural magic, burns the wing. Goes through if you're lucky. Sets your wing on fire if you aren't. And you simply can't protect a wing against that sort of thing without seriously affecting your flying. And with one wing gone, and in a natural panic from being on fire, you'll probably drop like a stone. Of course, for this reason, there's moral arguments over stuff like this; shoot down an airship or a pegasus with an arrow to the head, there isn't suffering. But light a pegasus or griffon on fire? They suffer, bad, until they hit the ground if they're lucky. And because of that, there's been a lot of debate as to how ethical it is to use it. On the other hoof, I doubt certain places will be too fussed. Flamethrowers are already quite popular...
Also, it's important to note most other artillery fired in the air is designed to damage armored airships or even dragons. Getting hit by one of them will ruin your day. And you.
What's the point there? One pegasus is a waste of ammo against a target too small and too fast to line up, five is a juicy opportunity to an artillerypony. Oh, and they all fly in for an attack run together. Poor spacing, all together, that's just going to get you killed. Spaced out, bigger guns won't bother with you. Doesn't stop arrow storms or volleys being hurled at you.
It looks cool, like I said. But if someone ordered me to emulate those tactics I'd tell them where to go.
The thing is though, modern artillery is really meant to fire at other artillery. Airships fight other airships and support Pegasi fighting pegasi. Some ponies think slow airships with low max altitudes are not as good as a pegasus: But even with vulnerabilities, they're still tough enough to fight back and inflict a hell of a lot of damage. The basic rule is, you take on an airship, have a lot of pegasi and a lot of bodybags. If that airship has pegasus support of its own, just don't bother unless you have some too. But I'm no real expert in Airships, they're just something that poses a threat or can be a good help. Not something that might make pegasus troops obsolete like some think. That's just absurd. You'll always have a need for pegasus troops simply to take on other pegasus troops. Airships don't land on clouds, after all. They can't turn them into fortifications using light cannons and ballistas enchanted to be able to stay on the clouds. They can, however, blow them away. But if you want to capture them, you gotta use troops.
(Lance-Corporal Audience: Pegasi and Griffins are capable of carrying anti-armour weapons, and some troopers are specially trained for that kind of confrontation - Us Equestrians actually do train everypony in the basics of operating them since we've got a shortfall in other anti-tank ability. The same limits still apply to taking on a ground vehicle from the ground. Need to be in cover, ideally need to be ambushing, need to aim at weaker areas instead of trying to hit the strong front armour. If you can get close enough with even a lightning cloud you might be able to hit an engine. This is why support pegasi are important, to keep an eye out for such attacks. Still, Sarge is right that it's better to let another light aircraft take it on under most circumstances, as it's just less dangerous and more practical an option. Ponies CAN take out a dragon, but a dragon can take ON a dragon.)
The combat tricks the Wonderbolts have seem to be either for self-defense or to get yourself killed in a real conflict. There's a reason our enlisted troopers undergo almost a year of training before we even give them the rank of Private - They say our green fresh-from-basic rookies are better trained than Lance-Corporals in other military forces.
(Lance-Corporal Audience: Sarge is right on the self-defense angle. They'd once wanted the Guard to supply them training but the guard can't legally give official training to any non-Guard, non-reservist, or non-cadet. As a result the Wonderbolts and many other celebrity groups used a Private Security firm ran by a Prench griffin to teach a basic self-defense scheme - and it's one that is very much designed for surviving everyday Equestrian hazards (which admittedly, involve some very dangerous predators) rather than how to survive in a combat situation. And yes, it's alarming to admit it really but Gag was better trained out of basic than about 90% of any other just-completed-basic soldiers on the planet and better trained than many junior NCOs.)
Now, this isn't to say the Wonderbolts are defenseless. They're not. From a civilian perspective? Their training regimen alone makes them stronger than most civilian pegasi and they've all got some self-defense training from the looks of it. Some of them are former military and have actual combat training. From an every day life perspective? Picking a fight with them is a dumb idea, you'll probably get your flank kicked. And against a Manticore or the like, the wingblade spell could actually do some damage if they were in a situation were they needed to.
But they're not soldiers, they're not trained for actual combat or war. Any fighting skills they have are to for protection, not open combat. There's a big difference between being able to turn the tables on a mugger or fend off some of the predators in the Everfree and fighting a metal armored airship or a dragon with scales thick enough to withstand gunfire.
Oh, one other thing. The Wonderbolts are the only team allowed to use Lightning Trails as a trick. It's a registered trademark stunt of the team. It's also a rather common military flying trick to ward off anything on your tail. Has downsides: It does mark your position and it's pretty much a shoot me sign at times, but it's got uses. Just not for any other flying team in a International Flight Associations Federation nation if they don't want sued or sanctioned. Even military display teams need written permission, and only in noncompetitive events. So there is that I guess, they're using something more commonly seen as a military tactic.
(Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): Do the military need their permission to use it in a fight?)
No, that wouldn't work out so well. If the 'Bolts tried to force copyright on the whole trick across the board, they'd be in trouble. Not only would they be causing a security issue in Equestria by restricting access to a military asset to civilians, they'd just have other nations steal it anyway. There's such a thing as espionage you know.
So, to wrap that one up, the Wonderbolts are in no way officially connected to the Guard. And they're not a combat unit. They're not even trained in basic law enforcement or emergency rescue tactics as Wonderbolts - they might recruit former Guards or Weatherponies or whatever that bring those skills but the Wonderbolts as an organization doesn't require them - meaning they don't officially use them. Some of them do individually volunteer as reservists, but really, the Reserve regiments just exist as a training structure. I don't see them getting a call-up any time soon.
...Ah, the 'Bolts recruiting from the Guard? They generally go after troopers about to finish enlistment. Other teams are prone to trying to poach our enlisted recruits while they're on probation -four weeks at the start where they can drop out- but the 'Bolts wait until we've given them experience. Naturally, some experienced former Guards have joined the 'Bolts, but that's their own choice, the Bolts don't AIM for them.
Why don't they just get those guys to pass on military training? Because it's illegal paramilitary activity of course. Any other questions?
Oh, that one's easy, Fleetfoot is the fastest, Rapidfire has the best endurance, Soarin's the best jack-of-all-trades, but Spitfire has the best flank....
(Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): Er, thank you, Sergeant, that'll be all....)
Okay. You might want to ask a civilian fan of the 'Bolts, by the way, see how well informed they are.
The Wonderbolts and the Royal Guard? No connection at all.
Come on, seriously, they've got more in common with a weather patrol than the Army! The Wonderbolts are all cool, fast, athletic, and like individualism and stunts and coolness and awesomeness and showing off and stuff, while the army wants you to spend like a year learning how to fly wearing uncool armor - and the ones with the cool armor, the Pegasus Legion, they're all a bunch of jerks.
Or they cheat and fly friggin' machines! With rockets and stuff! Seriously, there was a flight of them like five or ten minutes out from blasting Spike back when he got all greedy - And they'd have killed him. Trust me, those guys do not mess around. I, uh, I never told Twilight about that but I found out the next day, Thunderlane had seen them coming in and break off, so I sent a letter to Cloudsdale, Clousdale asked the Navy, they told us that a squadron of 'Orcas' or something had been in the area, and they'd been recalled. Apart from that, all they said was they'd been armed to... deal with any dragon they encountered.
....Huh? N-no, I'm fine, it's just... Spike's a cool dragon, y'know? And we were all that close to him getting... And those things would probably have caused a lot more damage than just hitting Spike...
We got really lucky. Again.
A-anyway, we were talking about the Wonderbolts! The Wonderbolts aren't soldiers and they're not trained to really fight, that's not what they're about. Spitfire even said it; she loves flying. She may have helped Soarin' take down one of those Dragon constructs, but they're not trained TO fight, they're trained to fly. I mean, sure, the Army are cool... Navy are kinda dweebs... but the Royal Guard is kinda cool. But the Wonderbolts are supercool. Scale of Wonder to Bolt they're Wonderbolt!
...It totally is a real scale!
(Interviewer's Notes: (Pegasus): Okay, so, anyway. If nothing happened don't you feel a little silly worrying so much about the Wonderbolts and the Pegasus Legion?)
Not so much. The evening after the race, thankfully there wasn't another race for starters. But at dinner, a few of the Wonderbolts admitted they'd had run-ins with some of the 18th Legion's other units when I asked if Spitfire had any examples of trouble between the groups. Minuette had been wondering herself what all the fuss was about since nothing had been happening.
"Maybe that time you had that run-in with the Air Artillery?" Ambassador Supermarine suggested.
"Yeah, it's a good example. A few of us had been at the Best Young Flyer's competition qualification rounds, just to see if there were any promising flyers. More challenging to pick them out at qualifiers actually. The best ones try to hold back on their tricks, and the ones that go all-out usually don't plan on winning it or going pro, and just do it for fun," Spitfire began.
"It's good practice for when you get sent to judge the contest proper. Of course, you're not allowed to watch qualification or practice runs to maintain fair and balanced judging..." The Ambassador's Husband spoke up.
(Interviewer's Notes: (Earth Pony): Hey, what wuz his name? Ah don't think you mentioned it...)
I... Kinda forgot it.
"We then went for a drink, figuring we'd not be recognized out of flight suits, and besides, the three of us there were rookies. Me, Soarin', and Misty Fly. So, three Wonderbolts walk into a bar..."
"Ellis, Gag, Thunderchild..."
"Twinkle Shine..."
"...Not a word," Myself and Cadence accidentally said together.
" Ooh, opening! Hey, did someone just squee?"
"...And we just sit down, no problems. We see a group of Stallions who seem a bit loud but it's Cloudsdale, it's Friday evening, we're near the weather factory... We forgot there had been an exercise conducted recently, 18th giving training to Pegasi from a bunch of other regiments... "
"I think I might have been on that exercise," Thunderchild noted. He didn't add the 18th had kicked everyone else's flanks.
"Cuteness overload squee?"
"Then Misty recognized one. Apparently they'd went to Junior Speedsters together. At first she thought he hadn't seen her, then they started being kinda loud about mocking the team soon after. Soarin' and one of the more experience 'Bolts, Rising Damp, collided during a show."
"Somepony need a medic for a cuteness overload?"
"You guys ignored it, right?" Twinkle Shine wondered.
"Because if someone does that's got priority over the opening."
"We tried, but Soarin' was a little antsy. He still felt responsible for the crash even though it wasn't his fault. Damp had got a little too close to him, forgetting Soarin' wasn't quite used to flying with the whole team yet."
"Nopony?"
"It's not good for your confidence if you slip up during a routine either," Sunset noted.
"Okay... Gha, missed my window of opportunity!"
"So anyway, we figured it was probably better we just left, Misty went first since they might have been able to recognize her, we figured. We went out later, but when we'd stood up to leave three of them followed us. And Soarin's is clearly thinking they're going to start something, keeps looking over his shoulder..."
(Interviewer's Notes: (Pegasus and Earth Pony): Hmm...)
Just let me tell the story as it was told to me.
"...So I tell him to stop looking back at them, they're probably not really following us, then one of them shouts out..."
"Hey, Blunderbolts, not following your friend? "
"We hoped you guys could give us some crashing lessons! " Another cut in.
We could smell salt on their breath from pretty far away. They were all salted up and trying to impress their buddies by looking tough. The two talkers were flanked around one in the middle, the whole group giving off smug grins.
"I'm afraid we don't have much experience with that. But you guys look drunk enough to make a go of it," Soarin' shots back.
Pretty much right away he knows it was a mistake 'cos the three of them just look really cheesed off now.
"Oh? It's a crime to argue with Guardsponies you know... " The one that hadn't spoke until then said.
As every Harmony Guardspony in earshot opened their mouths, Spitfire raised a hoof.
"I'm getting to it, don't worry," She stopped us.
"You saying Wonderbolts don't crash?" He continued. He'd been the leader, letting his guys do the work while he waited to assert authority over us.
"No, we're not saying that, and it isn't a crime to argue with Guardsponies. Besides, what says you guys are Guardsponies? You got CSI Warrant Cards?" I asked.
"Well, seems the Blunderbolts must issue spines to do more than let you do loop-de-loops and not wet yourself in front of cameras! Gotta look good, it's all you flight teams can do. Can't fight. Recruit a hoof-full of soldiers that only made EG2 Lance or Hoplite Corporal from time in grade instead of effort... Spines letting you backchat Hoplite Corporals of the Hundred and Eighth Air Artillery. That makes me high ranking," Leader grinned
"...You're an EG2, second rung on the ladder, you just said so yourself. Look, we're trying to leave, Corporal. You don't have any authority off duty unless an offense is committed, and right now you're the ones close to committing one through breach of the peace. You're also going against regulations by abusing your position to try and threaten civilians, that's misconduct unbecoming of a tooper," I said back, hoping he'd see sense.
Instead, he glared at me.
"The bucking hay you think you are? Some smartypants reads some books and thinks she can quote regs at me? Gonna try pull chapter and verse, tell me it's Rule Seventeen-Forty-Two?" He snaps, looking really over the edge now. His buddies stop grinning.
I say it without thinking really. I'd only been out of the unit for a couple months and I'd memorized regs inside out, plus, I'd had a few myself. We'd been in a bar, after all.
"...No member of the Guard should ever report for active duty in a ginger toupee?"
It gets him off balance though.
"...What?"
I figure then, maybe I warn him what he's really doing, I know my stuff, he might back off?
"I was a full EG3 Corporal for a year before I left the service to become a Wonderbolt. Airstream Guards. I could have made Sergeant pretty much right away if I had re-enlisted. But the way you act I think you won't make EG3 for a while, if ever." I say it with a little force.
"...Think you're a drill sergeant or something?"
He snorted, then he tried to lunge at me. Key word is tried.
He stumbled, and though he aimed one hoof in my direction, I just grabbed it, sidestepped, used the leverage to force him to the clouds and into a hammerlock. He knows I've got him, his two buddies seem surprised he did it.
"How about I let you go and we just walk away, forget this, huh?" I ask.
He nods, and the three of them take off, tails between legs...
"That's shocking. They tried to start a fight with you just because you're Wonderbolts?" Twinkle Shine looked appalled.
"The Eighteenth can be too proud at times. Some of them hate that the Wonderbolts are seen as heroes and feel the soldiers deserve the praise. Which, ironically, the Wonderbolts agree wholeheartedly with. That's why we do 'tribute to the Guard' tours, we think you guys do a rough job and deserve credit where it's due. But mix that kind of mentality some of them have with pride and too much salt, and it never goes well," Spitfire shrugged in reply.
"Sounds like that dropshort was a real loose cannon..." Gag grinned.
"Private..." Thunderchild sighed
"...Sorry Sarge."
"...What's a dropshort?" Sunset frowned.
"Artillerypony, joke about how they're supposedly not very good shots," Ambassador Supermarine answered.
"Well, I suppose that'll be you glad your point in being so worried is somewhat justified then, Shining?" Cadence sighed. I must have looked more pleased than the surprise I really had felt hearing that story.
"...Honestly, I'm more amazed somepony else remembers Rule Seventeen-Forty-two," I admitted.
On Nations Divided
Twinkle Shine had found something that confused her after we explained the political situation of North Triana.
"...Um, you know how this is North Triana we're in? Well, on the map, there's a North and South Ponia as well, but they're the wrong way around... How come?"
"The nations north of Zhongguo? Well, in that case, the split is about a less violent yet much more confusing issue. South Ponia believes what everyone else calls North is South, and North Ponia believes what everyone else calls South is North," Audience answered.
"...Hang on, doesn't that mean they agree?!" Minuette realized.
"Not quite. You see, the North (which is in the south) wants to be in the north. The South (which is in the north) wants to be in the south. The North says what EVERYONE else calls south is north. Meaning that the South is claiming to be the north and the north don't like that. Meanwhile, the South says the North is claiming to be in the South because what EVERYONE else calls north is south."
"So why don't, say, the North just say the South is in the North? Won't that mean they're saying it's North, so to the South they're saying the South is in the South?" Twinkle Shine pondered.
"Well, you'd think so, but that would be seen as an insult, and also the North would be breaking its own claim to be the North. The North would now be claiming to be in the South still, by telling the South they're in the North. It's the Mutually Assured Silly Stubbornness, or MASS, effect."
"...This is dumbest war I ever heard of."
"Oh, it isn't a war, it was actually rather peaceful and apart from the north-south thing they're still friends. The Parliament held a referendum when they were unified. Everyone in the south who wanted to be the north said they were the north. Everyone in the north who wanted to be in the south said they were in the south. But the declaration was that 'what every other nation says is North is South and what every other nation says is South is North,' and it just snowballed from there," Audience kept going.
"Everyone who didn't care or voted against the resolution just collectively went, and this is a direct quote, 'Ghaaaa!' three years into it all and moved to Zhongguo," I added my two bits.
"All of them?" Twinkle Shine and Minuette said together.
"Yes, I believe Queen Tiamat heard it all the way on Draco Island."
"All at once?"
"Hey, perfectly choreographed song and dance numbers break out at the drop of a hat back home and in a few of the countries we've been to so far, so is it really so strange that a group of Ponies could all just go 'screw this, I'm outta here' at the same time?" Apple wondered.
"...I guess not," Minuette quickly conceded.
"Triana has no laws against singing," Cadence quickly added, I think trying to stop her Hoofmaidens from having an aneurysm.
"...Do they really take it so seriously though? What do they do with east and west?" Twinkle Shine wondered
"Same as everyone else. It's still north-east-south-west but they go anti-clockwise if they say it that way," I said.
"...The North's capital was pretty close to the border on the map though. How'd they decide the borders and why'd the North put the capital there?" Sunset pondered.
"Well, all the ponies that left mostly lived in the middle of the country, so the Northerners and Southerners all began moving their stuff in, drew a line, and that's where they decide what's South is North and North is South. The North built their new capital city south of the border to show the North had superior engineering skills and to reinforce the line."
"...Did they try to build that upside down?"
"Actually, at first they did, but they just gave up after the moles refused to fly and the pegasi got tired of digging," I noted.
"...The moles..." I think her brain was starting to short-circuit at this point.
"Yes, try not to think about it."
On Music
Minuette was going around, looking for anypony's preferences for songs.
"...You don't have any requests for the radio?" Minuette looked honestly puzzled.
"Not really. I'm not a big fan of music..." I admitted, and she looked slightly horrified.
"Ah, you just don't have time to listen to it, I see! Er, not even when looking over reports and stuff? Surely there's some music..."
I almost shrugged, before recalling it was a pain in the flank for a quadruped to do that.
"No, I'm just not into music as much as some ponies I guess."
"B-but, Captain, Cadence is..."
"Princess Celestia represents the Sun, she doesn't seem too upset some ponies prefer to stay in the shade most days. Look, it's not that I don't like any music. I just don't really listen to anything specific. It's more I avoid some kinds."
"Oh... Oh! Well, what kinds?"
"Dubtrot."
"...You don't need to worry about that, Captain, I have it on very good authority it's not actually music."
"And songs with creepy lyrics."
"Oh. Okay. Um, look, Captain, can you at least say if there's something you do like?"
"...Why is it so important?"
"Er, it's not, it's just that... Well, everypony else gets to have music on the ship's radio station they'll enjoy, I wouldn't want to..."
"I like what I like and dislike what I dislike. I guess if it's really this important maybe some classic rock, but that's about the best I can do, sorry."
"...I guess it's better than nothing," She sighed, looking strangely crestfallen.
On Shrugging
By the way, about shrugging... Seriously, why are we so inclined to trying it? We're just not built for it. Now, Minotaurs on the other hoof, they're expert shruggers and I wager if apes were sapient they'd be good at it too...
(Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): Actually, that's an interesting point, you see, there are... legends... of a species known as Homo Sapiens Sapiens...)
Yes, yes, humans, Twiley read the stories and that classmate of her got awfully obsessive with them. Lyre or something. She seemed to think Guard officers are told the truth about Humans...
(Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): Are ya?!)
Yes, actually, we are!
(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): Really?! What is it?)
Okay, I shouldn't tell you. Brace yourself, this is a big one. Mind-blowing stuff. You ready?
(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus and Earth Pony): Yeah!)
The truth is... They're fictional!
(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus and Earth Pony): ...WHAT.)
Seriously, we learn the truth the same time everypony else does, in primary or elementary school. Humans are just a flutterpony tale, and completely unrelated to the stories of black triangles seen at heights way above the flight ceiling of Pegasi and Griffins...
(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): We never asked about any black triangles... Are you hiding something?)
Definitely not! There's nothing to hide! The idea that these triangles are an extraterrestrial race using some kind of non-magical stealth technology that does not appear on our magic and radio scans to observe us is completely absurd!
(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): We never mentioned stealth technology!)
Well, good, because there is none. Moving on!
On Hobbies for Horses (and non-Horse)
(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): By the way, Captain, why does Cadence like Hoofball? It doesn't really seem very... Princessy.)
Probably similar reasons to me: Her parents or guardians took her along to a lot of games. And possibly because its a team sport, and you know, Personification of Harmony and all that. Of course, the other factor that could be involved is, that for all the competition and the sometimes heated rivalries, Hoofball is a fairly popular sport across much of Equestria. Most other sports only really exist in one or two regions, or are limited to certain types of Pony.
Doesn't mean to say everyone likes it of course. In my squad alone, only really Gag likes Hoofball, but he also likes Cricket. So does Garnet, actually, but they're from Lancatershire and Yokeshire respectively, it's not too shocking they both like it. Ellis and Thunderchild, you know what they like I hope, and Audience just isn't one for sports much. Rest of the platoon, well, diverse platoon, diverse hobbies.
Not to say there's no hoofball fans, but there are other sports. Griffen and many of the Pegasi like Cloudball. Newcastle likes rugby. Pike's a fan of sports like wrestling and boxing. Actual wrestling, by the way, but he like pro wrestling too. Sergeants Foaley and Reinolds like Basketball and Baseball. Both have a shared liking of Baseketball.
And on the ship it seems a lot of other sports are popular. Quidditch, Calvinball, Tennis, Dodgeball, Fetch...
(Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): Fetch?)
The Diamond Dog sport. Referee throws a ball, first team to get it back to him or her scores a point. Pretty popular with everyone actually because it's a simple game to set up and actually rather fun. It's a diverse crew remember. I think every sapient species on the planet other than Dragons is represented in the flotilla (though a few Dragons HAVE joined the guard in the past, but none recently. I think the last one was actually one of Spike's subspecies). A considerable number of Zebras, fair few Griffins, a few Minotaurs other than Kryten, some Donkeys, a few Sheep in Cadence's extended retinue, a few Cows in the cooking staff. No Mules though, and the only deer are those scientists on Enterprise.
There's one regular dog, but that's Lieutenant Commander Archer's beagle. Porthole or something. Lot of cats spread out across all four, mostly mousers, so fortunately they stay out of Gag's way.
(Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): How're regular dogs and Diamond Dogs related?)
Same genus, Canis. Diamond Dogs are Canis adamas sapiens rather than Canis lupus familiaris though.
Oh, and while there's no dragons on-board, they do have sports too, like lava diving, tail wrestling, and sparring, particularly 'King of the Mountain' (young ones use their parents hordes and old ones use actual mountains).
(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): Don't things get awkward with so many different cultures and species aboard?)
Not really. Bear in mind most immigrant communities in Equestria live in coastal cities. Most Air Navy recruits come from large cities or the coast, so they're more used to non-ponies than most Equestrians. Besides, most ponies are actually pretty accepting of other sapient species. A Minotaur or Griffon might get a 'what is that?' from somepony who's never seen one before, but generally don't get too many raised eyebrows.
(Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): So they at least would be able to help explain local customs in their ancestral homelands!)
Ah... No. Most are third or fourth generation. Sometimes there's the odd second generation but the old country really was the old country for most of them, as in, what they know is up to a hundred years out of date. It also doesn't help most of the world technically is pony nations. Only Zebra and Griffins hold whole continents - Though if the Hooviets hadn't invaded most of the deer lands, there would be a fair few Deer nations.
Of course it's not just sports. There's also video games, parties, there's card games (None of those odd Neighponese ones with the holograms before you ask, they're banned on ships and in secure areas.), I think even a few tabletop and board games get played by some of the Air Navy troopers. And reading, of course. I think Private Audience even writes from time to time and Gag dabbles in Doujinshneigh (that is, fan-manegas). Oh, and some ponies play instruments. We had a loudness war between bagpipes and thunder guitars. No one won, everyone lost...
(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): I can imagine...)
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What a nice little tale showing more of the others and not just Shining Armor.
2872884
Sure LZ appreciates that.
2876317
Better safe than sorry.
2876673
I've been sending them 'just in case' since the series started.
2881064
It's where I got the direct inspiration for it. I AM SO HAPPY SOMEONE GOT THAT REFERENCE!!
Awesome story! I just spent the past few nights reading this, and I must say: it's one of my favorites here. Just wanted to thank you and the editors for making such an entertaining fic with so many chapters.
Looking forward to more updates,
Kobalt
2883973
Have you been reading the 7 Dreams/Nightmares series?
BTW: Did you see all the recursive fanfics that many have my stamp of canon approval?
Did you see the audio ADAPTION complete with music and art?
And thank you. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story because things are not done yet!
2898809
I'm asking.
Any fighting skills they have are to for protection,
Extra "to"
This is what I would call an exposition chapter. Except for the scene between Spitfire and the drunk idiots, a few jokes here and there, this was.......a chore to read.
Epic foreshadowing!!
Teal and maroon.
Then you get anomaly characters like dark world rainbow dash who basically eats through the entire army's airship supply for breakfast.
Yeah, something tells me that they wouldn't be heard from again if they killed Spike.
Somewhere a time travelling doctor weeps.
I am?
You would know, wouldn't you Captain Paladin?