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First off, may I say, what an awesome story! 
can't wait for the next chapters and whatever happens afterwards 
and what a mad 1 chapter! Near 10,000 words! 
just a few things though... 
Some of the things that get me is that they're "best buds"? Yet they sleep together? Tavi got Vinyl to wear a suit? Vinyl has no qualms about going into the bath room while Tavi is showering? Repeated 'darling' and 'dearie' keep popping up. Vinyl makes romantic plans in a park and hands Tavi a flower.
And here
The sleeping pony wiggled here nose at the abrupt touch.should be "her"
Mulling over them, she chose the most logical one. “What do you mean by bad influence?”in the previous sentence, the words "bad influence" weren't mentioned
Are differences bring us close...you just couldn't understand,” she said sternly.do you mean 'Our' or "Are"?
Octavia was too nervous, so asked Vinyl to accompany her.I'll let you decide to do as there are a couple ways this sentence could go
“To be honest...That is why I am so apprehensive,”don't need a capital after an ellipses
It was already past fivefive past
There cheery earth pony held a physically painful smile.Their
The bell above the doorway jingled with the entrance of a big and tall colt: Mr. Harsk. His grumpy expression said that he wasn’t too fond of mornings. Luckily, Octavia took this moment to make an impression. “Hello Mr. Harsk, how is your morning?” He responded with a series of rash mumbles. I guess he doesn't like mornings.you don't really need that last part
“Can’t say I do ma’am,” Jim said as he was finishing scrubbing a dirty glass.we don't know his name. He is usually referred as 'the barcolt'
Vinyl made a sound between choking and a sortsnort
“Look her bud, I don’t know who you think you are,here
I would leave before somepony got hurt.no closing quotation mark
I sense sarcasm... How much am I off by?
Image: http://www.hk94.com/hk/uploadgal/gallery/album_195/gallery_1_195_65489.jpg
First off: thank you for mess ups in grammar. I try my best to be as accurate as possible. I'll be sure to cover those up later, or when I do get the chance in the near future.
On the relationship part: Everyone has their own tastes in how it evolves or has flourished. My take is they are in a committed one currently, but Octavia likes to keep it simple and smart. She's an upstanding mare after all, can't go showing off the goods yet
On a wider note I'm glad to see so much enthusiasm for this. I made a lot of errors. More so in the flow that I will correct in later installments. This took longer than I'd have liked and is shorter than I intended. To be more blunt: This is only half of what the original was going to be. Time is a wonderful thing when you don't have a lot of it haha.
No problem. For 10,000 words, there wasn't that much. Most people I proof for have as many if not more mistakes in 4k words. 
Ahh... So they just casual? That makes more sense! 
The original was meant to be 20k?? 
WHA?!?
And all writing takes time and it's always longer than expected
Time is even worse when you have a lot of it, and nothing to do 
May I say once again, great work! And keep 'em coming!
Oh great, now this website has upsetted my friend.....Now he's going to take even longer to write (trust me you don't want him writing angry that's when ponies die!)
petite...
That seems like une faute d'orthographe...
Octavia had worn a very petite, but nonetheless beautiful dress.
A dress [translating] une robe which is a feminine word... and l'adjectif is well conjugated here..yet, it seems wrong, reading the whole sentence in english except le mot petite...
Quite a few mistakes in here. Symbols that ought to be cymbals, unless Crash plays representations of things. a "further" that should be "farther" (the latter has to do with distance; the former is a verb.) I saw an "excite" that should've been an "exit" and a complement that is really a compliment. (The latter is a nice thing to say. The former is either the inverse of something (math) or a pairing, e.g. "the wine complements the fish.")
I'm not sure what's going on with the names, either, We start out with typical pony fare: Winds, Crash, etc., then suddenly Cornelius Harsk and Ms. Taft? Jim's Pub? It's awfully incongruous. It's really hard to tell what's going on with Vinyl and Octavia's relationship, especially because every time Octavia calls Vinyl "dearie" she sounds like somepony's grandmother...
Anyway, yeah, a lot of problems, but I did very much enjoy the hellish descriptiin of that cello. I almost feel like it should be taken out back and beaten into a pulp, Office Space style. Might I recommend more careful proofreading and cooyediting next time 'round.
>>1509499 but of course 
However this was mostly an opening, a beginning to something more tragic. Soon a cacophony of disasters may or may not occur. Names are just fickle if that, so don't be surprised if suddenly Larry The Snuffledarglepuss suddenly enters the fray. It's all leading up to something more momentous than current.
First chapters are always terribly annoying :P
>>1542325 You're in luck, just got back from my DECA stuff to answer this haha!
It is all dependent on the amount of time I give myself. I am very critical when it comes to my word usage and crap, detail and crap, crap and crap, etc. So most of my time is spent wondering how I can put scenes or dialogue. Fear not, I am quick to lose writer's block if I am reading a lot (spoiler alert: I read a lot)
I don't expect more than next week latest for the next part (or possibly something else!...just wait)
So ya...Soon(tm)
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