Interesting... Looking forward to seeing where this goes.

Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!

My interest is piqued and I'm waiting for more!

It's a nice story, but maybe some of the paragraphs could be shorter?

But well done, though.

Thanks for the tip, I'll try to ensure future paragraphs are shorter. Glad you like the story so far. >>12411791241179

Glad you like it. I'll make sure the next chapter is out ASAP.>>12409771240977

Two solid chapters, a good sign.

Woot! Friggin awesome. Looking forward to the next part!

"that you will adhere by while you" This should either be "adhere to" or "abide by".

Also, in the paragraph where Trixie steps onto the porch of the caravan, you use "porch" four times. Try mixing it up with something like "structure" or "rickety-looking deathtrap". And the last time it's used, where it reads "cracked porch floor" is unnecessary, since we already know you're still talking about the porch, you can just say "floor".

Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!

Whoa, thanks for letting me know. I should have caught those errors.

I'll  be sure to fix those immediately. And again thanks for reading, the next chapter will be coming out next week! >>12848071284807

Weee. Another sweet chapter!

"Trixie cursed the stallion under her breath as her search for an exit hastened. "

Since you just started the previous sentence with "Trixie" you should start this one with she.

"the doors metal handle."

Should be "door's".

"All of it was lie."

This might read better as "All of which, right now, was a lie." or something like that. Phrased as it is, it's saying that the previous sentence detailing her desires is a lie, not the desires themselves when compared to reality.

"“You…You said,”"

The second "you" doesn't need to be capitalized. It's the difference between the first "you" being a standalone statement, which would be more fitting for an angry scene (Tichonderese rounded on the frightened muffinkin. "You. You did this to me!"), and it being a first attempt which trailed off, which I believe is what you were going for.

"illumined"

This should be "illuminated".

"than your journey"

This should be "then". Than is for comparisons, then is for sequences of events. (Nicer than roasted alligator.) (Dinner then dessert)

"slowly dissipated, as the room slowly began to light up"

Here, the second "slowly" is redundant and can be removed.

"room faded into an enormous,"

Here, "faded" should be "bloomed". Fading typically references the depletion of light, not the depletion of darkness, since there is only light or the absence thereof. This isn't really a big deal, and if you don't like that, you could rewrite the whole sentence and say something like, "As the gloom retreated, an enormous, extravagant grand foyer came into view."

"The foyer had two long winding staircases on both ends leading to a second story that overlooked them. The floor was finely polished hardwood that gleamed and shined from the light of a large crystal chandelier hanging overhead. The walls were a lighter shade of wood with a number of exotic tapestries and paintings decorating its walls."

Here, each sentence starting with "the" makes the reading lack flow, and feel choppy. Instead perhaps leave the first sentence alone, but change the others to something like, "Finely polished hardwood floors gleamed and shined in the light of a large crystal chandelier hanging overhead. Exotic tapestries and paintings adorned the walls, which were a lighter shade of wood. "

"a bit…threating,"

There are two instances of "threating" which should be "threatening". (Threat is a noun, threaten is a verb)

"It’s my room. I’ll thank you to stay out of my room,”

Here I think it would read better if the second "my room" was replaced with "it".

"The window gazed out at the dark Everfree Forest"

Here, using "window" again is awkward. (The previous sentence ended with that same word, meaning only a period and a single syllable separate the two instances.) Perhaps rephrasing it as "The (portal/glass/some synonym for window) offered a view of the dark Everfree Forest".

"pony who she wasn’t sure what his intentions were."

This should be, "pony whose intentions she was unsure of."

"What was that magic I used? What was that magic that Magus used?"

Here, the similar sentence structure and repeated use of "magic" ought to be changed. Perhaps replace the second sentence with something like, "Was it the same power Magus called upon?"

"True Magic, is what he called it"

Here, it seems like she's quoting his terminology, so True Magic should be surrounded in single quotation marks. Something like, "'True Magic', is what he called it".

"They buzzed around in her head for what seemed like hours. But, soon her eyelids grew heavy."

This should all be one sentence, separated by a comma, with the comma after "but" removed.

"Trixie wearily walked over and got into the bed, too tired to think any more on this magic subject or even whether or not she’ll wake up"

Here, since you just ended the previous sentence with "bed", you can just say she "walked over and got in," also, since she's only been wondering about one topic, you can just say "think anymore on the subject,". Also, be sure to watch which tense you're in. It should be "or not she'd wake up".

"as she lied her head down on"

Here, the past tense of "lie", as in, "I think I'm going to lie down." is "lay". "As I lay down for a nap, I was assaulted by the muffinkin berserkers."

"show boating pony"

This should be "showboating pony".

"initiate to this new world"

Here, it should be "initiate in this new world".

That about does it. I would've posted this last night but my PC went to tartarus in a hoofbasket and I had to troubleshoot it for like 5 hours. Fortunately firefox saved all my text and I didn't have to rewrite everything!

Still loving the story, of course, so keep em coming!

Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!

Bloody hell, that's a lot of corrections!

Thanks for proof reading my stuff.

I shall make corrections right away.

Woo! Moar!

Two things I noticed.

Celestia…was it-was it was

I think either the first or last "was" is a typo.

what he'd just said

This should be "she'd" since it's referring to Terra.

Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!

>>15442581544258

Yes sir!

-Blinks-

Honestly thought this was a Nasuverse Crossover for a moment.

~With regards, the Current Student of the Second True Magic.

I hope you're enjoying the story so far, but if I may ask, what is a Nasuverse Crossover? >>19878971987897

>>19995851999585

As in, a Crossover with the Nasuverse, or one of the works therein. Like Fate/Stay Night, Tsukihime, or Fate/Zero.

True Magics in that universe have been reduced to only five remaining articles, The First, Second, Third, Fourth, and Fifth True Magics, each possessing a different Dominion and Name.

The Second True Magic is known as Kaleidoscope, Domain of the Opperation of Parallel Worlds.

Huh, well, you learn something new everyday. Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy future chapters. >>19998131999813

>>20049692004969

That I shall, good sir/madam.

" her speech was stopped suddenly as a load howl "

I believe you meant loud howl? lol

The build up seems decent enough and the never ending flow of paragraphs seem to be detailed enough to want me to continue reading but as far as syntax and grammar, i'm not an editor so i'm gonna assume you have one since i do not see any major mistakes in this, and the only thing that puts me off is just the sheer amount of paragraphs, i'm not an author so i don't know how you could avoid that but i would suggest at least a little more inner monologue to balance out all the details you have, just more "dialogue" that Trixie has with herself would be fine.

>>12411791241179 i love your profile pick, catbug is adorable, we should be friends and have soft tacos

>>23974652397465 You're my friend nauw. We're gonna have soft tacos for dinner!

I see the difference made from the first chapter and this one and i'm intrigued by the character Magus, like that there is more dialogue as well and i am going to keep reading.

>>24119312411931

Yeah sorry about the misspelling. This was before I got an editor. Lord knows I needed one.

I couldn't really work around the large paragraphs too much because it is just her. I suppose I could have added more thoughts and such, but I just couldn't figure out any dialogue that would work. Glad you're liking the story so far and their is a lot more to Magus than meets the eye.

This chapter amuses me lol

>>25907252590725

Glad you enjoyed it.  

It was a lot of fun to write.