The Soul of a Pony

by Gizogin

Reality

The Soul of a Pony
Chapter 8: Reality

---

By the time Twilight made it back home the next day, she was about ready to collapse. The party had kept going clear through the night, only stopping so they could watch the sunrise. After that, Pinkie Pie had offered to treat them all to breakfast. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep clouding her judgment, but Twilight had accepted her offer. Three plates of assorted cupcakes, muffins, and pancakes later, the librarian had excused herself as politely as possible, her other friends quickly following suit. Only Spike had stayed behind, wolfing down treats at a speed that even Pinkie herself could respect.

Now, feeling tired and slightly bloated, Twilight pushed through the front door of her tree. She surveyed the damage, and decided that it certainly could have been worse. Some scattered books, a sticky patch in the corner where some punch had spilled, and a few smears of cake frosting were about the extent of the mess. Spike's going to be busy when he gets back, she thought, picking her way around a tangle of streamers on the floor.

The party had, at least, been largely confined to the front room. By comparison, Twilight's bedroom now looked absolutely pristine. She cast a longing glance at her bed, but as inviting as the crumpled pile of sheets looked, taking a nap now would throw her sleep schedule off completely. Instead, the young scholar homed in on the mirror atop her dresser.

Twilight didn't care overmuch about her own appearance. She didn't beautify or primp, and she saw the spa as more of a social obligation than a fashion one. Unlike Rarity, whose boutique was filled with so many mirrors for styling and designing that a pony could hardly walk through it without seeing her own reflection, Twilight only owned three mirrors. One was in the bathroom, for when she was brushing her teeth. One, a huge, industrial reflector, resided in the basement for use in certain works of magic or science. The third, and the subject of Twilight's current attention, sat on her dresser. Normally, the librarian used it to brush her mane and make sure she was generally presentable, but now she had a different task in mind, one inspired by the words of a friend.

---

"Twilight, a word?"

The unicorn in question looked back at the speaker. "What is it Rarity?" she asked. The others had already started to leave the library, ready to meet the rest of Ponyville on the stargazing hill and watch the sunrise. Rarity, however, was hanging back, looking unsure.

"In private, if you don't mind," she said.

Twilight frowned, slightly confused. "Um, sure, I guess." She addressed her next statement to Rainbow Dash, who was currently hovering, impatiently waiting for Applejack to clear the doorway so she could go. "Hey, Rainbow? Go on ahead; we'll catch up with you guys in a bit."

Rainbow gave her a curious glance, but then shrugged and said, "Okay, whatever. Don't be too long."

"We won't," Rarity promised. When the pegasus had left and the two unicorns stood alone in the library, Rarity spoke again. "What happened yesterday—no, let me finish first," she said, cutting off Twilight's interruption before it could start, "what happened yesterday was a bad mark on both our records. We have apologized and made amends, and I want to make it absolutely clear that I do not harbor any sort of grudge against you. I desire nothing more than to put this whole ordeal behind us so we can move on with our lives. Before I can do that, though, there is one thing that's been bothering me." She took a breath, as though mentally preparing for what she was about to say. "I take it that you have, at this point, used that spell on the rest of our friends?"

"Yes," Twilight answered simply. There was no reason to deny it.

"I thought as much. But what about you?"

"Me?" Twilight asked. "What about me?"

"There has been nopony to look at you. To see you in the way that you've seen us. It's..." Rarity paused, searching for the words. "Well, I suppose it's rather unfair."

Twilight dropped her gaze. "You're right," she said. "I guess I never thought about it like that." She looked back up, and asked, "What should I do? I mean, do you... I have the spell written down, if you want it."

Rarity shook her head, her extravagant lavender curls bouncing with the motion. "No, no, you misunderstand. You said that the things you saw during that spell were amazing, did you not? There were all the things you learned about us, good or bad. But there's one pony you're forgetting in all this." She poked the other unicorn in the chest with a perfectly-shaped hoof. "You. Don't forget your part in our little group." Glancing outside, Rarity said, "Now, we've kept the others waiting long enough, don't you think? Come along, or we'll be late."

---

Twilight focused on her own reflection, lit up by the morning sun. Rarity had been right, of course; there was one pony left to soulgaze. She ran through the mechanics of the spell again, making sure it would work. Using the spell on her own reflection, rather than on a physical pony, was a bit outside of what she'd built it for. Even so, she felt confident that it would work. She fired up her horn yet again, and felt the familiar sensation of a soulgaze beginning.

---

All things considered, it wouldn't have been a surprise to anypony that Twilight's mind looked like a library. In fact, it reminded Twilight of nothing so much as the Canterlot Archives that had been her favorite haunt as a filly. Floor-to-ceiling bookshelves covered the walls, with yet more extending out into the room itself. There were rows upon rows of them, each and every one completely packed with books of every description. With its high ceilings and slightly musty atmosphere, it even felt like a regular library. It was all so familiar that Twilight very nearly forgot that it wasn't real.

She was standing in what appeared to be the center of the room, where a few tables and chairs formed a quiet area for studying. Books of all kinds were stacked on the tables, and a few had been left open by whoever had last read them. There didn't seem to be any pattern to the works currently in use; fiction or nonfiction, math or literature, any and all subjects were represented. Some of the books were new and relatively untouched, while others had certainly seen better days. It was, in short, chaos.

The bookshelves, by contrast, were very clearly organized. Each row of shelves contained its own subject, and the books on it were similarly ordered. Looking at the brass label on each row, Twilight realized she was seeing a collection of her own memories and knowledge. There was a section for "Locations I've Seen", another for "Foods I Like", and one for "My Birthdays". An entire corner of the room was given over to "Magic". One shelf in particular stood out, and Twilight trotted down the rows to get a better look at it. It was the newest-looking of all the shelves, and there didn't seem to be a single book on it more than a few years old. The label, not yet dulled by time, simply read "Friends".

Twilight wandered back into the center of the room. As she emerged from between the bookshelves, she saw that the study area was no longer empty. Sitting at one of the tables, her nose buried in a book, was a pony. This pony was in every way the spitting image of Twilight Sparkle herself, with the exception of her mane, which was longer and messier than Twilight would ever normally have allowed. She seemed completely oblivious to the other Twilight's presence, only shifting her focus at all when she had to turn a page. As Twilight watched, another doppelganger walked out of one of the rows across from her. This one wore her mane in a bun, and the pair of horn-rimmed glasses atop her snout gave her an altogether more refined air.

The prim Twilight lit up her horn, and the mess of books on the tables lifted into the air. At her direction, they sorted themselves into neat stacks, which she then set about returning to their shelves. The messy Twilight didn't pay her any heed, focused as she was on her reading. The actual Twilight, whose mind it was, watched the scene intently. There was the disheveled, studious Twilight, who read and learned everything, juxtaposed with the neat, fussy Twilight who only cared about putting everything where it belonged.

Without warning, the entire room jerked slightly to one side. A chair fell over with a clatter, and a book flew off a shelf in a fluttering of pages. Only the actual Twilight seemed to notice; to the other two, this was evidently nothing out of the ordinary. Indeed, when several minutes passed with no more excitement, Twilight wondered if perhaps she'd only imagined it.

When nothing more seemed to be forthcoming, Twilight cut off the flow of magic, and the library dissolved into nothingness.

---

The understanding, as it always did, came about a minute later. Twilight was hit with a tidal wave of knowledge, which crystallized into a set of core insights about herself. First, she was intelligent. Twilight sought out knowledge for its own sake. Obviously, she favored certain subjects, like magic or science, but any information was welcome in her mind. In the pursuit of understanding, Twilight had developed very strong reasoning abilities. The scientific method was second nature to her, and logic dictated her actions far more often than emotions did.

Stemming directly from this was Twilight's almost obsessive need for order. Everything had to be put in its own place, and organization was everything. The very existence of Reshelving Day was proof enough of this. It was why she spent so much time planning and scheduling everything, and learning to let some things happen on their own had been a very difficult lesson for her. Even when she made a mess (which was quite often), it was a mess under her own terms. That, and she usually had some new research project that wouldn't allow her the time to clean up properly. It was, by all objective measures, a very odd system.

From obsession came paranoia, and more than a hint of instability. Twilight's absolute faith in her own reasoning abilities often made her unable to look at another perspective. She had a tendency to focus on the worst possible outcome, which she then built structures of logic and reasoning to protect. Objectively she knew, for example, that Celestia was a wholly reasonable authority figure, but once her panicked mind had settled on the idea of failing her, it was all crazy smiles and town-wide mind control.

Then there was her painful lack of social experience. Being a complete loner for the majority of her life had left Twilight with an inability to pick up on social cues, and it meant she was often painfully naive. Though she'd advanced rapidly in the past two years, she still had a lot to learn.

All this information was hardly a revelation to Twilight. It was, after all, her own mind. She knew all of this already, on some level. It did seem, however, to be a bit harsh about her general mental state. Surely she wasn't that bad.

Regardless of what she thought of it, the fact was that Twilight had now definitively soulgazed everypony. After the revelation she'd had the previous night, she also knew how to finish her report. She even knew what she was going to tell the Princess. As soon as Spike got home, she'd be done. She trotted down the stairs and got to writing.

---

Dear Princess Celestia,

This week, I learned that it's always important to take your friends' feelings into account. Just because you want something doesn't mean that they will as well. If you're not sure what they'll think, it's always better to ask.

I also learned that there's no shortcut to getting to know somepony. It takes time and dedication to build relationships, and no spell can change that.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle

THE END

Comments

[Gizogin]

Chapter 8. Here it is.

Four days. That's how long it took to write this chapter. Now I'm done. I need to go to bed.

[I Am Known As Sketchpad]

Happy ending! Yay!

Good job. Great story. I was first, other than the author who doesn't count.

I am content.

[Monk With No Name]

1734725 Thank you for all your hard work!

[Astarea]

Eeyup, called the mirror...

[Aurora Dimmet]

P.S.: Princess, do you mind if I cast a quick spell on you at our next meeting...?

/oh god this can't end well

[IgnoreMETILLLATER]

1734725
awesomegifs.com/wp-content/uploads/carl-sagan-youre-awesome.gif

[SuperPinkBrony12]

1735178 My dear Twilight I am afraid that the soulgaze is a spell that has long since been banned, too many ponies used it for the wrong reasons.

[statoose]

1734725 Sleep well.

[iloveportalz0r]

This part:
>Twilight only owned three mirrors
Should be:
>Twilight owned only three mirrors

[D48]

Nice work, although it seems like she should have gotten Spike as well given his relationship with her.

[GrouchoMarxDisciple]

1735178 I have the sudden urge to write a one-shot...
"You'll have plenty of time to soul-gaze... ON THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON-A!!!!!

[CrystalWaters]

Eesh.

Absolute knowledge of yourself? That could've been so much worse. Consciously having to live up to what you've seen inside yourself, or trying to compensate for the flaws you've seen.

[Snowdrifter]

And then there was the time Twilight tried to cast the spell but was distracted by a prismatic Pegasus plowing past the perimeter of the place... And Twilight ended up nave-gazing instead.

Edit: I wrote this to be funny, but some of the characters do this all too frequently.
Also, "facehoof" now comes up in my spell checker as a real word.