I've spent the majority of my life tilling the desolate land in which I live. Every day, I wake up to move useless rocks from one location to another. This is an archaic line of work that my family has clung to for generations. It is a dull, grey existence.
Today, I have woken up in a strange room, lying in a bed that isn't mine. I'm surrounded by five mares whom I've never seen in my life. They claim to be my friends, and expect me to bring joy to the hearts of everypony.
Joy? I don't think I've ever experienced this for myself, so how am I supposed to thrust it upon others?
My name is Pinkamena Diane Pie, and I'm not sure what to make of this situation.
Chapters (11)
Pretty good so far! I like the idea. Although I'm torn: on one hand, I wish the entire story was completely from Pinkie's perspective, as that would really get us into her head and experience it for ourselves, but on the other hand the scenes with the other five are very good and without them we wouldn't have a good idea of just how deeply this will affect them.
So, uh, I guess what I'm trying to say is keep it up!
Oh, and just as a minor grammatical point, when a character is speaking and their dialogue is split into a separate paragraphs, the last line of the first paragraph should lose its quotation mark:
"I don't know where to go.
"Maybe we should go left?"
Otherwise it would look like two separate people talking. Just a small point
Thumbs up from me!
Well, this is certainly intriguing
1236422
To be honest it looked a bit strange to me, too. I went ahead and fixed it. Thanks for the heads up!
Woops, I didn't realize that.
1236398
I actually had a hard time deciding whether or not I should add the sad tag in addition to slice of life. Perhaps I'll do that.
1236467 *British* QUITE!
Protip: Dash is not cyan.
Whaaaat is going on
1236526 you're right. saved the picture in case i foreget.
back to the case. This story went right into my read later. simply because i love pinkiemena confront pinkie's frineds...
My mind . . . it's exploded . . .
Can't wait for more!!!
1236526
I've seen people call her a bunch of colors. Cyan, turquoise, sky blue... it seems pretty controversial to me. What color do you think she is?
My mind . . . it's exploded . . .
Can't wait for more!!!
You have my attention.
And subscription.
Damn good start!
Nice so far, definitely tracked.
Just one thing, is it just me, or why is there about a screen of blank space at the end of the chapter?
1236622
When I imported it from Google docs, it added that huge gap. I just fixed it, for the most part.
Hmmmmmm...I'll have to read this later and before it gets featured because it looks cool.
Damn no cutie mark either! WOW 0_0
Wow. your sure doing well with this, Key Tapper
Very nice. I'm definitely interested in following this. One bit of feedback though: That large blank area after the end of the text is a bit inconvenient. It makes it take longer to get to the comments, and to get to the chapter selector at the bottom, and just generally gets in the way with no benefit that I can see.
1237220
Thanks, Storm!
The story went up sometime while I was trying to get out of the school parking. I arrived home, and suddenly I have like 25 notifications! I seriously didn't expect it to do this well so quickly!
1237229
The huge gap is still there? Shoot, I thought I got rid of that, already. I don't even know where it came from, but I sure as heck didn't put it there on purpose.
Oh my
Poor Pinki- I meen Pinkemania
*sees title* THIEF! *double-checks title, notes difference* Ah. Carry on, then.
(Just kidding, of course.)
Some issues with SDT, but this has me interested enough to see what happens next.
Good news, everyone! That pesky gap at the end of the chapter has been dealt with!
1237308
My title is dangerously close to yours. I assure you, that was completely unintentional.
Anyway, I agree with you on the issue of SDT. This is technically the first piece of fiction I've written on my own (outside of school), so I know there's a lot I can improve on.
Thanks for the advice, as well as the favorite! That goes for everyone else, too. Seriously, the positive response this has gotten caught me completely off-guard, but I really do appreciate the likes, favorites, and watches from all of you!
1237361
HA! Don't worry about it, I didn't realize until it was too late that there's another story out there named Changes which has been published for a while now. Such is the peril of writing, I suppose.
That you recognize that you have issues with SDT is a good sign--one cannot improve as a writer if one is not willing to admit to flaws. I'm at capacity for authors to edit/proofread for, but I strongly advise you to go to the /fic/ reviewers and ask for their input--I go to them with my projects, and if I may brag a bit it's helped shape them into rather fine stories.
Best of luck to you on your projects!
C-K
So how can Pinkie's friends restore her memory if she doesn't even have her cutie mark, what if Pinkie Pie ends getting a cutie mark in something else?
I love anything and everything Pinkamena, so this is a definite read for me.
Huh. I had a similar idea to this, only it was Twilight and her friends had to convince her not to leave for Canterlot. Considering her attitude before she met them...that was gonna be difficult.
Still, now I'm excited for more! And it's nice to see some Pinkamena that isn't hopelessly depressed or psychotic.
You have my attention. Seeing this explained should be good. Seeing how Pinkamena reacts to Celestia showing up all the sudden will be even better.
Hrm... I think that seeing a Pinkamena that isn't homicidal or absolutely crazy should be interesting. I look forward to the next chapter.
When I read this I was like:
"Wow... You're good"
"This is great, let's see what else I can read by this author"
*See's this is author's first fic*
*Watches author*
And I personally love this story. Liked, tracked, and watched.
this is gunna be a good story! im gunna call it sonic rainboom
im excited for this! :D woot! faved/tracking thumb (^w^)v
Huh. Good so far. Eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
Tersely,
~Plyxe
*Steel looks over at his reviewing partner, who is currenly freaking out. She holds her head between her hooves.*
P-Pinkie, calm down! You heard the doctor, the chances of contracting the disease are less than one in a million!
You won't, just calm down!
*Steel turns to the source of the voice, looking up at his ceiling to see a cyan pegasus sticking her head through the trap door.*
Uh, me and Pinkie were reading this story, and suddenly she's freaking out over losing her memory. Think you can help me calm her down?
*Rainbow hops down from the roof into the room, walking up to Pinkie.*
Good, now that that ordeal's over...
*Steel turns back to the monitor as Pinkie and Rainbow share a quick hug before joining him at the desk.*
Right, this story. This story isn't like other sad stories, it actually gives the chance for either a continuation, or honestly a very happy ending, and that's the kind of story I really enjoy reading.
Crush my soul however you want through the story; if you grant us the light of hope at the end, then we'll leave satisfied.
I do, but not in succession. Coming across this story though? This kind of story I could read in succession. It presses down on your heart, and you're constantly wishing for even one way out of the dire situation. And what happened here? We got it, and I respect that.
Well done, sir. Well done.
She was worried she'd contract EMRS, Enchanted Memory Regression Syndrome. Basically, think of it as if Twilight used her magic to delete your memories.
No, of course not.
Because it's concise! Anyway. EMRS is a magical form of amnesia that's capable of sending a pony 'back in time'. Their memories are removed completely as their mind moves backwards, and it can even remove one's Cutie Mark.
Yes, but it's also unconfirmed. Ask Twilight later about it and see if she's heard of any cases here.
I'd...advise against that. Princess Celestia is really busy during the day, isn't she?
...
*All three of the beings in Steel's house stare up at the ceiling in thought, Pinkie seeming to have forgotten all about her ordeal.*
1236544 Twice?
I could do without the huge, bold headers defining who is speaking. At first, I thought it was a really cool, title shot like the ones you get in crime dramas after the cold opening, when it switches from the discovery of the body of the week to the police tape. Then, I saw the designation for POV, and, well, that was disheartening to say the least.
Interesting use of magic and amnesia. I too am intrigued by the missing cutie mark, and I like the subtle overtones of a not intentionally abusive but rather dysfunctional childhood. The sadness and the complacency is both disturbing and depressing, very like Pinkie's story if it were actually true and missing the Pink filter on it.
I like how the third person areas are comprised of almost all dialogue. That was very impressive on your part, to make a scene that can be "watched and heard" rather than simply read. I must admit, the voices of the characters just jumping out me then was impressive, as was the rather somber thoughts of Pinkamena coming at me as I read.
I don't really feel much compulsion to read further than the first chapter. Toodles, and thanks for the story.
I'm definitely looking forward to more of this story.
Woah. Man, if my first fic was this good I might have a few more readers, but alas, I used fiction to explain unexplainable fact, and truth was born of it.
What was I saying? Oh yeah, great work, like it lots.
Interesting......... Tracking for sure
OH COME ON!! ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS HAVE RAINBOW DASH DO A SONIC RAINBOOM, AND BAM!! PINKAMENA TURNS BACK INTO PINKIE PIE! IT'S TOO EASY!! BUT NOPE! WE'RE GONNA PRBABLY HAVE 20 CHAPTERS OF SLOW MOVING PLOT INTO DASH SUDDENLY DECIDES, "OH! i WONDER WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I SHOWED HER MY SONIC RAINBOOM?" AND BAM, THE END!
mooooooore! more more more more moooore!
U best not dissappoint.
Did i spell that right?
meh
...
...
...
Bagel. There; i said it.
1238679
Probably not that easy. That was situational; the right moment and mood may be needed for that to work. That, and she wanted to make her family smile. These five are not her family and she does not care about making them smile, so she won't throw a party, and therefore no cute mark. Maybe if, over the course of time, she become their friend again, and she learns to care about them, she will be motivated to throw the necessary party to become Pinky Pie again. I see this happening only after many chapters of interaction .
I see something happening that reminds the others of the lost Pinky. Pinkamena, having become their friend again, sees this and tries to make them smile. This leads to a party; possibly because she knows that that is what Pinky would do and wants to reassure them that she will remember who she was someday.
*Looks at the other comments*No one? Nobody?
...Okay I'll do it...
"What is a name?A miserable pile of letters!But enough talk..."
Horrifying concept.
It is interesting, to me, that she lost not only her memories, but the special something that made them friends before having met. How Important is that special something that friends share before even meeting?
Also, I this opens the opportunity to ask how much the cutie mark effects the individual's talent or if it has any effect at all. Is she naturally gifted in throwing parties or did she have to study them? There is time to have done so when she, presumably, went to get the necessities for throwing her first party. Dose she still know how to throw one? Where parties always something she was good at or something that is easy for her to learn?
This story has the opportunity to explore the pinky sense. Did she have it as a filly? If so, what did she think of it? Did EMRS, being magical, take it away to? If so, dose that make it magical? Is her cutie mark tied into her pinky sense?
And WHAT IS A ROCK FARM!? I understand what a quarry is, but moving rocks like rotational crops?
I love the story, and would like to see more. Especially if you play with some fun ideas.
Fukken' faved
I have the feeling that a Sonic Rainboom will be part of the cure.
Of course, I could be wrong.
Marked for "Read Later" - I have an eye for good premises, and this is a very interesting one. I'm going to wait for a while, maybe forget about this fic temporarily, then come back when the fic's been cleaned up a little. No offense; I just don't want typos/grammar errors to mar the first time I experience the story within.
i love this story