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Rainbow Dash is the bravest, most fearless pony in all of Equestria. But when she is visited by nightmares for the first time in many years, can Dash swallow her pride and seek comfort from a small pink pony and some delicious hot beverages? And is this the ideal opportunity to reveal feelings she has kept repressed for so long?
Cover art provided by: http://fbslyunfbs.deviantart.com
Well, I finally plucked up the courage to submit my first proper fanfic. I'm not too sure what to say here, so it'll be a little brief 
In case anyone was wondering, this isn't going to turn into some kind of grimdark nightmare related story, so you can breathe a sigh of relief (or a curse of frustration, whatever works!). Comments and feedback would be greatly appreciated, and if there are any artists out there that might want to contribute some artwork to replace my crude attempt, It would be very welcome 
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the story and stay tuned for more!
You grabbed my interest. I'll be tracking. Its a bit early to give proper critique, I didn't notice many typo's and such. "Twilight's tree house, rarity's boutique and fluttershy's cottage" mainly, Fluttershy and Rarity's name without a capital letter (and maybe Boutique needs a capital letter as well).
Other then that, no obvious OOC issues (yet), proper sentence structure as far as I can tell, punctuation and grammar seem to be fine. I'll be reading and if I feel I have something useful to say I'll say it.
Thank you! Glad to see you like it. I'll be taking your feedback on-board and double checking names from now on! Future feedback would be most welcome! 
Thanks, i'm glad you enjoyed it!
Thank you, and rest assured 'Moar' is on the way!
That I shall! Thank's for the feedback.
Thanks again for all your feedback everyone
I forgot to mention in my initial comment a big thank you to my two proof readers/editors:
- Lostinthewriting.deviantart.com
- Kassgrein.deviantart.com
Also:
Judging from your name, would you be Glenn? If so then it is indeed a small world 
I noticed one error with Applejack's speech. The only time you use a verb then "ya fer" is with "do ya fer" those with a southern accent still say "what can I get ya" or in this case " what can I get ya sugarcube?"
Also you have Twilight say "I and a certain dragon" when politeness (not truly grammar) dictates that I or me always comes second.
I found no other major flaws, and if you need to contact me I do have an account on here. I am Not.
I'm really liking this story so far, definitely tracking it. I really like the teaching Scootaloo how to fly part, but I think when you said 20cm it was a little too specific- I found myself looking for a ruler or something around me. Also, I noticed a little Cap. thingie: "..., she saw pinkie pie hop..."
But other than that, I am really liking this story, and for a first attempt it's awesome. I still can't find it in myself to start writing a fanfiction, even though I have read countless amounts of it (I think I may have an addiction), so I applaud you. Good luck and keep on writing 
Top start so far! I am really looking forward to where this is going.
A few small things though (apart from the missing capitalisations), and they are commas and periods in speech tags and whatnot.
For example: "Why should you care?” Pinkie coldly responded, “Its not like they need you anymore.”
Should be: "Why should you care?” Pinkie coldly responded. “It's not like they need you anymore.”
And: “We need to get some more ink,” He noted, “And get some winter coats from... Rarity...”
Should be: “We need to get some more ink,” he noted. “And get some winter coats from... Rarity...”
Either way, just really small things. Keep up the great work!
I like the premise, and I will be following, but no 5/5 from me. The story seemed fairly average to me, no offense. It felt like the cliche story with sadness (although do NOT make RD commit suicide or I will call in the REA on your hide 
)
Anywho, back to coherent thought. It's not a bad story by any means, and I like the idea of it. However, it seems to me that there were a lot of things that should've been explained further in this chapter (such as why does RD only check on Pinkie after her night terrors, even after she's noted that there are ponies still in Ponyville [I assume it goes with the ship part but still.]) Another thing I would've liked to see is the explanation of why RD hates being alone (I am once again assuming that it will be explained in the future and maybe give RD some huge issues with being in a relationship [that'd be a nice plot twist, actually] or something along the lines.)
But yes, all in all, pretty average, cliche, etc. Not bad though. Not bad in the slightest. I'll give it 4 here after I round up the 3.5-3.9 your story fell into.
Also, a quick read through for capitalization and other minor edits.
Keep writing!
Good job. You gave Dash a weakness without making her OOC or insulting the reader's intellegence. Looking forward to more. And Gratz on EqD.
You for got to capitalize the first instance of "Wonderbolts".
I take issue with Dash's explanation to Scootaloo. Dash doesn't make stuff up to cover for herself. She's brush it off, but I doubt she'd spin that tale.
Also although I'm loving that Dash is training Scootaloo, and am down with her early level of progress, Scootaloo is VERY agile and acrobatic and should not crash and fall so much.
Thank's very much! Sorry if it's too specific, i'll have to change that; Being a bit of a war-gamer, measurements sort of become etched into my memory 
I'll also get right on that cap error! Should you ever choose to write a fanfic, I wish you the best of luck!
Thank you! Chapter 2 is on the way!
Many thanks for the corrections, they are always much appreciated
Thanks! You shouldn't have to wait too much longer now for chapter 2, since I got rid of my valve-time clock the other day 
No offence taken my good sir! I can understand why you think it's cliche, but I can achieve (hopefully) more character development through emotional struggles and conflict. And don't worry about Dash committing suicide: That's definitely not going to happen! I wub her too much 
As for why she checks on Pinkie, it was because her nightmare has two 'themes' if you will. One is the fact that ponyville has left, but the other is that Pinkie hates her. As such, she feels she has to check on Pinkie as well to check that that part of her nightmare isn't real. And as to why she hates being alone? Rest assured, that will be revealed in future chapters.
But yeah, thank you very much for the feedback, and keep writing I shall!
Thank you!
More is in production as we type!
Thanks very much! I shall eradicate the cap errors with balefire soon enough. I can see what you mean with regards to her ludicrous tale of gallantry, but I thought it'd seem more Dash-like for her to try and brag her way out of a tight situation. I made Scootaloo slightly clumsy just because I'd think it would be pretty hard having to control two wings independently and flap them both at the right speed and direction. I also imagined she'd be pretty excited and nervous; liable to make mistakes.
I'll have to go over it again and spell check methinks 
Glad you like it though!
Moar will be heading your way soon!
Thanks!
Thank you The next chapter should be out soon, but this week's exams are slowing my writing progress to a crawl. However, next week it'll be full steam ahead!
Also, I'd like to thank:
http://fbslyunfbs.deviantart.com
For drawing fanart of my story. This alone made my week, but they then took on my request and made a cover image which *should* be online (If it isn't, it should be soon). If you have the time, check them out, if only for the drawing of 'nightmare' Pinkie Pie
Well, I wish I had more to say, but this story is turning out to be really good! There could be some debate as to whether or not Dashie is being OOC or not, and for the same reason for both. She's the Element of Loyalty. One one hoof, she would be loyal to the thought that her friends would never abandon her, but on the other hoof, perhaps that's part of what drives/drove her to be so loyal to begin with: because she herself was abandoned at some point, and, not wanting anypony else to have to feel that, drives her to be so loyal herself. But that's just speculation. Still, I look forward to see how you describe and explain everything, so...
~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria
I finally got around to read your story and I like it so fare. I love how dash is teaching Scootaloo how to fly. I love hearing Story's about Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash for some reasons it always catch my interest. Well any I be track your story now. Keep up the good work.
Well, it's finally here and I cannot apologise enough for making you all wait so long. Other things I guess I should add is that writer's block is a B-word, exams are a B-word and bunp is a B-word - It starts with a 'b' after-all. Chapter 3 is well underway and shouldn't take anywhere near as long as chapter 2.
Finally, please enjoy.
P.S. A huge shout out to:
-Kassgrein.deviantart.com
-Lostinthewriting.deviantart.com
For pre-reading once again. They sift through the eye-meltingly awful unedited text so you don't have to.
First just wanted to say i overall enjoy this story. But I do have some issues with a couple scenes:
The scene where Dash wakes up in Pinkie's bed and gets embarrassed I found a little silly considering that the ponies have no nudity taboo and how much time they spend together and how physical they get with each other. Even if Dash had feelings for Pinkie I do not see her reacting so strongly to hugging Pinkie in her sleep.
I understand the scene and logic from a standardized human perspective, I just don't feel it translates intuitively to these characters.
I would recommend altering the scene to give Dash more motivation to freak out and run off. Perhaps Dash could have unbidden thoughts while lying against Pinkie?
Also I can't say I like the direction the story is taking toward the end of the chapter. I don't understand the need to make sexuality and bigotry an issue in this story. To me it is apparent that Dash's fear of simple romantic rejection in the face of her obvious heartbreaking longing for loving companionship is more than enough to trigger her angst and nightmares without bringing up the specter of a bigotry riddled Equestria. There are plenty of substantial dynamics in her personality and characterization that can account for her difficulty in having a relationship in the past other than sexual orientation. Doesn't really need an extra layer of angst at all.
-read- Much better than your previous chapter. A couple of sentences that I didn't feel important, such as ' As if on cue, a large stack of parchment was suddenly thrown into the air by a gust of wind from the open window.' After Dash said it's harder to be loyal to yourself than friends. I didn't see the point.
As usual, a quick run through for spelling and caps, I saw a few of those.
A bit of critique, I feel the sad seeping in, but I can't help but remain stoic while I read it. If you can, try adding more sad into the story.
As a bit of a compliment, I liked how Dash involuntarily ended up thinking about Pinkie while clearing the clouds.
Also, write faster xD I like it. 4.5! Happy writing.
Depends where you live.
If Ponyville was on Earth then yes, that would be a terrible place for it. But Cloudsdale would not. Most large cities have pretty well established lgbt communities so it's not hard to look in the right places.
No, I just don't see the sexuality angle being a really relevant fear for Dash in this situation. it feels forced.
The fear of rejection by not only the only one she has feelings for, but also the one who is her best friend; fear of ruining the friendship coupled with the anxiety of being alone. Is it better to keep things the way the are and be happy in the platonic relationships you have, or follow your heart and risk it all for a deeper connection you long for?
See? All the drama and risk you need right there. You don't need that heavy handed sexuality acceptance angle at all.
>>229410 I know, right? You're either popular in school or you aren't. And if you aren't... 
>>230005 Thank you!
>>230014 Glad to see you're enjoying Dash's cuteness
>>230136 Moar is on its way! Don't be upset, have an imaginary complimentary cookie.
>>230317 Firstly thanks for taking the time to provide detailed feedback, it's much appreciated.
With the bed scene, I can understand where you're coming from. I'll change it soon with more 'motivation' for Dash to be freaked out.
With regards to her fear of attempting a relationship, I don't want to give too much away and spoil the 'fic. What I will say is that it is not necessarily the bigotry of Equestria, which would most likely be non-existent, rather the homophobia of children. An example of this would be when I went to London on an English trip we saw many homosexual couples openly going about their business. I had one very friendly gay couple approach me and asked me to take their picture outside the theatre, to which I naturally obliged. However, some of the other students that had come on the trip returned to the coach, after a brief excursion for food that we all made, laughing about how they heckled a gay couple who were eating in MacDonalds. Back to Equestria, Twilight wasn't immediately saying that gay/lesbian couples are wrong, rather she just assumed Dash was straight. Admittedly yes Dash's fears could stem from a past rejection, or the fear of losing a friend, and in a way they do. But what struck me was how in 'The masked mare do well' she is shown to have some kind of issue or fear of being alone, and I wanted to build on this and develop her character.
Sorry if some bits sound a little vague, but I don't want to give too many spoilers.
>>230399 Thank you very much!
The parchment thing was meant to be a little cheesy addition, wherein just as Dash complains about it being "not that easy", a stack of parchment falls over making the cleaning much harder and prompting Twilights reply.
I'll have another run through for spelling later, and more sadness will be added as the story progresses.
As for the chapters, I'm not 100% sure yet. I have a clear idea of the journey the story will take and how it will end, but as for how long each section is often varies when I write it. For example, I found much more to write about in the faceless pony nightmare than I originally thought I would.
>>230347 Thanks! I wanted to achieve that kind of surreal effect that nightmares often have.
Also, DPV111, would you possibly be interested in doing some pre-reading?
Thanks for your reply and consideration. Author input into the issues I have with a fic often greatly clarifies and alleviates reservations I have with the story. And if I can help an author constructively to improve a fic I like, that's just icing on the cupcake.
The "bigotry angle" I was referring to really had little to do with Twilight's assumptions and more to do with Dash's memories of being called a "fillyfooler" and her cautionary reminiscence of how trying to date a filly in the past had gone badly. If you are attributing those to student age immaturity and childhood teasing alone I can stomach it better.
Of course I do prefer the version of Equestria that is universally bisexual. But if you are using this particular issue to try and develop the history behind her fears rather than as simply an added layer of angst then I guess you are doing it right and I will wait and see how it turns out.
And I would be privileged to be a pre-reader for this fic.
I don't see the motivation behind all the backlash to the 'fear of homophobia' bit added in this chapter. I think it was established well and could be a great plot point in further chapters. This is already setting itself apart from your typical PinkiexDash fic, and, to that effect, it works wonders. Also, on a more personal level, I've always liked to read about the "way deep in the closet" dash over the "yeah i'm gay, everypony knows it, and haters gonna hate" dash.
still, great fic. can't wait to read more whether you decide to keep that in or not.
>>232093 Thank you very much, I'll get in touch with you over PM about the pre-reading soon. I also made the suggested changes to the morning scene.
>>234017 Thanks! Glad to see you like it even though shipping isn't your thing.
>>234703 Wait, when did I shut you up? 
>>234988 Thank you very much. Don't want to give too much away, but let's just say that the motivation behind her fear of homophobia might just show up later on. I also have to agree with you on the 'closet Dash' preference.
I'm so happy to see this update. There isn't nearly enough pinkiexdash floating around. Heck, there isn;t enough good shipping around in general. But especially not this paring.
and given all of the other fantastic one-chapter fics that are floating around without updates (Remix and One Night In Manehattan, I'm looking at you) It makes me really happy to see that one at, at least, is.
>>238359 Thank you very much! You have no idea of how many times I stayed up at night, feeling guilty about keeping you guys waiting. If I chose not to update it at all I probably would never sleep again
>>239559 Spoiler: Everypony explodes. Seriously though, I'm glad my cliffhangers are having an effect English lessons are finally paying off!
Well, I might be rather late to this party but I really did enjoy the story quite a bit. The scene of Dash hugging Pinkie in her sleep was really cute. I'm interested to see how you're going to handle the homosexuality issue; while it will be difficult to write, there are very few stories which even mention it. It may be interesting to see you actually explore the fears and insecurities that come with not knowing whether or not the person you have a crush on could even be sexually attracted to you. I hope you're still working on it, for I am eagerly anticipating the next update!
Well, chapter 3 is finally out, and I must apologise profusely for the wait.
I don't really know what to say in this description. It's late, my brain is dead, and someone really got on my goat earlier. So for now I'll just say: enjoy the chapter.
I'll say more wordy things tomorrow.
That first part with the dream put me entirely on the edge of my seat. I wasn't expecting it, but by the end I was genuinely alarmed at everything that was happening (or lack there of). Plus, it was terribly... ironic? The element of loyalty finding herself abandoned... alone. 
Beats me why Dashie went to check on Pinkie. I would be avoiding her, after a dream like that. I'd go check on Fluttershy or something. Also, I don't know what Pinkie's waking up did for the story... (sorry for being so critical, "I am in the mood", as t'were. )
You've probably already received tons of complaints about the random moments where things lose their capitalization, so I won't comment on it (wait, didn't I just do that?).
So awesome . Ima keep reading now.
DAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! That morning after scene with Dashie hugging Pinkie. 
"...rectangular projectiles of knowledge." Never again will I say book, when I can say this.
Twilight Sparkle: Expert on Love ("Follow your heart!"), nooblet at friendship. Picture is a little of imo. but still believable. (like I said, I'm overly critical right now, I still am really enjoying this though!)
The homosexual fear thing (of coming out and of rejection and of etc.) issue is a very real thing I've had experiences of with people I know. I'll be interested to see how you decide to play it out. I should probably apologize in advance; I get the feeling that I may not like how it happens and that I'll go into a violent tippity-tappity desecration of my keyboard. That issue has a close place in my heart. I'll try to refrain however.
Late night comment, so don't expect anything long, sensible or coherent..
At long last, my patience has been rewarded! Really happy to see this fic update again after 7 weeks. This whole flashback thing is not a direction I had expected this story to take, but I'm perfectly okay with it. I do believe I can see where you're going with this, and if I'm correct then the road ahead will be somewhat sad and clichéd but also cute and filled with PinkieDash goodness. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Things went "pear-shaped"? 
Haven't heard that one before!
I'm interested to see where this goes. I wasn't expecting the flashback very much, if anything, just a short dramatic and traumatizing moment from Dash's past, but this should be awesome anyway. I hope you keep working on this, and keep enjoying it too.
Keep on rockin'!
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The faceless pony thing was kind of creepy though... 
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