You have inspired me to write a story of what happened during the Longest Day.

>>12275571227557 Cool! Got a pony in mind?

>>12275651227565

maybe.

>>12275771227577 Being all mysterious heh?

Good luck. Try to keep it short

A very interesting backstory for the Blueblood clan here. I like it.

Ooh, neat. I really like it. The backstory is really neat, as is the bit about Blueblood's special talent. Nice!

Nice face turn moment there for Blueblood.  Backstory yay!

Chantage Arnaque?

The blatant lack of subtly in that name is impressive.  I'm guessing it was sometime shortly after this that Blueblood learned the truth and that it's probably a good part of why he didn't like her very much during the events of File Under 'I' for 'Impossible'

I will, more than likely, never reach the title of Viceroy myself, but maybe my hard work will be the stepping stone the next Blueblood to reach the court will need.

I'm not sure I actually buy all of that last line there as genuine.  Mayhap he'd already figured Zizanie out, at least in part, and so was using the opportunity to feed some false humility to whomever she was working for at this time.  Plus it gives him a chance to show off and build up his family's reputation.

Yay! Just goes to highlight that nopony in the right mind, no matter how corrupt they might be, would ever support Corona. And I like the Blueblood backstory as well.

>>12278561227856>>12283961228396>>12288261228826 Glad you guys like the backstory. I felt Blueblood needed some motivations of his own to make him a more complete characters.

>>12289571228957 Goes to show how much Blueblood knows about Prance I just thought it would be fun to give her an outrageously fake name. Also it's something I need to include at some point but Zizanie does really have at least one side of her family from Prance.

As for wether the humility is genuine or not... well I'll leave that to your imagination. For the record Blueblood is certain he can at least go up in ranks some more.

>>12297021229702 Yay! RDD Approval! Also I hope you don't mind the part of the Night Guards losing their boon. I felt I needed to work in a cue to explain WHY Canterlot was ready to repel Corona.

Heh!!! For every Blackadder, there must also always be a Lord Melchett. I just hope that he doesn't take to bleating like a sheep.

I guess because Celestia went mad instead of Luna, it changed the entire Blueblood way of thinking.  Nice work.

Quite nice for the old boy, there. Doesn't hurt he gained some points in the Game, either.

>>12289571228957 Oh and another take on that outrageous name:

"What do you mean Claude Arnaque's daughter is named Chantal and not Chantage?!"

>>12298801229880 Baaah?

>>12299531229953 Thanks!

>>12299991229999 Sadly for Prince, the general confusion and panic will cause most eyewitness to remember it was Fancy Pants' idea to help Shining Armor

>>12303821230382

Prince Blueblood/Prince Blueblood/No such bloomin'luck

Prince Blueblood/Prince Blueblood/Equesterian Schmuck!!

Fancy Pants/Fancy Pants/We wish you were the star!

Fancy Pants/Fancy Pants/You're sexier by far!

>>12316301231630

>>12316851231685

It seemed to fit the piece.

Blueblood acting as a sympathetic character?!

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_ooh.png

>>12321521232152 I know, it's crazy! Though he honestly only seems sympathetic because Corona's an even worse bad guy.

>>12322851232285

true enough

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire_lazy.png

>>12275571227557>>12278561227856>>12283961228396>>12297021229702>>12321521232152 If you hadn't noticed the nature of this piece has changed slightly! Not sure if I should keep it under 'complete' or not, considering there's no real end point we're going to be shooting for.

>>12329551232955: I would mark it incomplete for now. We can always mark it complete later if everyone says, "Okay, I'm done, I've written all I want to for this story."

>>12329681232968 Gotcha!

>>12329551232955

I just noticed that! I look forward to where this might go.

ACK! How come you guys didn't tell me about all the mistakes in this? There's a bunch of places where I skipped words again!

Ooh. I wish I had been online last night, I want to have read this sooner. It was a good backstory, and the new premise of everypony else's adventures during LNLD is one I want to see the results of!

I like this alternate Prince Blueblood.  He is proud and yet knows his roots. He balances his ambition with his loyalty to his family.

Thanks for hosting this!

(And I love the title. Not her usual audience indeed. :-D  ).

>>12672511267251 It's my pleasure I assure you! I'm glad to see the idea is catching on.

Very lovely, I can't wait to see more! I confess this alt universe is slowly but surely growing on me n_n

>>12674121267412 Glad to hear it! Don't be shy and join our group, we got lots of fun and silly discussions going on.

It would be instructive to see what Twilight Sparkle's Day would be like. Granted, she'd be assisting BBBFF in keeping Corona away but her mind would be wondering what sort of demigods would be required to wield the Elements. MOST of why she's in a bind now is that her literal mind assumes that a Bearer would need to be beyond strong and not the sort of ordinary mortal of reasonably good character that wields one now.

While pretty good as a story, this seems less well-edited than GrassAndClouds' normal stuff.

Photo Finish was unoccupied, for instance; he would be a good start.

R63 Photo Finish? :O

She didn’t know in the crowd had gasped it, but she felt a stab of annoyance that somepony would rather pay attention on the joke than on her music.

wat.

Though it (should have been) night

While I see what you were trying to do there, the parentheses are unnecessary.

Excellent chapter, I really liked it. Blueblood's chapter was pretty good but this one was great.

>>12689221268922 Fixed!

>>12689221268922: Glad you liked it!

Sorry about the typos. My bad.

“Ladybug, come on – forget your handbag!”

What in Luna's name is a hand?

Consider changing it to saddlebag, or just purse.

Quite nice, here. Good on Octy, there. As for Walls... interesting character, there.

>>12712601271260: Glad you liked it! I liked the opportunity to show how Fleur (I hope everyone got that Walls was the codename for Fleur, :-)  ) met Octy, and explain a little why Fleur felt Octy in particular was worth saving (as opposed to GG's other minions).

>>12712501271250: Oops. Sorry, that one slipped by me.

>>12712501271250>>12713191271319 Changed to purse.

Is Walls really Upside-Down Fleur?

>>12755451275545: Yep. I figured that she wouldn't go by her real name among the Shadowbolts; they seem to be a very secretive organization. So they have codenames.

Finally got around to this.  It was a sweet and simple tale, though I'll agree with another commenter that it doesn't quite seem up to the usual G&C2 standard.  Not bad, just not anything exceptionally memorable either.

>>12713191271319

I actually missed that, but I like the idea of this being how Fleur 'met' Octavia.  I'm a little less certain about the implication that Shadowbolts operate in large coordinated teams.  I'd rather thought before this they were supposed to be mostly independent operatives (and that there were maybe only a few hundred spread across the entire country and surrounding nations).  I'm also not sure it was necessary to portray Fleur as not really a Shadowbolt, it seems to me an unnecessary technicality.

Also...

Octavia looked up just in time to see a pegasus wearing Shadowbolt Armor – but without the characteristic bat-like look, for some reason

>>13243481324348: My idea was that, while the Shadowbolts usually operate independently for spying, recon, etc, and don't usually do arrests or muscle stuff (leaving that to the Guards or whatnot), when they do have to do the muscle stuff, small teams might be more likely. If they're trying to actually thwart robberies and riots and such, it seems more likely to me that they'd function in small groups as opposed to completely solo acts, if only so that they'd have each others' backs in case it got violent. (Whereas, with good spy work, it's not supposed to ever get violent, and more spies at once would lead to increased odds of detection).

(My view of this bit is, with so many Guards powering the shield, and as the Guards usually double as the city police, the city is in chaos at exactly the same time as the police are severely understaffed, so auxilliary units -- the Shadowbolts, possibly Wonderbolts too -- are basically being used as emergency police, to defuse problems like looting and violence that normally the Guards would handle but can't.)

I did mix up the 'bolts and Night Guards there; oops.

>>13285231328523 I'll fix that bit.

>>13285231328523

Oh, I got the idea that the Shadowbolts are operating in an unusual capacity here as an emergency police force of sorts, that much of it works.  My issue is with the time frame.  It seems awfully convenient for there to actually have been enough already in Canterlot to do so.  What with them likely spread sparsely across the nation, I'd expect it to take days, if not weeks, to organize any sizable number of operatives.

>>13285861328586 Considering they probably keep tabs on the various cons being played at Night Court I don't think it's that surprising a possibility there is enough to form a handfull of team. It's probably just a fraction of their real numbers.

>>13285861328586: While they'd be sparsely spread out, I'd imagine there'd be at least a few in any major metropolitan area, and probably more than a few in Canterlot, which is where a lot of the counter-intelligence work would need to take place. (i.e., Canterlot is probably where most foreign spies would be, so there would probably be numerous Shadowbolts there as counter-spies).

I personally see this team as having maybe 3-4 shadowbolts on it, plus Fleur, and there being maybe 3-4 such teams in the city at this point. (There wouldn't be large numbers of them). This is why they're being sent to hotspots all over the place instead of securing individual areas; there's not enough bolts for the latter. 12 Shadowbolts out of a total of, say, 200-300 doesn't seem unreasonable for Canterlot.  As for how they got organized so fast, we first see them a couple hours after Corona returns, which I think would be enough time for Fancy to contact his operatives and get them into teams.

>>13286171328617 >>13286341328634

Maybee... still feels like a bit much to me.  I suppose the counter intelligence angle works, but with that many all in one place they start feeling less anti-espionage and more like secret police to me.

>>13286341328634>>13287741328774 They're a little bit of both aren't they? Plus, who says all 12 or so of those Shadowbolts were actually currently on duty? It is the holiday season for the ponies and Canterlot is a major metropolitan area.

>>13288001328800

I suppose, but I'd previously been getting something more of a James Bond vibe, where it would be a pretty uncommon occurrence to have two operatives working together, let alone entire teams.  Plus if they operate as an actual secret police force and if there are really regularly this many in the capitol, I have a harder time believing that politicians like Greengrass can get away with even half the things they supposedly do.

Though if the operatives where mostly off duty and just happened to be enjoying their holiday in the capitol, that would bug me less, even if it still would feel awfully convenient.

>>13289011328901 In the end it's true there is some holes in the theory we bring forward, but in the end they aren't glaring enough to me to ruin the scene.

>>13289421328942

I can agree with that.  I'm mostly fine with treating this scene as a one-off oddity, and really more so am raising the issue because I wouldn't want to see it become a regular occurrence in future fics.

Wait, a Blueblood that's actually... likable? You, sir, have blown my mind.

>>12531101253110 This.

>>12690511269051 What he said

>>12713191271319 Wait, Fleur saving Octavia? I'm confused.

Here we are folks with a new chapter. This one an emotional doozy! From master of comedy Blackbelt no less!

Well done my friend, well done!

I actually like that we don't learn what killed Nocturne Striker. It's not really all that important and probably wouldn't be given in great detail to her filly anyway.

Poor Scoots...at least she has her dad, and Sweetie Belle, and soon enough Diamond Tiara as well...

For the record, I object strongly to this chapter not having a "twenty hours later" with Scootaloo's dad coming home, though. It kind of leaves off on such a sad note...I'm about to go to sleep, for Pete's sake! I can't go to bed on this note!

>>13577281357728

in my defense, every story so far has ended in the middle of the day. Gotta follow tradition.

It's like teleporting bad guys.

>>13576491357649

Thank you.

The poor kid. No wonder she's got issues. The only one more tragic would be Twilight's owing to the pressure to succeed her parents aren't actually putting on her.

Heh. I got Twiley pegged, don't I? Her cutie mark should be a pretzel because her special talent is tying herself into knots!!

Ouch.

Poor Scoot.

I can (sort of) see a way for Nocturne to teach Scootaloo how to fly (and it doesn't involve Grogar)

Aw, poor Scootaloo. Loved the chapter!

I think I would have liked Dash being a little more explicit about why running off to Canterlot's a bad idea, and why not doing so doesn't make Scootaloo cowardly or less than her mom or whatnot. It seems like Scoot gave up a bit too easily at the end.

Lunaverse Blueblood is manlier than standard Blueblood. I imagine him with a bigger chin.

Want to play a cello now. No idea how they work.

>>13577281357728>>13577771357777 How about we see that in a Rainbow Dash chapter and how she takes care of Scootaloo? Ya know, after she's done trashing the Residency with Applejack.

>>13622761362276

Would she really abandon Scootaloo like that? We're talking about her #1 fan here. I think it's probably more likely that she'd bring Scootaloo along with her while she heads to check on Fluttershy.

After all, I don't think we've said explicitly anywhere that Rainbow Dash (or Applejack, for that matter) were actually involved, and right now it just seems unlikely.

>>13627261362726 No no, you misunderstand me. I think Rainbow Dash finds Scootaloo AFTER the trashing of the Residency. I meant that the bulk of her chapter would happen once that was done.

I don't know about you but trashing the residency just seems like the sort of crazy thing Applejack would do if Apple Bloom got Foal-napped by Corona. And Rainbow 'Are you a Spy?' Dash would probably jump to conclusion pretty quickly.

I know she's already the worst villian of the Lunaverse (except maybe Tirek), but... buck Corona. Buck her in her bucking face. Yes, you! This is so much more personal than threatening to nuke Canterlot. Yes, she took Dinky and Bon Bon too, but Ditzy and Lyra are adults. Poor Scootaloo!

Also, that puts Scootaloo's flightlessness into new perspective. I wonder if she'll ever find a way to move on. Excellent chapter, very moving!

>>13627401362740: This is what I was thinking too. The residency, I thought, is already in ruins by this point.

>>13627261362726>>13627401362740>>13642361364236

My idea is that Rainbow Dash saw Scootaloo while on the way home (or to Fluttershy's, which is more likely) from trashing the residency.

I think Dash did some damage to Trixie's home, but not much. She spent the majority of her time with Scoots and Fluttershy.

Also, what's the term? Ah, yes. All my feels with this one.

>>13675871367587 Considering how FAST Dash is she probably flew through a window, flew through the house out another window, then again and again until she went through all the rooms. All that before Applejack and the mob even got there :p

That intro tells you exactly what kind of story this will be. It's so hopeful and happy, there's no other way it could go down. It says "Oh, things will be great when Nocturne gets back. So of course she won't come back."

>>13717511371751

is that a good thing or a bad thing?

>>13723231372323 Both. On the one hand, you know what kind of story you're about to read, so you prepare yourself for sadness and get the unexpected "Scootaloo prepares to save her dad" sequence, which is quite good and got me hyped for adventure. You can set up our expectations and play with them quite expertly. So that's good.

On the other hand, you are aware that a young child is never going to see her mother again, right after getting her hopes up. This is tragic, therefore bad.

So from a storytelling point, it's good. From the characters' point of view, especially a genre savvy one, it's bad.

So basically it's praise. Good for you.

Sorry for taking this long to review, lifes been so full on that I haven't had nearly enough time for ponies. But now that I'm back and ready to get stuck in on what I've missed

I really liked this. As much as I enjoy Blueblood being a prissy whiner, this backstory and interpretation comes with a lot more credibility and intrigue.  Yes he's not the biggest player but this version is really one I'd like to see more of. Also, while he still is up himself, it's refreshing to see him admit that alot of his standing in life came from the hard work and sacrifice of others.

Simply put, very nicely done.

I like the depictions of Big Mac, particularly after the Apples get home. Granny Smith and Apple Bloom were good too, as was AJ once she got home.

I thought general consensus in the group was that AJ was part of the angry mob that tried to raze Trixie's house? It seems like here she didn't participate in that.

>>14166241416624 I honestly don't mind either way myself. The only one I'm sure would jump at the chance to trash the residency would be Dash.

>>14166341416634: It's not a big deal to me, but I thought that some others were considering writing a 'Trixie apologizes to AJ for her behavior during the run-up to the Longest Night party' fic, which would include AJ apologizing for wrecking her house.

>>14166411416641

Not that it'd take. AJ sees the world through the distorting prism of what's good for the Apple Trust.....primarily because of that distorted version of the origin story her late parents believed and passed on to her. Do the other Trust executives believe it? I don't know and don't care. What I do  know is that she's got that fancy blue unicorn pegged as a big idjit who might just start saying Yes, Ma'am to Corona and famine and stuff.

>>14166341416634 >>14166411416641

I'm kind of gonna miss the old head-canon of AJ leading the angry mob (with Applebloom plus BigMac and/or Granny being among the abductees as her excuse for the extreme behavior).

Still, this might be for the best.  We do catch an awful lot of flack for supposedly slandering the M6, and making any of them part of the lynch mob probably wouldn't help that perception.

I do, however, hope that we could at least still have an oblivious Pinkie Pie, who mistakes the whole thing for a rave, putting a few holes in Trixie's residence with her part cannon.

Very four minute warning - good stuff.

>>14168841416884

What would a Pinkie Pie's Day look like? Something between the surrealism that is Pinkie Pie watches Paint Dry and her trying to put on a brave face, or just completely losing it?

>>14171651417165

Well for her specific chapter in this group fic, I think RK-Striker is planning on her hosting a party to keep the foals who are still left in town distracted from all the scary stuff that just happened.  That's scheduled to happen after the sacking of Trixie's place though.

At least one of the CMCs should have been abducted; since Scootaloo and Appleblooms weren't, I guess that leaves Sweetie Belle.

>>14167091416709: I dunno, I think if Trixie sincerely apologized, AJ might be willing to forgive her.

>>14168841416884: Eh, we'd catch that flak anyway just for having the L6 be the heroes. I think I'll miss the AJ-as-mob-leader idea too.

>>14173141417314

Yeah, Sweetie Belle pretty much has to be abducted now, though I could only imagine the drama that would ensue with Rarity.  Then again maybe she was among the adult abductees, which now has me imaging her trying to whine Corona into letting them all go.

...though I doubt that would turn out nearly as well as it did with the Diamond Dogs.

>>14174541417454

"It's too hot! I'm getting motion sick from being dragged around! The sun is too bright - "

"I will kill you. No negotiation, no begging, you'll just be dead."

...

>>14174541417454: I dunno, what if Sweetie Belle is so adorable that she 'cutes' Zecora into letting her go? :-)

Read this chapter last week, only got around to commenting now.

I don't cry at stories often, and I didn't for this one.

That said, I came dangerously close.

In other words, you did an excellent job!

>>14171711417171 Eyup.

I like this. Aren't we supposed to be making AJ not as 'evil' as before? ;) As for Trixie apologizing to her, for what? Trying to break the bland monotony of apple products? Bah!

Massive d'aww overdose but totally worth it. <--My tombstone afdter dying from hnghhh

Wow, the original L!canon was to have AJ leading the lynch mob? Good god people, you guys get flack for slandering the M6 because it really really looks like you slander the M6.

If that was the original idea I greatly approve of this change.

>>14197491419749

I'm not saying it would have been one of her finer moments, but really, if Applebloom had been abducted it would have been fairly understandable that in anger she might have gone a touch overboard, especially since Trixie had been making a nuisance all day and then seemed to sellout the town to Tyrant Sun.  She would certainly regret it aftwards.

>>14178811417881

The monopoly that only happens one day a year, and is a long standing tradition born of the fact it was Granny Smith's family that founded the town in the first place.

I love Granny Smith in these stories so much. Makes me wish the Main universe used her as often and as well.

>>14199601419960

The problem is that almost 90% of Applejack's appearances have been her less than fine moments.

I'm not saying take away all of Applejack's jerkish tendancies but just show some likable features once in a while (even if it's just to her own family). It will help with the intention of Applejack being more misguided than outright malicous (that had been the original intention, hadn't it?) and it will help put a bit more punch into the moments where she does go off the deep end.

I do agree she would tear Trixie apart if she thought that the representative was responsible for Applebloom being taken but what older sibling wouldn't?  

Though I have to ask, why does the lynch mob need a leader? Wouldn't the fact that it's just a group of ponies that are scared, confused and looking for someone to blame be enough? While I do see characters like Rainbow Dash and Pinkie (completely oblivious of course) joining in the destruction, any character that was shown to be actively leading the mob would be crossing the moral event horizan.

>>14199601419960 Biggest problem is, most apple-based products make me ill.

>>14217541421754

Mobs of confused and scared individuals don't usually get much accomplished on their own, not with out singular voice that speaks loudly enough above the others to give that fear and confusion a clear objective to focus on.

Either way though, as I said in my first comment, I will miss the old head-canon, but I can also see reasons why this might be better.  What you wrote is not how I would have imagined it, but I don't have any over objections either (Well maybe AB not getting kidnapped bothers me a little; it was fine with Scoots because she was on the other side of town, but AB was right there in the center of the event).

>>14220521422052 Let's put it this way: if Applebloom had been nabbed Applejack would have been the first in line to trash the residency, probably racing with Dash to get there first. Since she didn't Applejack would rather protect her little sister than rush into a demolition mob.