He's A Workin' Man
A warm, arid breeze blanketed the scenery. The sea of tans and greens rippled and waved like water. A earthly, homely scent wafted to the zebra’s slowly dilating nostrils. She had her eyes closed, but she could imagine the sparse trees dot the landscape of the plains of her homeland. The wind also carried sounds; the sounds of the elephants, mingling loudly as they refreshed themselves at a watering hole. The cacophony of wildebeest thumping in the distance in the form of a large herd. She could taste the adrenaline of the cheetah, the fastest runner alive, locked in the age-old battle of predator and prey. She breathed in slowly, then exhaled slowly, maintaining her inner peace as she sat stagnantly on a wide, flat rock. The sun warmed her coat as the breeze cooled it. This was a moment of absolute serenity.
Her ear twitched. Something was moving in the grass. She could feel it. The disturbance was like a rock shattering the smooth surface of a glassy pond. It reverberated up her spine, a spike of annoyance hitting her brain. No... she must keep her tranquility. Nothing was there. No moving creature, large or small, was supposed to be near her. The elephants, the wildebeests, the cheetah and his prey, they were all leagues away. She was alone. It was only her mind playing tricks; the part of her that does not wish to be calm. She would exert herself to keep her balance. Her concentration increased. The distraction would remove itself in time.
But it did not. The tan stalks twitched again, agitating the air around it, dispatching yet another ripple of disturbance toward her. Her heart started to beat a little faster. Something was indeed wrong... this was no mere illusion. No, nothing is there! But is has to be something. It is not receding. It will go away in time, just like any other distraction! All it takes is patience! You are too confident of yourself. What if it does not mean well to your being? What if it wants your blood...? You will not break my peace!
She fought to keep herself placid, her mind straining like a taunt string. It is only a trick... only a trick... The rustling became more intense. She thought she could smell the putrid breath of a meat-eater. A predator. NO! IT IS ONLY A RUSE! She gritted her teeth, on the very ledge of disruption. You’re in danger... you must react... you must flee... before it is too late...
She could feel the beast slowly licking its lips and tensing its muscles, prepared to pounce on the zebra... the ignorant, oblivious zebra that was too self-confident to prevent her own death. There’s nothing there... there’s nothing there... there’s nothing there... She was wobbling now, her balance way out of sync. It was only a matter of time... Finally, she could bear it no longer. She broke her meditation, turning towards the disturbance. Her eyes widened. She tried to release a shriek. There was a flash of pointy, ivory teeth, outstretched claws, blood-red eyes-
Zecora fell off of her balancing staff and onto the wooden floor of her dank hut with a yelp. She cursed in Zebraani while massaging the flank she landed on. A burst of wooziness engulfed her as the blood rushed out of her head and recirculated throughout the rest of her body. When she regained her focus, she could see her familiar wood carvings and fetishes that hung on her walls. She could smell the ever-present humidity of Everfree Forest, the sound of buzzing insects and the smell of her bubbling pot. Zecora sighed inwardly.
Her meditation was broken, and she could not attempt it again for at least a few more hours, not while she was shaken from the interruption. She picked herself up and rested her staff against the nearby wall before checking the cauldron. The viscous grass-colored liquid boiled over a crackling fire. She tossed a few crushed herbs into the mixture, making it gurgle and emit a sappy-minty smell. Zecora was just about to add another reagent when her head perked up.
The sensation of dread pierced her once again. The feeling of another heavy presence. It bored into her back like a biting parasite. The zebra cleared her mind and filtered out the familiar background noises. Gone was the chirping of insects, the bubbling of the pot, the cawing of the birds.
All that remain was her own breathing.
And another sound of breathing...
Deep... Throaty... Angry...
Unnatural fear penetrated into Zecora’s bones. She began to tremble, her chest thumped loudly. Slowly and carefully she walked to her rudimentary wooden door. The door creaked open and she stepped out into the perpetually dim forest clearing. Barely any light penetrated the thick canopy of Everfree Forest. It was only dark and darker, depending on the time of the day. Zecora scanned the treeline around her, looking for the shapes of the creatures that populated the forest. She was no fool, nor was she a weakling. Her decision to live in Everfree and pursue peace and enlightenment was not a impulsive or unprepared one. Zecora was a skilled fighter, taught by her tribe back in her native homeland, Zebraan. When she first came here, she was immediately attacked by timber wolves. After a quick and intense brawl, they fled back into the sanctity of the thick trees, but they have returned before, and she has defended herself more than once.
But this did not sound like a timber wolf. They snarled and howled, but they did not have this caliber of deep breathing that would belong to a much larger creature. It couldn’t be a manticore... they do not wander far into this part of the forest. She turn and followed the sound. Terror seized her limbs, disallowing her to go any faster than a crawl. Her eyes dilated, searching the darkness for any movement. She found it.
Zecora could not describe it. Idling right there on the edge of the clearing was a massive shape, heaving with each deep, gargled breath. Pock marks dotted its swollen body. It reeked of blood and vomit. The zebra froze, attempting to collect her panicking thoughts. Trying hard not to pant, she slowly, and ever so carefully stepped back-
*SNAP*
The thing reared its head towards Zecora, a dry twig in two parts under her hoof. It stared into the mortified zebra’s eyes. Its face was something that Zecora would never forget for the rest of her life. Even years from that moment, she would sometimes wake up in a cold sweat, shrieking, that demented image burned into her corneas.
Horror. Torment. Rage. Death. It was all these things, twisted into and unholy, nightmarish visage that was so absolutely and utterly wrong. It was missing its jaw, useless pale flesh and tendons hung limply alongside of its lolling tongue, flapping with each massive exhale. Its skin had thinned and receded, defining the edges of its cheekbones and darkened eye sockets. Its hair was patchy and sparse, crusty black scabs covered the areas of baldness where the strands and scalp had been ripped out in a fit of feverish mindlessness. The eyes... those terrible, monstrous eyes. They were stained yellow where it should have been white. The pupils were contracted to mere pinheads, red veins bulging and throbbing around them. They were devoid of all thought, all empathy, all sentience. Zecora did not know what it was, but she could tell that it had once been something else.
But it had been warped into a hideous monster.
“Tewha’lia...”
The beast roared, spewing rancid breath in Zecora’s direction. With one glancing swing of its arm, it shattered a nearby hollowed, rotting tree trunk as if it was only a stack of crusted sand. Fine, dusty splinters billowed out like a fog. It slammed its other fist into the ground, making the zebra vibrate in place. It roared again, its face completely motionless and unfeeling, like a mask of pestilence and decay over the essence of seething hatred. It dug its meaty fingers into the earth and launched forward in a charge towards its stricken prey.
Zecora screamed, unreserved, all rationality gone. Only terror and instinct remained. She stumbled and scrambled on her hooves, sprinting in the opposite direction. She ran. She ran until her muscles caterwauled in agony. She ran until she had no physical energy left in her body, yet she ran on.
The beast, like a single-minded predator, thundered after her through the forest.
+++++
Ellis felt something warm and wet brush across his face. He snorted awake to find a small dog panting smelly dog-breath into his face. Ellis remembered her name. It was Winona, Applejack’s loyal companion. He thought is strange that ponies would have pet dogs, but it was also strange that they could talk, fly, use magic... He concluded that he just shouldn’t question anything anymore. Ellis gently nudged the small canine of of his chest and rose out his cramped, pony-sized, not-quite-human-sized bed. He sat on the edge and rubbed the crust out of his eyes.
He checked the clock. 5:45. The earliest he had ever been up since he had a job. Ellis groaned, muscles aching from the stress of yesterday. Orange morning sunshine radiated brightly through the guest bedroom window. he got up and stretched, arms straining outwards, back arcing. His washed clothes, courtesy of Applejack, sat on the nightstand and he had taken a shower the night before. It was his first shower in what seemed like forever, not that he gave a damn about hygiene, but it felt good anyhow. When he was all clean, he hadn't bothered to put his clothes back on to sleep. He might have been embarrassed to be completely naked in front of Winona, but she was a dog, and dogs don’t really care for modesty. Even now, she thumped her tail on the floor like she would do even if Ellis had been fully clothed. After he thoroughly blinked off most of his drowsiness, he turned around.
And a wide-eyed Apple Bloom sat right there.
“GAH!” Ellis quickly yanked the bedsheets of and used them to cover himself. “Apple Bloom! Can’t ya give a guy some privacy?!”
“Wah? We don’t usually wear clothes.” The young filly tilted her head in dog-like confusion, completely oblivious to Ellis’s discomfort.
“Well ah do! It’s a human thing, ok?” Apple Bloom groaned. He had been using the term “human thing” for all of her questions he couldn’t answer, or refused to answer because “Ya ain’t old ‘nuff.” She honestly couldn’t understand what the big deal was with wearing clothes. She wore clothes once. It was uncomfortable and it chaffed against her coat. She refused to wear anything but her bow tie from that day on.
“Applejack sent me tah get you outta bed fer breakfast. Winona wanted to come ‘long, too.” She looked at her sister’s companion. “Ain’t that right, girl?”
The dog barked exuberantly, her tongue wagged from her mouth.
“Please, Apple Bloom, sweetheart.” Ellis implored, trying not to sound rude or forceful. “Ah need ya to just leave a bit so I can get dressed, ok?”
She couldn’t figure out why he doesn’t want to be seen naked, but she nodded an ok and headed for the door, coaxing Winona to come along with her. When she passed the door frame, she turned back and peeked inside to ask the human yet another question.
“Hey Ellis! Does it always dangle out like that?”
His face turned red hot. “Just shut the door, Bloom.”
+++++
Ellis, now fully clothed in his signature coveralls and “Bull Shifters” shirt, walked into he kitchen. The smell of cooked food filled his nostrils, which made his stomach growl. Applejack stood in front of the cooking range. Her mouth held a frying pan in a hot pad, jiggling it over the flames as its contents sizzled on the teflon coating. Her nose was wrinkled. She noticed the human walked in and set the thick cloth on the counter.
“Why the hay you humans eat this stuff plain I’ll never know. It’s smells like hog.”
“Different strokes for different folks, AJ.” He looked at the skillet. “Ah can probably take it from here.”
In the pan were two eggs, cooking on a layer of butter. Ellis took a spatula and flipped them over to the uncooked side. He liked his eggs fairly well done.
Explaining his food preference to the ponies wasn’t too difficult. The first thing he had to worry about was Applejack thinking that he was insulting her cooking. He explained, as delicately as he could (which isn’t saying much), that humans eat more than just fruits, veggies, and grains. He suspected that Big Macintosh was the first to get his meaning, him being the most mature of the family. Applejack had few problems with it. She knew that some animals that Fluttershy took care of, like bears and eagles, ate other animals too. Apple Bloom really couldn’t understand the concept of eating other living things, but Ellis iterated that he didn’t necessarily need to do so.
”See, this one time, mah buddy Keith dared me to be a vegan fer a month.”
“What’s a vee-gen?” Apple Bloom had asked.
“It’s a human that doesn’t eat meat or anything that comes from animals. Lucky fer me, ah knew a chick who did the same thing, so she gave me pointers on what to eat to get mah proteins an’ shit. It was kinda hard, but ah got through it alright. Then, since ah did that, ah dared Keith back to ride a shopping cart down Salem Hill. That didn’t end well, ho boy...”
But Ellis didn’t have to go full vegan. The ponies used animal products like eggs and cow milk, the former almost exclusively for baking. It was fine for them to eat, even though they don’t get any useful nutrients out of them. So that made eggs one source of amino acids for him. After more than a month of an urban survivalist diet, he wasn’t complaining. So, last night, he showed Applejack how to make fried eggs and ate that instead. Apple Bloom got his uneaten casserole.
In essence, the whole problem blew over without much trouble at all. Ellis worried that they might have been scared or shunned him for his natural eating habits or some other irrational, overly-dramatic reaction that would have conflicted with the flow and pacing of this fanfiction as well as the the over-arcing, long term character development. Deal with it.
Ellis turned off the burner and scooped the two eggs onto a piece of toast, added some cheese, and completed it with another piece of toast. A simple egg sandwich, one of his favorite breakfasts. The wooden legs of the chair groaned as he sat down and pulled himself closer to the table. Applejack sat across from him, chewing on a bowl of honey oats as he bit into his food and chewed noisily. The herbivore grimaced.
“So, Ellis.” She tried to take her mind off the disgusting salty-slimy smell of his food. “Ah heard Apple Bloom caught ya naked this mornin’.”
He coughed softly before swallowing the bite. “Yeah. It’s probably best if that doesn’t happen no more.” He continued, knowing that the pony would inevitable ask him. “We humans have been wearin’ clothes so much that we really can’t be seen without ‘em. Ah wish ah could tell a why, but ah really don’t know mahself.”
Applejack nodded, reaching a rudimentary understanding. “Well ah was washin’ them last night an’ ah found a few things in yer pockets.” She pointed to the wooden bowl where the contents of Ellis’s clothing were placed. Taking a closer look, he saw that his lighter was among them. Ellis didn’t smoke, but he used it to light pipe bombs and molotovs. Next to that was his wallet, an unfired shotgun round, and an adrenaline shot.
“So what are these things fer, anyway?” Applejack queried.
He started with the lighter, flicking open the metal lid and sparking a small flame to life. “This here’s a lighter. It makes a flame-”
“Ah know what a lighter is.” Applejack interrupted. “And ah know that’s a wallet, too. But what about those two things?”
“Oh. Uh...” He gestured to the shot. It was about a hand-length; orange and with a white cap. A label with fine lettering printed the side. “This is an adrenaline shot. Ya take off the cap and use a needle to inject yourself with some kinda chemical that gives ya a burst a’ energy. S’it’s handy for when ya need to get away fast.”
“From the zombies.” Applejack silently finished. She still had a hard time fully accepting his story, but she didn’t think about it too much.
“And this,” He held up the heavy plastic cylinder. It had a brass cap on one end and it was pinched off at the other. The pony couldn’t discern any possible purpose for it. “This is a shotgun shot. Ammunition.”
“Ammunition... ammunition... where have ah heard that before?” She tried to bring up the information from her farthest memory banks, but she just couldn’t nudge it loose.
But she didn’t have to ask for Ellis continued. “Ya know... it’s fer a gun.” She shook her head. The human sighed. “Ok, ya put this sucker in a metal barrel and hit this,” He pointed to a tiny rounded spot in the center of the brass cap. “With the firing pin. That ignites the powder and propels the buckshot outta the barrel.”
Applejack scratched her head. “What the hay does that accomplish?”
“It’s fer killin’.” He stated matter-of-factly.
The earth pony suddenly remembered where she had heard ammunition before. Cannons! Pipsqueak had talked about them on Nightmare Night! He told Applejack about swashbuckling pirates who would get into sea-based battles with cannons, which were used to sink or disable other ships. He said he knew just about everything about pirates, including their weaponry and how cannons needed ammunition to fire! What Ellis must have been talking about was a cannon on a smaller scale, one that could be held in his hands.
“But, since ah don’t have a gun, this thing is just another paper-weight that ya gotta keep away from open flame. Ah don’t really remember why ah pocketed this thing in the first place, to be honest.” He looked at Applejack. “Do ah have to let you confiscate this too?”
“I’m not lookin’ tah take away all yer stuff, Ellis. If it’s harmless as ya say it is, then you can keep it.”
“Well, ok.” He pocketed the shot, adrenaline, and lighter. He hesitated before stowing his wallet away. Considering that this world had an entirely different currency, his paper was useless here.
“Ah don’t think ah need this anymore.” He tossed the black leather tri-fold in Applejack’s direction. “You can give it tah Apple Bloom fer her to look at.”
She smiled. “That’s awful nice of ya, Ellis.”
He finished the last bite of his breakfast. “Just don’t let her wake me up anymore.”
+++++
The walk to Ponyville was a surprisingly quiet one. To Applejack’s relief, Ellis couldn’t recall any more new interesting stories to tell. Instead, they answered more questions about each other until they reached Twilight’s library where she was to show the human to his workplace. Applejack didn’t necessarily need to walk Ellis to Ponyville, but Granny Smith’s old gardening tools needed to be reforged, and Wrought Iron was the closest smith that could do it. She didn’t mind being in Ellis’s for a little while longer. His charm was starting to grow on her.
They reached the Library where Twilight and Spike were waiting outside the front door. The latter rested on the porch, his stubby legs dangling over the cobbled street. The lavender unicorn saw the two and waved them over to her.
“Hey Ellis! You ready for work?”
“Twi, ah was born ready.” He responded confidently.
“Good to hear. Come with me, you’re working with the west district first.” She lead the human and her assistant to the direction of the scaffolding.
“I’ll leave y’all to it an’ come tah get ya when the day’s done.” Applejack called after, turning to part ways and leave them to their work. Ellis and Twilight waved goodbye as they shrank into the distance.
The earth pony finally broke her line of sight and turned to trod off to the smithy. She got that strange sense of disorientation like the last time she left his side. A melancholy feeling of emptiness as his explicit presence was suddenly muted, and all that remained was the deafening familiarity of Ponyville; the Ponyville that was always present day after day after day. The denizens would go about their tried-and-true routines. They would craft their goods and work their services. They would go to the market to buy and trade and barter. They would smile and say hi as others passed by with their business, but then they would be back to work. Nopony would be there to tell her a joke or a story, to listen to what she had to say when she wanted to be heard. Nopony would be there to laugh and smile with her while she worked. It was just business.
Applejack reprimanded herself for such careless thinking. She had a loving family and five of the best friends anypony could ask for. She loved her work and welcomed the humble familiarity of the everyday. For Celestia’s sake, she only just met Ellis yesterday!
So why did she feel so alone?
+++++
Ellis, Twilight, and her assistant strolled along the streets of the town. The human’s presence caught a lot of attention from the ponyfolk. They all waved and pointed like he was a celebrity. A group of rambunctious foals giggled and played at his feet, which Twilight had to solve by gently levitating them away so they wouldn’t accidentally get hurt by Ellis’s heavy stride, who was preoccupied with waving back at all the onlookers.
Finally, they came upon a building that appeared to have had its roof torn off or smashed in by some incredible force.
“Hey, Twilight.” Ellis began. “What exactly caused this damage here?”
“Uh... an accident.” She replied, keeping the real reason vague for Spike’s sake. The baby dragon looked down at the ground and kicked at the dirt, shame burned into his face.
“Accident mah ass! This looks like the work of some giant monster!”
“Well...” Twilight attempted to think of an evasion, but Ellis continued.
“It’s a giant monster attack if ah ever seen one. Lemme tell ya, in mah opinion, them giant monsters got no heart ‘er soul tah speak of. Stompin’ around like they own the place, smashin’ the good, honest work of good, honest people, leaving them broken an’ homeless just ‘cause they can. It’s just plain evil, man.”
Spike was trembling and looked as though he was on the verge of weeping.
“Ellis, it’s not important!” Twilight interrupted. “We’re here to meet your co-workers, remember?”
“Oh, yeah, that’s right...”
They circled around to the other side of the building where two hardhat wearing ponies have already begun work early. One was a unicorn with an ochre coat and a sandy, shaggy mane. His red-orange aura of magic surrounded a handsaw that reciprocated and ate away at a wood two-by-four as he held it in place with his hooves. On his flank was an icon of two crossed saws. The other one was an ashen pegasus with a short, ebony mane. He was studying two blueprints on a collapsible table, wings folded. His cutie mark was a hammer and nail. The wooden plank the former was cutting fell to the ground, cleanly cut, with a hollow clatter. It was only then when he noticed the tall newcomer followed by the town’s librarian. He rested his saw on the bench and walked over to greet them.
“Hey.” He hailed in a smooth, carefree tone. His red-orange eyes, the same color of his magic, naturally, were set in a calm demeanor. This was a pony who obviously had little to worry about, living a peaceful, fret-free lifestyle.
“Hello.” Twilight politely returned.
“I heard we were gettin’ the new dude here.” He glanced up at Ellis, not surprised by his appearance. He was at yesterday’s town meeting like everypony else. He held out his hoof. “Name’s Sawdust.”
The human took the gesture into his hand. “Ellis. Nice tah meet y’all.”
Sawdust nodded to his winged companion, who was still engrossed in the blueprints.
“That’s Ball-Peen. He’s kinda 'in the zone' right now.” The construction colt turned around and sucked in a big breath of air. “HEY! PEEN!”
“Wha-?!” Ball-Peen looked as if he’s just been splashed with cold water. Startled, he involuntarily flapped his wings, causing the blueprints to fly off the table. He sighed.
“What is it, SD?”
“We got the new guy here, man!”
“Oh.” He flew over to meet Ellis at head height and shook his hand. “Ball-Peen.”
“Nice tah meet ya.” He replied.
“The boss ain’t here right now,” Sawdust explained. “Were just doing the warm-up work here. You made it here early, dude, that’s good. Boss gets pretty cranky when we get here late. Don’t worry about it too much.”
Twilight cleared her throat. “Ok, then. I see that everything is in order. I’m sure you can take things from here.”
He nodded slowly. “Sure deal, miss. Me and Peen’ll get him up to speed on everything.”
“Well then,” He turned to Ellis. “Mayor Mare wants me to check up on you sometime during the day, so I’ll be back around lunch. Good luck!”
“Thanks Twilight.” He waved her and her tiny assistant off as they headed back to the library.
Ball-Peen hovered up to Ellis with a hardhat. “Safety first, man.”
He took the helmet and adjusted it to his cranium. It was a tight fit, considering it would usually fit on the smaller head of a pony, but it wasn’t glaringly uncomfortable.
“Ready to get going, bro?” Sawdust inquired.
“Ready Freddy.”
+++++
Twilight completed yet another lap around the library, her hair beginning to frizz as a sign of her frustration. Spike followed her with his eyes as she continued to fret. They both just returned to the library, and the lavender unicorn was already back to her routine worry-warting. The draconic assistant sighed.
“Princess Celestia hasn’t written back to me! She usually answers my letters immediately! What could have gone wrong?!” She said with a not-quite-so-indoor voice. Spike massaged his sensitive ears.
“You’re worrying over nothing, Twi. I’m sure she’s- MMBBFFF!” His scaly purple cheeks puffed outwards before ejecting a green gout of flame with a belch. It spun into a tight sphere before materializing into a slightly luminescent scroll of parchment. Twilight sighed in relief.
“Ok. What the heck is up with that timing?” Spike despairingly asked nopony in particular. “This can’t be a coincidence!”
The letter was levitated in front of the unicorn’s face as she broke the seal and unfurled the paper. Inside was quill-scribed lettering, obviously, but it was penmanship that she did not recognize. Her eyes scanned the lines of the letter.
Dearest Twilight Sparkle,
We despair that Oure sister is indisposed in Fillydelphia at the moment on business of the highest importance from which she cannot take leave, temporary or otherwise. Thy letter hath been forwarded from Dearest, which became known to Us but few short moments ago. Oure sincerest apologies for lack of haste; yon events are quite intriguing indeed. We can only offer but a word of acknowledgement; royal duties hath left Us with little time to spare. Oure sister hath utmost faith in the abilities of thee, as do We.
Royal Princess of the Night,
Luna
Twilight sighed. Princess Celestia just happens to be gone when something extraordinary chances.
“What’s it say?” Spike raised himself on his toes to get a better glimpse of the letter.
“It’s Luna, Spike. Princess Celestia is busy in Fillydelphia, and she apparently won’t be back for a while.” She carefully re-rolled the parchment and archived it in her desk.
“So... what do we do now?”
“We stick to the mayor’s plan, simple as that.” Twilight reassured. “There’s nothing complex about this whole situation. We just need to watch Ellis and keep him from doing anything incredibly stupid.”
+++++
“Check out the hot flank on that one, Ellis.”
“Beauty’s in the eye of the beholder, Saw. Go fer it.”
Sawdust inhaled a breath and cupped his hooves around his mouth. “YEAH, BABY, I’D LIKE A PIECE OF THAT!” Ellis accompanied his shout with a sharp whistle.
The passing mare blushed profusely before turning her head and trotting away in a huff. Ellis and Sawdust high-fived.
“I guess you aren’t so bad after all, dude.”
The human gave a hand-wave. “I’m a pretty likable guy, if ah do say so mahself.”
The two were currently working on trimming lumber to repair the beams on the roof. The construction pony had commented that Ellis had a knack for using a handsaw. The human had used one before. He told Sawdust that he worked a brief stint in a similar job before he became a mechanic. As the ochre unicorn would find, hands worked just as well as magic. They both would cut the planks, then Ball-Peen would fly them up to the roof where they would be hammered in. Their work was progressing nicely - faster than usual one might add - so Ellis and Sawdust would pass the time cat-calling to passing mares while the pegasus put nails in the roof.
“Say, Saw,” Ellis had asked. “Why do construction workers cat-call, anyway?”
The pony leaned back on the saw-horse. “Glad you asked, brah. You see, back in ye old times, construction was a job passed down from father to son. With that, came the masonic tradition of cat-calling. It was custom for the workers to commend mares for their beauty, and that turned into what we have today.”
“Wow, really?”
Sawdust snorted. “Nah, I just made that up.”
They both shared a bout of ruckus laughter.
The unicorn called out towards the unfinished roof where a rhythmic tapping could be heard. “Hey, Ball-Peen! Ya almost done up there?”
The tapping stopped for a moment as his achromatic co-worker poked his head into sight. “Almost!” He called back. His hammering resumed.
Sawdust nodded and nudged Ellis’s arm. “You’re doing good, man. Wish we had you with us sooner.”
“Just glad tah do mah part here.” He took off his hardhat and shook the perspiration out of his hair. “Kinda wish ah was workin’ on cars, but beggars can’t be choosers. This line a work ain’t so bad.”
The pony lazily nodded and gazed off into the distance, glazing over the town and its citizens for no particular reason. Suddenly, his eyes perked up.
“It’s the boss, man! Quick, act like you’re working!” He levitated a plank, tape measure, and carpenter's pencil and set to “measuring” the wood. Ellis stood over him and pointed to random places on the blueprints as if he was directing the cuts. An earth pony trotted over to the pair. He was as big as Big Macintosh, maybe bigger. His coat was a dark brown with a diamond-shaped patch of white above his nose. His graying mane was shaven within an inch of his scalp. His light-green eyes were narrow, and looked as if they’ve been that way all his life. On his flank was a cutie mark depicting three bricks and a pale of mortar.
“Morning, Boss.” Sawdust waved nonchalantly. The boss only scowled as he looked at Ellis.
“All three of you! Front and center!” He boomed with a well-exercised shouting voice. Ellis and Sawdust zipped into place in front of the boss, their bodies stiff as boards. Ball-Peen took a little longer to get into place. As Ellis has insofar observed, it took the pegasus a little longer to do everything. The hardhatted trio stood in a line as they came under the scrutinizing gaze of the boss. He slowly paced back and fourth, his eyes scanning for even the tiniest mistake. Suddenly, he whipped around and glared at Sawdust. Like anypony would, he flinched a little, but his expression remained unchanged. There was a pause as the boss continued to stare, then he spoke.
“Have you been working hard? Showing the new guy the way we do things around here?!” His voice was slightly hoarse.
“Yes, Big Boss, Sir!” Sawdust replied.
“And has he been working hard too?”
“Yes, Big Boss, Sir!”
He turned to Ball-Peen. “Can you vouch the same, slow-mo?”
“Uh... S-Sir yes, Big Boss, Sir!” He stammered.
Finally, Big Boss turned to Ellis, his neck craning up to get a look at his mug. “And you! What’s your name, huh?”
“Ellis-”
“THAT’S SIR TO YOU!”
“It’s Ellis, Sir!” He tried to stiffen himself as straight as he could.
“Listen here, Ellis, I don’t care if you’re some kinda space-alien superhero king of the galaxy! Here, you will show respect to me! Here, you will work hard and earn your own keep! Pony or not, you follow my rules! You won’t get any special treatment from me! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!?!”
“Sir! Yes, Sir!” He shouted back, sweating.
Big Boss took a moment to gauge the progress of the roof. Whether it satisfied him or not, Ellis couldn’t tell. He still kept that scowl that never seemed to leave his face.
“I expect this roof to be done by the end of today! The world won’t wait for you to get your flanks in gear! We still got five more roofs and seven more wall sections to repair by the end of this month!”
He paused to catch his breath and looked over the three one last time.
“Now, carry on!” With that, he walked off to his office trailer and slammed the screen door.
Sawdust and Ball-Peen both exhaled a sigh of relief. Ellis did likewise, resting his hands on his knees. He’s never been through basic, but he was pretty damned sure that’s what it would be like.
“Is he always such a hard-ass?”
The ochre unicorn shook his head. “Naw, this is just a bad day for him. He just got contracted with more work since another repair team bailed. Paperwork makes him like that. He’s usually a pretty easy guy, as far as that goes.”
“Damn...”
“Don’t worry, man. Me and Peen have been working with him for a long time. We know his routine, so we’ll give ya heads up when he comes around.”
Ball-Peen flew off to return to his work on the roof while Ellis and Sawdust trimmed more lumber and whistled at more passing mares.
+++++
Fluttershy rapped her hoof on the door again for what seemed like the hundredth time today. Next to her stood Rarity, who tried to call inside once again.
“Pinkie Pie! Stop being so dreadfully difficult and come out!”
Pinkie called out from inside her room. “Go away! Big scary knife monster is out there!”
Rarity sighed. “Pinkie! He’s not a monster, and the knife is hidden now! There’s absolutely no reason for you to be afraid, other than his awful attire.”
A pause. “No!”
“Um... Pinkie?” Fluttershy tried. “Ellis is really nice, and I’m sure he wants to meet you.”
“The only thing he’s gonna meet is his FACE with some CAKE if he ever gets near me!”
Fluttershy flinched. That was really harsh coming from Pinkie.
“There’s no need to get violent, dear.” Rarity spoke. “Please, you’re acting irrational! What has he ever done to you?”
“It’s not what he did but WHAT HE’S GOING TO DO!” Came another angry cry from the room.
Fluttershy facehoofed. Ironic, really, the uber-phobic pegasus trying to help her friend, who happened to be the least scared of anything, get over some silly irrational fear. Now she knew how her friends feel about her. Was she really ever that difficult?
+++++
Pinkie Pie cowered under her bedsheets, slowly munching on her secret stash of Nightmare Night candy that the Cakes told her not to keep in her room. She kept them anyway.
She knew that Ellis was no good. She knew it in her gut. A new Pinkie sense combo came up after she locked herself in her room. She didn’t recognize it; it was completely new, but she could tell it meant trouble. The kind of trouble that is really, really bad, and she was certain Ellis had something to do with it.
Hoof-tapping.
Frizzy mane.
Going wall-eyed for exactly 4.5 seconds. One and two and three and four and...
Then, a mid-air barrel roll. Suddenly angry at rabbits and pressing z-buttons.
She had an excellent sense of smell; one of the reasons why she was so good at cooking. As she discovered during her time in Ponyville, everypony had their own unique smell, a scent that usually came from their professions or homes. Twilight smelled like dust and old books. Applejack resonated the scent of, you guessed it, apples. Rainbow Dash: rain clouds. Rarity smelled like glue. No offense to her, but tailor’s glue stinks. Fluttershy either smells like flowers or animal. It varied day by day. And Dominic... Pinkie really didn’t even want to breath around him. Anypony could sniff him from a mile away.
Ellis... To Pinks, he reeked of blood.
+++++
The next few hours of Ellis’s job passed without a hitch. He and Sawdust sawed more planks and Ball-Peen brought them up and nailed them into place. They were making good progress and predicted that they would have the beams and plywood covering done by lunch. After that, they would re-shingle the roof and the interior work would be passed off to another team of pegasi. The team slackened their pace a bit to relax, only going back when Big Boss came around. Ellis realized that Sawdust was right; he didn’t think any other living creature could be more routine than the boss. Incredibly predictable, right down to a few seconds. He would go out to buy coffee at a nearby stand at exactly 10:10, have a conversation with the coffee pony for seven minutes, and be back by 10:22. Then, he would shut himself in the office trailer until 13 minutes before lunch.
Ball-Peen goofed up with a few planks again, so he had to go and work on his own for a while. The saw team trimmed the last of the beams and waited for Peen to yank out some nails and replace them. They were still on track, though, the pegasus botching up was nearly commonplace. He would let his mind wander off, miss a nail, and frantically work to rectify his mistake. Sawdust didn’t mind, neither did the boss, as long as he didn’t know too much. Ball-Peen was still an excellent worker.
Sawdust excused himself due to “the call of nature” and cantered off to the portable restroom. Ellis leaned back on the side of the house and watched the ponies pass by. Some of them waved, and the human waved back. He was getting used to the attention.
A figure appeared in the sky. Ellis shaded his eyes from the sun and squinted into the distance. He saw a speck of cyan followed by a stream of technicolor streaking. It seem to get progressively larger as it came closer to the construction site. Ellis remembered that it was the pegasus from yesterday.
Rainbow Dash decelerated to a listing speed and tentatively hovered to the human’s side. She didn’t want to have to confront him after what happened yesterday, but it was all she could think of to get another glimpse of those hands. Yes, her urges were still eating at her from the inside. She barely slept at all last night, her fantasies running a tight, frantic race around her mind. It made her cheeks burn with guilt. Her heart throbbed noisily in her chest as she got closer to him.
The cyan pegasus rubbed her hooves together as she tried to force a word of greeting from her mouth.
“Uh... hey...”
“Hey.” Ellis replied with a wave.
He certainly wasn’t making this any easier for RD. “Uh... I just wanted to... to...” Look at his face, not his hands. “To... uh... say that I’m sorry for... yesterday...”
Ellis couldn’t recall a reason why Dash would be sorry for yesterday. “Think nothin’ of it, man.”
Rainbow felt the tension melt off of her back. At least he was fine with it, soon she could forget about this whole thing. He resumed watching the streets, not paying any attention to the awkward flier. She couldn’t see the harm in merely observing for the moment, so her eyes trailed back to his flexible appendages-
“Hey, uh, Dash, is it?” He asked suddenly.
She broke from her trance. “Yeah, Rainbow Dash.”
The human pointed to a mare off across the street. It was Carrot Top, if she remembered correctly. Her distinctive carrot cutie mark sat on the side of her yellow flank. Her voluminous orange mane curled over her neck. She was currently conversing with another pony running a flower kiosk, her lips moving soundlessly from the distance as she gestured with her hoof to the brightly colored plants. Why would Ellis be pointing at her?
“On a scale of one tah ten, how much of a hottie is she?”
RD was dumbstruck for a moment. The question took her completely off guard.
“What?!”
“I mean, ah wouldn’t really know, being a human an’ all. I just wanna know so ah can get a good frame of reference for a game me an’ Sawdust are playin’.”
She still couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Dude... what?” She repeated.
“C’mon, man, just a number’s all I’m lookin’ fer. One being ‘hell no’ an’ ten being ‘hot damn!’”
“How am I supposed to know that?!”
“Man, all guys should have a rudimentary hotness scale. Just gimme an approximation. Don’t be shy.”
Rainbow Dash’s face could not convey any visualization closer to the image of complete and utter stupefaction than the expression she wore at that very moment.
“You thought I was a guy?!”
Ellis looked at her. She was fuming, but he still raised an eyebrow.
“Yer not?”
“I’M A GIRL!!!”
He looked visibly stricken, nearly stumbling backwards to catch himself. “Woah, shit!” He shook his head. “That just shatters mah entire reality... Ah really had no idea, ya act so much like a guy...”
He glanced back at her. He ignored the red veins of pure fury bulging from her neck. He didn’t notice what looked like hot steam piping out of her nostrils. The fact that she was grinding her teeth together in barely restrained blood-curdling rage did not even occur to him.
Instead, he made vague circling motions with his hands - when he retold this story he would claim that he didn’t exactly make them to mean anything - and said:
“You wouldn’t happen to be one a’ them girls that... ya know... swing the other way?”
+++++
“HEEEAAAAAAALLLLLPPPP!!!!”
The denizens of Ponyville once again opened their doors and window shutters to see a bipedal creature hollering at the top of his lungs, running faster than anypony could have guessed. Behind him trailed a red-faced pegasus, rainbows streaked behind her as she chased the human at impossible speeds. Some ponies were scared, some were confused, some sighed because they knew the mental ward would be stuffed with even more loonies.
“GET BACK HERE SO I CAN BEAT ON YOUR SKULL ‘TILL I HIT TONSILS!!!”
“Ahm sorry, man- I mean- girl! Don’t go an’ kill me!”
Real freakin’ smooth, Ellis.
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You have just made my stay in the hospital a lot more bearable. I salute you, sir.
I'M GONNA COMMENT AND THEN READ CUZ THAT'S HOW I ROLL!
I think I'll go to sleep now. *checks email* Nope!
Hahahaha! Real smooth.
Nomnomnomnom new chapter es DELICIOUS!
OH MAN, THIS IS AAMMMMMMMAAAAAZZZZZZZZIIINNGGGGGAAA!!!!!
No, Seriously, this story is up there with my top 5 ^_^
Oh god yes. This is the only thing that stops me from having nightmares (Really, it does).
You sir deserve all my internets and if possible, my internal organs for writing something of this epicness
221222
Yes, the Mechanicus is always in need of extra functional organs.
You may want to keep yours, though. I have a feeling you need them to continue living.
REAL.FREAKIN.SMOOTH.ELLIS......NOW YOU PISSED OF RAINBOW DASH NOW RU-oh look a tank-N FOR YOUR LI-WAIT A TANK RUUUUN!
Forget Ye Olde English.
Let's just say that Luna adapted.
Honestly... I can see the Ellis and Dash scene being Canon. He's not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Must not fap while i read..... jokin aside this shit is like porn. its so fucking good.
“Have you been working hard? Showing the new guy the way we do things around here?!” His voice was slightly hoarse
what you did. its there. and i see it
Rainbow would've had a pretty high-pitched voice for a boy, soooo... bad call, Ellis
221299
What?
I don't remember implying anything there...
221312 for real?
slightly hoarse
a little horse
pony
"So why did she feel so alone?"
Please....PLEASE don't be what I think it is
221317
My subconscious is a cheeky little devil.
LOL Ellis u da man! and so is RD since u know her door swings the other way... dont hit me RD. love the chapter
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ellis thought rainbow dash was a guy
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You sir just made my day!
1:00am in the morning
Better get some sleep
NOPE
Ponies
221320
And no. I imagined that writing that would give off a mixed message...
It's not gonna go past platonic friendshipping I can assure you.
Well, at least for this fic.
i really liked this chapter
TF2 reference for the win!
I have one request, as you have once again made me laugh my ass off.
...
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyirb9YD8b1r6zaxd.gif
Made me laugh like a fiction never did before, Can't wait to see how this turns out
dat ending
best chapter yet
keep run'in ellis
Pinkie pie is going to get attacked by the Tank and Ellis is going to save the shit out of her and fix their relationship. LET IT BE KNOWN, I HAVE CALLED IT!
Also oshit zecoura, what you be doing?
BWHAHAHAHAHAH
Remember to not let RD around metal baseball bats.
static.fjcdn.com/comments/brilliant+i+must+say+_457ede0da0093b61182f7ea6c9e2303e.jpg
l-a-w-l. This is freakin awesome man. made my day. that being said the chapter was all i could've hoped it'd be.
now i'm curious as to see what pinkie shall do. and so we play the waiting game.
Did you ever intend for the fourth wall to remain intact?
Two words, Ellis: You're bucked.
Ellis is one smooth operator..... lol..... Now I see Tank found a new playmate.... sadly I don't think she will sit still long enough for Tank to give her a hug of death though.... poor Tank.
OH MAH GAHAHAHAAHAD!!!!!
THIS IS HILARIOUS!!!!
221538
Wall?
*looks around*
What wall?
221580 That depends, what dimension you're in right now?
“GET BACK HERE SO I CAN BEAT ON YOUR SKULL ‘TILL I HIT TONSILS!!!”
TF2 Scout line!
Well slighly changed but same ghist
the line about his entire reality being shattered sounds like the one from Hot Rod, but i'm not sure
Oh, Ellis when are you ever gonna learn to shut the fuck up.
It's even FUNNIER a third time! The format on Fimfiction looks nicer than Google Docs anyway...
Loving this ! I mean... ITS AMAZING.
Wait a minute. Cat calling and I'M NOT INVITED? Good sir. You sadden me.
Ah yes, sticking to the relevant, I like how you're updating more. If you need an editor or inspirational speaking, I'm you're man- er... pony.
How smooth, Ellis. Fucking smoother than a sheet of plastic.
HAH!
STARFOX REFERENCE! I C WUT U DID THAR!
Was Big Boss intended to be the Soldier? Because after that last sequence I can't see him as anything else anymore.
This fanfic is full of so much yay.
sssmmmmmmmoooooooooooooothhhhh Ellis. Real smooth