Somepony New

by Dusty Sage

Epilogue: Domestic Bliss

[This takes place about six weeks later: I couldn't think of anything else to do with it, so I stuck it here. -- DS]

---

Desert Brush spat out the quill. “Do you think Celestia would go for a line of flavored writing utensils?”

“You’d have to explain the concept to her first,” Twilight Sparkle said. “It’s not like she’s ever had to write this way, so she probably has no idea what a quill tastes like.”

“There are times,” muttered Brush, “that I wish I didn’t.”

“You don’t have to,” said Twilight. “I’ve seen you write with a hoof, and somehow it’s perfectly legible.” She levitated the paper on which he was practicing. “This is on the level of an eight-year-old colt, at best.”

Brush grinned. “For six weeks of practice, that’s not bad. I mean, it’s a lot faster than the first time I had to learn to write.”

“Maybe so. But why make things difficult for yourself when you don’t have to?”

“I’m an earth pony. It’s in our DNA.”

Twilight laughed. “You’ve only been an earth pony for a couple of months.”

“Yeah, but earth ponies don’t write like humans with a bad case of muscle cramps. Earth ponies hold the quill between their teeth.” He bent forward and bit the quill savagely, then spat it back out. “No matter how bad it tastes.”

“Why does it matter?” Twilight asked.

“If we’re ever at some fancy eatery in Canterlot, I am not sticking a hoof on the table just to sign the check. I have some manners.”

“I make most of the bits around here. You should probably let me sign the check.”

Brush burst out laughing. “Twenty or thirty years ago, we would have called that a Statement of Emasculation.” And then, more seriously: “Uh, you don’t do that sort of thing here, do you?”

“Are you kidding?” said Twilight. “We need every stallion we can get. We have so few.”

Once again, Brush laughed. “For what? Mares can breed without ‘em.”

“They can,” Twilight replied, “but it’s more complicated, and it almost always produces a filly. Eventually we’d run out of colts entirely.”

“Back where I come from,” said Brush, “there are females who would consider that a Good Thing.”

Twilight frowned. “Don’t they know about the necessity of maintaining biodiversity?”

“Humans are not about biodiversity. Humans are about power: who has it, and why don’t I have it?” He smiled. “There are lots of things about that place I don’t miss in the slightest.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here,” Twilight said. “But I still don’t get why you don’t want to be seen hoofwriting. It’s not against the law or anything.”

“Same reason I wouldn’t want to be writing with jaw action in that, uh, other place. I thrive on being inconspicuous.” Brush grinned. “And fortunately, my marefriend doesn’t believe in blowing her own horn either.”

The young unicorn was shocked. “What?”

Realization was slow in coming, but it did finally come, and Brush facehoofed. “Oops. Poor choice of idiom.”

“Which means what?” Twilight demanded.

“In the human context, it describes an individual so desperate for attention that she would actually announce her presence with a trumpet fanfare, if there happened to be a trumpet within reach.”

“Sort of like the Great and Powerful Trixie, only more so?”

Brush nodded. “Same general principle: Look at me! I never was any good at that sort of thing, and eventually I got comfortable staying in the background. Generic Earth Pony, that’s me.”

“Well, you’re special to me,” said Twilight.

Brush smiled. “Now all we need is a trumpet.”

“I have,” Twilight said, “my own horn.”

Comments

[Dusty Sage]

About a week after I finished the story, this one silly scene popped into my head. I kicked it around for a while, decided it wasn't going anywhere and it wasn't growing into its own story, so it's here now as Chapter 4. My apologies to anypony who might have thought Chapter 3 had the perfect ending.

[funkyferret]

That ending... pfffft. Good show sir.

[Dusty Sage]

1319666
I really didn't think anypony thought that ending was perfect, but I felt it necessary to cover my flanks, so to speak.

[Dusty Sage]

1273300

it would also be kind of nice to maybe see what happened in between this and "The Sparkle Chronicles"

I am actually starting to think about filling in that space. (Who'd have thought this would have turned into a series?) Of course, inevitably we'd end up with one of those dreaded HiE stories, at least until he who becomes Brush is packed off to the operating room, but such is life.

[Dusty Sage]

1273300

You obviously don't have to feel obligated just because one of your fans requested it, but it'd be nice.

More than just one, it turns out. And the aforementioned dreaded HiE story is now on its way to the moderators.

Update, later: Passed with considerable speed -- thank you, mods -- and Chapter 1 is at hoof.

[Sparksol]

Having just read through this little trilogy in chronological story order, I'll say it transitions nicely.
Pretty decent overall, as well.

[Dusty Sage]

1667499
It would have been easier if I had had enough sense to write it that way, but it's too late now.

[Dusty Sage]

Since this ends the trilogy, I may as well mention that I plan to use that word at least as carelessly as the late Douglas Adams.

Which means: yes, these two lovebirds will return. I actually put out the first chapter once, was struck by the response -- nopony had so much as a kind word for it, let alone an upturned thumb -- so I pulled it back for some reworking.

[Dusty Sage]

For those on tenterhooks waiting for more TwiBrush, there's a couple of chapters of something called The Life That Late He Led, now playing somewhere on this very site.

[Dusty Sage]

5998538
It will, of course, run down eventually. There's an old saying shared by both humans and ponies, to the effect that nothing lasts forever, but a temporary tax comes closest.