Equestria has changed, in a way. The clouds move, the animals live, and the plants grow- all on their own. The sun doesn't shine. The stars, I've only seen on pieces of paper for... Ten years now?
But, in a way, Equestria is the same. Somehow, nopony decided to yell everypony to himself. Somehow, we still stand united. We still value friendship, we still think of the pony next to us over ourselves, we still have meaning in the word "harmony".
It's a dark world. A cold world. It's an everfree world.
Despite that, we shall live on. And we will do so together.
Heavily influenced by Metro 2033 and shares many themes with the book. This is NOT, however, a crossover.
Chapters (5)
Atom And Evil - Heaven And Hell
1239047 pretty legit song, bro
If anyone is reading this fic but have read the earlier chapters prior to today than I advise reading chapter two, specifically when Lyra is briefing Roadside, to know what districts are. It's pretty obvious what a district refers to in this fic but still.
You have quite a few spelling errors and your grammar is rather awkward. Is English your native language? These are the kinds of errors I'd expect from someone who is still learning it.
The story is merely okay. It needs conflict, but haven't really seen any hint of it. You're spending too much time setting things up. So we see ponies have adapted and don't seem to have much trouble, other than having to be a little more cautious. That's not a conflict, it's a setting. We need something to go wrong so we have a reason to stick around and read the rest of the story.
I found the last paragraph of the prologue to be particularly awkward. That short morale-boosting speech was rather cheesy. Also, "urban streets"? No one says "urban streets". It's redundant; if they're streets, that generally makes them urban. And in the chapters... "Spur-of-the-moment" is what's called an "adjective phrase"; it describes something. It is not an object itself, so you cannot "have a spur-of-the-moment". You can, however, have something that is a spur-of-the-moment thing. Those are just a few examples that I can remember after having finished reading.
1280405 English is my native language. But let's face it who ever speaks it correctly? And aren't we always learning to speak it? The errors are due to the fact that I usually have to rely on a phone to type, so alot of the errors are unchecked and typos are extremely common as a result.
Cheesy? I guess. But I couldn't think of another ending. Wasn't trying to just lazily wrap it up my mind was screaming "Type this ending! Type this ending!"
Lacking conflict? In all honesty this is still the exposition, the conflict will either be introduced in the next chapter or the one after, although most likely in the former.The chapters right now are just trying to introduce this new world and some objects that will be important.
So what if people dont say urban streets? Does saying it make this story bad? I dont think Thai story I'd bad, but if it is it's certainly not for typing "urban streets".
"spur-of-the-moment" issue: I actually have no explanation I should fix that.
thanks for pointing that out.
So I went through my favs today and found this story! I faved it along with your others and never got around to it or "Splinter Cell" (which I will get to soon). Read up to Chapter Two so far. Not sure if you plan on continuing this, but if you do, I think you should go ahead and give the first two chapters an edit run-through. Some grammar mistakes there, my friend.
Also, I feel we're getting the background in bits and pieces--which can be good, if that is your intent, but I would suggest adding a tiny bit more exposition on what exactly happened to make Equestria what it is in this universe. But maybe you have that in further chapters. Shall continue later!
2526625 it's better if you don't, this was a terrible story XD
2526685
Haha alright xD What about Splinter Cell?
And I'll read your new one, of course.
2526692 Splinter Cell is....better, at least.
2526710
Alrighty, I'll read that and your new story soon!