Flim and Flam Save an Orphanage

by KFDirector

Flim and Flam, but Not Trixie ("Bonus" "Chapter")

In an alternate world that respects (inasmuch as I ever do) the Season 3 canon...

Following their summary and shouted dismissal from the orphanage, the brothers retired to a nearby bar, taking their drinks on the patio in the Canterlot sun and watching pretty mares trot down the cobblestone streets as they sipped bottles of cider and contemplated their situation.

"What about Trixie?" Flim asked. "She was near as much born at that orphanage, you'd think she could be of some use."

Flam's face darkened. "Oh, right. Trixie."

"...something wrong, brother? What happened to Trixie?"

"She...a few months back, she obtained a powerful ancient amulet, became drunk on evil power, and terrorized Ponyville for about a week."

Flim's eyes widened. "Oh. So she...."

The mustachioed brother sighed. "Now, at the end of it, Twilight Sparkle and her friends forgave her, and pressed Princess Celestia to pardon her for these things."

"Oh? So what's the problem, if Twilight Sparkle forgave her?"

"The Mayor of Ponyville, the legal guardian of two young colts, and Filthy Rich did not."

"But you said the Princess pardoned her...."

"Yes, but those other ponies pressed for an investigation of how a bankrupt rock-farmer was able to even obtain a powerful ancient amulet in the first place."

"...that is a good question. I assume it wasn't through Daring-Do-style feats of adventurous archaeology."

"Long story short, she's doing fifteen to forty in the royal pen for robbing three banks."

"There was nothing short about that story, Flam."

The two brothers whistled loud and wolfishly as a mare with a vibrant purple mane and a gleaming white coat trotted past. To their surprise, she did not ignore them.

"You two!" Rarity cried, turning and advancing towards them.

"Do we know you - horse apples, we know you." Flim grimaced.

"I should say you do!" the mare said, scolding. "I'll have you know my friend Applejack has been inquiring all over regarding your whereabouts!"

"I'll bet she has," Flam said, looking around for an escape plan - he'd needed one anyway, the cider here was expensive.

"She has a business proposition for you - and from one businesspony to another, I must say, it sounded very lucrative. You must contact her at once!"

---

Two days later, the brothers were sitting with their lawyer. "It looks good, fellows. Real good."

"But the payout isn't until cider season - how do we get the fifty thousand bits for the orphanage now?"

Their lawyer peered at them. "Seriously? Take this paperwork to the Canterlot Municipal Bank and get a loan on it. This is a solid business plan. Calculate some capital expenses, pad it by the fifty thousand you need, and take out, say, a five year loan on it, to be paid with your cider profits."

"Don't forget my eighty-five thousand in parking tickets."

"...okay, a ten year loan."

"That's...an awful long time to be pinned down in one place, brother." Flam brushed his mustache.

"We can leave whenever it's not cider season, Flam. Which is a lot better than doing those ten years in the dungeon. And if we don't take do this, that's probably how it ends - some zany scheme that puts us both in the dungeon."

Flam sighed. "By the Goddesses, I hate being responsible." But in spite of it, his magic summoned up a quill and ink to sign the documents.

"So let me give you a letter of introduction for a friendly loan officer at the bank - and then let's talk about my unpaid fees...."

---

As we can clearly see:

With Trixie: zany adventures.
Without Trixie: boring non-adventures.

Let's not make this mistake again.

Comments

[Mr. Grimm]

You've just shown why Trixie is best pony. She's the source of a lot of zany adventures. Which is why she's my favorite. And that's saying something, because I usually don't play favorites.

But I'm certain that in this alternate universe, Flim and Flam would break her out all the same.

[Karna]

Yeah.

Obviously, Trixie should be included, because the Trixieless version is boring as hell.

[KFDirector]

All as it was meant to be.

Indeed, the real alternate story would be Flim and Flam ignoring the orphanage entirely in the name of rescuing Trixie - but that's a much longer adventure and a separate tale to tell.

[KFDirector]

2270156

Cabbage guy never catches a break. That's not even me; that's just the fundamental laws of nature.

[KFDirector]

2274956

See: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/whoa First definition.
See also: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/whoa

ALL NAMES ARE HORSE PUNS.

ALL OF THEM.

Unless, you know, they appeared in the show.

[Midnight Rambler]

Oh my grand and glorious Celestia. I don't even know where to start.

All right, maybe I should start with how I found this story. You see, I've got a reasonably fleshed-out idea for a Muppet Show crossover, and I figured, 'well, if I'm in the "crossovers with things made of pure awesome" business anyway, why not do a Blues Brothers crossover too?' So I jotted down some rough ideas, but before I developed it any further, I wanted to check if it hadn't been done already.

It had. A site search for "blues brothers" turned up this story. 'Oh, this is almost exactly what I was planning,' I thought. 'Better throw out that idea.'

But it wasn't.

This story is a hundred times more awesome than anything I could have planned, and I'm glad you wrote it before I got a chance to try my hand at it. Because what I had in mind was mostly a straight-up ponified version of the Blues Brothers story, and it's exactly the fact that you didn't write it that way that makes this story so awesome. You actually wrote your own story to blend in with the classic tale of Elwood and Jake, putting the scenes we know and love in a fresh new context, and adding in just that little bit of uncertainty as to what's going to happen next. This keeps it all original and interesting, so much more so than 'merely a Blues Brothers fusion' could ever be.

The characterisation is excellent as well; I particularly loved Iron Will. And don't even get me started on all the delicious extra touches - the shipteasing between Trixie and the brothers, the little tie-ins with canon and fanon, the HILARIOUS brick joke with the "Apiary" - that truly round out an awesome comedy.

But one of the best parts, of course, was the musical accompaniment. I don't often read while listening to music, and when I do, I always feel a little guilty about it, doubting if I can really concentrate on the story that way. But this story is actually enhanced by music. Hell, listening to the Blues Brothers soundtrack while reading this is practically required in order to fully appreciate it. So I quickly cooked up a playlist of songs from the movie - including songs like Soothe Me, Boom Boom and I'm Walkin' which were in the movie but not on the soundtrack album - and let it run. I only broke away from it briefly in Chapter 6, blasting Ghost Riders in the Sky while they were singing its pony equivalent, and Rap is a Man's Soul a.k.a. "ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH" for the rap battle. (I also considered Won't Get Fooled Again for the sudden storm of cheese-related puns, but that was way too long for that scene). I got through Sweet Home Chicago thrice during the big chase scene at the end.

So yeah... a great comedy with strong characters, lots of hilarious gags, and a gripping plot, and I get to listen to the Blues Brothers soundtrack while reading it? You, sir, win the internet. Have 10 out of 10 moustaches. Have all of my upvotes. Have the top spot in the "Featured Stories: Comedy" box on my user page. Hell, have free beer if you ever come near my hometown. You've well and truly made my day.

P.S.: Equestria Daily has terrible taste if they rejected this! Well, at least if when "Treasures of the Everfree" gets rejected, the fact that something as awesome as this didn't even make the cut will offer me some consolation.

[KFDirector]

2452481

I say from direct experience that it can take a man a couple of days to come down off of the high of getting a review like this. Being able to entertain other people with writing is one of my joys in life, and I'm thrilled that this did so to such an extent for you.

Meanwhile, the idea of a Muppet Show crossover cannot fail to fascinate and bewitch. Please pursue this.

As for EQD - while I have a positive opinion of my own work here, I will freely admit that if one read, say, the first chapter, one ought to be forgiven for thinking that it's going to be nothing but a ponified copy-paste of the script. Had the rejection not been permanent and worded the way it was, I would have revised the early parts of the story substantially to make the differences more clear. Ah well - I don't even know if that would have made a difference to the pre-reader. Life goes on, and the people who find this fic, perhaps led by the Favorites list of others, can continue to hopefully enjoy it as much as you did!

[Type_Writer]

This is one of my favorite stories I've read on the site. It takes one of my favorite movies, makes it a pony story (Both without just ripping off the original, and keeping it close enough so that you can clearly see that it's based off the Blues Brothers) and has this wonderful slow buildup of comedy that isn't blatantly parodying anything, but is subtle enough so that when a joke from the beginning comes back to bite them in the ass, it's even funnier. And when that buildup starts making jokes that are just plain hilarious, it makes me crack right up. I admit, I'd been giggling throughout most of the entirety of the story, and finally lost it for a couple of minutes at the "Infinite Road Rash" bit. All of the story after that? The fact that after making me laugh that hard, it kept going and doing more of the same? It made it all the better.
This has earned it's spot in my favorites, on my userpage, everywhere! Because it is criminal that a story this good should get cock-blocked by EQD. Good work, sir, and keep writing, as you're damned good at it.
I can't wait to read the sequel!

[River Road]

I shall never exclude Trixie from a story again!

Thank you, for sharing this wisdom with me.

[ZeppelinFan64]

A great story based off my favorite movie of all time. this is truly epic

[SilverScales]

Among the best of the ponified parodies I've read.

[Mooncalf]

This story was absolute hilarity. I love the old movie, and I loved this.

The idea of Flim and Flam as the protagonists was brilliant. Yeah, you could've taken two of the main cast for the roles, but the twins fit the role of the rascals with hearts of gold so much better. And with Trixie as counterpoint was excellent. She's my favorite, and I like to see her on the side of good once in a while. I'll definitely remember the formula, because zany adventures are better than anything.

I'm glad I found this. Trawling the old archives really does turn up some good stuff.

[Fickle Wood]

While back I downloaded several Flim & Flam stories after their season four appearance, finally got around to reading this one, have to say I really enjoyed it.
It was fun story that flowed nicely the entire time.
So good that I read it from front to back in one go.

[High_Fidelity]

ThIs. Was. PERFECT! Thank you so much for writing this, you are my hero.