hey! you uploaded it to fimfiction!

This is so weird. I wasn't expecting to like this at all, but...but...dammit, for some reason, I do! So far, it's a lovely little story! I suppose it's because it focuses on my favorite character (Twilight) and seems to be foreshadowing a relationship with my fourth-favorite character (Rarity), and I'm rather excited for that! Just in case you were curious, Trixie is #2 and Rainbow Dash is #3...sometimes reversed.

I only caught one error...if it's meant to be one. What does this sentence mean: "...chatting and babbling as the purple mane smirked, her face all confidence." Is that supposed to be "the purple-maned mare" or...what? Besides that, this was very well-written. It didn't have that annoying number of details that just bogs down a story and makes it impossible to read, but it was still filled with enough to keep my attention and make me excited and focused. I loved it, actually! Please, go on!

Ohohohoho this fic is going to be awesome. HI HATTIE.

>>8036780367 Thank you! HI ALVIN! *brohoof*

>>7933779337 Yup, I'm here now. Hadn't realized MLP had its own fanfiction.net type website. Which is really funny, since of course MLP would have their own fan fiction site. Glad to see you on here

>>7940479404 Wow! Thank you for such an in depth response. We meant for it to be that way, but hadn't considered the possibility it the sentence was incomplete. I'll fix it, if we're allowed to edit the story once its up.

>>8420484204 You're welcome. And, of course you're allowed to edit your stories once they're up! It takes a bit of getting used to, but you'll get the hang of it. And, you don't HAVE to fix it; just the way it's written, it sounds like a mane is smirking...and a mane can't do that, since it's hair! But, either way, it was still a great chapter; nothing wrong at all.

Very cute chapter this was. A lot longer, too, so props for that. The "Cupcakes" reference was funny, Pinkie herself seemed perfect as always, our favorite lesbian azure Pegasus was cute, nice cameo by what I assume was Gilda, and I love how you handle Twilight's character as if she was in a school situation. Everything seems so...well, fitting. She reminds me of a lot of myself, honestly. What you wrote for Twilight is EXACTLY what I went through. I was always called the teacher's pet, I had stuff thrown at me, I was made fun of...I was that same nerd. It hurts, but...still, you have to feel proud of being smarter than all the rest. At least that's what my mother told me. Glitter Rain is annoying...almost sounds like she's Diamond Tiara's older sister or something. Anyway, nice work! Can't wait to see more.

FIMFiction: New chapter of "The Beauty And The Nerd"

Brain: it's 2am. Can we go to sleep?

Me: lol no.

>>8470884708 Thank you! Our chapters are very long, so I'm glad it works. Yup, it was Gilda.

What Twilight goes through is a mixture of what happened to me before my mother put me in homeschooling, and what I'm assuming Greatkingrat88's school experience was. We are putting a lot of ourselves into this story. I'm sorry to hear you had any experiences like mine.

You're mother is right. Be proud of who you are!

I'm a very derpy-type person. Life's too short to worry about what meanies think of you.

>>8491884918 Who needs sleep, anyway?

Nopony has made a comment like this yet? Yes!

Tail as old as time (they have tails)

True as can be

Barely even friends

Then somebody bends

Unexpectedly

Just a little change

Small as a curd

One is scared

the other prepared

Beauty and the Nerd!

Hope it made you lol

And after reading this- good Faust man. You wrote a brilliant story sir. Easily tracked.

Don't forget to update it in deviantart! I'm still waiting for a new chapter D:

(I actually dreamt it was updated, to find out it was a dream DAMN no kidding)

so totally tracked

>>106991106991 I was considering being homeschooled as well, but...my mother sadly explained that she would be nowhere near smart enough to teach me anything, so she couldn't. Plus, we didn't have any money, so it's not like I could transfer anywhere, either. I had to stick it out my entire school career. It wasn't easy, but...hey, I survived! And that's all that matters. Hug?

Wow...that...that ending sent shivers down my spine. I don't know why, but that...was so cold. Yet so very sad. It's obvious when anger and coldness are only suppressing the pain hiding behind it. I know because I've been on both sides of it. Wow...pretty powerful chapter. I like the little universe you created for Rarity in this. It all makes a lot of sense, when you think about it. Um...but don't you think Rarity was saying "darling" just a BIT too much? On the show, she really only says it during moments of exclamation and shock/surprise; she doesn't use it every other sentence! I think you got better at not doing it so much near the end, so that's good. Besides that, there were only a few minor errors here and there, and overall another GREAT chapter that I was really looking forward to. Loved it.

>>107243107243 That poem is awesome. Beauty and the Nerd version of Beauty and the Beast if I'm not mistaken? :D I be a ma'am, not a sir

>>107253107253 We're writing chapter 9 right now. I want to have FiMfiction.net caught up to DeviantART before we post any more chapters on DA, so that it's fair to everypony!

You actually dreamed we updated? Wow... okay, my ego just became the size of Dash's... wait for it... okay, I'm back to normal now.

*does silly happy dance*

>>107505107505 Thank you!

"Hey, Pinkie -" Twilight began, turning to talk to the pink pony. This was in vain. Pinkie had already ambushed a group of earth ponies getting off one of the school's coaches.

I may have a dirty perverted mind admittedly but I don't think that's what you meant? Please? So I don't have this face.

Image: http://i.imgur.com/bhIBk.jpg

And after reading it, another awesome chapter ma'am. Good work.

That was so adorable! Dash and Fluttershy, eh? How am I not surprised. Hmm...Dash and Fluttershy had a little fight, then Fluttershy asserted herself and kissed Dash...do I sense some foreshadowing with Twilight and Rarity? Hehehehe...

I REALLY get excited for these now. It's just so adorably cute! You do a great job...and your other friends too, I suppose.

>>109498109498 My sisters and I taught ourselves. Our mother couldn't teach us. Actually, she played video games more than anything. At the time I thought she was just being mean, ignoring us to the point my six year old sister learned to cook, but now I realize she was probably depressed.

Survival is sometimes - alright, most of the time - alright, 99% of the time - tough, but the experiences make us who we are, so I agree. Surviving is all that matters.

Hug! *glomp*

Yeah, Rarity's reality is pretty dark. More of her home life will be revealed later on, and it's heart-breaking. But the mane six will pull together and they'll be a family for each other.

Our version of Rarity does say "Darling" more than the cartoon's version. Our version of Rarity's mother says "Darling" a lot as well. We're taking creative license with the characters to create our universe. Did the "Darling" distract from the story? Rarity does it less as the story progresses - something like a nervous habit, and as she gets more comfortable she says it less.

Yay! I'm glad our story is something to look forward to. *hops around happily*

>>108767108767 lol, I suppose if you truly wanted that in the story, I can't stop you from reading it that way...also, I've got a perverted mind as well, so...

But no, Pinkie isn't molesting anypony. She's attacking them with invitations to her party.

And thank you! We try our best to make the story the best it can be. And I love the icon, soooo

>>111493111493

NO! I don't want that in your story. I was commenting on how the sentence looked and how you may want to restructure it. The story rocks in every scientific way. :D

Ah, another wonderful chapter. Celestia the troll mother...ah, how delightful to see her as such. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle...I'm slightly confused at precisely their ages. In the show, they're both fillies, while Twilight and her friends are mares. In your story, Twilight and her friends are fillies, right? So...wouldn't that make Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle...foals? It almost seems like they're a few years younger in this, but...they're all fillies? I'm kinda confused. You're probably just gonna say "It's our own universe, so just go along with it" like you did with the whole Rarity/darling thing, so don't worry about it. I was just curious.

FINALLY we're gonna hear a little about Applejack? Where in the world IS she? At least we get to see Apple Bloom next time, so that's good. Rarity at the start...wow, harsh! But, I figured that's why she was so mean...because Twilight spoke the truth, and the truth REALLY hurts sometimes. I know that feeling. Most of the things you write in this...are things that I've lived through in my own life. Ironic, huh? Personally, I hate my biological father and haven't spoken to him in over 10 years. I live with my biological mother. Rarity...wow, how sad. Very, very sad. The parts mentioned about Dash are cute. Oh, Twilight...you don't like mares? Yeah, right...if only you knew...

I loved it, and I'm excited for more. Tell your friends that apparently work on this with you to keep up the good work or whatever it is they do.

This is so insanely good holy shit.

>>111662111662 I'm sorry if I offended you. My sisters and I joke about that stuff with fictional dialog or the way something is written.

And thank you, we're trying our best!

>>112307112307 Thank you!

great to see this here aswell, we require more though! please keep up the great writing

we, need, more!

You gave me three chapters of one of my favorite stories in one day. You didn't have to do that :) This is going to favorites. I am also going to use this story as an example of how to do a love story and a coming of age story. You have my respect as a writer and fan. *SALUTE

Something tells me a huge ironic part is gonna come up later, where Glitter Rain turns out to be a filly-fooler who likes Rarity, despite the way she acts.

Applejack FINALLY makes an appearance; good! And she's flirty and cute and everything...ah, so perfect. Too bad she won't go for Twilight; you really don't see any Twilight x Applejack stories out there. Oh well, at least she's sexy and funny and adorable anyway.

Oh man...I REALLY hope that Rarity was only saying such horrible things to try and stay in the good graces of her former friends. My guess is she didn't know Twilight was listening. I really don't think she would talk like that about her if she knew she had...I hope.

Another cliffhanger, huh? Well, aside from you making the common mistake of thinking "Apple Bloom" is one word when it's not and making minor errors here and there, another clean and lovely little chapter. This seriously needs more popularity. It would probably help if you had a picture to go with it, but...I can see where it would be hard to find out for such an interesting subject. But, still, I love the story and it gets me excited every time I see an update. Good luck with the rest! Oh, and if you ever need anything, don't be afraid to come to me, alright?

YES. Another chapter after all this time! It may not be in DeviantArt, but it doesn't matter because IT'S HERE

Well, this one was...once again, very powerfully emotional and cool, but...it was somewhat a jumbled mess. I mean, it seemed one different thing happened after another without a real clear transition and it left me feeling slightly confused. I liked it all and everything, but it was just kinda confusing.

The part where Rarity gave her father a good one was perfect; if only I had gotten the chance to do that to MY good-for-nothing father. Gilda...I'm glad you didn't make her out to be a COMPLETE villain. Yes, she's rotten, but...there's more to her than that; Dash has her as a best friend for a reason, and I'm glad you focused in on that. The whole thing with Dash and Fluttershy...cute and somewhat cliche, but still perfect. Not really surprised to see Dash leave at the end. I think the biggest thing here is that EVERYONE is a coward on the inside, and it comes out when we least expect it. Twilight, Rarity, Dash, Fluttershy...they're all cowards, but they try so hard to cover it up. Man, deep stuff.

What I'm REALLY hoping to see is Twilight and Glitter shake hooves somewhere near the end, since Glitter cares about Rarity and clearly wants to be near her, so she wants to be friends with Twilight, too. Seriously, that would be a cute scene...but, I guess we'll wait and see.

Pinkie's Pinkie Sense...it's that powerful, hmm? Somehow, I'm not surprised. She can be a real sweetie when the need arises, huh?

Wow, I foresaw the inevitable fight between Twilight and Rarity...but, I did NOT see Twilight as the aggressor. Man...shocking, painful, deep...but, still expected.

Powerful chapter, and cute/funny way to end it with Rainbow Dash. Man, I SO wanted to see Twilight and Rarity go in for a full kiss, but...guess that'll come later.

Delusional Twilight D< How dare you talk as if Dash is a marelover and follows her heart. How DARE you.

This story is so awesome on so many levels that if it was a pony that pony would have preformed a triple Sonic Rainboom like five times in ten seconds flat.

>>115467115467

what do you mean despite how she acts? i haven't found a single sentence where it is stated that she has something against filly-foolers. But yeah i think too that she has a thing for Rarity.

>>117322117322 By "the way she acts", I meant in her haughty, rude, arrogant, selfish tone. As illogical as it sounds, it would just SEEM that she wouldn't really be a filly-fooler...but, in reality, my guess is that she's just acting that way to cover up her TRUE self. She's trying to act like a jerk when she's trying to hide her true heart...I really don't think she's so bad.

I have to say, this story is pretty awesome so far. I love the alternate universe you've put these guys in. especially Rarity's mother and father. and You've pinned down the characters' personalities to the dot and kept it feeling like it's still them, just in a entire different setting. keep it up

>>116099116099 Firstly, thank you for such wonderful responces. Secondly... Applebloom is Apple Bloom? Great Stars! *dies of embaresment* I'm in charge of editing the story, and I obviously overlooked that. Good grief.

The age of everyone...we didn't think that one through. You're the first to bring it up, and we never realised the ages were off. For some reason the CMC are the same age they are in the show (young fillies) wherias the mane six are older, but still fillies, as we aren't aware of an age group for teenage ponies. It's rather odd the CMC are around, now that the ages have been brought to my attention. I'll have a talk with Greatkingrat88, maybe we can work it out so that it makes more sense, but I think we're stuck with the excuse...er, I mean the reason....yeah, the reason... *cough* being we're in another universe.

Applejack is my fave pony, but she comes in late, and she seems to be only a background pony so far. We're focusing on Twilight/Rarity, and Fluttershy/Dash. We're eventually going to have a Pinkie/AJ. Unless something changes along the way XD.

I'm so sorry to hear you're father is/was an abusive twat. If you ever need to talk, I'm open.

Rarity...where do I start? She isn't an evil pony. Everything she says or does is self-preservation. I can't speak for Greatkingrat88 on his life experiences, so I can't really comment on most of Rarity's interactions with her father, but what happens when she confronts him is what happened when I confronted my abusive mother. I toned it down, though, as my mother used sexual abuse to control me, and Greatkingrat88 thought that was too dark for the story.

The truth shall set you free, but it will hurt like a hoof in the teeth. It's a painful lesson but one that everyone needs to learn.

Glitter Rain, you are so transparent...er, I mean, what are you talking about? Glitter doesn't like Rarity....

I'm glad you like the way we wrote AJ! As I stated earlier, she's my fave, so I was a bit nervous about how people would react to her. Yeah, I'm weird. Lol.

I never thought of doing pics for this novel-sized fic we're writing. O.o

Too abrubt in it's transition? You're not the first to bring that up. I'll look over it and see if I can add something to it to make it more believable.

Our story is full of cliches. We talked it over, and Greatkingrat88 rightly pointed out that you can never have a story without any cliches - it is how you handle the cliches that mark whether or not the story is written well. I hope we are writing a good story, and judging form the reponces of fellow bronies (or bronys, depending on how you want to spell it) thus far, we are writing it well. I still get a nervous pit in my stomach when I hit that publish button, though... almost enough to make me run for cover and not publish anything. BUT, I need to come out of my shell. I'm trying this thing where I just go and do things instead of worrying about it and hiding from the world. Also, trying this thing called being honest, and not making everything seem perfect. Difficult to do, even five months into it. I'm rambling. Time to get back on track...

Gilda! She sort of just happened. We have vague ideas of what is going to happen to the mane six, but everything else is totally on the fly. We are writing this story to be as realistic as possible, and no one is a complete ass, not even Gilda or Rarity's father. Life can be cruel, and it's cruelness will shape a person by how they react to it.

Our story is deep? Thank you so much! We're trying hard to make it a realistic transition from childhood to adulthood, and growing up is no easy picnic.

Glitter and Twilight... I have no idea how that story is going to end.

Pinkie is Pinkie is Pinkie and her sense is totally...Pinkie. Lol. Seriously, we're writing Pinkie as the mother of the group, the wise person and the one who is connected with the more magical aspects of their world. I think only Twilight would give Pinkie a run for her money in terms of raw power, but Twilight would win as her power does more.

Rarity and Twilight's romance is going to be kicked up in the next chapter! :D

Do you want to be a beta-reader for this story? Also, I've been wanting to ask a stupid question since it should be obvious, but... how do I fave a story? I can't find that option, so is it the same as tracking a story?

>>115358115358 We're working on it! I took a two day rest from all things electronic (got a head cold) but I'm back and ready to go! We should have the next chapter up within *thinks on how long it takes to write a chapter* five or six days.

>>115443115443 An example of how to write a coming-of-age story? Wow, thank you! I'm stunned and..and.. Wow. *dances happily*

>>115473115473 We'll be updating both DeviantART and Fimfiction.net at the same time now

>>116519116519 Thank you!   We're doing our best!

>>121594121594

It's appropriately awarded to you. Twilight is slowly coming to realize that while the world will have many moments of evil and many moments of good, it's up to her to ride the good moments. You captured that perfectly. Romance? You have two worlds colliding. Yes it can be destructive sometimes, and other times it can create a lot of bad feelings. But you got the good moments down to perfection. For that, you received 5/5, a favorite, and a watch. You have the potential to do even greater pieces of writing. So don't treat this like any other fic, this is something to be treasured for how well done it was.

Am i a greedy person because I'm already thinking about all the great stories you could write in the future ?

: yes you are!

: sowwy

I beg you, I need more... I cannot describe the joy I feel when reading this- its so incredibly amazing.

On a note: I think I am going to kill Rainbow Dash ... dumb bitch

>>121566121566 Well, you're very welcome. When I'm attached to a story I really love, I try to leave meaningful comments that aren't just one word or one sentence or a great big annoying picture that doesn't make any sense. But, then again, I ALWAYS leave detailed, long comments; every write deserves them, no? And, yes, you made the same mistake that a LOT of people do, but Apple Bloom is indeed two words, not one. If you don't believe me, I can always show you the official page of hers. It's like with Derpy Hooves; lots of people still call her "Ditzy Doo", but that is NOT her name. The show accepted the name Derpy Hooves, so that is officially her name. But, yes, Apple Bloom is how you spell it. Trust me on that.

You...seriously didn't notice that? Um...well, it's fine. Even if it doesn't make much sense, it's okay; no one else seems to care, and really...I don't, either. I still love the story and it's not gonna make me stop reading or anything, nor make me stop liking the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Sometimes, illogical things aren't so bad, so don't stress over it. I just point things out sometimes that don't make a lot of sense to me, but they do to the author.

Ah, I figured it would be Applejack/Pinkie. Very, very unusual...but, I was kinda figuring it would happen, what with the other four females already being paired up. It's also kinda strange...both unicorns with each other, both Pegasi with each other, and then both earth ponies with each other? Wow...love is interesting sometimes.

Oh, not just my biological father...so was the three "fathers" that my desperate mother fell in love with later on in life. So, yeah...I didn't just go through one, or two, or three; I went through four. But, hey, it's cool; to this day, I hate ALL fathers, no matter who or what they are, and I'm a strong person at heart. Almost nothing rattles me anymore. But, thanks, sweetie, for your kindness.

Man...that's...really painful. I don't have any place to speak on that part; I love MY mother with all my heart and she would never do anything like that to me. It's funny, and painful, how so many lives are affected in so many horrific ways in the world, huh?

Ain't that the truth.

It's funny...at first, I hated Glitter Rain. But...for some odd reason, since she seems to actually have a soul and a heart that are very well-hidden...I don't hate her anymore. Is that weird?

Applejack is your favorite, hmm? Well, I loved her; she's adorable when she's being flirty, but still helpful.

Well, I didn't mean to do pictures...I just meant that the story itself should have a picture so that when people go looking for it, it has something to go with it. You know what I mean, right? Take a look at my own stories on my page; each one has a picture to go with it, even if I just picked it out randomly. I'm not saying you have to, but sometimes it's incredibly helpful to have a picture be with your story; it draws in readers, you know?

Yes, it kinda was. Perhaps you should break up the "sections" with ~~~ or something like that? It's just...when you go from one area to the next just from inserting a new paragraph, it can sometimes be jarring and rather confusing. But, it was just a minor thing; don't stress too much.

Don't fret; nothing wrong with using cliches. Every story does indeed have them, and they're not always bad, you know. Oh, and I love the story; you have no reason to fear when you publish these. I get excited when I see that you do.

That's how I write, too; I usually just come up with things as I write. I very, very rarely plan things ahead. And...yeah, that's good that you're not making anyone 100% evil; we ALL have light and darkness inside of us, but it's how you balance it out that makes you what you are.

Yes, your story is quite deep...so deep it makes me uncomfortable at times (uncomfortable in a good sense, not a bad sense). So, you should be VERY proud of how you write; it's awesome!

Well, that's your call with Twilight and Glitter. I personally think it would be a lovely end if the two became friends...or in the very least acquaintances, instead of staying as enemies. Of course, that's not how reality always plays out...but you have to admit it WOULD make for a cute end, at least between those two. And it WOULD explain how Glitter would want to stay close to Rarity, no matter what. But, it's up to you and your friends; you'll decide on what is best when the time comes.

Uh...PINKIE as the mother of the group? That's...uh...SERIOUSLY? Fluttershy and maybe even Applejack I'd understand, but PINKIE?!?! Well...I suppose I can see what you mean. Pinkie is a huge ditz and very odd, but...she DOES have the element of laughter and she REALLY cares for all those around her, so...in a way, I don't blame you. It just feels so odd to think of her as motherly and not as...well, a ditzy, friendly party girl.

FINALLY! Yes! I can't WAIT to see some Twilight x Rarity at long last! Ooh, I'm getting excited just thinking about it!

You want me to be one of your beta-readers/pre-readers? I would love to! I'm not perfect, of course, but I have been writing for over 14 years, and I took four years of Journalism (I've even worked with my town's newspaper), so I consider myself a very good editor. I would love to, if you wanted me to help out. Oh, and how do you fave a story? Well, you know how to track them, right? Go up to where you track a story, and go all the way over to the left. Do you see the gray star beside the name of your story and all others? All you do is click on that gray star and it'll turn gold, which means that you now favorited that story! You can even favorite your own story, if you were that arrogant.

Will there be another chapter tommorow?

>>133310133310 I'm sorry for the late reply. As you can see, no, we didn't. We're still writing the chapter. We've got a few hiccups. Nothing horrendous, just what you would expect with two authors who have a vague idea of where they're going and then having a bit of a clash on how a character should play out.

>>123299123299 I know its an enormous task, but would you go from the beginning and see what we could fix? I could send you the download links, and you can take however long you want - no pressure, and of course, you don't have to.

Thanks.

>>144323144323 You do realize that I've already copy and pasted each chapter and saved them in a document, right? I do that with all romance stories I like. I've corrected MOST of the errors, just so they don't distract me, but not really all of them. Even if I DO go back to the very start and edit all of them for you, how exactly would I send them back to you?

>>144919144919 How could I know that?

Also, I didn't mean to impose on you. As I said, it's a big task. I understand if you don't want to. I asked becuase you seemed to know what you were doing story-wise :)

I'd imagine we could either exchange e-mails, or you could do what I did - find a free file sharing site and upload the corrected versions for me to download, and then re-upload onto DA and FIMfiction.net.But you don't have to do anything. I was just asking.

>>145629145629 I wasn't trying to be mean; I was just being sarcastic, my dear. Hope I didn't annoy you.

Eh, if it's to help out a fellow writer and if it's to hopefully make you my friend, I'll do it. I've got time on my hands anyway.

Emails sound fine with me. If you want, go ahead and add mine. It's on my page, but if you don't feel like going there, I'll send you a private message with it.

Oh man. I needed this story bad. Another amazing chapter. Also, I hope the girls can stay away from Cider... nasty drug that is.

Yes! I'm very proud of Rainbow Dash for finally finding the inner strength to stand up for herself and her new love.

While reading I found three.

"Twilight stared at Derpy than laughed. "I wish I could that," she said."

"Parden?" Twilight asked, an idea slowly forming in her mind."

"Derpy's smile nearly broke Twilight's heart. Was Pinkie and Shy the only ponies that were truly nice to Derpy?"

Another great chapter, already looking forward to the next one.

Oh Hattie, u so cool.

But, please, don't keep us waiting that long again. Or else...

Image: http://creepybot.net/pix/801.jpg

Just kidding.

But seriously.

Simply brilliant. This is by far my favorite story. Keep up the good work

>>145723145723 Nope. I'm mostly un-anoyable. Friends? Always up for more friends.

>>175039175039 Thank you We're trying out best!

>>174750174750 Our chapters are getting longer and longer, so they are naturally going to take up longer to write.  Also, we write for fun, and unfortunately, fun doesn't always come first in life. I'm happy you like the story though!

>>173330173330 Yikes! Thank you for your eagle eye. I'll change it right now!

>>173326173326 Standing up for yourself and your loved ones is one of the hardest things a person can learn. :) I'm glad we wrote it right.

>>173237173237 Thank you :) Yes, that cider is sneaky...

Wow, this story has been one roller coaster of an emotional ride so far.  

I have fallen in love with this story and I'm looking forward to seeing it going on.

>>178647178647 happy to help make a great story better.

A little point that confused me here... "'You're a doll.' Rarity said, lying down next to Pinkie." <- Pinkie?

Apart from that,

Been looking forward to this chapter since... FOREVER Seriously. Since it was on Deviantart. Finally, some actual Raritwi goodness! Brilliant story.

Woohoo, first comment ever on fimfiction!

Just wanted to drop a comment to let you guys know how COMPLETELY AMAZING this fic is. The characterization, setting and pacing are all spot-on. It's impressive how you've avoided the many pitfalls of a romance story in a high school AU, which I've deemed to be my least favorite combination of fic categories.

I need to mention how excellently portrayed Rarity is. I've never found her as likable or relatable as she is in this story, and I'm actually rather fond of her to begin with. The same goes for the rest of the Mane 6, but especially her. I mean it, this is spectacular. I will be watching vigilantly for future chapters.

This Pinkie, though... she was something else. She probably wasn't the kind of pony who would lock you in her cellar and, torture you to death and turn you into baked goods, but she was definitely not quite right, mentally...

Oh god since I've read Cupcakes, I hate Pinkie...

Hey, I'm really sorry for pestering but it's been quite a while and i'd like to ask if the story is on hiatus or if perhaps you're uploading to somewhere else and it just didn't get uploaded here?

Once again, sorry for nagging.

Also, really awesome story!

>>266794266794 You're not pestering me, and I'm sorry for taking two weeks to reply. I had some personal problems I had to work through, and they are still an on-going obstacle - much like the rest of the world's problems, I'd imagine - I ain't unique in that department.

This won't be put on hold permanently, the updates might be a little far apart, but we won't abandon it. We publish simultaneously here and on DevianART. Thank you for the feedback! And you have nothing to apologize for.

>>183979183979 Thank you for such high praise. We're simply trying to make all the character's people and as realistic as possible. Same for the story, as much as one can get by talking magical ponies. ^^

>>187821187821 I've never read it, and until folks commented on this story about that line, I hadn't realized it was a reference to anything. My co-author, Greatkingrat88, wrote that part. I'm never going to read Cupcakes - it sounds far too saw-like for my tastes, and far too barbaric.

>>180971180971 We hope to keep it interesting.

>>183491183491 .... Pinkie? Typo alert! Typo alert! I'll fix it. Thank you!

yay

I am so glad this updated, I feared it was dead. And that would have been such a shame.

Great new chapter. Bit confused about the two Doo's and where you're going with it. I'll just assume both Ditzy and Derpy are in this fic for now.

UPDATE WHAAAAAAT?

BEST DAY EVER

Okay, there are plenty of mistakes and typos, but this one would hurt my conscience if I let it slip through.

Pinkie giggled. "They could eat strings of dust with dust bunnies instead of spaghetti and meatballs!"

Oh come on, Pinkie's random, but not an omnivore!

Twilight shook her head. "No, I don't. But... what if she wants to end it?"

"Then you must end it. Mayhap try again later."

Is that supposed to be in twice? other than that I've noticed a few typos...  

She used this to her advantaged  , silently

damn can't find the other ones anymore

Lastly, the amount of punishment relative to the crime (1 day away from school) felt a bit harsh and/or over the top since it is a high-school and all that

Sorry about all that I'm slowly turning into a proofreader gremlin that can't stand mistakes, that was all the bile I had, I swear!

Thanks for another great chapter, I really wanna know what happens between Pinkie/Rarity/Twilight now

And I wonder about AJ a lot as well, even though it seems like she's just a supporting character in all of this.

Hello Hattie,

I am really happy this story was updated, this was one of the first fanfictions that I began reading when I entered this fandom. I am really enjoying your work and I hope that you continue this wonderful story!

When I read stuff like this it's really humbling. How does a story like this not get more views?

Thank you for writing such a great story!

>>316269316269 WE?!  You mean there is more then one of you working on this.... So lucky....  I'm stuck doing my story alone.....  Well, love what your doing so far, so whatever it is you're all doing it is working.

*salutes you*, spent two hours of my life burning through first chapter to now, it's quite good and you got their personalities down perfectly even it is in different setting (in our world, ponies instead of people).

Keep up the good work!

pinch me i must be dreaming this updated now i'm gonna read it comment later

Oh excellent! I'm very pleased by this chapter as well. Quietly Assertive Fluttershy was nice to see as well.

My heart melted at the FlutterDash scene oh my god. I also love all the reference. Loved the Gladiator one and especially the redneck americans haha :D

I hope the next chapter comes soon!

>>316395316395 She didn't say anything about eating meat. My family is vegan, and we still eat hot dogs, and such. Instead of animal products, they are made with soybeans, and other vegan-friendly products :) Also, in one of the episodes (Fall Weather Friends, if I'm not mistaken) Pinkie says she eats hot dogs - which I'm assuming are vegan versions ^^ Thank you for the concern, though, that would have been a huge pothole :) Perhaps I should add somewhere they are eating vegan versions of the food?

>>316364316364

>>316364316364

>>316393316393 Nope, not dead. The two Doo's have something to do with a certain time traveling pony...

>>316425316425 I'm proofreading with a computer. While I think I can pound out a good story, I'm terrible at proofreading. I had a beta reader (He did the first chapter) but then it sort...I don't know, actually. Greatkingrat88 is also a great writer, but its up to me to proofread and post.

I'm actually a bit disappointed AJ doesn't have a larger role, but this story is more of Greatkingrat88's story. I'm writing it with him, but he's the one with the plot and such. I am a short story writer, so this is a difficult undertaking for me. XD

Thank you for the feedback! I'm trying my best to fix all the typos.

>>316425316425 I realized I haven't replied to your comments about Twilight's punishment. I didn't think I was going too far out. If anything, I was too relaxed. In the last school I attended, if one person even talked back to a teacher, the whole class faced detention for that day. The teachers really didn't like me, as I never attended detention, becuase I refused to be punished for someone else's mistakes. At the school before that, they even went so far as to punish any kids who were late due to their parents running late. In Twilight's punishments, I was building off of my experiences.

>>326911326911

Wow, you must have gone to some seriously harsh schools.

The school I went to had a three strike system, if you skipped school three times without a pass from the doctor or parents you had two hours of detention after school.

A difference in experiences I suppose.

>>317564317564 Hello SanityLost. :D Good to hear from you!

Thank you, we're trying to write the best story possible. I suppose the views are related to how many people recommend the story, since FIMfiction changed the rules - only the first chapter is shown on the front page as it were, and then it doesn't go back when it is updated. They changed it to give short story authors more of a level playing field.

Humbling? Its humbling to know our story is humbling.

>>326915326915 Your school system seems built more on fairness. I have no idea why my schools were so harsh. I'm told by one of my cousins, her school was harsher, but she went to a Roman Catholic school, I went to a public school. I dunno if that had anything to do with it.

>>326951326951

I went to a Christian school so I'm not sure.

>>317653317653 Hehe, yeah. I'm a short story author, so this is way outta my league. Greatkingrat88 is the plot master. I'm simply helping him write it out, and adding my own little side plots into it. We both also give each other surprises in how we see a character develop or a storyline go. Writing with someone else is an adventure. Just be patient. I've been wanting to write a story with someone else for years and years, and Greatkingrat88 and I accidentally wrote the first chapter together. We were role playing as AJ and Dash, and the plot sort of happened.