Rainbow Dash has experienced many crashes, and somehow manages to pick herself up and carry on after a couple of weeks. However when she suffers a crash that would be fatal to any other normal pegasus and somehow manages to survive,and a suspicious Twilight begins to question how Rainbow is still living, Dash starts to have repetitive nightmares and discovers a terrifying secret that she's been keeping from herself. What and who is the thing inside Rainbow Dash?
A sister?
A protector?
An impostor?
A possessor?
And more importantly; What does it want?
Chapters (5)
Ok guys this is my first fic so please excuse any punctual errors, spelling mistakes ect.
I hope you like it and also FIM belongs to Hasbro and Lauren Faust.
Not bad for a first fic. All the spelling and grammar mistakes are ones made fairly often. Unless you're an English professor (or you have impossibly high standards like me), you're almost expected to make at least a few of them.
As far as stroy goes, it's not bad. However, it is quite clear that this is indeed your first fanfic. I can't put my finger on it, but there's something about it that seems off; something that screams "I'm not reaching my full potential as a story". It's not bad, but it's not outstanding either. The only thing I know of that can fix this problem is practice.
1198778 thank you for your honest critique. Yeah I can see where your coming from and I'll see if I can work on it
This is a fairly good idea, and as such, I'll give it a free pass for the grammar and spelling errors. (There aren't that many. I'm kind of surprised.)
Great first attemt. Got atraced by the discribsen. You need to discribe more. Don't use common sence to discribe something. Use words as your main weapon to all the fic you will writhe. I am a criticer by heart, that means I had a sence of detail. If you need an editor, I am happy to help you. This story has alot of potential. I can feel it. The grammar in other hand is less wouthy your time.
See yea!
very very nice.
nice but tis is annoying me to high hell! instead of using ' you should be using " and they are supposed to be like this "Hi im Floppy!" not" Hi im floppy. " Okay? Beside that I cant wait for next chapter!
Normally I would find that the pacing of a First Fanfic to be going to fast but you aren't so that isnt what is wrong I believe. I think the thing you are missing is your flavor text; so to speak. -re-reads part of it- No wait.. that can't be it.. you described things superbly... I have to agree with JpHyper, SOMETHING is missing and I plan to figure it out so I can tell you how to make your story from good; to great. ^_^
Maybe its your spacing, you should have more spacing when it comes to dialogue. Powers of Harmony is one example I would use for this, it has the right amount of spacing without going overboard for it, in my opinion. That might be what's causing the flow problems this seems to have... maybe.. i'm rambling now so yea
EDIT: Also use Quotation marks instead of Apostrophes for dialogue, just noticed that 'cause of FloppyWhooves
Ooh, this looks interesting. *le follow*
Yeah, the grammar mistakes are kinda prevalent. Maybe a quick spell check would catch half of them, and then maybe a read-thru would catch the rest. Nothing a good hour of editing can't fix. There are people willing to read through what you write and correct all those mistakes you make. Just look for the Proofreaders group.
And like a few people (JpHyper and Lanafilly) I feel like the idea isn't being used to its full potential. In my opinion, the narration seems weirdly disconnected from the story. It's like actually being there versus getting the story secondhand from someone else who was there. It just doesn't feel complete. Plus, the ending seems a bit abrupt. Sure, we know what happened, but you kind of end on a whimper instead of a suspense note. I don't really feel any need to stick around.
However, this idea is one of the more original ones. I've seen some fics that play on this idea of an inside being, but I've never seen it applied to RD. You also have a great hook with the weird other RD. It makes me go "Who is this?" and keeps me reading.
All in all, not a bad first shot!
Good story. I like how it starts. Though I noticed one grammar error you might want to correct.
The pony was floating further and further towards Rainbow
*"closer and closer" works better.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
thank you everyone for your views on my story and the support. All of your advice has been really helpful for me and I'm glad you liked the story
When I work on the next chapter I'll take your critiques into account and hopefully improve.
Thank you all so much!
This is a great story for a first attempt, there isn't anything that hasn't already been said about the technical side of things, at least that I can think of. Anyway, I like the concept and looking forward to see where you take this
What I'm expecting.
"I am a shadow, the True self! Everypony should always focus on me, Those who look away will suffer! Now, to get rid of the neighsayers!"
I don't care if u hav any mistakes this story is awesome so far
So far it's very good, so don't stop and write more! (please?)
1200750 Thanks, now you've forced my hand.
I decided to release the next chapter sooner than I would because I think you all deserve it
I made this chapter longer I hope you don't mind.
well I hope I improved on this chapter and more are on the way
oh and SPOILER ALERT
Rainbow Dash technically did do it
Good job in this one. Nice of you to discribe something. But, it could be better, as always. What did the room Rainbow Dash was in look like when Twiligth brusted in? That was very vage.
i personally like a little romance in a story (namely Flutterdash) but this seems ok....
There once was a woman from q who filled her vagina with glue, she thought with a grin, if they pay to get in then they'll pay to get out too.
Split personality caused by Pegasi magic eh?
Plz write MOAR!!!!
um if you want to 
You kind of stole my idea.
I was gonna have RD be part of a bloodthirsty alien race very similar to ponies but with small horns (not unicorn horns, more like devil horns), but she suffered a head injury and forgot all about it, but then she has another head injury and remembers why she came to Equestria but forgets all about the fact that she knew people in Equestria and begins a tyranny over everypony in Ponyville while the whole time the self her friends knew is trying to get the alien self to back down and go away, like a Pinkamena story.
Come to think of it, that doesn't really sound like your story at all (which, by the way, is a great one).
DAMN CLIFFHANGERS
Yay! Another chapter!
Sorry it took a while 
.
I thought I'd base this chapter around Twilight a bit more but don't worry there'll be more Dash next chapter
Don't be afraid to give me your thoughts on this chapter, all your tips have helped me improve.
I love you all and I hope to here from you soon!
cover art could be better... but the story is good in my books, (twilight sparkle pun...) keep it up
When someone is caught off the words like when spike said Rainwauugh it should be Rain-waughhh but yeah, anyway im bad at writing so i shouldnt complain good jib
I'm hoping for an update at some point. You can do it!
1407416 Almost finished the next chapter. Don't worry
It's here! sorry this chapter took so long
I hope you all don't mind!
Dat premise.
I must read this.
Don't mind? DON'T MIND!?
of course I don't mind 
I wont if you make more
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This isn't as good as the other chapters
Show us Rainbow's geist already!
You've got a lot of punctuation mistakes. I suggest getting an editor, since these mistakes can be a bit distracting.
2647384 not long. I hope to create a better and longer chapter. I havent had much time on my hands lately as lots of things have been happening unexpectedly and this chapter was quite rushed ill admit. I just wanted to post something up to stop you guys from having to wait so long. I'll come back and clean this chapter up later but i'll need to deal with somethings first.
Awesome job with the story so far!
I'm not a fan of cliffhangers, but... well, we'll just have to see what happens next. 
I hope you update soon, but I understand if you have some other things you need to take care of beforehoof. I have a problem with updating my own stories because of other occurrences, and I'm sure a lot of other people, so they shouldn't be overly critical.
Anyway, I'm feeling for Rainbow. Like, ugh. Poor girl. Hopefully this can be cured
I'll be waiting. Keep up the great work!
Oh, and if you need somepony to help with the editing (although you're doing a great job, I know it can be hard) I'm always here.
2647504 Wow thankyou so much! If I need any help I ask you
I dunno.
I liked this chapter, but it felt kind of like "I'm putting up this chapter because I have to".
Long time no see. The infamous writerblock eh? Anyway, this needs some work. Guess you had something in plan in next chapter. Well I can wait.
Can't wait
i shall wait for more.because...well do i really need to give a reason?this story is awesome
2647560 Sounds good!
1205412 What does that have to do with anything?