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26w, 1d/fic/ception
Comments ( 29 )
Bit... Harsh. Left out a few things to do with ruling (serious mode active)![]()
There are three things a ruler can be. Hated, Feared, or Loved. It is vitally imprtant that you are Feared, by which I mean that your wrath and displeasure should be Feared, not you personally. A good example is the mentality that parents set up. When you were younger you loved your parents, but you also Feared them.
Being Loved helps, but isn't as important as being Feared. If you must choose between them, go with Feared. Being Loved will let the people get along a bit more easily with you, and there are many ways to do this, and it also has the added bonus of making sure that assasins and uprisings are much rarer.
Even more vital is that you avoid being Hated. A Hated ruler will not last long. Do not, under any curcumstances, steal land, people, or cattle. Bad idea, for a man will forgive the death of his father much more readily than he will forgive the theft of his property. Secondly, do not overly oppress the people. Unlawful seizures and imprisonment, along with bursting into houses in the middle of the night, are suicide tactis for a ruler.
Next comes your authority. Celestia got it rather right.
As for spanking a country, well, popular uprisings are a definite no-no. When a kingdom’s still young they’ll be rather arrogant and will like to test their limits. React firmly and swiftly. Imprisonments, making examples and massacres will all be cards in your hand, play them wisely though, you do not want to become a tyrant.
Fantastic, though massaceres are always an act of last resort. The ah... 'Abort' thing is jsut plain stupid. Too many ways it can backfire.
Interesting setup and premise. Celestia's too out of character here for me, though.
Well... That was...
I thought she was going to talk about literal motherhood, but then again, she might as well, haven't she?
So basically they have a speech, but they dont know any of the answers for it and have no idea about it.
BRILLIANT. ![]()
Well, I guess it goes a long way to highlighting how little most people know about human nature. It's all fairly true from the point of view of a barbaric society like ours, but it's complete hogwash in reality. Can't see why you'd foist that onto ponies.
-Scott
This was great
At first I expected the obvious Talk (probably exactly what you planned) but this was seriously way better!
OOC or not, and that's debatable considering how little we really know of Celestia and how old she is, I enjoyed this ![]()
Oh, and about that aborting bit. It's a tough decision to make so I think Celestia should have reassured Cadence about it a little. She could have said something along the lines of "You can disguise the whole thing as a terrible natural catastrophe or anything else that is believable enough for your new subjects. I will back you up with any story you make, so don't worry about it too much."
Just a thought!
I happened to see this on the new-uploads list and the title threw me for a loop. You know what, i like it when something throws me like this. It wasn't what i expected, and yet, i enjoyed it more than what i had originally thought.
Fav'd Watch'd Like'd.
>>1194174 I'm not sure I see the relevance. I'm not saying it's right or wrong with relation to the story; I'm saying it makes a good satire because it's clearly wrong yet no so far from the reality of our world. Whether it's meant to be right or wrong has no bearing on the statement that it is, objectively, wrong.
It's not meant as any kind of snipe at the story.
Great premise, but there were a few issue for me personally. These are merely critiques, so take them for what you will.
Basically, there were two issues. One was the way "the talk" came across. The first sentence used a quotations, which subconsciously triggered "dialogue" in my mind. Then there was no response from Cadence as she never really spoke in terms that were easy for the reader to understand. As such, it hampered the flow (due to a lack of quotations afterwards, for the most part).
It became more a direct monologue then anything else, which hampered the initial ease of flowing into the story scene. That can be a turn off to some readers. I could see this as a letter to Cadence (suffice to say that it'd stand by itself without the dialogue between Celestia and Luna in the second part), or bridging the two sections by going with a more traditional dialogue between the two characters of Celestia and Cadence.
The second was Celestia felt like she had some OOC issues. Usually Celestia is portrayed, in the series, as the Benevolent Rule archetype, such as her usual caring disposition, infinite patience, and love of Equestria (the duel with Chrysalis, etc).
She seemed more distant then usual, more...harsh. That's just how I read it, and I could be wrong here. Usually when folks take liberties with her character, it's more in a comedic role or developing some latent aspect of her personality, but that wasn't really present here. I think the trigger was this line:
React firmly and swiftly. Imprisonments, making examples and massacres will all be cards in your hand, play them wisely though, you do not want to become a tyrant.
Massacre is a very powerful word when used in the right context. Such brutal measures seem way outside the bounds of how she is otherwise portrayed. Even in an uprising, imprisonment is one thing. Willingly killing a plethora of ponies? That's a hard pill to swallow. Her sister tried that and was banished. To me, it's like saying Ron Weasley is a Deatheater.
With all that said, I do like this piece because it deals with a unique idea. Assuming a revision and exploration of the premise, this could be brilliant. The core is there, but it needs to be flushed out a bit.
Yay, I was really looking forward to a detailed critique and I got one.
The first sentence used a quotations, which subconsciously triggered "dialogue" in my mind. Then there was no response from Cadence as she never really spoke in terms that were easy for the reader to understand.
This was really a mistake on my part, italics for the whole thing would probably have worked better.
I could see this as a letter to Cadence (suffice to say that it'd stand by itself without the dialogue between Celestia and Luna in the second part), or bridging the two sections by going with a more traditional dialogue between the two characters of Celestia and Cadence.
I've got to say, most of the following issues really arise from me writing with a focus on style rather than the requirements for the piece.
I tend to try and avoid letter fics because I feel the structure is too overused. At the same time, most of my normal fics are very wordy and flowery, this was an attempt to try and writing something a little more lightweight, mainly content focused. Part of the challenge was to in fact see if I could attempt a narrative through dialogue alone. I didn't really want to get tied down in Cadence's reaction either. Maybe next time a letter will just have to suffice. Either way though, I'm happy with how the structure turned out as this was really an experimental piece, but I see exactly where you're coming from.
As for the part with Luna and Celestia at the end, I'm a bit of a whore for character development, I'd find it difficult to not give Celestia a little closure, especially after abusing her character so much.
Which leads onto...
The second was Celestia felt like she had some OOC issues.
I'll be truthful here, Celestia was consciously written OOC. There I said it.![]()
Celestia's character was beaten beyond recognition partially for metaphor and partially because I figured every other author does it. I mean, her character is probably the most abused out of any. Either she's wearing a mask and is really Sadlestia, or she loves Twilight and is Creepylestia or is Trollestia etc. This doesn't validate my abuse in any way, but that's one of my weaknesses as a writer; twisting characters to fit what I need. Definitely something I need to work on.
With all that said, I do like this piece because it deals with a unique idea. Assuming a revision and exploration of the premise, this could be brilliant. The core is there, but it needs to be flushed out a bit.
And with all that said, thanks for the critique. This was mainly experimental so I'm unlikely to touch this again, plus I'm really quite pleased with the outcome, but as for the ideas... Well, I'm feeling that this is only scratching the surface of something, that given depth, could turn into something really interesting.
Stay classy. ![]()
- Timefly







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