• Member Since 10th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 1st, 2023

LightningAce7


T

Follow a young pegasus colt as he battles bullies, explores ancient ruins, tries to survive Flight Camp, and many more adventures. This is my first fic so constructive criticism is very much wanted. Rated teen for violence. Note: this fic takes place during the foalhood of the mane 6.

Chapters (35)
Comments ( 65 )

Meh. It's not all bad so far. You do have some grammar errors you need to get checked out though, like making sure there's a new paragraph when dialogue shifts to a different character. Also, I would suggest making your descriptions more vivid. They are a tad bland.

Same thing as before, a few grammatical errors interspersed throughout, but overall not bad. I think that the little bit with Cloud Breaker seemed a bit out of place though.

Yeah, this will be the third time I say this: Check your grammar. If you need someone to help out, drop me an email at tnuyum@gmail.com. Keep it up mate.

1214468 I actually wrote all three parts as one chapter, but when I posted it my phone derped it out at 1375 words or so. I will try harder on my grammar. But my cell is why there is three awkwardly broken up chapter's instead of one.

1214498 Ah, I understand. I've tried writing on my phone an just ragequit.

1214518 I will have a computer hopefully soon though. In the meantime try and bear with the grammar. I will try to fix what I can but as you know a phone can only do so much. It'll get better I promise you that.

1214746 It's all good man. The important thing is to keep working, and to try to improve all the while.

:3 I like it.
I really do.
And the defending Derpy bit was adorable. :rainbowkiss:

This fiction… it will definitely go places. SO SAYS THE GREAT SKYBLAZE!!

My powers of prediction… they fail me… anything could happen…

I actually had a tear or two while writing this part. Anyway thanks to those who faved this and continue to follow this. It has been a learning experience for me as I go. Special thanks especialy to MarkusBrony and Tnuyum, whose feedback has helped me considerably. If there are any questions or any more advice as to how I can improve more please don't hesitate to say something. Again thank you to my readers!

Loving the story so far, bro. The chapters are a little short, but for how often it updates the length is fine.

Sorry about the long wait for the next chapter everypony. I'm currently taking care of some OC related business and should hopefully resume writing by tonite. Thank-you for your patience in this as I sort this out.

1334400 if you watch cutie mark chronicles, they actually never mention how Rainbow Dash became such a good flier. It only really explained the race in which she did the Rainboom. Who's to say she didn't train really hard to achieve it? In the episode "The Sonic Rainboom", it's clear that she still doesn't have it nailed down.One bully outright says that it was "just an old mare's tale". I decided to play on that. I'm also trying to follow canon while at the same time making it so that Lightning Ace truly feels like he could of been in the show. Therefore some details from the show may change, though I want to keep the original plot as intact as possible. I've already mentioned a key part that was mentioned in hurricane shy.

1334400 besides, making her born with the potential to do it and having her train for it just makes it seem all the more legendary. After all she's the only one who can do it. It makes sense to have it be a blood line type thing. As for your OC please decide soon., I'm eager to see what you've got. As for the short chapters i'll tell you what I told tnuyum. It's because I'm doing this on a phone. I'll have access to a pc soon so please be patient. Its as painful to write short chapters as it is to read them. By soon I mean a week. Just be patient. It will be way better when I can write longer chapters.

1335233 actually the three bullies in The Sonic Rainboom were unnamed. At least as far as I'm aware. Cloud Breaker is just an OC I created to be more or less a recurring nemesis. Cloud was never in the show. In fact, Cloud is no friend of the three bullies that make fun of Dash. Remember that he hates Lightning, not Dash. True, he's training her to turn her into Lightning's rival, but he does want desperately to see the Sonic Rainboom. The ability to do it was in his great grandparent's gene's. Only he wasn't born able to do it. So really he's just disappointed in himself, and takes it out on Lightning. I'll flesh this out later in the fic.

Jolly good show, my good sir. Tally ho! Onwards and upwards!

Wait, hold on... they brought Ace to Manehattan... everypony's about to get their cutie marks... Who do I know in Manehattan at that time?

*Checks the episode, then glances at OC spreadsheet*

Oh holy schist. You have got to be kidding me. I know too much! TOO MUCH! NNNYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

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Wow, this is so similar to the BR Ace/Applejack encounter I did a double take.

1354975 Either A I'm somehow reading your mind as I write my fic, B you're reading my mind as you write yours, C we simply think alike and therefore am that much more likely to have similar plots, Or D, all of the above. Your reaction earlier was priceless by the way. I definitely can't wait to read your latest chapter now!

1356095
Well, if you think about it, our OCs in Brony Recon are very similar. They both fell for ponies while they were human, they share a love of flight, and they both found their love after being injured…

Skyblaze: Markus! Spoiler alert!

MB: *facehoof*

Why haven't I read more of this? I feel ashamed. Well, on with the story and on to Flight Camp!

Hmm… research… very good research… My criminal mind is slowly devising plot twists and shipping tools as we speak… muhahahhaha…:pinkiecrazy:

1377119 fixed!...sorry about the name...I just got done moving and my mind is likely still moving in.

I think it's safe to say that AppleAce is now a valid ship

1397314
1404596
sorry about the long wait between chapters. we're still unpacking stuff and I just got over the stomach flu. But once things settle here I can hopefully write consistently again. I must continue to thank all who follow and read this.

AppleAce made me d'aww. Shadow-pegasus made me eye-narrow. Derpy muffin-dream made me lol.

O_O Fire… so much fire…
I'm kinda regretting not using this OC when it was sent in to me. Coincidentally, I just thought up the perfect scenario…

*Throws hands in the air*
Alright. I caughtup with the chapters. And I thought I was the little Pyro...
Hey, thanks for giving me something to read, Tomatoe! I'll be waiting for the next chapter.

D'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Knight? Uh… that's my last name. Call me crazy, but I feel a little flattered.

1571742 oddly they never verified the true gender of Hurricane. To be honest, I had the impression it was a he the whole timee. As far as chapter length goes I'm hopefully getting a laptop on black Friday. And just in time for when I finish this story and start the next part. Oops...spoiler...

They're having the foals fight?! Damn bro, dark tag much?

This fic is coming to a close soon though, and this is really the only 'dark' part of this story. The sequel may have a dark tag but this fic is testing waters.

1598554 as much as I hate spoilers I'll at least tell you no foals die in the fight. There is a planned sequel after all. And on that note...I may have room on my cast for another OC in the sequel. PM me if interested! With black Friday fast approaching, the day I get a laptop is when I start the sequel! As said before, PM me if interested.

The amount of AppleAce is strumming my heartstrings…

There are no words to describe my excitement about his update.

So instead, I took a picture of the inside of my head:
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Moonlight Knight...

M. Knight...

Hmm… couldn't possibly be subtly hinting at something.

I was wondering why this story was taking so long to update. Now that I see the word count, I know why. Excellent work, good chap. I await more.

That was such an adorable scene of lightning and AJ kissing on stage. Not to mention how romantic it was with them thinking of the other while drifting off to sleep. :pinkiehappy:

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