• Member Since 22nd May, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 26th, 2015

Salem569


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Fluttershy finds herself in a difficult situation when she finds a foal walking out of the Everfree forest. Without parents the foal will surely be be hurt, but if she takes the foal in she puts both herself and her friends at risk.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 6 )

Meh. It's short, the sentence structure is awkward, and your character development needs some work, but a good premise overall.
Do note that your title echoes the fic "Displaced", a HiE in which a young unicorn (formerly human) stumbles out of the Everfree Forest and is fostered by Fluttershy.

Thank you for your comment. I will be sure to work on my sentence structure. However I would say that my character development should not be judged on this short chapter. My goal in this chapter was the set the scene for the rest of the story, mainly by introducing Starchaser. I thank your for your help either way, to better my skills as a writer I will need all the help that I can get, and I hope to get it from this community :pinkiehappy:.

At the risk of sounding like everybody else who WOULD try copying somebody else, I really haven't heard of that one. I don't have as much time as I'd like to actually read more; fimfics and other literature alike. I'll be sure to go and read it, and hopefully as I continue the story the likeliness to Displaced will fade.

Explaining this to Rarity when she wakes up will be interesting.

This is great keep up the awesome work :D
green thumb for you :raritystarry:

Wow, thank you for the compliment! :pinkiesmile:

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