The Elements of Honesty and Generosity wake up in a cave with only the foggiest memory of how they got there. Not knowing where they are or where they are going, the unlikely duo must work together in order to make it back to Ponyville. However, the road ahead will be far from easy, and the two must learn to truly trust and depend on one another if they hope to make it back home. Yet, perhaps another challenge entirely will worm its way between the two, one they had no idea could even exist, and less of an idea of how to handle it.
My first piece of fanfiction. For the site, for My Little Pony, for everything, really. Mistakes will be present and I do not claim to be a good writer. Judge as you see fit.
Chapters (2)
Good read so far but this part was off in my opinion.
" I can’t seem to remember anything from the past few days.”
If she can't remember anything then how would she have any idea how much time passed?
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She's more or less taking a guess at the time. To me at least, putting it that way sounds better than "I can't remember anything" since, in my mind, that causes confusion of where exactly her memory cuts off, and something like "I can't remember what happened to us before we woke up here" or a variation of seems overly-wordy and also confusing in its own right. Besides, I don't think that someone's first assumption they would make in that situation is that they may have been out for an extended period of time. Then again, I've never woken up in the middle of a cave in a place I've never been before with no recollection of how I got there, so I guess I wouldn't properly know. Basically, right now the two can remember vaguely what happened recently in their lives, then there is a blackout period, then the present. Rarity simply assumes that that the very latest memory she currently has, the blackout period, and the present happened close together. I hope this makes sense.
In the very plausible case that my incredibly vague and poorly-worded explanation does not sufficiently bring light to the darkness that can be my logic, just know that it sounded good to me at the time of writing and I can't really think of a better way to put it. It's like the movie The Hangover, I suppose. The main characters don't remember what happened to them yesterday, but they know that it happened to them yesterday because they know it didn't happen any other day, if that makes sense. Now, Rarity and Applejack have a wider blackout period, but they assume that whatever happened to them and their waking up happened within a reasonable time of what happened prior to the blackout period, and are making a guess as to the time frame.
Anyways, thanks for commenting and voicing your concern. Rest assured, come the next chapter, the whole memory thing will be far less of a problem.
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Lol, i didn't expect that much of an answer.
Thanks. Looking forward to more.
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I tend to get very verbose when I'm trying desperately to cover my plot, to use the fan term.
Pretty decent, but there were a couple of errors. I assume you mean "Cold was what the orange earth pony..." in the second sentence, since it doesn't make sense otherwise. Then, when Applejack is thinking about not hating Rarity, there is mention of Rarity not being able to "handle gettin' a bit of dirt in her man". I think you meant "mane"
I'm tracking this, because I'm interested in where it's going to go.
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You don't know me, maybe I really did mean man. *shifty eyes*
And sweet Celestia! Pretty decent? That's honestly a lot better than I expected. Anyway, thanks for pointing out those errors.
Well that was interesting.
Excellent chapter, can't wait for the next!
A Kraken-like creature? Interesting...
I'm still lost. More information!!!!!!
When is the next chapter coming out?
Love this concept!! And your writing style is great. You have good descriptions without over emphasizing things. Wish this had more!