<

Humanity

Joined August 2012
332 followers

Stories (1)

  • Dreams of the Heart
    Fate has not been kind. Nightmare Moon, the Princess of Dreams, sets into motion her master plan to make the man she longs for her own in the one place she can, knowing full well that it will only end in agony. The world of dreams.

    5,069 words · 307 views · 27 likes · 3 dislikes

Blog Posts (24)

This story has been marked as having adult content. Please click below to confirm you are of legal age to view adult material in your country.

Confirm

Comments ( 94 )

#1 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

This is a good day. I've been waiting patiently. Keep up the fantasmical work :rainbowkiss:

#2 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2230040 Thank you. Though may I ask what you enjoyed most from this chapter?:twilightsmile:

#3 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

If only I didn't have a test to take today then I would read it now but unfortunately  I need to Aw screw it I can do the test at any time today as long as it gets done before midnight. I'll be back with a response on what I liked best though it's probably going to be hard to pick just one.

#4 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

it was definitely worth the wait a great chapter

#5 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·
#6 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

Awesome! Question: Will there be more than Flutttershy as James mates? Rainbow Dash and Nightmare Moon seems to have their eyes on him seriously! At least judging from what Celestia said about NIghtmare...

#7 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

As always well worth the wait. Love the slice of life chapters, they are very well done (as always).

I am looking forward to seeing what happens with nightmare and james...... AND rainbow dash :rainbowlaugh:

#8 · 72w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

Did he ever put the Playcolt away? cause if not ... and scootaloo is coming back :trollestia:

#9 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

I have a feeling that Playcolt is also the one that Celestia posed for.... :trollestia:

#10 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

:applecry:The chapter's OVER :fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry:

#11 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2230831 What part pleased you the most before it ended? *pats you on the back*

#12 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

I am really starting to wonder who doesn't want him... seriously I don't know.

#13 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

Why do I have the feeling that Rainbow Dash is going to activate 'bitch' mode in later chapters, though it is quite obvious that Rainbow is jelly.:trollestia:

#14 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

Me think miss Nightmare might wants some fun with him too:twilightblush:

#15 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

Huh? To be honest I actually expected the playcolt to have pictures of Celestia in it, thats why its so 'rare' but I half expecting rainbow dash to be in there but it wasn't entirely predictable so kudos to you.

Also this is officially my favorite human in Equestria fic ever so for that I thank you.

#16 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

I have to say, I've been paying less and less attention to the story as the chapters have continued. It's your story, but I can't stand these 30k word chapters every once in a while. I don't have the time to read them when they come out, and I have other things to do, usually, I don't have the time to read giant chunks like that all at once :P I'll try to catch up this weekend, but no promises.

Edit- Working on an original novel? I approve. I'm trying the same as well.

#17 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2230859 everything * starts crying* it w*hic*as so but*hic*teful

#18 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

Huh, that's funny, James just happen to celebrate his birthday in this chapter, while I just had mine a few days ago. Ah well, good chapter, by the way. I hope Dashie hits off with James in the future, where I'm pretty sure it will be quite a storm.

P.S. about the end scene with James and Fluttershy, I'm thinking that sweet pegasus gave James a sexy show like a stripper, and they made love as usual *evil chuckles*.

#19 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2231304 What she meant by saying that copy was completely unique was because she added her own photos to it herself, something no other version had.

#20 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2231318 I honestly can't help that. I don't plan out the length of each chapter at all. I'm sorry the length is an issue to you, but I can't change that for a single reader's convenience.:fluttershysad: I hope you understand.

#21 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

UUUUUUUUUUUGH well ok then...it's just a filler of nothing now.  You're not a slice of life writer so I'm hoping you think up of a good adventure.

Anyway there were a few issues I found.  Some of which I think I actually missed a while ago.

Ok first of all, and the most imporant too.  The CMCs are WAAAAAAAY out of character.  Always have, always will.  They act like generic children.  No personality except some hints at what we already know.  And that's BAD.

Oh and speaking of caps lock.  OK does not fit.  It's like you're putting to much emphasis on ok and it makes the sentences awkward.

"No its OK, you're not in trouble."  As apposed to.

"No its ok, you're not in trouble."  Which looks better.

I know you're pobably going for O.K. but that never looks good in dialog.  Actually now that I think of it, I've seen you use ok a bit too often.  ok is a conversation stopper, which removes dialog and changes the subject.  I want you to count how many times you use ''ok" in every day life to understand how rare you are using it normally.  

Actually I was tempted to count the ok's but the chapter was too long and its a bit late.  

Regardless the story is still good, just not as well done as it could be.  At this point in your story you should have ended it.  Although if you wish I can totally colab with you to make a new adventure :P

I'll throw in some dialog and structuring lesson too.:twilightsmile: God knows you need them. :raritydespair:

You were able to keep it interesting in the beginning because you had something to write about.  But now you're doing something you probably don't like (or aren't good at) such as every day life stuff.  Hence my quote about your skills in Slice of Life.

You can do really well if you tried.  Hell you have done well.  But your Gary Stu character is a little...perfect, and if he's going to be that way he needs to be at least a little fun.

Portal references are killing me...just sayin'.  (bad way)

"I'm outta here, but I remain liked and faved because I want to see if you will ever end it and how.  I do hope Nightmare Moon's 'crush' lead to drama (even though I doubt you intended it to look that way).  Actually if you did then that's great.  Drama's good for Slice of Life stuff.

Yes I totally abused BBcode color changing abilities cuz I'm wolfGear, and yes being wolfGear is technically an excuse.  If you were my editor you'd understand. :rainbowdetermined2:  (not an inside joke either)

Anyway looking forward to watch you update this story :D

I would however like to see an actual event at the home, such as organizing pets or something.  I dunno, time is short for me and I can't give you good examples because of it.  But I was serious when I said I would LOVE to help you out.  I know adventure is something you like, and I can OC a good new character that'll give James a run for his money. :twilightsmile:

#22 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2231874 I apologize for the CMCs. I have a hard time keeping them in character if they don't have a large role at times. I will try to rethink them for future appearances.

And if you really think the story needs some adventure, I am WAY ahead of you on that. Check out my fanart/commission widgets on my userpage if you want a glimpse of what's to come. There are still 3 arcs left after this one ends in 4 more chapters with the "adventure" tag hanging high above Arc 4 and especially over Arc 5.

#23 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

Very good chapter, was smiling throughout the entire thing :pinkiehappy:

Really liked how the CmC made a sword for him that was cool.

#24 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

Yet another day made perfect by seeing this on my update list.:pinkiehappy: Another great chapter imo, Spitfire falling asleep during the massage was particularly amusing to me. Glad to see you still plan to make a very large project out of this(not to say it isn't large already:raritywink:) i'll admit I got a bit worried by James' note saying he couldn't continue his stories. Just read a bit too much into it i suppose. Eagerly awaiting the next installment as always, can't wait to see what the next arcs have for us.:heart:

#25 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2230322 I'm baaaack and I got to say another wonderful chapter. Also I'm really starting to suspect your basing this character off of me. Richard is my fathers name though not my friends lol. finally Slower updates :fluttercry: oh well as long as their as good as this one was I'll be happy:raritywink: I forgot to add my favorite part. Rainbows gift to James was by far the most hilarious thing I have read, now if only it had the pictures that Celestia was in. That would have made me die from laughter.

#26 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

Always love the chapter updates! :D

#27 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2231679 No, it's okay. I'm probably still going to read it. Just not right now- when I get more time.

Me4
#28 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

Another chapter?  You just made my day!:pinkiehappy:

#29 · 72w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

Hmm... I'd almost forgotten this story, it's been a while.

Not bad, but the problems I have with the James character are still present. I wrote more about it in detail on one of the previous chapters before it was deleted with the whole story and you established this account.

What it boils down to is this: for a guy that is the chosen representative of his species and the bearer of the Element of Humanity, James really lacks ties to his people. It's been a while, but I kinda remember several times (most especially when he was sent back to Earth for his "test") that he almost always sees the worst of humanity and downplays our better qualities. Not only that, for a guy that seemed pretty well off (IIRC, he had some swords and consoles back home), he seems to really care less about his family and human friends. Yeah, now he's sending a note & party goods to a "friend" named Richard... while for all his family knows for now, he's dead in a ditch. Yeah, James asks Richard to tell his family he's okay, but then the questions would arise: "Why hasn't he contacted us? Why go through you? He's our son/brother/whatever. This sounds like a vague false assurance that cults tell their followers to write to their loved ones so they don't get suspicious. Has that happened to him?"

And finally, if James' coming to Equestria is part of an attempt to reconnect to humanity, then why haven't Celestia & Luna, based on James' almost unnaturally high accomplishments, tried to find other humans to better connect the two species/worlds? James, already boardering on Sue territory as is, surely cannot be the only good-hearted human that the sisters could find and bring over?

#30 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2233685 Its likely because the fact is that humans are viewed as mythical creatures in Equestria, bringing another human or more could likely cause an uproar. If you read Fulfilling a Promise, Celestia pointed out humans had lost lost harmony with them a long time ago, and thus some scars cause by those humans may still linger around. So they probably wanna take things slowly by using James to make a good impression for humanity.

#31 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2233516 May I ask what you enjoyed most?

#32 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2233020 What did you love most with this one?

#33 · 72w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2234436

Probably the length of it. And the development of Mitta's curse lifted life along with Nightmare Moon's settling in.

#34 · 72w, 4d ago · · ·

Lol pinkie

#35 · 72w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

>>2233902

But here's the thing: James is ALREADY integrated into Equestrian society, mythical status or not. The princesses, I'm sure, knew the risks that bringing a human to their world is... but did it anyway. Yeah, there was some adjustment pains, but in the end, all the ponies ended up loving him. The fact that there's one formerly mythical human about already implies that there could be more out there, especially when James makes no secret that there is in fact more of his species.

And the lost harmony thing? Again, James has proven that humans can reconnect with them; very quickly if the 8 or so months is any indication. Hell, he managed to reveal the mythical lost Element of Humanity, something that Celestia, Luna and Nightmare Moon didn't think was possible. In less than a year! Yes, there might be some old grudges that remain from before humanity was banished, but come on. James is practically the Messiah: he redeemed Nightmare Moon, Ponyville loves the guy, he's got TWO of the Mane 6 wanting him romantically (in addition to a former zombie-pony and NIGHTMARE MOON), and he did all this in under a year. I think that already stands a a pretty glowing recommendation for how good humanity can be.

I'm not saying that the sisters should go all, "Let's bring another human ASAP, regardless", but what I am saying is that they given all this evidence, they may want to start searching for at least one other human eventually, if only to help James spread a good word about humanity.

#36 · 72w, 4d ago · · ·

Okay, I'm about 1/4 the way through this chapter and I already see the signs of a surprise party happening. Seriously, if this was an episode of Bleach, I'd suspect that Orihime would be kidnapped.

#37 · 72w, 4d ago · · ·

>>2235729 That may be true, however, to balance James' existence in Ponyville, we will possibly see how far he will could go to the dark side, since the Element of Humanity can be a force a evil, potentially showing that no matter how good you're, some weaknesses could affect you on where you stand.

But here's the thing though, what the story is kinda of questioning is, if you were the only human existing in any other world like Equestria, how would you adjust to settling in that world, without the possibilities of meeting other humans? You don't have to agree how this story interpret this, since every human is different, but you gotta ask yourself about that kind of situation.

#38 · 72w, 4d ago · · 1 ·

>>2236883 Well said.:ajsmug:

#39 · 72w, 4d ago · · ·

Great chapter! The morning ritual might be repetative, but in a good way. You get the feeling that you really follow you through the day, right from the beginning to the end. If you left it out, it wouldn't feel complete. Regarding my favorite part of the story, it might very well be the gifts part. You got to see every character both you and us as readers hold dear. My only complain is that when i press the next chapter button, it won't react. :fluttercry:

#40 · 72w, 4d ago · · ·

>>2236883 Another thing though, but just a personal opinion, the way how I would interpret why Celestia and Luna just brought one human instead a few more months after James adjusted into Ponyville is this: Even though they're millions of humans that can see other creatures with sentient thought, but the thing is, thats the specific trait Celestia and Luna want. They probably thought it would take years to find a 'perfect' human or more to co-exist with them, and knowing it may be possible to reestablish their lost harmony with humanity in this day of age, they decided to randomly select just one human that possess such trait to 'test' it. Besides, even if they brought a few more humans, do want reports back on Earth of people disappearing without a trace? Or worse, what if these selected (not chosen, that sorta ties with destiny) humans couldn't even get along with each other? To put this nicely, Celestia and Luna most likely didn't want a few more humans to appear because they would risk the selected humans of harming each other or Equestria, over by the possibilities of having different ideas and beliefs on how to live alongside with the ponies.

#41 · 72w, 4d ago · · 1 ·

>>2239275 That's an impressive concept right there. Surprising most don't consider it.

#42 · 72w, 3d ago · · ·

>>2231679

I actually enjoy longer chapters. Gives you a chance to emerge yourself in the story again, and get the feel for whats going on, especially if there is along wait between chapters. In my opinion, the best way to go around it is long wait, long chapter, short wait, short chapter (well, nobody would complain if it was short wait long chapter, but then the story would have to be written in advance :derpytongue2:)

If you are familiar with Imploding Colon and his series Austraeoh,  Eljunbyro, and the brand new Innavedr, you will know that he usually posts 1-2 chapters a day, mostly somewhere between 400 and 2000 words. this works very well because of his writing style, but would completely ruin the flow of your story. You could probably cut the chapters in half without sacrificing that if you wanted to, but i really don't see the need to.

As for critique on the story, i don't really feel that you need to point out whenever you're not going to explain or expand on something, it becomes obvious as you read, and therefore redundant. Again, flow. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm obsessing with that, but i read A LOT, sometimes several thousand pages a week, and to me the make-or-break in a story is weather it progresses at the right pace, without either sacrificing the necessarily things that adds dept to the character, nor include unnecessary stuff just to fill the void or set up the story for something else.

It is important to remember that a book is not like a movie. in a movie, especially the action and thriller variation, you can get away with having seven or eight "highlights" with the rest explaining or leading up to these. you can do this because the audience is not making any sort of effort whatsoever to absorb this media, they literally just have to sit and stare straight ahead. I can't prove this, but i am willing to bet that if you took a brain activity scan of someone watching a movie, you would see it spike at the the more intense scenes, and then just more or less go into standby until the next one.

You can't do this with a book. The reader has to pay attention to the media, and make a conscious effort to read and understand it. It is therefore imperative to engage the reader at all times. Most good stories would actually suffer from filling. It would dilute the quality of the 'good' writing.

For this reason, one thing that is important is to never repeat yourself, unless it is necessarily to further the story line. Another is that you don't have to explain everything in excruciating detail. It is good to sometime just plant a hint and let the reader figure it out themselves, give them something to think about. A related technique is foreshadowing, which i know for a fact people like Stephen King, Dean Koontz and Dan Brown are freaking Grand masters at utilizing. It is also a trait many of the popular writers on this site share.

Lastly, while i think it is fine for this story, usually it is not necessary to be as 'explicit' about the intimate moments as you where in the last chapter, unless it is that kind of story all the way trough. I'm afraid it's been a long time since i read the start of this story, and i can't presently remember if there was more scenes like it, but i get the feeling that you where just experimenting with that, anyhow.

Well, that was a lot if ranting. You are probably aware of all of this already, but i hope you find some of it useful. Best of luck with your story :pinkiehappy:.

#43 · 72w, 3d ago · · ·

>>2241752 Many thanks. And I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

I am trying to get better at foreshadowing. If I play my cards right, there will be a massive foreshadowing plaguing the entire 5th arc that will keep most readers itching to see the truth revealed.

#44 · 72w, 1d ago · · ·

>>2252555 Only in the sequel. There may be a few nods to certain things introduced in Season 3, but the entire story takes place before it.

#45 · 72w, 1d ago · · ·

>>2252781

There's gonna be a Sequel?.

#46 · 72w, 1d ago · · ·

>>2254044 Yes. But a friend of mine will be writing it. I will be the supervisor though since it will be something of a joint venture. That, and he's a noob at writing. The things he suggested at times...:ajbemused:

#47 · 72w, 1d ago · · ·

So, is it complete now? Or are there a few more? After all, status says no.

#48 · 72w, 1d ago · · ·

>>2254724 The story isn't even 40% done yet.

#49 · 72w, 23h ago · · ·

>>2231679

Well, if your having trouble planing you chapter, why not just write the full chapter, then cut it into parts? I single chapter could be cut into at least ten parts. And it would help us keep track of your story, since we wont have to spend a hour looking through, and I quote, one metric fuckton of words just to find where we were.

#50 · 72w, 22h ago · · ·

>>2255848 Save the last sentence you read and use the browser's search function to find it next time you load it up.

0 274276
Login or register to comment