• Member Since 1st Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 1st, 2018

The watchful pony


i write all kind of stores and open to any ideas from fans also love video games and running a youtube channel favorite pony and favorite shipping=Twidash

T
Source

The Game Grumps are two of the funniest people alive together as one. But one day, they received a special gift from a fan. The gift is a game disc called "Game Grumps: adventures in Equestria." Of corse, they play the game. But, when the disk goes into there 360, the TV sucks them into it. Then they end up in Equestria and now they, must learn to adapt until they find a way home.

Proofreed by Norspark, check his stuff out- http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Norspark

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 151 )

i knew it was only a matter of time

I rate this seven out of seven asses

The very fact that this exists is hilarious to me.

Oh god... Why? WHY DO I WANT TO READ THIS?!

It's ok, but there are a lot of formatting and grammar errors that are keeping me from liking it as much as i wanted. That, and it seemed to go by WAY too quickly. This could have easily been two chapters long (one mega chapter, if that was a better preference), if you had just taken your time. I don't mind the rapid fire conversations, because that's what Game Grumps is all about, but it should be broken up nicely with descriptions of the world they now inhabit, to add some flair to the whole thing.

I love the Game Grumps. I love Ponies.
But I just don't think Internetainers and Ponies go together. Personal opinion. It's whatever.

That said, I give you 7/7 asses for being the first to write it. :rainbowlaugh:

This could use some work in both formatting and grammar. It'd be nice if the rapid-fire conversations were broken up a little so I can stop laughing for a few seconds, because this is just so silly. I legitimately (c wut I did thar) felt like these would be actual conversations they would have, though they felt a bit overly jerkish towards Celestia and Luna. They're frickin' god-like beings, I don't think Ego and Jon are stupid enough to risk making those angry!

For now, how... how many ass do I think this gets? One, two, three, four... Four asses out of seven, but you could kick that up a notch with some work. :pinkiehappy:

Also, inb4 boopin'-ass ponies

When I saw this, I was like Oh God, here we go... :facehoof:

But I read, and it wasn't half bad :twilightsmile: The only problem is the spelling. I suggest getting a friend to proof-read it first.

Still, funny stuff :twilightblush: keep going! And maybe Jon and Egoraptor will notice... :trixieshiftright:

1176039 I actually put it on there Facebook page. So heres hoping :twilightblush:

Only read the title, and I have to read this. The boopinest fanfic ever.

HEY I'M DERP:derpytongue2:
I'M NOT SO DERP(insert Vynal Scratch icon here)
AND WE'RE THE GAME DERPS!!

1176056 Egoraptor as George Lopez: Heyee! Suhmbuhdee sehnt mee thees leenk uv thees geiz, thay mayd ah poonyfeec ayftur uhs! Mah frehnds wahch poonees, ahnd thay wehr leik, "I no theese geiz!"

I like the idea, and there are some pretty funny bits, but yeah this story really needs and editor. There's a lot of spelling and punctuation mistakes, but I'm almost tempted to say "see if you can make it worse." The set up of having the Game Grumps visit Equestria could potentially be the next Spiderses. You know, so intentionally bad that it's awesome. (I'm not saying that your story is really bad, just that the concept came to me because of some of the missing punctuation.)

Your call, though. I love Game Grumps and I'm glad someone thought to do this so it earns my approval :ajsmug:

Looks at pic reads immediately!
After reading: :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy: OH MY GOOOD! I LOVE IT!

The characters are well written and the story's kinda interesting, but your grammar's atrocious, which sucks since I really really want this to continue, but with better English. Just figure out how the punctuation works. My friends were reading it with me and we like to read stuff as it's written and our Egoraptor had to read all his lines as statements instead of questions.

1387571
Maybe a few times but 95% of the fandom, the wiki, and the shows creators all spell it Pinkie. Take from that what you will.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Rainbow_Dash.png

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR SO LONG NOW.

Grammar issues. Everywhere. Capitalization! The dialogue is choppy, the story is rushed, and there's very little interaction between the Grumps and Mane 6, just "Hi, we're on a chore for Twilight. Goodbye!"

That being said, I'm still gonna follow this because you do have the Grumps in character, which is an achievement in and of itself. It's hard to write for a character who actually exists, and is well known. Try for a beta reader. (Not me, I couldn't edit my way out of a wet paper bag)

Why do I get the feeling that after this long, these mistakes are intentional? But still, you actually updated. That's a feat in and of itself.

"OH, IT'S A MARSHMALLOW PONY", yelled out Jon.

Absolute perfect Game Grumps moment right there.

1176011i don't know who the game grumps were but then i read alittle into the chapeter saw egorator was in this story and i shit bricks

I'm not really sure if this is a legitimate attempt at writing or a troll fic to be perfectly honest. I mean how hard can it be to 'mane' right? I counted at least three times in very short order that 'main' was used in place of 'mane'.

Anyway overall this story needs a tremendous amount of work. For one it needs to be slowed down a lot. Currently it's belting along so fast it's almost incoherent in certain spots. Spelling needs a lot of work especially so an editor is definitely needed. The characters and world definitely need to be fleshed out more. Character motivations also need work and the flow of this story is about as fluid as a river of bricks.

I had fun reading, and for me that's the most important part! :pinkiehappy:

Wow. I could totally see this happening.
I wonder what Arin and Jon would think of this...

Just saying, its ponyville not ponyvill

Good story, i like it but My advice would be to ask for an editor in the next chapter. That's what I did and it helped me immensely. trust me when i say you cant go wrong with an editor. :pinkiehappy:

Legitimately good enough to follow and like, but you definitely need an editor or beta reader. I'd be interested.

Pros:
Grumps in character (an accomplishment, considering they are real)
Grumps have believable dialogue
Not terrible at everything

Cons:
Cliches a bit overused
Not enough character interaction outside of Jon and Arin
Spelling and grammar need lots of work (Seriously. Get an editor.)

Man, i was thinking of this idea before oh well 7/7 asses for you

"Say Rainbow, where's Fluttershy?" asked Twilight while picking up litter with her magic.

"Oh, she's in Canterlot helping some unicorn with an animal show. She should be back tomorrow"

A Hostile Takeover reference?

2285585 You are correct good sir. I'm surprised you are the first to notice it.

The grammar and mechanics aren't particularly good, but I suppose there isn't any other fuckin' way to do it, now is there?

When is next chapter coming out ?

2344534 Very soon, My editor is working on it so I'm waiting till he's done.

a game grumps story?:rainbowderp:

i need to celebrate my discovery.:pinkiehappy:

"I'm legitimately sorry for my friend, he's from a different time."

Just like Gruntilda.

well that's it for this chapter.

Next Time on Pony Grumps

WHAT IS THIS?
WHAT IS THIS?
WHAT IS MY LIFE?

I swear to the all powerful gaming deity known as Grant Kirkhope, you better not abandon this story!!
There are are far too few Game Grumps stories on here, and gosh dammit, I will not sit back and watch as another possible masterpiece falls into the Pits of Despair and Failure and becomes a written version of Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts n' Bolts!!!
Please, do NOT ABANDON this wonderful story!!!
(Also, possible Barry breaking the Fourth-Wall and helping the Game Grumps sometimes?)

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