sorry, but i don't do backstory. I'm just experienced, and this is my first time submitting it to the public.
started by multi-billionaire and genius griffon sir Arthur Greybeak, the COUUPG (Coalitian Of Unique and Unusual Ponies and Griffons) is designed for those ponies and griffons blessed with unique abilities. Why? Secretly, Greybeak desires to make an army, for the humans, who arrived in Equestria a few years ago, were threatening everything the Griffons and Ponies had ever worked for. The COUUPG is unprepared for what shall come, however.
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I like it!
unsure wat i think i will follow to see where this goes
This story caught my eye for one reason and one reason only:
It's spelled "coalition" and you're supposed to capitalize every major word in your title.
I'm sorry, but seeing a grammar error AND a spelling error in your title, I'm not particularly drawn to reading this.
It's not a bad start, but I think the quality of writing could be improved drastically. For one, the dialogue is hard to follow. I'd refrain from using more than two or three dialogue sentences in a row without a descriptor of the speaker's tone. For example, instead of something like:
"Spike do you like berries"
"I like berry punch"
"Yes she is pretty"
"I also like strawberries"
You would have:
"Spike do you like berries?" Twilight interrogated.
"I like berry punch," spike replied, shrugging the question off with little consequence.
"Yes, she is pretty, isn't she?"
Spike, paying minimal attention, blurted out, "I also like strawberries."
Silly example, but the concept remains. In addition, learn to cut down on wordiness. It's hard to follow long sentences, especially if you have a lot of them. Try using more advanced vocabulary words that fill the responsibility of two or three simpler words. Stick close to the point at hand. Don't throw in imagery and random facts for the point of having imagery and random facts, it can possibly lead to less understandable sentence structure.
This looks interesting. Imma watch to see where this is going
Knotmane= Mystique? Mystique was my favorite, I always loved the idea of shapeshifting. But she's only limited to humans.
I like it so far, just be sure to capitalize names.
Nice job. Fight sequences are always entertaining. What is the basis? The comics, movies, or cartoons?
1184805 Movies, Comics, or cartoons of what?
Does this happen to be an X-Men crossover? If so I'm THERE!
1189607 Actually, it isn't, but I just used the X-men idea of mutants and such to make the story. No matter how much it seems like it, this is not an X-men crossover.
1189848 Oh. Well I saw that you used Artdude529's "X-Ponies" drawing...
1189858It was the only one I could find that was kind of related to mutants. Sorry if its misleading.
1190121 Oh, that's okay! I still faved it!