- Member Since 9th Dec, 2011
- offline last seen March 4th
storiesatrandom
Hello, I'm Storiesatrandom, and, I, do stories..... At Random.
storiesatrandom
Joined 9th Dec, 2011 ·
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Spellcheck anyone?
forget the spell check. grammar check. and paragraph breaks.
74537 sorry, should've added that my spelling's imperfect.('
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aside from that, what did you think?
74545 Not a bad story, not at all. I would have hoped for a bit more depth, and I would have liked not having to read through sentences over and over to find out the message conveyed in them (a fancy phrase for spellcheck), but other than those two, I enjoyed it.
74544 yeah, thanks for saying my other ovivious dilima's with writing.('
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but i consider the misspelling my more concerning problem then that, at least a fused paragrath and crud grammar can be read, at least.
74553 sorry, since it's only gonna be a brief story i though it should only be short, sweet, and too the point. didn't think a one time hitter story would require more polish. ('
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I think you could use some tips on improving your grammar (which will improve your stories)
First of all, you need to start a new paragraph every time someone new speaks. No two characters should ever speak in the same paragraph, even if it means having single-sentence paragraphs.
Second, you need to work on your spelling. Here's what I spotted: "pathince" should be "patience", "displete" should be "discipline", "tecnecly" should be "technically", "opsional" should be "optional"; in your summary, "pafific" is "specific" and "Neutrol" is "neutral".
There are other issues, too. Maybe it would be easier if you just got a proofreader. I would be happy to volunteer, if you'd like.
74567 oh sure, if i can figure out how to send you the under production writings. i'm still pretty new to this site.
There are natural things that will eventually get better as you progress in your ficmanship, like putting exclamation points, those parentheses things that you put in (Seductively), and grammar, spacing, all that jazz. all-in-all, about four stars, cuz I could barely read through the paragraph, it looked like a Wall'o'text.
Hey, its not as bad as mine. take it easy with the criticism.
will everyone quit complaining about grammar this story is bloody hilarious laughing so damn hard right now
74740 it's cool, it's not insulting crititsium, fortunely, and i'm mature enough to awknowledge the opintions of others: provited if they're gentle about it('
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so, what do you think of what may be the first Twilestia fic? (again, not i support this or against it or to other Twilight pair-ups, just thought i do one cause i don't think anyone else actselly did something like this)
It looks more like a script than a story.
74751 pretty much the same thing i said to Dashydra: critics are welcome as long as they're desent and gentle about it.
74758 look, i'm abit of novice to writing. aside from that, it is somewhat a story, just, not properly seperated.
BLuuuuugghhh...
t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQRGpGEV0seV32_CYYwjP12r_PY85fYlOElHq5BKF3neqU2RkP5eQ
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
I suck at spelling and so on so I don't care about it a lot so thanks awesome funny story!
74781 any faverite parts? secondly, you don't mind that it's.... One of those fics?
74564 I don't mind brief stories, it's just, this one feels a bit... Empty. I feel like it went by too fast, and therein, I wasn't able to sink my mind into it. It's a problem I have a lot. Whether I'm writing Good Kids (An actual book, not having anything to do with ponies), Trial and Error (The only fanfiction that I've actually sent through), or one of the stories that I have yet to publish. I've been writing for two years now, and I still have that problem.
74803 and again, i apologies for the lack of polish. goes to show that some people do writer better then others, most of us are lucky we can write at all, then there are those that may wanna consider other hobbies.
i am a so-n-so writer, so one should exspect misspelling, crud grammer, and, currently right now, fused paragraths, but my ideas are offen great, if sometimes misuderstood.
74818 And that's why I have my brilliant editor go through all my work, after which he yells, swears, and makes rude comments. Because it really helps. If you have any support behind you, ask one to be your editor, preferably one who is way to fussy over spelling and grammar, or one who takes the story as a whole, or one who contributes their own ideas without impeding yours. But then, my editor can't spell to save his life, so there's that.
74841 If not for my editor you wouldn't even understand any of my stories :P
Either way, great story! Does need some polishing but I enjoyed it :) Can't wait to see more of your 'random' work!
75016
thanks.
75033 don't you think i am trying? ('
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75049 i'll be sure to give you a call when i can, and if i can figure out how to sent predefelitment writing to other users, since i'm the one writing this.
It wasn't the best thing i've ever read, but at the same time it wasn't terrible. I feel like if you used spell/grammar check it would improve it exponentially (i know you've already addressed that in the comments) and if you used adjectives instead of parenthesis. Like, instead of saying "Oh Twilght (seductivley)" you should do "Celestia said seductively..."
Just a suggestion.
overall, solid work.
75228 it's cool, you have a right to say your peace. ('
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*sigh* *pulls out gun and shoots self *
Goddess', I lol'd so fucking hard! You sir, have just won several Internets!javascript:smilie('
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Sorry that people keep putting up all these criticisms, I know I would be really offended, even if it is just helpful pointers.
Nice job with all of this, I didn't even notice the spelling stuff everyone has been pointing out. . . I mean sure, I noticed, but I didn't care, you obviously know the problem.
Really wanted to see what happened with the whole Luna Dash thingy though. . . That was like, "HOT DAMN!"
and then "SORRY BEEYETCH, THIS FIC IS OVER!" 
I really enjoyed this, man!
75753 well, why you didn't see any mistakes is cause Clonetrooperkev sented me an improoved verson. before, the story was party fused togather, there were grammer problems, and, most noticeable, cruddy spelling. and maybe a missing word or two.
74574 You could send it to me in a personal message, I think. I'm not sure what the word limit is on those, but considering the comments' word limit, it should be enough. To send one, you go to the green bar near the top of the page and click "Messages". It will take you to your profile's message area. To send a message, click "Compose Message". The rest should be straightforward from there.
76611 thanks, although another user helped me out on this story. but, i'll give you or him a call if i need something.
You got my case covered in description so I'll better just leave. Still, this comic pretty much sums up my reaction: http://tinyurl.com/d2zlaua
Good day to you.
77613 can you explain your case?: i don't think you were pafific.
will there be a chapter two? thats the only thing I want to know I can look past the grammar and spelling mistakes that people say there are.
I like it and am waiting for chapter two if your writing one that is.
79084 to be honest, i wish i can continue this, but, it's meant to be a one shot. tell you what, if i am ever in the mood, i might make a prequil to this on why they would even do it, and how it came to be, or, if it's popular enough, someone might make their own verson of it. does it sound fair?('
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79084 i found someone who made another Twilestia fic. It's called "Composure". i think it may be more, tuned down then this, also more corrected in spelling, parigraths, and, alcourse, not a one-hit wonder story. Don't worry, i'll still do a prequil when i am in the mood. i'll keep you posted. ('
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xD
memegenerator.net/cache/instances/400x/8/9065/9282918.jpg
Great and simple, yet a tad forceful on luna's end...
Fuck it, loved that too.
98156thanks.
I liked this. I thought the beginning scene in the bath was very cute, though I must say, the conflict here was introduced and resolved far too quickly. You could go into more detail about why it is Luna has power over Celestia in this situation, as well as explore Twilight's reaction to the decree. Acting despondent, until she resolves to change her situation.
Also, there's this old rule of thumb called "show, don't tell". Instead of saying "She was ashamed", convey that emotion through her actions. "Her head was bowed, her expression despondent as her mind swam with shame and regret. How could she have dragged her precious student into this mess?" Something like that. Let the audience infer what emotions the characters will feel, and your readers will feel all the closer to your stories.
As for grammar, an editior will work wonders if you can find one. Be careful with commas, and try reading what you write aloud (under your breath, so no-one can hear you, natch
) to find where pauses/commas should go.
Also, one last thing,
75033
"Wait, there's a problem with that third example..." Twilight frowned in thought.
"Most dialogue should use a comma as it ends, not a period," said Celestia.
"However, that's only if you're following that dialogue with a variant on 'said'," Twilight informed her.
"You're quite right." Celestia smiled. "When dialogue is only followed by an action, then is the time to use a period."
Keep writing!
98700
Quite true!
... OH MY GOD. I mean, this was funny and all, but imagining what Dashie did to Luna...
103710 makes you wonder if Twilight made a wise desition to use an extremeist like Rainbow Dash to on a virgin beginner like Luna? makes you wonder if Twilight even knows if Dash is rough when it comes to sex. ('
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79084 guess what? i made the prequil.
151717
Very Good! I know you wrote a prequal, but ever considered a sequal?