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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Amazing! can't wait to read the other chapters!!!
I noticed something here (chapter 6?)
"There...in her hands, the screen was working! "
I don't think ponies have hands.
Ugh, I'm not too fond of how rape is a girl's only event here. It feels like a cheap shot.
I'll have to finish later, I've lost the desire to read any more right now.
Okay, I finally finished this chapter and I got a bit of a rant, sorry about that.
Let's start with the not rant. Overall, it was good. It had some interesting characters and the ride leading up to the stable was all nice and tense and really set the mood. The stable itself felt empty and creepy and disorienting as they tend to be.
It also introduced Glimmerlight and subverted expectations of her being a Fluttershy type and is instead the combination of Veronica and Cass from New Vegas. She is pretty entertaining and for a brief time made me go *gulp* over her similarities of my own character, Paharita (tech savy, love of sex), however that quickly got laid to rest by having Glimmer swear like a sailor, care about anyone other than herself, and apparently have some amount of courage (all things that Rita is incapable of).
Murky's narration is still bugging me, but now for different reasons. He's constantly trailing off and I generally GET what he's getting at most of the time, but it can often break up the flow of actually telling the story. For instance, I had to read the scene again in order to determine that all the raiders in the room died.
One other note before the rant: you use tears the same way most clopfics use sexual fluids, it's just everywhere all the time. It's a good thing these are magic monsters, otherwise that'd just be dern biologically unrealistic.
Okay, rant time.
So what's your deal with rape and women?
You had a bunch of slaves, all armed with guns, facing off against starved/drugged up loonies and not a one of them was able to defend themselves? Not only that but, despite their being female raiders, and despite the fact that raiders are all presented as sub-pony degenerates; the only ones raped are females. All this together is just ridiculous and it really lead me to almost dropping the fic.
On top of that, Murky's reaction to it was so.... underwhelming. He has panic attacks at skeletons, but hearing or even seeing other being violated nearby just makes him go, "Welp sucks for them, glad I'm over here with my buddy that murders indiscriminately".
Actually, come to think of it, he'd might have been safe with the raiders since boys just have to sit there and get smacked about. Only girls get raped in the world of Murky Number Seven.
Moreover, at this point, every single female pony (named or not) has either been explicitly raped (in fact you made sure to point out over and again Glimmer's rape history, Brimstone met her while she was about to be raped and you point out her raped up history a couple of times throughout the chapter) or has been threatened to be raped if Murky makes Shackles angry, EXCEPT for a pony who's name was gagged to mean in her first appearance "Mean Vagina". And on top of that it's just "cheap", it's shock that's not really adding anything to the story, I mean, what was the point?
And the two sympathetic female characters seem to only exist to give Murky a chin-up every now and again, one of them doesn't even have a name. So women in this story are either horrible bitch monsters, victims, or Littlepip. I'm really getting a "author has women issues" vibe here and it's making me very very uncomfortable.
Moreover, it's just a bit silly. I'd heard over and again how good this story was, but I'm honestly let down by all this. By your story's standards, it's a given that every woman is raped and the entire population is violently halved before breakfast. We get it, the world is BAD with BAD THINGS, but this is just too over the top to be taken seriously.
I'm gonna give it another chapter, see if maybe as you've written more things get better. At that point I'll be over 200,000 words in and I will feel like I've given the story more than it's fair shake.
The ending for this chapter put me in tears...
Good job with this story so far!
Dakota,
I just started reading and finished the 6th chapter and I must say wow these are long, but before I go any further I just want to comment that if murky's special talent was being a slave then why are the shackles open not closed
I cant help but feel that following murk is like following a companion in fallout. I really like this story. A bit like reading the original Fo:E from Xenith's perspective.
Grammar:
missing period after 'population'
Not a grammar problem, but long-winded as hell. I had to reread it 2-3 times to understand.
Should be either - or
In a world like Fallout, i'm fairly sure that rape wouldn't be female exclusive, and don't even try pulling the 'Men can't be raped' shit with me, I mean hell, in the fucking Wasteland you take what you get and shut up about it.
2751121
i'm happy someone else thought the same thing
You gotta have friends!
Cannot fail to ask it... why Russian? And pretty accurate one too.
Commas save noses.
Believe in me who believes in you, am I right?
It only took 6 'chapters', but Murky finally has friends.
Enjoying the story so far.
Whew, it's been so long since I last read an Fo:E story that I forgot how crazy Stables could be.
6808420
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/gurennlagann/images/1/17/Kamina%2Bred%2Bglasses.png/revision/latest?cb=20121220155013
2178794
Dude I'm bi, but I am sure it's easier to a mare and don't worry about getting preggers
2207169
am i just blind or did author change sth there cuz i haven't seen any rape scenes or any mentioning at all...
10086345
The author must have. I think it was replaced with the Undescribed scene they saw in the raider nest. Judging by the comments I can see why it would have been removed.
Omg yes!
F*ck him! Honestly, if he doesn't see what's clearly going on by now, then he's a fool. The guy is clearly naive.
... He's not wrong.
Kill? Nah, just mortally wound.