Page generated in 0.044 seconds
Total duration
1,034 users online
360,059 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Dammit, between finding this for the first time and struggling to digest Project Horizons at the same time, I'm going to be drowning in poni.
I know how you feel bro.
I now feel genuinely sad, if only for the fact that this chapter is literally too long for me to read... probably until sometime next month. Unless I can find a block of time not dedicated to family or work...
But by god am I going to enjoy it. Carry on.
At long last... Murky sees what every Pegasus should at least once... Luna's glory... the Night.
3947292
Don't look on it as saying that chapters will be like this now. This is simply because this is a special chapter. Thats all.
If anything, I aim to avoid this sort of length. But this one nessesitated it due to the amount of chapters I cut bringing their content into one. Better one at 50k than 3 at 35k each for example.
3947488
Thankfully, this will be the only one of this length in the whole story, as far as I can predict including up till the end!
Act 3's focus is on tighter chapters for bigger events as the pace increases, this one is just to wrap up a lot of things going on to ready up Act 3.
Also, I included breaks in it, so you can read it in sections. :3
Why does this story hurt me so.
I want to read, but I'm so afraid ill just be depressed the entire time....
Glad to see this on fimfiction! It's a good one that everyone should read
And there goes me shipping Murky with Ragini R.I.P.
Alrighty then, this is the first chapter of 2014, and it is of a great quality as always!
Because of the sheer length of this chapter (and this is coming from someone who really likes long chapters) I will read a half, comment on it, then read the other.
So, we had those spooky recordings, who were super cool and put a lot of creepy-ness into the scene. I was noticing a similarity between this sciencey place and vault 106 as well as the Dunwich Building, both of which are from Fallout 3. Do not know if those inspired the recordings, or something similar, but they were quite similar.
On a further note, some of the stuff they saw was, for lack of a better word, really fucked up, with all the begging for help from the long, long dead and Unity's ability to sense their 'signature' which I am sure is pretty horrifying. I am guessing this is your like for old horror stories and films striking again, with great effect too!
Then there is the big pew-pew fighty-death scene, which was pretty solid and chaotic. The best moment for me was when Unity threw all the projection orbs at the slavers which made them all panic and shooting wildly, which I thought was really cool. I also liked Murky's Indiana Jones Grapple swing jump, and the scene with
stereotypical Scottish ponySooty Morass was pretty damn cool, especially this partThat is a feel good quote and a half right there!
Anyways, now I have to read the other half of this, so I will get back to you with more comments!
~820,000 words
> Challenge Accepted
Of course, Unity's parents live in Friendship City, I mean where else are they bound to live. Not in a safe place obviously
Well, the second part. yhea. That happened.
Let me get this out of my system. HOLY HELL THAT WAS THE BEST EVERYTHING IS WRAPPING UP AND ITS SO GOOD.
So, they go up to the cottage, everything is all normal, and oh, someone is there! who could it be? Only a character who has featured heavily in the whole conspiracy! And damn was her whole story sad and depressing but at the same time sort of uplifting and great.
Then the shooty bang-bangs happened, and, well, lots of people died. It was saddening, especially so considering that Ragini had only recently opened up with the others, and had only just revealed her reason for staying with the group. I will miss her as a character, and it seems Protégé will miss her a lot too.
Talking about Protégé, the fight scene between him and Murky was in my opinion, the best part of the chapter and up there for the best part of the whole story so far. Its another part that we needed to happen really, and have Murky directly question Protégé's belief in Red Eye and not back down and take no for a answer. In this scene Murky was acting like a badass to be honest, and it was absolutely great. He threatened to kill Protégé and to the surprise of me and I am sure other readers, followed through with it all.
Murky's switch-aroo was also great, using his brains to beat Shackles brawn (and arseholery), helped make the ending a lot happier than it was turning to be.
This God damn story.
You are a magnificent bastard.
Sincerely, Some random guy on the internet.
RIP Ragini
You were always my favorite...
First off, here's two of my posts from the TV Tropes FO:E topic, since I don't think you read it. Link. Link.
I don't think this chapter was as good as MN7's previous two "turning point" chapters ("Sixty Minutes in Hell and "Killing the Slave") but it was still epic. Like the other two chapters as well, it got better and better as it went along.
I wish Murky figured out Aurora's "secret" on his own, though. There's been so many clues, so much searching, so many hints throughout so many chapters... and then at the end the answers just get blunty spelled out. It makes all of those hints and clues pointless. The gang could've skipped all of that and they still would've gotten exactly the same information in the end.
The Murky vs. Protégé fight scene was amazing, definitely one of my favourite parts of the whole story. It was a long time coming, and it worked very well as the climax for this act. The conflict of the first act was Murky vs. the other slaves, climaxing in Sixty Minutes. The conflict in the second act was Murky vs. his own slave nature, starting with Killing the Slave and climaxing with a battle against the slave that never broke free. The conflict in the third act, I assume, will be Murky vs. the slavers, and Shackles himself.
I can't wait.
3950211
Murky did actually figure it out before, he mentioned a few chapters back exactly what it was, he just had no way to confirm it. However in essence, the 'reveal' from guessing is more a reader thing. Like any good criminal mystery show like Sherlock the onus is on the viewer having theories and then finding out eventually when the character explains it whether they were correct, rather than the 'everyman' character accompanying the one who gets it. The figuring out for Murky in particular was his realisation of what Shackles really wanted him for. ;)
Glad you liked the ending confrontation though, it's a scene thats been coming for a very long time to end up happening. The typo you spotted was kind of interesting, it's an area I edited after placing both stories up and copied one to the other, so the copied bit just missed one of the lines it should have replaced. That's all. :)
It's all fixed now, ta for spotting it. Hopefully Act 3 will do it for ya!
3950232 I know what you were going for, I just didn't really like how it happened. The difference between this and a mystery novel is that, during the Grand Explanation at the end, the detective uses all the clues that have been collected throughout the novel to find out whodunit. "The butler said that he heard fighting between a man and a woman in the hall at 11pm. The ring we found in the fountain has a small dent in it. It must have been thrown into the fountain in a panic to wash off the blood that got on to the ring when the wearer punched the other!" etc.
But in this chapter, all the clues were collected... and then someone else stepped in and provided all the answers. It just feels... wrong. Sorry. It's structurally similar to Celestia stepping in and providing all the answers at the end of the original FO:E, but it worked in that case because neither Littlepip nor the readers knew that there was a mystery in the first place, so it came across as a well-foreshadowed plot twist instead.
Don't take my criticism too seriously, though. It's just a minor annoyance in an otherwise excellent chapter.
3947576 Oh yah, and I guess FF has bookmarks now, eh? Well, I'll give it a shot sometime tonight I think.
The main problem I have though, is I'm going on course in 3 days, and will have 0 access to the internet for an unknowable amount of time. I'll be too busy polishing brass and sweeping floors
THAT...THAT RIGHT THERE WAS THE BEST CHAPTER IN THIS STORY SO FAR!!!
I'm flabbergasted...no words can rightly describe how FUCKING BEAUTIFUL you are!!!
That Murky vs Protege scene......just wow....all the wow
The best thing about this chapter was the ending I mean even though hes going back it still ends with such a happy hopefull outlook that I love...I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!
3949439 You're right that fight is probably the best scene in the entire story, one that I will never forget
You really like putting us through an emotional wringer don't you? Well I like it to so keep it up!
That fight...I did not expect that. That was amazing. This chapter was amazing.
"And damn,
was heris Murkys story sad and depressing but at the same timesort ofutterly uplifting and great." Indeed, it is the core of what makes this fic the best of the best of adventure tagged fics ( "best", us silly westerners... )This is my favorite work of art ive ever read, ive read stuff better in ways but MN7 crushes them under sustained barrages of never ending awesome that leaves me needing more. The highs, the lows... Icantmakewordsforthesefeelings!
3949336 Best challenge u'll ever undertake
3950844 its all amazing
Murky Number Seven, much as it is neater with one long chapter than two "short" ( they would really not be... ) Its such a waste! You are more likely to get more views if you split it up but a little.
Views you deserve, and I for one really want more people to give this story a chance. Too long chapters but keep people off even more than all the prejudice associated with the tags whilst spreading it out will increase your time in the spotlight and make it easier to read.
End note: You're awesome and I love this story so frikkin much
3950971 This story is over 800,000 words long. Anyone who gets scared away by large wordcounts already left long ago and is probably in the next country by now.
3950971
Name's "Fuzzy", the story name for this account was unintentional! :p
I did think of that yes, but in the end I valued creating the better paced story over the worry of presentation on the FimFic page. I'm quite happy with the attention it's getting as is. It's very much rewarding enough. ^^
Still plenty to go though, honestly!
Huh. Wait, I think I missed something here that I didn't catch the first time around.
Murky's escape plan is to put the blank projection orb in the Nexus, which will power up Ministry Station, which will activate the teleporter. Then, Unity uses the spell she learned to deactivate the orb, which will give them just enough time to escape through the portal before Ministry Station shuts down entirely, ruining Shackles' plans. That all makes sense.
However, Protégé and Grizzly had to be kept in the dark about the portal. But the only reason why Murky needed the orb was to open the portal; if the portal wasn't part of the plans, then the obvious thing to do would be just to smash the orb (like Protégé tried to do later) and not bother with the roundabout method of activating the orb and then having Unity deactivate it.
How were Protégé and Grizzly convinced of this plan?
That certainly was an intense chapter.
I got this absolutely goofy, shit-eating grin on my face after reading Murky's second dealing with the memory orbs. I can only imagine Chainlink's reaction when the "wrong" memory airs over the Nexus device. I imagine something similar to the denouement in Day of the Moon where the 11th Doctor hijacks Armstrong's transmission and plays the hypnotic message to kill all the Silence. 'Dis gon b gud!
(Come to think of it, which memory orbs does Glimmer still have? I remember she had a handful (hooffull?) of the buggers, but I forget what they contained. I has been quite a while since I last read the relevant chapter(s)... Presumably they hold more significance than "not the pristine MacGuffin that is the key to salvation and hapiness"?)
As always looking forward to more.
Squeeee!!!!! So much Awsome!!!
Now I just can't wait till the next chapter I love this story so much.
3952029 I suppose they thought escape ment going to Fillydelphia proper or to Red Eye. Only later did it dawn on them that it likely wasnt the case.
Also, in regards to this chapter. My ready was not body.
CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!!!! Good chapter though.
3952029
Protégé and Grizzly wanted the Orb for Red Eye, they had Ragini set to be their method of sneaking it away due to her ability to properly climb the mountain in areas the ponies chasing them could not follow. The plan was for them to have Unity learn the spell as insurance against Shackles/as a tool for Red Eye and then to have Ragini fetch the orb in the end.
As such, when what happened happened involving her, Grizzly's thoughts cast back to the only alternative he saw.
Unity's parents are from Friendship City? Fuzzy, you monster. Following Glimmer and Protégé, Murky is running out of friends whose loved ones DON'T get murdered in Fallout Equestria's main sequence.
Finally Murky and his friends will be free , also Protege betrayed Murky didn't see that happening and Red Eye won't take Shackles betrayal easily.
Protege is going to have no friends once he wakes up. Just look at all he lost; His bodyguard(we can assume friend), one of the only ally he has among the slavers, the only slave he wants to have what he thinks he has, and to top it all off his "Master" just left to become a new god and we all know he won't becoming back.
Jeez, Protege is going to be so depressed for a while
3956338 Red Eye left to the temple in Everfree forest to become a new god so he won't be able to be mad.
Well, that was intense. Kudos to you, there's not one, but two action scenes I found myself engaged in! I agree with Unknownlight, the fight between Murky and Protege was great!
crtl+F "Hands"
Dammit Fuzzy. Not again! Immersion lost!
Wow this chapter. That whole confrontation with Protege was fantastic.
I've heard of long chapters, but holy shit.
I think you set a record for longest single chapter.
3960229 Within MN7 itself, yeah. Otherwise, not quite. FO:E's "The Shadow of the Ministries" just barely beats it at 1000 more words. I'm not sure about Fimfiction as a whole, but I at least know that Chapter 22, Part 3 of Sweetie's Mansion beats both of them.
If there are longer chapters on Fimfiction that people are aware of, let me know.
Wow, everyone seems so upset about Ragini's death. What caught me off guard was Sooty's death, or moreso the fact that it's hardly even mentioned! Yeah, I suppose that it's a way of showing that Murky's above such an influence but it's hardly even mentioned afterwards. I hope we get some closure on that in the next chapter, or at least sometime before the end of the story.
As for Unity's abilities: I feel it should have been more subtle up to the point where Aurora notices it and reveals it to the whole group. I didn't necessarily mind that Unity told Murky about it, but from then on it just feels way too forced narratively, almost as though Unity's being completely melodramatic in expositing on her ability.
At the end I was kind of hoping Murky would jump off the mountain peak. You bring Murky above the cloud layer and then completely forget that he's a pegasus, able to walk on clouds? Okie, that's totally fine by me!
Fuzzy: Where does editing go? Recently started highlighting mistakes in things I read, this in particular has 30 mistakes this chapter.
3961182
Murky doesn't know about cloudwalking at all, never been taught that he even could. It had occured to me, but then how he gets down is...problematic. :p
For any edits, honestly just post them here and I'll go ctrl+F to find them and correct them. I'd be very appreciative of it! I actually enjoy getting that stuff to help improve it for future viewers. :3
3962639 His not knowing about it could provide for a humorous scene should he ever find himself near clouds again.
for some reason i keep think of shackles as a unicorn, but that was the other slaver from the funfarm.... frustrating to think about.
3962639 Alrighty then, here goes.
In both, was should be were.
Add apostrophe in lets.
Remove quotation marks. Otherwise: who's speaking and why?
Add which, so it reads as the purpose of which I could only hope to guess at.
Change to visibly.
This doesn't read right, let's try it this way:
"Oh, Goddesses preserve them..." I muttered to myself, placing a hoof to my mouth and struggling to keep my eyes dry.
Change this so 'as she' isn't repeated; this is more of a suggestion, as I'm not sure if I'm the only one who got tripped up by it.
Should end with a question mark.
Remove comma.
Add as before much.
Change I to it.
Change can't have been to can't be.
Typo?: subwhatsits
Typo: gave
Typo: built
Remove up? Not sure what to do here, this makes no sense.
Hehe... Ahem. Remove of.
Make it as so:
So much easier to relax than sitting and worrying about [...]
Typo: sent
Replace the comma with a semicolon.
Typo: bent
Pretty sure that apostrophe shouldn't be there.
Two things: add a comma after me and remove now.
Replace smaller weight than most ponies with subnormal weight.
Typo: saw
Also, that should be either one period or three for elipses.
Typo: landing
Typo: me
Aaand that's it! Whew. Thanks for indulging me and allowing me to post this dang wall of text for the sake of editing; I'll delete this comment when you're done.
FUZZY!
50,000.
After accepting this mentally mandatory challenge, the only thing working around my mind was "Alright, who's gonna die?"
I'm a little underwhelmed/disappointed in the choices of casualty, the former pertaining to Grizzly, the latter to both Ragini and Sooty.
Grizzly is a notch below minor character... and minor characters might as well wear shirts that say 'Chopping Block.'
I suppose I'm not as much disappointed with the fact Sooty is dead, but what I feel held one of the most brief aftermaths of any death's in the story. Yes, he was a minor villain, but it absolutely stunned me that such an interesting character gets so easily shrugged off, almost as if he's played his part and he has nothing else to add other than closure.
Ragini... I'm mostly just a little sad about that one. She shared common ground (Oh, God, no pun intended) with Murky in a way that no other character in the story could and I loved her for it. Also, I, like maybe quite a few people, thought she would've played a more substantial role in the coming events of the story. Though, I had a feeling the moment she was given a very important job to do followed up by this little gem:
To be a little more than just a dead giveaway.
Change of subject: Two catalysts are required for this plan of Shackles'. Unity for her prowess with memory magic and a perfectly broken slave. Murky doesn't fit that role as much as Protege currently does. The fight at the top of the mountain proved that: the dialogue, the horribly familiar setup and the entirety of how drawn out the brawl became all led up to showing that Protege is just as, if not more worn down, than Murky. Protege still has a use to this story...otherwise we'd have hung the monocle to retire by the end of this chapter.
Also, just one gripe. Why did Glimmerlight still have her saddlebags? Did, at no point, any slaver think about what she could be carrying? No search and seizure? Just still has the bags which just so happened to give Murky a slight-of-hoof tactic which just so happened to give them a (supposed) upper hand?
Either Shackles knows something Murky doesn't or this is perhaps the first time in the whole story we've seen him make a mistake so carelessly. He's proven that he's much more tactful than that. It feels like an insult to the character you've been trying to make us love to hate by fooling him with so little effort on Murky's part and so little forethought on his.
Also, I enjoy your nods to Dead Money.
3968127
Character death is, as I see it, not something that should nessesarily have to be "chosen" to simply make every passing a massive impact on the story. Anyone can go, it's better to allow it to focus while also retaining the fact that characters can pass in this story. In effect, they weren't simply thrown away as castoffs but rather it was simply their time. If it was too predictable in having to conclude stories first then it would lose its effect entirely.
There's a great writeup on this by Dan Abnett I have to track down at one point actually, about the sense of internal consistency without arbitrarily harming your own story in the long term. May have to look for it. Sometimes characters do just get interrupted, such as Ragini, unfortunately thats the nature of getting involved in firefights. But it won't harm the story long term, as Murky's wings are still a story element, if you follow.
With Glimmer, it's not really a mistake of Shackles at all. They did stop them, removed all weaponry and ammunition from them along with anything valuable. Leaving them to simply carry their own personal effects as slaves is just how slavery works, something Shackles understands very deeply. It was that Murky out-thought him, not that Shackles made an error when he believed Murky still to be broken and unable to resist him.
After all, Shackles is as much a slave to his own beliefs as anything. It's his greatest intimidating and unbending strength...but it's also the way that Murky gets around him, because Shackles can't see past "master and slave", there's no alternative in his mind. Thats how it was written to represent, Murky outplayed Shackles' nature for his victory, the first of such over Shackles himself and part of the Act 2 buildup.
3966805
Thanks for the spots, will get around to correcting them.
As a note, the "whatsits" one of a joke. Say it out loud. :p
3970028
Alright, I pointed out what I didn't like and you as an author defended them. Quite well, I'll add. (You just had to bring Warhammer into this...)
But no matter what way I work my head around the Glimmerlight thing, it still somewhat irks me. I just don't think she should've had her bags. Typically, even the smallest things will be taken into custody upon retrieval, especially after such a vast struggle.
I. Just. Don't. See it.
But hey, I'll ignore it. It's not like the ol' switcharoo is going to provide a major upper hand. Murky is set up to fail at every corner. The fun is watching how he solves problems. I eagerly await Act 3. Good luck on it!