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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Long time coming, but worth every day.
P.S.- the Ebook is somehow formatted incorrectly? Try as I might, it won't open...
Damn...little frustrated at the beginning since I couldn't remember at all who Chirpy was.
That entire trek through the outer metro was just damn creepy. And the exit from it just got creepier. Anyone smiling that much has got to have something wrong with them.
And it's affected Glimmer...
I hope Protégé has gotten a thing or two knocked into him about slavery after all this. That experience at the inner metro sure as hell seemed to have some sort of effect on him.
Oh my ~ New chapter. And i have math class tomorrow. What should i doooooo~
Everyone with the same personality? Giant machines that force memories into a person's head? Sounds like some aggresive neural resocializing to me. Good job at building the dread and atmosphere in this chapter, but I have to say that I can't really feel sympathy for Protogé in this chapter. He deserves, and even moreso NEEDS, everything that he's going through. "Acceptable losses" indeed...
i just had a thought that what if the thing behind the concreted door was brimstone?
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Unlikely by the description the concrete was old as the other seals. I think the mint monsters have been down here for a very long time.
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Trouble is, whatever is affecting Glimmerlight seems to be getting to Protégé as well. He could be reflecting upon the inequinity of what Red Eye's people are doing down there, but if he is it won't last long. Any worldview shattering revelations he might have will be pushed aside by thoughts of how happy he is to be down here doing his bit, how curious it is that the number of overhead light fixtures he counted is divisible by 17 of all numbers, and how the veins in that marble facade over there look just like Buzzy the radhog. He doesn't understand how he knows that the radhog's name is Buzzy, but he doesn't question it. He just knows.
So Glimmer had her memories messed with I bet. Anyways I hope Murky gets the problem fixed soon, good chapter again
This chapter was one of the creepiest things I have ever read, and I loved every minute of reading it. Well done.
Glad we got a release date for the next chapter I can't stop reading this.
Holy hell, that's really intense.
Love it!
Alright, when I saw the name to this chapter, I already got a spooky vibe from it, and seeing the Part 1 I knew there would be some sort of cliffhanger.
Needless to say, I was not disappointed.
Well, I now have a new-found liking of Protégé as a character, as it is made quite clear that while he understood what the slaves had to live through, he did not really understand how bad it could get for the poor old (and young) slaves of Fillydelphia under the ever watchful eye of evil bastards such as chainlink shackles. But, of course, now he does, And I am not happy about it one bit. See, Protégé was a bit too 'sacrifice for the greater good' for my liking, but he had a strong belief in that and would not back down no matter the case. Now everything he believed in is in question, as this is beyond 'sacrificing a few for many' and has now turned into Pointless torture and some sort of mind control/ brain wipe thing. It really shows, that its not just the slaves who are having their wills broken.
Anyways, lets talk about that metro scene. The build up and tension in this scene, combined with the amazing description throughout, really gave me some chills. Murky was really out of his comfort zone in this, but it made it all the better (sorry Murky). The whole scene made me reminisce over the Metro books and games, as they both have very tense, almost paranormal things going on, and monsters hiding in every crack in the wall, that sadly will not go away if you turn the lights on. Also, I have taken to calling the mint monsters Dentists, purely on the mint smell alone. I do not really know why you decided the mint smell, but I think that will have some importance considering how much everybody goes on about the mint smell. My guess is that it has something to do with Mint-als.
And, lets have a bit more of a look at the scene at the end, with the abnormally happy slaves, that all act exactly the same. For a start, lets say that creeps me out way more than any body horror or jump scare could. Well I am going to point out that the machine that's description sounds suspiciously like a electric chair might have something to do with it, but I cannot say for sure. Also the way Protégé acts in this scene is making me afraid that this 'mind wipe' has some sort of effect on anyone in the area, as he was acting quite odd. But you never know, having what you believe in crumble around you normally has that sort of effect on people.
Also, AW MAN CHAINLINK SHACKLES.
Have a nice Guy Fawkes night!
In the chapter The Only Way Out, little Lilac mentions that she was woken up by screaming ponies shouting for help, a minty smell, and a strange beeping sound. Does that mean that some of the Creatures somehow made their way up above ground, or close enough to be heard? Fuzzy, you've thought of everything, haven't you? The occasional hints here and there are brilliant. I can't wait until part two!
I think I am going to ready Murkey Number seven! I heard it's an awesome story!
*goes to the story and sees how many words each chapter*
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Indeed, it is strongly implied throughout the story that such thigns did once lurk the very streets of Fillydelphia in the city's darker days of violence, blood and nightmares prior to slavery moving in big time.
I love trying to think ahead and getting it all down like that. It feels satisfying to do! Glad you noticed it!
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I will say that 14-16 was a bit of a pacing error for me. They should perhaps have been two chapters rather than three. So you've pretty much passed the slowest pace of the "dark arc" of the story already. I'd advise maybe giving just a couple more a shot when you can. You may find the tone changes dramatically very soon...even if 17 might not seem it at first. :)
But there's no problem with just coming back later! I'm fully aware it's a long story.
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I'm a huge fan of classic horror films. Back when it was ambience, imagination and atmosphere rather than BLARGH BIG CGI MONSTER JUMPSCARE like the drivel they call "horror" these days. So in writing this I really wanted to focus on that traditional style of "mind over gore".
Suffice to say, Protégé has some good focus to come as a character. Can't comment on your theories though! Spoilers~
... And here I am, shaking as I write this... What infernal depths did you get this from? And why is persistence hunting so fucking terrifying?
I'm gonna go curl up in a corner, hold my C7 close to me, and cry myself to sleep now.
Also, part two to be released the day after Remembrance Day?
This is literally the only fic I've read for months, and I don't plan on stopping until it's done. Then, I'll read Fo:E a fourth time and then this again. :)
What the hell FimFic!!! Y U NO TELL ME IT UPDATED!!!!!
Good god this chapter was good. I honestly felt tense when reading this. Also am I detecting a hint of metro?
Dear god that chapter... it was soooo creepy, and oh NO GLIMMER!!
That was one of the best chapters I've ever read of any story...
Murky Number Seven....
Should find love...
i was jus going thru my list of FO: E fanfic i read, wen i came across the new chap i was like, "Oh, shit!" and immediately came to comment about it. i look forward to actually reading!
Oh man, what were the Zebra's working on down here? I have the feeling that Aurora implemented the skill set memory orb thingy except she made it into a mind control program in the end. Maybe its something else since its effecting Protege too?
The mint monsters... I'm getting the vibe they aren't just a random mutation, maybe they came from an experiment here, or they knew of it? I'm hoping for a few more references to the mint things anyway.
This fic excites me and then depresses me. Ouch, you make other stories with dark tags look like someone just lost their gold fish, and this one your entire family died. That tragedy tag? Normal fics look like they got a paper cut while this your wings are crippled and you'll never fly again.
Damn, I just can't stop reading though.
I got advised to read this FO:E sidefic, so thought I'd come over and see what was going on and
holy hell, over 700,000 words
That longer than the original!
Fuck me, I can't justify reading this in the middle of term, just wait for the holiday break though and I'll read the shit out of this.
You be strong, you survive... You stay uploaded, no matter what occurs! I will read you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will read you.
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Nice!
3453523 I should have waited until tonight to read this.
The mintys, I suspect, are anything but done, however.
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I hate Red Eye!
Have you ever seen a British sci-fi series called Primeval? I recommend looking up episodes featuring what they call "Future Predators" (or just look it up on Google images). It's one of the only times I've ever seen CGI monster horror actually work, especially in later seasons - mainly because of how unsettling the design is. It's actually a very good series, from that same revival period as the new Doctor Who.
The mint creatures actually sound pretty similar.
Well that was all kinds of creepy. The mint monsters are bad enough and those happy slaves seal the deal. Season 5 hadn't happened yet when this was written , but it makes me think of Starlight's village, with their everpresent smiles and vacant eyes. To think what she might have done if she had Shackles’ ambition.
Holy shit does Protege feel strongly about those foals! The only time we've ever seen him that angry was when he killed Minstrel. I wonder if there's some personal reason it's such a sore subject for him, or if he just picked it up from Red Eye. The looming conflict between him and Murky is set up quite well. This is a great way to remind us that even though they've gotten along well for a while and have a ton in common, they still clearly have fundamental differences in motivation and goals that are hard to overcome.
And Protege's status as a born slave seems to be coming back to haunt him here. He's being affected by whatever is brainwashing the slaves, but Murky isn't for some reason. Maybe it's because he's still a slave in a sense since he still serves Red Eye, but Murky isn't affected because of his newly found independent mindset? His ideals are tested now more than ever between Grindstone leaving the slaves to die from the monsters, to Shackles' Metro nightmare, and whatever he's doing with the brainwashed slaves. Protege's faith must be on shakier ground than before. Their violence and cruelty serves no purpose, it's them enjoying dominating others. It's one thing for Protege to hear about it from someone like Murky, but as we can see, it's another for him to witness it first-hand.
I don't quite recall why Aurora did what she did, so I'm still holding out that she's not a total traitor, but how else could the zebras have pulled something like this off? Whatever she did, she fucked up bad.
And they really just sealed up the mint monsters in rooms with concrete and continued working?! There must be some way to kill those things, whether by sheer gunfire, gas, asphyxiation or whatever. Just get rid of them. I can imagine Shackles saying "Yeah Grindstone, the project is moving ahead smoothly, we just have a few minor issues with the nearly unstoppable bloodthirsty monsters in several rooms sealed with nothing more than concrete, that totally won't escape at any point. Also there are even more of them laying siege to this place by trying to dig through the sealed tunnels. No big deal though.". This is a disaster/massacre just waiting to happen.
I like Protégé but him doing that scares me.
Super good chapter, I'm in awe. I genuinely didn't realise it was possible to create this much of a sense of tension when both characters in the scene have plot armour (I don't mean that in a bad way, it's just that it's kind of obvious neither of them can really die here). I'll have to look over this chapter with a fine toothed comb just to understand what makes it so brilliant.
I know that part of it definitely comes from the fact that the mint beasts are presented as a complete and utter force of nature. You can't kill them, you can't hide from them, you can only run. But that's not all. The fact that our protagonist is Murky, one of the weakest ponies there are really reinforces this. With a protagonist like LittlePip or Blackjack, this just wouldn't be possible. Even with the same build-up, you would just subconsciously believe that they can fight it if push comes to shove.
Then there's the fact that those things obviously don't kill for food, makes them even scarier.
And then when one is finally shown, and it's emphasised just how utterly chaotic they are. Frankly, amazing.
Also, Murky and Protégé continue to be an amazing duo. I absolutely adore the way they are similar in so many ways, but differ in the crucial ways. Like how Protégé clearly still has some bit of slave left inside of him (the proof of that being just how much more susceptible he seems to be to the slave-only brainwashing aura present down there), which is the reason he insists Murky needs to go down the same path as him, even though Murky already understands what he wants. Protégé can't really understand how much Murky wants freedom, simply because of that one key difference. Protégé wanted freedom to escape the pain, while Murky simply wants freedom for its own sake.
This whole paragraph probably sounded like the ramblings of a crazy person, but I don't care.