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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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'BOUT BLOODY TIME!!
I kid, I kid. I know your FIMfic woes.
Murky's developing an observant streak!
I hope they get rescued soon anyways good chapter again
awwyis.
mother,
fuckin'
Murky.
But... But... It's 2:15 am and 36k... Work tomorrow is going to suuuuuck.
Alright, let me try to set the scene here, I am on holiday, staying in a nice villa. But sadly it has no Wi-Fi. I have learnt that the shared pool area does! Today I decide to check out FimFiction like I usually would. I saw this fic had a update, and I squealed. Out loud. In front of strangers. But it was worth it. Tell you what, when I get back I will give a large comment review thingy on this chapter. So expect to see me again in like, a week and a half with that.
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Glad it's something to make the "coming home blues" a little easier post holiday, very awesome to hear it gives you that much of a boost. :)
Enjoy your holiday!
Ah. Politics. I utterly loathe politics.
Though it is nice to see things from both perspectives, while before the slaver side was simply Shackles being a wanker.
But, as Red Eye has already left for his last stand against the Enclave and frankly pitiful death, I notice that quite a bit of time has progressed.
I am guessing that just as Murk is going to execute his escape plan, Littlepip's Celestial nuke blows the Hell out of Filly.
Also.
...Murky upgrades his crotch-shots despite not doing any in the chapter.
I smell foreshadowing. And I like what it implies.
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He did one, during his last rush into the auditorium.
I cannot comment about the future, but events of the FOE world most certainly will have some impact no matter where little Murky is at the time.
Damn, it's this tense and we're not even at the finale yet? I have high expectations for these next few chapters. I'm willing to say this is probably my favorite chapter since 12, even if Glimmer and Coral and Brim aren't in it.
Ladeyla time to read some MLP chapters before bed..... hang on a tic... *saves bookmark and scrolls down* ITS 4:50AM AND I'M STILL NOT DONE?
This very thing happened to me yesterday... forgot how huuge your chapters are!
Quite a chapter! I feel as i we are slowly reaching the end of this tale but it has been a great one none the less, can't wait to see the rest.
2947533 Dear gods I did it again reading the second half of it!
Just came back from a once in a lifetime holiday, tell you what, never again.
All right, so I promised a big comment review thingy, and that is what I will do! Never really done one before, so It should be a learning experience.
I am going to start with some more general comments of the fic itself, more importantly, what I thought it was going to be. I thought, murky would escape in 3-4 chapters, and that the fic would be more about how someone who has lived in servitude for all their life, deals with total freedom, and how some people spend that freedom (raiders and the like), so I came into Murky Number Seven expecting that. Then he tried to escape, and failed. I thought, "oh, I did not expect that, but he will escape in the next chapter or two". This quickly became what I would say at the end of EVERY CHAPTER, and soon my hope for murky getting away disappeared. But, when they got that plan going, my hope was rekindled. I don't know if what I came in expecting is what you wanted me to think or not, but you are brilliant for making me feel that anyway.
Onto the actual chapter. The previous chapter was quite happy and had good thing after good thing happen to murky, so my first thoughts were "next chapter is gonna suck reeeal hard for murky" and to be honest, this chapter was more of a mixed bag than anything. Murky is now a assistant, its better than regular slave work, Yay!, but it still is slave work, boo! and stuff like that. Also, we have seen quite a bit of murky maturing and starting to fight (at least verbally) for what he believes in.
Also, the scene where Murky picks up on the messages between the Shades and hears of the assassination attempt and is running towards the courthouse, while hearing Protege's speech. I loved this scene, and it made me genuinely fear for Protege's life, even though I don't like him that much (a slaver, no matter how nice, is still a slaver) if he dies all hope is lost for murky, and I like murky.
Also its quite clear how much you have raised the stakes here, with the politics and the pre-war mysteries and all that jazz, and with Red-Eyes arseholery making him refuse to help (but I can buy that, with the whole post-apocalypse celestia thing you have got going on)
And because I started with a Tim Vine joke (dont know if that link works) I will end with one.
Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many levels.
Have a nice day!
This story is still so exciting! I still enjoy every chapter I read and can hardly wait for more
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Thank you very much for the load of feedback on your overall thoughts!
Yes, keeping his failures unknown until they happen is partially an element of the story, one that not many get due to how well known it is amongst many that he stays in Fillydelphia for a much longer time. It's the most common "spoiler" but every time someone manages to get by it, I smile a little. I like catching people off guard!
Predominantly, the story couldn't languish in mills, cart pulling and whips forever. Slavery is more than just the basics and the chapters are definitely investigating more of this sort of thing you might say. Glad to see you're picking up on it! Especially the duality with Protégé, people's thoughts on him are very divisive. Some think he's awesome, some thing he's a very tragic character, others hate him, some are just unsure of him, some even pity him. So I'm glad that's still got variation. :)
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Thanks very much, hope it continues to be good!
So. Is there an eBook version available? Because that would be the best possible thing. Ever.
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Check out my hub page here, it has links to some ebook versions.
Maybe something to suit you there. :)
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Playlists can do some crazy things! I once had something from the Mr Bean movie come on while writing.
Oddly enough, it fitted.
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Yes, try now to rush chapters of it. I've wrote it like a collection of stories rather than ongoing chapters. You'll burn yourself out if you try to hammer through them all! Just take it easy and bit by bit. Thanks for taking a look. :)
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That was an idea actually, but the whole Ghost element was too swish not to use. :)
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Good lord I have never cried much at all until I read this fan fiction... Please Murky, BE FREE!
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Glad it had such an emotive response for you and that you're really rooting for the little guy. Just for your info, 21 is already finished and 22 is about 60% done too. (Just building up a backlog for ongoing chapter releases) So not too long till the next ones!
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Please take your time dude it's no rush to make these, it makes them better.
And sadder.
I still remember my reaction to "The Only Way Out." At the end I was like: "You bastard! How could you think such mortifying things to put him through! Makemoremakemoremakemore."
It could just be me, but I like the idea of shipping Murky with Scotch Tape. If Murky is between 14-16, then they'd be the same age. Her skills on repairing and construction would help him immensely and her mischievousness and outgoing personality could balance him out.
............. O.o
I need moar! XD
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Soon!.jpeg :p
Really, next two are aaaalmost done.
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Yay!
I absolutely love this story! In my mind, it definitely rivals the original in terms of sheer awesome.
3409674 Oh man... you're only on chapter 3... Prepare for feels. So many feels...
But remember, Life will always get better, so long as you can hold out for long enough. At least, thats what I keep telling myself.
I just love this story soooo much, from the heart renching situations Murky has to go through to the beautiful birthday scene I love it all!
I hope it updates really soon cause i finished chapter 20 and can sense the withdrawl coming even now as I type.
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Well Chapter 21 is finished and ready to go, while Chapter 22 is like...85%? So it won't be long at all for the next few updates!
Very glad it's been an emotive story for you, that's always wonderful to hear! Just hold out hope for him. If there's one thing I feel pretty strong about, it's that the ending can go either way.
3412903 Awwww please don't say that! Now you've got me worried
Still looking forward to seeing it though
3412903 One final thing, i will hold all the hopes for Murky and his friends getting out, I really wanna see that, but please for the love of god don't make me regret reading this story!
And with that i bid you good day
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Yeah, don't make me regret reading this. I've followed it from ~chapter ten on the google docs page, and I'd hate to have wasted my life with it. >_<
Probably the biggest problem I had with FoE was Red Eye believing that the evil he was doing was the best way. I thought of all the arguments Murky did. Protégé's counter argument actually made me realize that while cruel it really is the only way for the greater good. As much as I hate to say it I would probably be much more like Red Eye than Littlepip.
...is this what I think it is? A Led Zeppelin reference?
I love this side story!
Was this supposed to make sense? 'Cause I'm with Protoge. I don't get it either
MURKY STOP KICKING PONIES IN THE GODDAMN CROTCH
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Rank 3 prolly gonna be bucking them clean off at this rate
As of a quarter of the way through this chapter, I'm almost shipping Ragini and Murky.
Just because of one wink.
Edit: Finished chapter. Still shipping it.
Is this a typo or Murky mis-remembering?
She said three tips, not hints.
I keep looking down to chapter the apprentice's downfall as I get closer I can't help but wish for protege to not go the way of steelhoves...ill see soon enough I suppose
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Really? It seemed pretty obvious... Glimmer told it to him as a way to teach him how to flirt... Showing someone you're interested in just enough to get them curious... but not enough in order to leave them wanting more... Of course Murky misunderstood the concept but still applied it in a proper way... He only STARTED filling in the signature on the paper that would give the vote to Protege... Then when Mosin went to fill it in he just finished the signature thinking nothing of it
Or at least that's what I gathered from it
Something that always bothered me about FoE is the contradictions of Red Eye's vision. He says he wants to rebuild Equestria, no matter the cost, but the way he runs Fillydelphia runs contrary to that. The way the city is run is anything but efficient. Cruel slave masters run rampant, and slaves are often killed for very little, costing them valuable labor. One particularly egregious example of this was in the first two chapters when Wicked Slit killed three slaves just because they displeased her. This kind of behavior does not do much at all to further Red Eye's goal. Slaves that are killed have to be replaced costing much time and money, and slaves that are overworked are not nearly as productive.
The worst excesses of Slavery that we've seen in real life were usually the result of seeking profit above all else, but Red Eye isn't doing this for money. So why doesn't he step and punish those slavers who are cruel, and why doesn't he ensure the slaves are at least decently fed and rested? I'm glad you tried to address this issue through Protege, though there are still some issues. From the way he talks, the state of Fillydelphia is mainly the result of Red Eye wanting to reach a state of industrialization as quickly as possible, and then he could step in to ensure better treatment. But even then, cruelty and underfeeding could not help him achieve that goal. There's also the fact that anyone who would become a slaver will virtually never be a good person. But could it also be that Red Eye doesn't actually hold as much power as we think he does? That he depends on people like Shackles and Grindstone to stay in power and pursue his goal? It could also be that he has trouble procuring enough food for the slaves as well. I don't imagine it would be easy to feed such a huge workforce in the wasteland.
Seeing Red Eye so haggard and unable to do anything is kinda sad. Curse you for making me feel a little bad for him. He's a little like Celestia, handing off important tasks to his most trusted student when he is unwilling or unable to do them himself.
Last chapter I said I was disappointed in Ragini's behavior, but now I'm pleasantly surprised. She's warming to him, even if a little slowly. Do I support the crack ship of Murky x Ragini? Maaaaybe... Also, Murky's charge into the building to save Protege is something I couldn't have seen him doing at the beginning of the story, especially for the sake of someone who's still a slave master. He nearly sat out the operation to kill Barb, and now here he is barging right into the Funbarn filled to the brim with guards to rescue Protege.
Murky not only has to learn to read and write, but he has to learn English spelling and grammar. You poor thing, having to learn all the many wonderful and varied rules and exceptions of this weird frankenstein language.
Maybe I'm just dumb, but I'm missing what Glimmer and Murky really meant when they said this.
The proper term you're looking for is Cylinder.
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Remember, it's from Murkys perspective. He is not an educated pony
Wow, Ragini really went from "pissy, random merc" to my second favourite character, all in one chapter.
Also, the more this goes on, the more I love Murky and Protégé's dynamic. Individually they're great characters, but as a duo they are amazing.