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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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So, For us who've read the original, Is it all pretty much the same? Or am I gonna have to spend another thirty minutes to re-read this?
885 views, 552K words.
885 views, 552K words.
885 views, 552K words.
885 views, 552K words.
*Smashes head against wall*
I know this is featured, but for the love of God, why doesn't this have more views?!
Excuse me while I burn myself.
500,000 words?
i8.photobucket.com/albums/a20/SunShinesfussfuss/tumblr_md7ip9vx3Z1rfy2fao1_500-1_zps14ea8bc8.jpg
Ok that's a joke. In all honesty though, I'll try my best to read it. We'll see how far I can get.
2108987 A full explanation is on Fuzzy's Tumblr. All that's changed is that Murky attempts suicide before being raped, rather than after. The chapter ends the same way.
I've always thought that a writer should write his feelings into the work as truthfully as she/he can. If he felt the change was necessary, then by all means, he should go ahead.
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***CAUTION: SPOILERS THAT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COVER LIKE Unknownlight DID***
Pretty much this. Reread it just now. The original chapter end was quite shocking and Murky's decision was easy to understand. The change that was made takes a bit of that shock away and replaces it with a horrid dread of whats to come (especially if you read the original). It changes his decision from being one of an empty shell of a pony who has had everything possible taken from them to the choice of someone who refuses to let them take that last little bit of himself that he has left. It becomes his final act of rebellion along with his only foreseeable means of escape.
While I read the original and it flowed well and properly bruised my chin on the floor and left me a wreck of emotions for the rest of the night, I approve of these changes. It's like in Project Horizons. Blackjack is perfectly fine with dieing after that, and she even gets her wish for a short while. Even afterwards IIRC she has a few break downs when it comes to remembering what happened and reacts violently to the slightest reminder for a while.
The big difference is that Murky is in a much different situation than Blackjack. While he has loving friends, even with Glimmer removing the memories I don't think he would have any way of coming back from the edge the retconned events threw him screaming over. That shatters a person to their core, and his is already fragile and cracked as is.
TLDR: I believe Fuzzy made a good decision in changing the last bit of the chapter. I can't wait to continue the story. And if you read this Fuzzy, I am curious about how the original events would have affected the next chapter. Maybe have another Tumblr wall-o-text to point out the changes as sorta a doomed timeline, Homestuck style.
Oh poor Murky. Don't worry little buddy things'll get better soon
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Don't count on it. As soon as it gets better, it will get much, much worse.
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Yeah but Littlepip's side of the story should be on the radio soon, if i remember correctly anyways, and that should give him a shot of much needed hope
Ooof...Taking away Murky's last choice should really mess him up. I hope Brim can provide some very real and immediate protection.
Lilac Rose and Coral were great together. I really liked Coral coming into her own as a "mom" character for both Lilac and Murky. I think this chapter fleshed her out a lot more as more than a symbol of the past for Glimmer and Brim.
dayum that was a powerful chapter.
Oh crap. This is gonna be dark, isn't it?
LEEROOOY JEEEENKIIIINS!!!!!!!
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Its brim.
He eats fucking armies.
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Coral is a greta fun to write character, more because the vast majority of characters created in FOE stories tend to be kind of late teens to mid twenties. Getting into the work of writing a grown mare who's been a mother for some time and has a more experienced look on life is rather enjoyable. I'm glad you like her!
So I'm fairly sure that most people didn't find out at all that there was a change in this chapter, and even less read your blogpost about it. You might wanna put an author's note on the next chapter about it since someone's gonna be confused.
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The thought had already occured to me. There is one sitting nice and ready to go. :)
Man, this story really breaks my heart. I'm so glad you've come back to it after your troubles, but argh, Murky is reaching Scoots levels as far as empathetic reactions to his situation goes. Now I feel like I need to adopt two ponies. Bravo good sir, every time a new chapter of this story comes out it gets my undivided attention, even though I know I'm going to end up an emotional wreck after I read it. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment though, because every time I read a chapter I'm only left wanting more.
Guh...
I've read until the end of 'The mare in the mirror' chapter and I seriously doubt I'm going to go further. Something tells me that's it's the closest to a high point that I can find in the whole thing...
I mean the story is incredibly well written, but it's not just sad or dark, it's soul-crushing. From how things has evolved so far, I don't even need to read the following chapters to know that everything is going to get worse and worse and worse and...
I don't want to read another 500k words of nothing but torment and suffering. Dear author, you have actually managed to kill my hopes for Murky so much that I don't even want to read the rest of his story, I just want to see him put out of his misery now...
If things do get really better at some point, someone warn me and I'll read the rest, but for now, I'm bailing out. Sorry.
That last chapter was pretty damn awesome, not gonna lie i preffered your first version before you switched it around, made the emotions all the stronger and i honestly was not sure how the last chapter would go (although i know you've written most of 17 already) mark of some damn good writing to make someone second guess something they were certain about. Also the character development was probably the best i've seen in terms of Coral, a main character in the space of a chapter. Loved the bit with Brim too. Excellent job, keep it up and it may reach Pink Eyes level of feels which was the only time i've come close to actually crying at any film or book.
I really have enjoyed this story so far! I found it only a few days ago and have completely caught up in it! I'm surprised it doesn't have more views, it has a lot of bad after bad but theres character progression and twists and all that junk. I've seen a few minor grammatical errors-the stories great and I love the little perks and the song quotes!
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Thank you! If you spot any grammatical errors, feel free to send me a message containing them to help spruce it all up! The FimFic one is behind the times on typo correction, due to Gdoc being the "primary" hub for the story. But we try!
I'm really glad you enjoyed it!
I remember saying in some earlier chapter how heartbreaking this story was.
What comes after that?
I liked this chapter a lot. Coral and Lilac were so cute together. And poor Murky! I don even know what to say. I hope with Brim back some good stuff will happen.
And why do I suspect that Pinkie was referring to a different leap entirely?
Every time I read one of your chapters I want to kill you and the antagonists, and then kill myself. You have an amazing way of making me unsure as to whether the chapter will end well or poorly for Murk, and I hate you for it( In a good way). I honestly thought Murky was going to die at the end of this chapter, and it while it would be fucked up, it would still be fitting. You're an amazing writer, one of the best I've see; fanfiction or real world. You should turn Murky Number Seven into an actual novel. If you ever do write a book, let us know.
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The copyright holders would likely want a chat around the back of the block with a hammer and some thumbs if I tried that! :p
However, I do have some projects of my own that I am intending to bring to the full post-MN7. Original stuff that I am judging if I could shoot for an e-published release.
Of course, it must be said I've got a lot to learn before I try that. MN7 would never get through a publisher even without the copyright. MN7 is for fun and learning as far as I see it alongside being bringing a story to people in a way that novels don't allow. There are many things to bulk up to before I really try for a novel scale project! But I do want to try. :)
Excellent chapter, Fuzzy. Every damn time I question whether it's possible to hate Shackles even more, he just does something even worse. Poor Murk.
Also, that bit with him having a staring contest with that doll is adorable.
*sigh* I hope it's not too much to ask, but I don't suppose you have a copy of the original draft of this chapter in google docs or something? I couldn't get to reading this chapter until well after the rewrite because of real life (and a solemn vow that I would blaze though the refresh of End of Ponies as quickly as possible). I want to see how things originally went.
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There's honestly nothing much different. A couple changed sentences about it.
The aftermath of what would have happened would have been in 17, 16 would have been pretty identical. So you're not really missing anything. :)
Honestly, all that changes are some sorts to denote it happened rather than will happen.
2138097 is it possiable to make shorter chapters so we can read to them quicker?
2142127
I fully acknowledge that the chapters are very long, but I do this to set a standard of pacing. By drastically altering chapter length, I'd hurt the pacing of the story a lot more by this point.
If I wrote something else would I do these huge chapters again? Heck no! But for now, it'd what I have to work with. In general though, I place * * * bits at spots you can stop easily to leave off. :)
2143023 easy on there, I'll knock you out (jk)
I reason I asked is so the story would be updated faster infact I've taken such a intrested that I would be happy enough to pay for a book to be make about it (PM me)
Brimstone Blitz confirmed for best character. EVER.
I mean, seriously, that is one of the best written character's I've ever read. I was genuinely longing for him, when he wasn't shown for a long time. Yet, I know that he will probably not made it to the happy end.
I'll have to read it sometime. Still have New Roam and The Last Sentinel to read, though. Plus my own to write...
2152140
Thanks, Pacce. It's always a temptation to want to go back and tune up the early chapters as those are fairly common issues that emerge, but I don't want to play with too early chapters due to how far in the story is now. As I'm sure you know, writers improve over time and I'd like to think MN7 does show a marked improvement over those issues. I do eagerly look forward to your thoughts on things. :)
Murky's an odd one really to write. He's not stupid but he just has 'holes' in his education and knowledge. I like to keep that as a balance between offering enough variation for interesting writing and character driven lacking segments (read/write, some large words, he does know a few though) that show up which parts he does and does not know. Early on, however I know he has maybe a liiittle too much sardonic nature in him which I attribute to me still trying to get used to writing in the FOE world without copying Kkat's own style. Hopefully that will be noticably different as things go on. ^^
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I almost always read it on the original doc but still have it favorited. I think a large portion of the readers read it there too. I don't think the FO:E fans are very big on fimfiction is all.
Well, that's Chapter 8 polished off. On to Chapter 9.
Word repetition is bound to be an issue with any story this long so I'm letting that go. As an enjoyable serial, this is a worthwhile piece of writing. I'm enjoying it thoroughly. You're back to updating every two weeks, right?
-Chessie
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Sort of, 16-17 is almost two weeks, 17-18 will be three weeks.
It bounces about depending on my health predominently (which is never a particularly high point for me for various reasons) but in general I keep it to 2-3 weeks and I'll always have the next chapter dated to when it's coming so people know in advance. You can check my Gdocs linked on the main hub here for the updates. :)
Word repetition is actually something I notice a lot myself, using similar phrases and suchlike. Indeed, it's one of the biggest lessons I've learned with a project of this scale is how to hold onto certain phrases that they might be more impactful later on or retaining some words to not outuse them.
GOD DAMIT! ALL THESE FEELINGS! I demand MORE!!! (I didnt say moar just to show how serious i am)
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Chapter 17 will be put up in under 24 hours, so you're in luck. ;)
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Im gunna hug you till your dead...
Read the new chapter 17 in Gdocs, my god man that is a masterpiece, probably my favourite yet. Good job.
2204512 Aha. That's why I haven't spotted it yet. I don't mind gdocs, but the stark white background starts to hurt my eyes after a while, so I read them here with a dark background. Heh, maybe gdocs lets you do that too, and i'm just too silly to figure out how.
I don't know if this is intentional or not, but I've been following this story since the first chapter. Half a million words later and we've ended up practically in the same situation. Murky is even worse off. Yes, as readers, we're supposed to sympathize and feel frustrated when the protagonist doesn't get a break. But you've been doing the same thing over and over again, now it's just predictable. You build up some sort of chance, some hope, a glimmer of a break for Murky, have us get our hopes up, and of course, pull it away. Rinse and repeat. It would be engaging, as well as frustrating, because we care for Murky so much as a character, but it's reached a point when now it's just annoying. The angst has become the same sort of one-note, "I'll be a slave", or a variation of, "Someday I'll be free!"
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You'll be glad to know then that Chapters 17-19 switch up the pace quite dramatically. This was something I had some feedback about round about chapter 14 before, but it's concentrated on character moulding for perhaps a bit long.
It's been an interesting lesson. Although I knew how it all paces together through 17 onwards, when all people have to go on it up till 16 in their own knowledge it can be percieved in a very different way.
All I can say really is, things certainly switch up from now on or progress in greater sweeps, Chapter 16 was the culmination of the whole "repeated failing" concept.
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Ah, I never even saw your first reply as it wasn't done in the chapters I commented on and I never got a notification about it. So this is literally the first time I'm seeing your reaction to my reactions. Reaction-ception.
Anyway, I am very sorry that I came off as insulting to you as a person. It was aimed at you as an author, and I still stand by my comment that, up to the point where I am in the story, female characters are handled kinda oddly. I get that Filly is an extreme place, but it's just off-putting that, in 200,000 words and six chapters, the females in the story have either been Murky's hug-box or Murky's tormentors with virtually no in-between.
Again though, this was some time ago for you and, despite that each chapter takes hours of time to read, I'm still in the early parts of the story, so I don't know if this is a situation that is changed as it moves forward and I have been generally enjoying it up until now. In fact, Shackles is probably one of the most interesting and entertaining characters I've read recently.
Yes, I will freely admit that I'm sensitive to how rape is used in fiction and I just felt that it was done badly here. Murky does not come across as jaded, he cries and whimpers and complains about and shrinks from everything bad that happens, so I expected more of a reaction. And it still doesn't make sense to me how it's only mares, screwed-up maniacs would probably not be so picky. And I still don't believe that not one single pony was able to gun down a raider. In fact it would have made much more sense that the two brutalized by Barb HAD brought a raider down and that's why they were made examples of. I understand what you were doing, I just think it needed to have been done better.
Again, I AM very sorry that I insulted you and I should have worded my comments better.
I have mixed feelings about the story.
It certainly is interesting so far, albeit seriously grimdark (You don't say! Quelle surprise!) I certainly knew what I was getting into when I started reading. It is all right there in the tags: Tragedy, Sad, Dark, Mature, Gore. This type of thing is the raison d'ĂȘtre of this particular universe, so nothing unexpected there.
And therein lies the problem; there are no surprises. The overall plot feels wearingly repetitive: use protagonist as a punching bag, heal, repeat.... I think I started to twig during Murky's "parade" where he met up with Unity. The incident at the cabin clinched it. Afterwards it became almost comedically simple to watch for the next cycle of abuse.
The Big Bad suddenly cooperating and fighting by your side? Here comes the betrayal!
Captured (again) by the Big Bad? Here comes the prerequisite abasement scene(s) involving cleaning and/or The Big Bad's Friends.
Captured by Raiders with your friends and allies? Break out the revolver, it is Russian Roulette time!
Cage Match Opponent suddenly becoming chatty? Here comes the switcharoo.
Mind you the details were exquisitely written, and the uplifting bits were good (I especially loved the hoof-wrestling contest) but it felt cheapened by the plot's inevitability. It was like asking me to empathise with a speed bag at a sporting goods store. Even the unnamed background characters only seem to exist solely to provide the framework for the next round of punishment. It all starts to feel flat.
Oh well... Your sandbox, your rules.
EDIT
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Oops. I just noticed Dennis has a similar issue with the plot and Murky replied.
Sorry for the repetition!
I love this story, the tale of a weak pony in wasteland is quite unique.
Still why do the chapters have to be so LONG. I love it but it's a hard read for me.
Also I would just like to say I hope Chain-link Shackles dies screaming like a little b*****
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Hahaha, that speedbag comparison honestly made me laugh even if it is a criticism of the story. Very good word choices. :p
It's something I've felt a slightly increasing criticism of lately and it relieves me to know that 16 was likely the furthest down it will go. All I can say is...wait for 18. The story is certainly going to start changing up and I'm very glad that my plans ended up catching this -just- as it was starting to become a problem. If anything the lesson I'm taking away from this is that character development is not a worthwhile replacement for plot direction. Chapters 13-16 had a lot of character work and learning or developing them...but the status quo didn't change much. I knew it wouldn't when planning but I thought the character stuff might prove a worthwhile interest over it.
Writing is, as ever, a learning experience and that's been a valuable lesson to take away. So...March 22nd, I'd see where it goes from then. Thanks for the honest thoughts.