Thehiddenclopper
Joined 25th Aug, 2012 ·
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.................... what.
Bioethanol can be derived from sugarcane.
Haha! this was an interesting little clop fic to say the least. Interesting
writing and whatnot is pretty good im assuming you where going for just a random clop fic here with no story so you did a pretty good job 
1154850
I say one thing....
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!!!!!
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"After you're flight to Hawaii goes down"
I hope your main language is not english...
yes. that is all i have to say on the subject
1154914 Funny pics I have never seeen them before!
This seems terribly OOC of Twilight.
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This. Was. Briliant!
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1155126
Since this is clop fic, use:
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A plot fit for a porno, and like a porno I enjoyed it all the same. Write more of these.
1154953 If you can point out any more mistakes, then I would probably think it isn't. Since you only gave one mistake, I stand on my reason that everyone makes a mistake every now and then.
You did a good job for a first time clop fiction. You have gained a like from me and five moustaches. Keep up the good work, and I will be watching for your stories.
From hell, to you, and back again,
Soto Konoha
EDIT: Forgot your moustaches. Here you go!
...wat?
This is quite good
1155459
Bah, 1154953 was right. I spotted a hell load more:
You can’t understand what she’s saying, but it sounds like it's English.
“Have fun helping Rarity, Spike! I’m just going to see how our guest is doing.”
“I’m just glad to know this is all a dream,” you say with a smile. “I thought I'd gone to hell or something!”
My name is Twilight Sparkle, by the way.
“So, Twilight, was it? I was wondering if you could tell me where I am, and why I’m tied up.”
“As for why you’re tied up, it’s because I wanted to study you before telling everypony I found you, just in case you get executed or something. You never know how everypony will respond to such a strange creature
such as you.” [Repetition of 'such', which was only used the second time to accompany 'as you'.]
She was unbelievably tight, and it took all your might not to cum right then.
Once she had you as far in as you could go, she began moving up and down your shaft, pumping at a good steady pace.
The pace quickened, and you could feel your insides begin to tighten up.
Additionally, he swapped from present tense, to past.
My point has been made.
Started off quite good, but the sex was too quick, "she presented her sex." wtf
Well then.....Time to pour bleech into my eyes.
But it was a pretty good clop fic IMO
[sounds of distant screams]
1155410
^
Minus the "Me enjoying this." part.
Thank you all for your input and support. I am pleasantly surprised at how well this was received.
AiRsTrikeITA
Cenitopius
Thanks for noticing those mistakes. I'll work on editing them and will also be sure to spend some more time fixing my grammar in future fics. I have almost no writing experience, so I really appreciate you guys calling out my faults.
EDIT: Changes made.
dah fuq
1155757 Well, it seems as though we have different opinions on the subject. I understood everything that was said throughout the whole story, and it didn't seem misleading. Then again, that's just my opinion. However, my point, despite the mistakes you have pointed out, still stands as well. Everyone makes mistakes. Even people that are fluent in the English language makes mistakes every once in awhile, especially commas. Therefore, I can't make the assumption that English is not his first language because everyone that has written a fan fiction has made at least one mistake.
Hope you understand where I am getting at with this notion.
From hell, to you, and back again,
Soto Konoha
Troll
made ma day
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1154914FORWARDS!
Not bad at all for an amateur effort. You can certainly improve from here
1155982
I was just trying to follow instructions, though I agree that his first language, or at least second, is English, because I don't know anyone personally that could write that well in a second language.
1157223 Yep, I understand that part you did prove.
I only know very few that can talk and write well when English is their second language. Oh, and thanks for some stories. I had to look at your profile because your argument, and picture, intrigued me. I saw some of your favorites, and I didn't have some of them on my read later list (which is like 113 right now). So, I took it upon myself to add some of them to my list. Sadly, I won't get to them all because school is about to start.
I only have one more year of this, and I will be finished! Man, school work is so annoy and AP Calculus isn't going to help me any.
Sorry, I usually digress from my usual topic... a lot.
Anyways, thanks for the stories, your review over the mistakes (that will help me with my stories), and keep up the good work on your stuff.
From hell, to you, and back again,
Soto Konoha
1155459 To be honest, I didn't even read it.
Well I may sound like an asshole but you could say I'm a grammar-nazi since I can't read stories with errors without getting angry/bored.
Also this may sound strange since I'm an Italian, living in Italy, but what the hell it's not my bad if sometimes I can speak English better than somebody who were born in an English country.
1157223 Well I'm an Italian living in Italy, and to be honest just by reading the description I think I can speak english better than him.
PS: if you want you can read my previous comment and check my grammar
1158471 No worries, I can be a grammar-nazi at times as well. To prove so, you have made three mistakes in your comment towards me. There should be a comma after 'Well', 'asshole',and 'also'. Being that their are additive words, which I mean they are words that you add, but they can be taken out and effect the sentence none, they need commas after them. Except for the comma after asshole. That is a conjunction.
Don't worry about it. I understand what you are getting at. Sometimes I feel like I can speak French better than their natives.
1158586 Well, I could understand understand comma's errors, but spelling errors like You're instead of Your and vice versa it's something unacceptable for me
.
1158617 I definitely agree with that. I even hate it when I make that mistake.
dafuq did i just read
1154850
x9001
...Well then, that was fun,
Actually a really good idea but not well executed
1161840
I couldn't agree more. I really liked the idea I had, but I had no idea how to write this style of clop. I am much more familiar with a more traditional, romantic style of clop, but I was hesitant to post a story like that because it's not a very original premise.
Sorry, but this was way too rushed, and the plot, though not very unoriginal, could have been much more creative. The love making itself was way too fast, why did Twilight want to do that with him? Was she so horny that she was just going to have sex with a random creature she found? I don't get it...
And if you're doing a love scene, make it more than 4 paragraphs. I'd say stick to sensual clop fics.
Way to short. I am still thinking What...
Hello all you people, here is a read through of this story for you all the hear, ENJOY
1259169
Holy fuck a reading of my story! You shouldn't have wasted 8 minutes on this shit though.
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no.