• Member Since 10th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Kiernan


I left for eight years. Now I've returned, a changed beast.

T

They all laughed at him. A unicorn, flying!? Oh, how ridiculous! But now he had proven them wrong. He had created wings that were more than temporary! But will this newfound excellence last? We shall see.

Chapters (20)
Comments ( 102 )

74906 A not-quite finished story. What's confusing about that?

74926 I feel the same way, actually. It'll get longer as I write it. Writers block is a horrible thing. Don't ever catch it.

So far so good! I actually enjoy short chapters. Mine are way too long :derpytongue2: Can't wait to see more!

Eon

Looks like it could be good.

75036 Still working on it though. A work in progress. And I need more pork.:pinkiehappy:

looks good. Although I prefer chapters to be atleast a thousand words minimum

Nice as it is but it seems a tad unfocused, but I will track it regardless as I know for a fact you can only improve.

77232 it is a bit unfocused. The point of beginning a story is to bring it into focus. Plus this is my first major project, so there's that. But I am going somewhere. and to see that somewhere, you need to look at the entire horizon, not just the one point to focus on. Plus, if you focus too early, your path is set out and you can't very well vary from that path without tearing a big hole in the story. Some people write like that, I guess. Some people will write a story set on the one point they wish to achieve, and build to that point. It makes for a more linear, but well focused story. I would much rather choose my path as I go, and let it lead me where it will.

But alas, I'm rambling again.

I can understand a lot changing in 10 years but the reaction to the Florin is kinda how someone would react to somebody giving them a Doubloon to go pay for something. Sure we are talking about rare gold coins but the time difference is a fair bit larger I believe. Of course it would make sense if these Florins were being destroyed or, considering they are gold, being smelted down to cast newer coins. In that case finding Florins intact would be considerably more rare even though the time span is so short.

I admit I liked his explanation on his spell that reabsorbs the energy he loses thru running or whatnot so he doesn't get tired. I will admit I wish more fics that had a heavy focus on Twilight or some other character using spells would try to explain them more often. Magical technobabble may seem like padding but technobabble or magibabble in this case I guess does tend to have it's place in stories.

Nice, but you're not making much sense on the last bit. I can garuentee (as a writer myself, go check it for an example) that more words = better reading, no exceptions. A rule of thumb I use is generally "Unless the actual story words is equal to or over 1K, don't post it."

Don't mistake this for hate, call it advice.

Interesting implementation of currency though, and now I have to wonder what the exchange rate is from the Canadian dollar to 'bits' is.

In Canada
Bag of apples (8 ish apples) = 5$ (ish)
In Equestria
One apple = 3(ish) bits

Assuming I don't suck at math, each apple IRL is 1.6 dollars.

Ergo

The exchange rate is 1.87 (1.9 rounded)

So for example 2000 bits = 1069.5 dollars, roughly a 1:2 ratio in the dollar's favor. (1.9:4 or something)

Or to use a slightly more accurate example, let's use cupcakes.

Assuming each one IRL is .70$, and three bits were used to purchase one in the show, and also assuming I'm not doing it wrong we find one bit = .05$ (ish) so something like 2000 bits is equal to 100 dollars. A 1:20 ratio again in the dollar's favor.


...dammit I nerded all over the floor again...

79142 One word to answer your first point: hyperdeflation. Hyperinflation is why a few thousand yen is only a couple dollars, that's why German marks were about twenty to a penny before it fell silent to the Euro. It can happen, it has happened, but here, it happened in reverse.

As for the other point, I feel that explaining the why's and hows for spells makes them seem more complex, and you want to think about them. It adds interest. That's why I make descriptions of the new spells part of my lists. Granted, there are laws on how far I can go, but they can be bent if need be.

79151 Mayhap somepony should come up with an exchange rate. I've seen Apple being sold for anywhere between 1 and 6 bits, and there is no higher form of currency except what I just wrote that I have even heard of. It might just be a bad idea to only have one unit of currency to support an economy. I now think some kind of economic system should be set up that works around bits, creating easier means of carrying money.

For the exchange rate I contribute: 1 Florin = about 3,000 bits (to a collector, that is. But they know the real value is sentimental)

I'm liking this story. The new Unicorn reminds me a little of Robotnik from that one story that made it to EQD.

Your writing has improved tenfold but I still hold to my point of 'MOAR'. Good plot building though, I look forward to your next addition.

81103 I would like to do more per chapter, but it would make the reading more difficult if I went from 1k to 3k between chapters. Besides, cliffhangers keep people coming back. So do subplots, to reference the chapter I just finished writing, not to be published for a few days... epic foreshadowing.

This man could be the single most important inventor in all of equestrian history...and he lives underground...typical

81221Sure do, can we expect a crazy flying contraption any time soon, or is that our if the question?

81221Sure do, can we expect a crazy flying contraption any time soon, or is that out* of* the question?

81224 You only needed to ask once...

And it is out of the question at this point. The story just started, the climax is still a ways away.

Not that the first curveball hasn't been thrown. The device is built, I just have to have him get around to attaching it. If the entire story was:

He built a set of wings. He put it on. He can now fly.

Then it would be a boring story. I'd read it once and never again. You have to be patient, I'll get around to it when I do.

81230Okie dokie lokie:pinkiehappy: (sits down, waits)

81235 Not that it's easy to be patient. I have to wait another 19 hours before I can continue my story. Do you know how hard it is to wait 19 hours to post a chapter you wrote 3 days ago?

But I did say that he had built a set of wings. Go read the first few paragraphs if you want proof.

The writing is wonderful and the pacing is fast (fast good) I will be following this closely.:pinkiesmile:
[Don't listen to his lies! He,s been following for 2 chapters now.:pinkiecrazy:]
Shut up brain!:pinkiehappy:
:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

Oh goodie...Akaitora is one of those. Focuses purely on the science at hand and ignores EVERYTHING else. Well considering he's "friends" with Fluttershy and Twilight he may be able to be pulled out of his focus.

I think it's funny that he got sent back a grade because they thought he wanted to toss ponies off a balcony. Of course that's one of the problems of grade school level teachers. They tend to look at a picture or diagram at face value instead of actually talking to him to figure out what he was going for.

Geez Akai's life is depressing. At least he still managed to work on his dream.

82895 If you're goinig to shorten his name to Akai, please go one step further and call him Kai. It'll make more sense after chapter 10 is published, I promise.

As for the story of his life, It was actually based off of my life up to the point where he was thrown out, albeit on a larger scale than what mine was. I got the attention of the police, not the secret service. After that, it's a handful of jokes from some friends of mine, and some sour memories, all mixed in to one big Applebloom soup. Why aren't there any Zecora smileys? Twist got a smiley.

@Kiernan

...My sympathies. We seem to have a few things in common, then. As I said, my sympathies. And never forget your dreams. Life sucks hard-as-hell when you do.

Wows their society changed heaps in the span of twoish decades. For that to happen to us we need a war, or two, for ponies it just happens, I am impressed.
P.S that was sarcasm
P.P.S please keep writing this story, it is still wonderfully awesome

83107 You hadn't heard of the Equestrian war? It took place four years before the events of this story. There was a rebellion of Earth Ponies, and they marched on Canterlot, demanding equal rights. The Unicorns blockaded their entrance, thousands were Killed... And it all took place in my mind just seconds ago.

Now I have to write that story.:ajsleepy: Thanks. Thanks a lot.:facehoof::twilightangry2:

Still.
Too.
Short!

I'm begging you, even if it takes longer, make the chapters at least 3k. It would make this great story awesome. Technobabble was amusing in that I just took a science class and absolutely everything you said contradicted itself xD

Character development is good as ever, continue brother.

I'm guessing Fluttershy and Akaitora end up becoming friends and she helps voluntarily soon enough. Then Akaitora makes his wings and thetwo of them live happily ever after.

I didn't just spoil it by accident did I?

85582 No, but she's already willingly helping. There's not a whole lot of assistance to proffer inside of a cage, and he hasn't asked her to help now that she's out. Wait for it...

>85099 I can't make a drastic change in my word count, so not jumping to 3k yet. I may get there before the end, but not yet.

As for the Technological contradictions, MAGIC!!!:flutterrage:

I think it would have been better if you left out the fact that it was his bro tell next chapter would have been a better cliff hanger

86774 Well, It might just be my Pigglemas gift to you, or mayhap just a weaker cliffhanger. Either way, it's still a cliffhanger, as you start to wonder about his brother. You only know the facts. You can't know his feelings toward his brother, only I may. Plus you have to think about what he's been saying to Fluttershy, and what she's been saying to him. I think that gives you enough to think about without having to wonder who it is.

That being said, it was always my intent to bring his brother back into the story. He'll be important at the climax, but you'll find that out later. Along with the assisting cast that make him important during the climax. Not to mention his role in building the deus ex machina, but already I'm giving away parts of the story I shouldn't be.

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie!:pinkiehappy:

ARGH cliff hangers, they hurt so good:fluttershbad:

ARGH cliff hangers, they hurt so good:fluttershbad:

I like how he has a 500 words breakfast.
:moustache::moustache::moustache:

87018 Yeah. I asked my prereader about leaving that part in, but we decided against cutting it out. Besides, it was both vague enough and detailed enough to get the exact same image in my head broadcasted into your head. I think I should have used a second apple, though... It was a bit lacking in that aspect...

A new challenger has arrived!

I've got a bad feeling about Usutora:trixieshiftleft:

Flying spaghetti monsters followers.

Indeed.

About that character development, you're right and wrong at he same time which makes me wonder if you're correct or going left.

Erm...

Point is, bigger chapters = longer coherent thoughts, ergo better development IF you're good at it. Otherwise it's a flustercuck.

I'm confused... No wait maybe I'm not...

Characters fully developed huh?:rainbowderp:
Feel free to ask question huh?:pinkiecrazy:
Well...
What's Kai's blood type,full name, height,weight,hoof size, name of the parents, sexual orientation, preferred cheese variety, age, birth date, favorite color, childhood hero and favorite musical genre?
Also, what are Uru's views on current Equestrian politics?
:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

They are fully developed because you can describe them 100% with this word, "mysterious"

88534 Akaitora.
Blood type: AB-
Full name: Akaitora Franz Peterson
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 285 lb. 12 oz.
Hoof size: (shoe size, you mean?) 11 1/2 U.S. (I don't bother with the other two measurements)
Father: General "Blade" Sufferthorn (You'll recognize the name from the Equestrian war story I have yet to publish. He was a key figure.)
Mother: Red Maison
Gender: Male (you couldn't guess that when I said he?
Preferred Cheese Variety: Swiss, but Pepperjack makes a lovely alternative.
Age: 26 right now, I believe. Ask again in a month, It'll change.
Birth date: January 18, 975 of the Celestian era.
Favorite Color: Amber
Childhood Hero: Admiral Seafoam, Head of the Equestrian Navy. (he died in the war, sadly)
Favorite musical genre: Classic Rock

And there is no character named Uru. Usutora's views on political standings hold that Celestia should stop slacking around and become a queen already. However, he holds Parliament should have the most power, and agrees that the economy should have more that one unit of currency.

Any other inane and tedious questions you want to ask, or can we get to the real character here?

And 89036, mysterious is not what I'm going for. I'm placing ideals in faceless husks, giving them masks, and developing the character around the Ideal. Why do you think Akaitora didn't have a name until the second chapter?

88501 You'll just have to keep reading and find out later.:rainbowdetermined2:

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