• Member Since 25th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen February 29th

ChefRamsay


I enjoy watching ponies pony ponies with ponies. I can also make a mean baloney sandwich.

T
Source

Twilight has always had feelings for Celestia. But whether these feelings are for her surrogate mother or for her imagined lover, nopony knows. It will take something strange to make her understand just what she thinks of the Princess; something like her conscience becoming sentient.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 272 )

I would like to point out that this is the first time I have written anything outside of a school assignment, and this fic is certainly of questionable quality.

...

Bring on the butthurt.

I'm enjoying this immensely, but I'm a huge Twilestia fan. Thumbs up and starred. I'll critique it seriously later, but it's a very nice start.

This is really great writing quality for a first time! No errors that I can see, plenty of literary devices, and some pretty good visuals, although I wish it was a wee bit more descriptive. Now, to BRING ON THE SCIENCE! :facehoof: (That's Twi thinking, not disappointed)

What Twilight has done with her 'sentient' conscience is actually possible. It's called the Tulpa Phenomenon, and was invented by the ancient Tibetans. It is essentially the belief that one can partition part of his consciousness to create an entirely different being with thoughts, feelings, and even existence. People have continued this practice today, and it's evidently possible to make a tulpa of any form (including ponies!). With enough time and concentration it will slowly choose its own personality, voice, and appearance if you let it. Finally, if you truly believe, it will begin to speak to you without you telling it to, and some even report seeing their tulpa walk alongside them, or sitting on the edge of their beds! It's essentially a 24/7, consensual audio/visual hallucination. Check out this site to find out more.

Cheers, and I hope to see more of your work!:pinkiehappy:

1148455
You kidding, right?

I love it.

I actually hope for a sequel - maybe even a short one - with Celestia's mask cracking and her reaction, both to that and to Twilight's declaration.
I'll be following you, dear.

1149734 How did I miss a site on making yourself a Tulpa? I gotta thank you, because that's the kind of experiment I was dying to try!

Twilestia shipping? thumbs up and will read later. :rainbowlaugh:

Short and sweet. Keep writing and I think you'll make something good.

This stands well as a one shot, but if you can find an inspired way to use Twilight's mental state to make your version of the ship interesting and different I suggest you go for it as I for one would love to read about it. :twilightsmile: Or some other story that deals with this new development in Twilight's mind would be great as well (either before showing somethings leading up to this or after showing what comes of the change).

On question though, how does she know it is her concience she is talking to? :twilightoops: (or did I just miss the part where that was explained?)

I'm butthurt.

If this is your first time, you are wayyyyy better then me.

Favourited.

I liked it, even though I wish it could've been longer. :twilightsmile:

This story was really enjoyable, especially for it being a first story. You don't need to be so critical of yourself in the story description; if you didn't tell people that it was your first story, I don't think any of them would suspect it.

What really surprises me is the "complete" status on this story. With all of that foreshadowing and buildup, you really need to include a scene of Celestia and Twilight having their confrontation and its resolution in order for the story to feel complete from a reader's standpoint. As it stands, the ending is just a cliffhanger. The only other thing I'd criticize (and I realize it's nitpicking) is that including the "One does not simply walk into Mordor" meme really didn't feel necessary. It distracts the reader from the content surrounding it.

Pretty decent. Good as a first time story, but the whole discussion with her own subconscious could really need more life thrown into it. As it is, you're literally just having dialogue thrown back and forth, for apparently a rather long time as well. Unless she's thinking really slowly, I can't see how that whole monologue took any longer than 5 minutes.

And where is Spike though all this? To really reach "comedy gold" status, I think it'd need to show a lot more about what goes on in the environment as well. But each to their own.

Did spot a few errors too.
"Possibly a like a lover, too."

"How ARE you talking to be, anyway?"

Hmmm why do i get the feeling that Twilight wasn't talking with her conscience, but something else.
I mean the 'conscience' knows thinks Twilight doesn't know. Very suspicious.

1149985

It has developed a mind of its own and sees the things Twilight knows in a different light. See 1149734.

What a cliff-hanger in my eyes. You left me to wonder, which I frankly am 50-50 on. It's a bit stressfull, knowing that one-shots like this usually end up in the way you ended it. :fluttercry: Still, favorited. I expect more from you later on.

please don't be complete. please don't be complete. please don't be complete. no! no! NO!... DAMN IT.. you broke the rules. you broke the rules. now someones mad...

:flutterrage:!MOAR!:flutterrage:

cheers:twilightsmile:

You need to add to this, please.

Twilestia!!! I love twilestia and also, chef ramsay? Reminded me of masterchef and hell's kitchen.

A very nice little story.

"Of course I'm overly cautious! One does not simply tell the ruler of Equestria that the little purple pony who she talks to sometimes is madly in love with her! That would be like walking into Maredor, land of the Changelings and the One Ring!"

I found this segment interesting considering Sauron was depicted as a shape shifter in the Silmarillion.

I really like the ending, since it leaves the whole thing up to your own imagination. Wether they hit it off or not or if they go on a great adventure of epicness or whatever, everythings possible. That's just awesome.:twilightsmile:

"One does not simply walk into Maredor." :facehoof:
I like this! Thumbs up, favorite, all that jazz, swing, and salsa!

This had better just be a teaser.... My heart can't take that cliffhanger ending

"Hehe... no, Princess. I have something to tell you, something that's been a long time coming. I have cancer."
"WHAT?!"
"Haha, I'm joking."
"TWILIGHT GO TO YOUR ROOM."
"Wait but-"
"NOW."

The writing is quite technically competant. The content ... eh, not so impressed. The whole thing feels intensely rushed, you can't seem to stay focused on the 'other voice' just being part of Twilight looking at her experiences with Celestia from another angle, and then you start talking about masks and making the whole thing sound like a cut-price 'Eternal' with 50% more 'Twilight wants to bone Celestia'.

There's the nub of a really interesting idea here - that Twilight IS genuinely mentally unstable, and that she's learned to use this to her advantage to get a second opinion on things, as it were. It would be cool to see that elaborated on.

1151022

It follows on from this nigh seamlessly. :rainbowlaugh:

As for mr writer up there - "Bring on the butt hurt" ? My good sir, I am sorely offended that you presume me one so anal! Alack, I must turn the other cheek, for I am no stubborn ass.

Your first writing pony? Fair, fair indeed. Now write about Applejack and oranges, and make it even more emotional and all-consuming for the characters (espiecially the orange) than this was :trollestia:

1148455
Butthurt? NEVER!
It was beautiful with just the right amount of humor to keep it from being a sob story.
Enough realisim to show Twily that Celesita's love will not be easy to achieve but will be worth the sacrifice (for both of them) :twilightsmile:
Twiliestia on Good Pony! Twilestia On! :trollestia: :heart:

I might consider taking it off complete status and continuing it, but it will take a while to update chapters.

1149734

That's a real practice? Cool.

Now I don't feel so weird about having conversations with the part of me that has taken the form of Twilight Sparkle ^^

1149875 I wrote this from Twilight's viewpoint, and sort of envisioned her doing some sort of experiment which went horribly wrong the night before or something. I suppose I felt that approach would be too generic, since Twilight fics have a massive tendency to begin with late-night experiments that do go horribly wrong. In hindsight, probably should have included that anyway. Now bear with me here; this was my first time writing for the internet. I wrote it in about three hours (as you can see from the extremely short story above) and kind of assumed it would get three or four dislikes and get lost to the archives of Fimfiction forever.

Luckily, that was not the case.

Thank you, internet.

1151588

All it needs is to tell the readers how she knows in brief (result of a recent experement, possibly stated by having Twilight wishing for a bit it had not happend), and then the details of how can be made into a prequel.

You might consider looking at the site linked by 1149734, it might provide some inspirasion to flesh out how this came to be.

It is not late nights causing spells to go wrong that is over used, it is having Twilight screw up in general that is. However, when done well it is still an interesting plot hook. One easy way to make it work better is to have there be some degree of mystery as to what caused the accident (even if it is as simple as figuring out who crashed into the library and made Twilight screw up or something).

Maybe things go a little fast but it's still good.
My hoof of approval for this one :eeyup:

Definitely a win, at least partially because of this astute observation:

"The average pony wishes Celestia to be a figurehead; an immortal and unchangeable thing that will forever be there, guilding Equestria from the very top."

In our haste to 'ship Tia with anypony who owns two pair of socks, we often forget this. And it's "guiding," not "guilding," but inasmuch as the typical spellchecker complains about everyday terms like "anypony," this is forgivable.

I wrote this in three hours with no editor, and unfortunately the spellchecker only recognizes mistakes when they aren't words.

Eg: 'me' and 'be' as opposed to 'me' and 'adwuigfwey8dutqwb6wet'.

It's incredibly annoying.

That's the Twilight I know and love! :twilightblush:
Self-conscious, adorable and crazy like a box of skittles! :twilightoops:
I am glad that you went for it and gave us this work.
Keep it up!

1152079

In the future, you can look at http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=97 to help find an editor.

1149958

I've said it before and I'll say it again; this story is my first try at anything even resembling writing. The Maredor part is in there for absolutely no reason at all. My hope was that with all of the silly bits in the story, the Comedy tag would act as an excuse.

great story.

Crazy idea, Twilight's "sentient conscience" is actually Princess Celestia trying to get her protege to actually do something

You mean THIS is your first story?
Damn, you're making me feel dissapointed in mine :D
Awesome story, can't wait for more Chapters.

Alright, there you go. Will start writing the second chapter later today.

I don't suppose anyone with a basic knowledge of the English language would be willing to pre-read it for me? Although I do try to correct as many mistakes as possible, an outside source is always useful.

1151569
Bro, you have it easy. I talk to a manifestation of my OC as if he's in the room with me. I get many strange looks. But again, he has some good ideas.

You'd be nothing without me, dude.

Shut up, Skyblaze.

1149734 BRB making Tulpa

Also, this story is on my Read Later list.

:facehoof: why am I doing this to shipfics when I don't even like them, in general?

1153042 Come back in 220 hours - the average time for the creation of a tulpa.:ajsleepy:

Well, shit. This just got featured. I suppose my life is complete, now that I have the internet's approval.

Hrm. Not bad for a first story, must say.

Much better then most of the first time stories I read, I'm envious.

Here is a seal of approval!

fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/060/f/5/princess_celestia_approved_by_ambris-d4rftlj.png

1149734

I'm... going to read up on this. I'm not sure if that is a bad thing, or a good thing. OR neither.

1153052

I dunno wtf happened but I'm already having a conversation with it. Shouldn't that not be physically possible?

1153434 Not bad, not bad at all! But, like the Baby Cakes, sometimes you get small spurts of sentience. Are you sure you're not parroting (telling it what to say)? Some very lucky people have developed very good tulpae in under ten hours, but still, you're nowhere near done. You need senses, visualization, and more. Try giving it a live commentary of basically everything you see, and ask it its opinion. If it's different from what you might say, you have yourself a mighty good tulpa, feller!

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