I've worked hard on this, hope everypony enjoys I had an idea, but. It was taken before I could and it was a sequel to My first story anyway.

Meh. Good story, short, and is a little confusing, but ill see where this goes from here

>>11400031140003 Non- Wall of text version please?

I don't take advice regardless.  I like what I do, the way I do IT. If you don't like it, SAY you don't don't make a wall of text, and I have this Habit of randomly making something Capped, And a habit of Putting periods everywhere. .

.          .

...........................         .                  

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Problem?

... wut.

Image: http://i52.tinypic.com/ih7i9i.jpg

This is rushed. I have no idea who these characters are nor do I care. Can you develop them a little maybe? No? Alright then. It's fine but... eh.

>>11405541140554 What do you mean by this. If you're talking about my OC's yes, I'll start developing them a bit more when I work on the next chapter (This kind of advice I like ;3)

>>11407001140700 It was kinda like...

"Hi I'm a person!" Said that one important guy

"I am also a person! But female!" Said the important love interest

"Okay do you want to kiss?"

"Okay."

So they kissed even though we have no idea who they are or why they're kissing.

THE END.

I'd like to know... something.

>>11407251140725 Lol, alright mate. Thanks. I'll work on ways to Introduce them more.

I write a lot. I really do. I've seen writings of all sorts, prose of all kinds and styles both clever and witty... but this... this is abominable, atrocious, awful, bad, beastly, careless, cheap, cheesy, crappy, cruddy, crummy, defective, deficient, dissatisfactory, dreadful, erroneous, fallacious, faulty, garbage, godawful, grody, inadequate, incorrect, inferior, junky, lousy, off, poor, slipshod, substandard, unsatisfactory and unacceptable.

I'm not being mean, I'm being honest. And I don't hold back when I voice my opinion.

Chapters with less than 1000 words? Check.

Mane 6 as Humans? Check.

Random Human OC? Check.

Massive chunks for paragraphs? Check.

I have come from Titan to slay the daemon...

The Ordo Malleus has sent me to let the purgation begin. Come feel the bite of my sword, as this is the judgement of the righteous, scum. I will drive you back into the Warp, and purge the beasts that are your characters.

The Emperor guides my blade, and you, as a sinner, shall feel His wrath, for I am His Will made manifest.

The Emperor shall guide my blow, and you shall be redeemed with sword and fire.

>>11432951143295 I don't follow...>>11432701143270 Everything I need for a stupid story.

Dude, if you're not going to take your work seriously, then why should we? You want to write a stupid story? Then do that, but do it well. Good stupid stories take time, and require build up to work. This? You can do better then this, I'm positive of it.

Tips:

-Make no chapter less then 1000 words. Why? it forces you to BUILD characters, the scene, the plot, everything! In short, it makes the read care about the story. Very, very few can make a story work on less then 1000 words.

-Take advice. You want to get better? Build up a fan base and have some fun? Listen to your readers, otherwise you won't have readers.

-Spacing. The fact I have to explain this is revolting. Someone talks? New paragraph. Someone responds? New paragraph.

Thats all I can think of at any rate.

Better luck next time buddy.

>>11918271191827 I'll build my characters over time, Alright? As for everything else, I'm working on all of this, I'm just One Pony.

Shit goes down indeed