In the far future of the equine species, the celestial empire was the most powerful authority to ever hold dominion. stretching across the entirety of the galaxy, the celestial empire was the ultimate symbol to the power of the equine race, a towering monument to show for all time that our race could not be stopped. headed by the royal sisters, the imperial empress's Celestia and Luna, the celestial empire was an unstoppable juggernaut, conquering all who would have stood between the equine race and our rightfully deserved dominion over the galaxy. For a time our race created Elysium, a living utopia amongst the stars. Through love, tolerance, and a hefty application of military power, we had become gods.
But like all empires, we sinned.
Corruption and decadence, hedonism and unbridled ambition. slowly but surely these cancers festered within the heart of our empire, rotting away at the foundations of our species. whole worlds began to sway from the path of empire, their vision of a greater good eclipsed by their own greed and spite.
After ten thousand years of watching her empire become nothing but a malignant, bloated tumour, empress Luna declared herself independent, branching off from the path of the empire to form the new lunar republic. entire sectors of the galaxy followed her, declaring that the empire had become corrupt and that newer, purer leadership was needed to bring us back into the light of righteousness. Filled with uncontrollable fury at her sisters brazen and insubordinate action, Celestia in turn declared that those system still under her control where now part of her new realm, the solar empire, and that she would not rest until she had seen Luna pay for her treason.
All that was a thousand years ago, and we've been at war ever since.
Blaze, a synthetic Alicorn created through genetic manipulation, has fought in the war for two hundred and fifty years. This is his story.
Blaze is searching for someone, someone responsible for the deaths of not just his family, but for the death of his entire world. that someone one is princess Cadence, who sided with Luna at the outbreak of the war. Driven by the ghosts of his past and an all consuming need for redemption, Blaze will not rest until he sees Cadence dead for what she has done. He has been searching for two hundred and fifty years, but finally the chance to earn the redemption he so desperately craves has been found.
Tracking Cadence to the republican civic world of Threnor prime, Blaze wastes no time in beginning his hunt for the Alicorn princess. But when his squad is killed upon planet fall and solar empires invasion begins to falter around him, Blaze will have to pull out all the stops to bring Cadence to justice, or die in the attempt
-------
Story theme tune: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BpKm-A35Io
Blazes theme tune: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dJHP0brCnI
All pony images sourced from Equestria Daily and Deviantart
All space images sourced from Sins Of The Solar Empire
All other images sourced from google images, all credit goes to the original artists
If you enjoy then please do leave a review to let me know. also if you could point out any errors i've made so i can set them right, that would be appreciated too.
AAAAAAHHH Yeah! Finally on this site as well! Awesome Story, looking forward to seeing where you take it.
1144139
hahaha, no probs man, thanks for the favorite
1144157 No problem. It's by far one of my favourite stories I've read (and not just because I have OC in it).
1144215
the fimfic versions gonna have a few slight differences, plus some stuff i'm not gonna stick on fanfic
1144227 Sweet. Any thing drastically diferent in the first couple chapters??
1144238
Spoilers, spoliers.
Let's just say Wonderbreads gonna have a more graphic exit
that's all i'll divulge for now>
1144257 Ahh, fair enough. Well then on with the show my good man!
1144278
Indeed, let us enjoy the performance
Chrysalis gave me chills man.
You got a cool idea here, but you need to capitalize your title. It's kinda a turn off.
1144471
duely noted, here's another chapter
1144445
she'll do that to ya
...with wars like this I'm waiting for all life to be wiped off the face of the galaxy... I mean... weapons that destroy entire worlds in a shot?! And they're STILL warring?! ...they've doomed us all...
I've noted that one of your weaknesses is capitalization and sometimes punctuation. Nothing that's all over the place but it's there.
Otherwise I have to say nice work. Looking forward to reading more of what happens... and I figured we hadn't seen the last of the changlings... personally I'm hoping that they show up and then ponies everywhere unit to drive them back and then they live happily ever after...
Yyeeeeaaah alright so maybe not!
Looking forward to see where you take us. Have to say the prayer was an interesting use of the Mane 6. I personally really liked it and thought it was a clever touch... oh and something that I'm VERY glad that you mentioned was why the Solar Empire didn't just destroy the planet. I had my own ideas but it was nice for it to be touched on. Just one line was all that was needed, and that's what you gave! Keep up the good work!
1147328
in retrospect i did go over the top with the whole "future war destruction" type stuff, i'm gonna head back and tone down the prologue.
hang around by the way, we ain't seen the last of Chrysalis yet
1147874 Alright well then I'll certainly keep that in mind as I read on... and oh I will be hanging around. I'll keep checking in on this story every now and again to see where you lead us.
Well, I've found that listening to Pixel Rush by Glaze is strangely fitting while reading this. So is the London Philharmonic Orchestra's cover of the Sons of Liberty theme.
Well I enjoyed reading this, so here's my opinion on this chapter:
(contains spoilers)
Things I enjoyed:
1.General background of the story: A millennium of war between two galactic entities, each claiming its cause to be just and accusing the other of betraying their people (ponies?) while turning out to be just as depraved as the other. Ponies bound by their loyalty to fight and die for leaders they have never seen, in a war that would serve no purpose. The conflict and irony intrigued me.
2. Blaze: Veteran, orphan, avenger, physically immortal but mortal at heart. More conflicts, more possibilities......
3. Changelings: Soul devourers from the Realm of Magic, which in turn is given birth by the galactic residents' emotions, much like Chaos and the Warp. How they work would be fascinating.
Things I'm not sure if I enjoyed:
1. Religious worshiping of the Mane/Saint Six: Mane Six as progenitors of ponykind's ascension into space age is a rather interesting notion, but the execution leaves more to be desired. I personally found their rise to godhood a little sudden, and praise to certain of the Saints were ...... embarrassing to read.
2. Depiction of ponykind's WMDs: Capitalships the size of moons, defensive optical arrays, planet killer and cyclonic torpedoes. I've read a few science fictions and am cool with the ponies' aptitude for destruction, but writing a lot about this do make the ponies look like some kind of freaks who believe in security through utterly assured destruction.
(Continued)
Thing I find lacking:
0. Type errors: When I'm not sure if I would like to read a story or not, a typo in the first three paragraphs can always help me make up my mind.
1. Magic: Technology played an important part in ponykind's uplift, what about magic? Tech vs. magic should be fun to write......right?
2. Chrysalis: A soul-rending, blood-thirsty monstrosity, surely our queen (as a main character) deserves to be more than just that......thing.
3. Nova: The hero that saved ponykind from the hell spawn queen Chrysalis and (presumably) gave his life so all can live free of fear once more. He just vanished after destroying (banishing?) Chrysalis, did the ponies venerated him later as a savior? Or did the princesses later tried to cover up his existence and deed out of embarrassment? Not mentioning about the ponies' reaction toward their savior kinda makes him look out of place. (i.e. He looks like a plot device used solely to get rid of the changelings so the story can continue.) This loose end might be worth tying up, in this chapter.
4. War: The origin of ponykind's war across the galaxy seems to be their technological advancement, and the ponies looked like they waged war for the sake of waging wars. Ponies and warfare really don't sit well together, especially a war in which few fight with honor like in this story, you should find a better reason for the ponies' warmongering if general readers are to appreciate this fic.
I actually find later chapters of the story much better suited for the general audience, I have little doubt this prologue scared away many potential readers. Well I liked it anyway.
A bridge chapter that is a little boring (to me, that is). In this chapter we get to meet Blaze's companions-in-arms, and, in the case of Angel, companion-in-heads. We also learn more about the characters Blaze, Angel, Lyra, Bull, Blaze's specialist team and their AIs. I really enjoyed what you did with Blaze and Angel, and that little foal-out-of-the-elevator scene, though I must admit the rest of the chapter is somewhat uninteresting.
Blaze meets with his dispatcher, weapon technician and his teammates aboard Celestia's Grace, he simply does that, nothing dramatic happens, there's a planetary assault coming up and I can't even feel it, the crews of the ship are just "busy", maybe you can write a little about their feelings (among other things) to spice it up. Are they nervous about the battle? Do they fear the princess general? Or are they fully confident about their victory? Seeing our main character walking through aisles , riding monorails and using lifts may not be as cool as hearing others' thoughts or opinions (These could be about anything, the invasion, the war, the princess, anything to help you adding touch to the background of this story, to give it more depth).
The chapter and the story itself have a lot of potential, just think about what you want others to read and then decide if they would want to read that, a-10k-word chapter doesn't necessarily make it epic (I seem to have a penchant for long chapters though.
)
Lastly, don't let this reader's feedback restrict you thoughts, for that would be the WORST thing ever
A few questions/suggestions:
1. How does this psycho-projection work? Who can see it and who cannot? Ever thought about using this tech to advance your story?
2. Why are the names of Blaze's teammates so ......un-war like? I would not dare suggest you change this, though I can't help but say they don't quite fit the atmosphere.
3. Aren't synthetic alicorns extremely powerful and rare? I feel they are not given due respect, being bossed around just like any other grunts...... and they get paid to fight?
4."++TARGET MUST BE TAKEN ALIVE++", " 'We go in, we kill Princess General Cadence, we......' " are they gonna kill Cadence or not?
And so our hero descends upon the enemy on wings of fire, Celestia protect us all
}|{1181123
all your comments are duly noted, looks like i'm gonna be very busy tonight.
now to answer your questions
1. psycho-projections are the manifestations of AI's. the psycho part relating to the fact that their processors are kept within the host ponies brain. any pony who hosts an AI or is in possesion of projection technology can see a psycho projection. for instance the supervisor of the communications corps has a projection halo around his head which projects data in front of him like a normal projector today, except it doesn't have to project onto a screen or wall. the same goes for Bull, at any point in the story where somepony can see psycho projections, i will point it out. have to say though i haven't really considered using psycho projections to a great extent, i'm gonna look into it.
2. They may be in a war, but that doesn't mean that they all have war like names. Celestia isn't a war like name, neither is cadence or Luna, despite the fact that they are some of the leading members of their factions. Blaze has his name because he chose to change it due to personal reasons, his team mates haven't been through the same situations as him, so they've had no need.
3. whilst they are rare, they aren't so small in number that its an incredible event to meet one. whilst it may seem like their being bossed around, all their orders stem straight from the war office, which are in turn often issued by the highest ranking members of imperial command and possibly even Celestia herself. just because their Alicorns it doesn't necessarily mean that they are superior to everything.
4. noted and edited
Thanks for all the pointers, i'll get on them right now
1181279
Thanks for your explanation.
I misinterpret "projection" in "psycho-projection" as a neuronal projection, like the machine in the brain directly stimulates the host's visual and association cortices to generate vision, I think that's why I can't fathom why others can see a "hallucination" within one's brain.
About the alicorns, it's just in the prologue they are given a very high social status, and now they are mere high ranking soldiers, a little abrupt that's all. Or perhaps this is what war is capable of? Turing the penultimate pony subspecies which represents the viture of ponykind into killing machines?
One last thing, in the prologue you wrote "We could prevent ... and HIV", HIV isn't exactly a disease right? I'm also not sure if equines can be infected by it.
Don't work yourself out. Off to sleep I should.
Will write the last comment later.
1181464
about the HIV thing, i couldn't think of what else to say, so i'm gonna change.
also i'm editing the first chapter to make Blaze a more prestigious presence
also, the whole 'hallucination in the brain thing' never even crossed my mind, true story bro
Thanks for your critique
[Comment on Chapter 3]
(Contains Spoilers)
Best chapter of the first three in my opinion. Intense action, the NLR side of the war, Brute the philosophical griffin and the changelings' scheme. I'm pretty much dragged across the page to see what would happen next. Good job sir!
Things I most enjoyed:
).
1. The prayer to the Six: That's what I call epic, I felt like shouting "FIRE AND FURY" after reading that scene (which I actually did, more than once
2. Brute: Not at all a brute, but a freaking shadow ninja badass philosophical griffin, my favourite character so far.
3. The changeling: Pure evil! That swirling shadow . . . . So awesome
My (Extremely Unprofessional) Suggestions: (I'm not a native speaker, and I don't study literature.)
1. Making the orbital drop look more desperate might make it more appealing. The NLR set the invasion force up, a SET UP! F#@k! Will our heroes make it? I should have been worrying about this, but I was actually not a bit apprehensive. Maybe there's too much action and not enough emotion?
You can consider making separate paragraphs for those sentimental lines.
For example: The paragraph of Angel's explanation goes like this:
It could be rearranged like this:
This may look more dramatic
2. I don't know (and don't want to know until I finish the story) what message are you trying to send to the readers by this story, but I'm relieved to find that nopony who has appeared so far is a simple blood thirsty warmonger, and that both sides, even the supreme commanders of the NLR are getting weary of the war. You know, after reading the prologue and chapter 1 my impression of the princesses was just like that: Cold, calculating tyrants who revels in deaths and would not hesitate a bit to condemn an entire planet if it means gaining an upper edge against the other.
3. What are Cutie Marks in the future? I do not recall you mentioning them.
1186952
Glad you liked the chapter, all notes have been taken into account.
now for your questions
1.if you want to know the message of the tale, then message me, cus it would be a pretty big spoiler. But i'm definitely not trying to paint the princess' as cold and harsh tyrants.
2. i never really considered it before, but i guess more swords and shields would be present, given the nature of the galaxy at the current time
Ok, not sure how i did on this one.
If anyone's got some critique, do share it
A good one, nothing very exceptional and no great flaws, not much to comment on here.
Just pay more attention to punctuation, capitalizing the letters, and the distinction between "where" and "were".
Waiting for the story to unfold.
Plot development and interesting new elements. This one actually managed to clear up part of my drowsiness at 11 p.m.
The thing I most enjoyed: Dropship beat-down scene. It's surprisingly aesthetically pleasing, especially that trail of cyan light thing. Personally I think this is better than the gunship scene last chapter, that scene was cool, but I won't call it "artistic".
The things I've been wondering:
1. What's the difference between the NLR and the Empire? Does these two factions differ in their idealism? Would there be any differences between ponies of these factions? So far I think their demeanor are quite similar, have you considered making them behave in different ways to show the effect of thousands of years of separation and warfare?
2. Amethyst's introduction of her "children": Why am I always thinking she was doing it to us readers and not to the princess? Or maybe it's just me. . . .
A good chapter, keep it up.
Damn. I think my eyes just jizzed.
I'm really interested in this now. This comes across as Warhammer 40000, Sins of a Solar Empire and Halo all blended together with PONIES.
dash.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133383700765.jpg
Hey, Erol, are you taking OCs?
1204056
From you chuckles, I'll take a hundred
Nice. Let the battle begin.
Well hey, guess I'm first ?
I'm liking this story so far. Sadly a great deal of death has already taken place, I only hope that an ending is possible in which all of existence is at peace, for that is our eternal goal.
Hey, just checked out your chapter. It was pretty cool, but you need some help with some spelling errors. I can tell you were rushing this and not going over it, just like I do sometimes.
If you want, I can go over these chapters later and proofread them for you.
Other than that, I'm pumped for the next one.
Psst...
FOR THE NEW LUNAR REPUBLIC, BEEEEEEYITCH!
Oh, man.
1-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/tg/image/1337/31/1337317235686.png
Bet the goddess is named Faust.
1217345
)
Hahaha
You should wait for the next big fight scene
(spoiler: a lot of ponies die
Seems to me like Blaze is more like Cadence than he'd like to admit.
Capitals man capitals!
Asides from the distinct lack of capital letters where they're needed I'm enjoying the story and looking forward to reading more.
1219788
Now what makes you say that?
You did pretty well with Darkstar and Daredevil, and in some way, Amethyst.
As I read the first three quarters of the chapter I was thinking the story was losing it's epic quality, focusing too much on individual characters that had seemingly popped out of nowhere. And then I came upon the final part of this chapter; It reminded me of the never ending conflict between the Empire and the Republic, its terrible consequences, and the title of the story. It was a great scene you put in there!
When the war itself is pointless, sacrifices serve no purpose.
Blood for the blood god. . . .
And please at least correct your spelling mistakes in the first few paragraphs.
1223861
That was the point of this chapter. Another reason was to reflect how in the violence of any war people will die, and that regardless of their significance, every single one of them has a story that needs to be told
1224180
Exactly my thoughts. And sorry about showing those spelling mistakes like that, I edited the comment and deleted those.
1217215
So you are a republican, mr chuckles?
Well then, lets see how you like MY IMPERIAL RAGNAROV TITAN!
FILLIES AND GENTLE COLTS, PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO THE STS CLOUDSDALE!
media.moddb.com/images/members/1/927/926258/Ragnarov.jpg
TWENTY TIMES THE SIZE OF CELESTIAS GRACE AND PACKING A HUNDRED TIMES THE FIRE POWER!
THIS BABY COMES EQUIPPED 12 DESOLATOR AUTOCANNONS, 24 APOCALYPSE MISSLE LAUNCHERS. FOUR STRIKE CRAFT SQUADRONS WITH TEN FIGHTERS APIECE. THREE HUNDRED CLOSE RANGE ASSAULT LASERS AND THAT'S NOT ALL!
YOU SEE THE BARREL AT THE FRONT? RAIL GUN, MOTHER-TRUCKER!!!
SUCK IT LUNA!
(The author denies any claims of being a dick)
Also, your comment about Blaze and Cadence being similar, it still perplexes me, i would appreciate it if you could enlighten me on the situation.
FINALLY! A Solar Empire fic that's actually good! most people are probably going to ignore it just for that reason though.
couldn't read this chapter in one sitting because it's too long
. I'll finish it when I can. I enjoy how you describe the scenery. you really make it come to life. keep up the good work
Holy shit so conflicted right now I want to side with Luna but I also want to side with blaze can't wait to see more... also FIRST
I am loving this story. I wonder why it isn't a feature
I can't believe I accidentally deleted my detailed comment. . . .
I'll just post it again.
This chapter packs lots of action and is quite thrilling.
Things I enjoyed:
1. Introduction to the fighting scene: It's reminiscent of some scenes that could be found in certain suspension fictions and had a sense of terror in it, which is new in this story.
2. The quips: Simply hilarious, everyone can appreciate these.
Things I'm not sure about:
1.The battle: It's vivid, graphical and as the fighting scenes in previous chapters, aesthetically pleasing. Oh the fire and steel, all those blood and body fluid, add in a few dismemberment and evisceration and it will be perfect! I really enjoyed this. Especially when Darkstar f**ked with Blaze's wing.
2.Also the battle, here are a few things I find lacking:
(1) The way they fight: It's still basically brawling. Where did magic and firearms go? Where's Blaze's chainsword (his horn)? Centuries of war and melee between superponies still lacked variety, it could have been so much more exciting with all those high tech!
(2) Swearing: There's a lot of swearing in this chapter and maybe not everyone has to be doing it. I feel that's kind of awkward.
(3) Alicorns: As Darkstar said, the alicorns are superior to no one. The empire's most advanced augmentation technology, centuries of battlefield experience, and our heroes still got pwned by those seven ponies on their first deployment, and most frustratingly, on one on one battles. What I mean here is that I think the alicorns should be UNIQUE, there should be something that defines them, makes them stand out, and so far I can't find anything special about them.
(4) Specialist unit CTA14: Who the buck are these guys? And I thought I could see that Blaze-Cadence confrontation in the next chapter! While having a dragon among us is actually refreshing, having to wait for god knows how long to see the finale. . . . MOAR!
1348684
All notes taken into account.
1) yes i did feature melee quite heavily, but thats going to change soon
2) swearing is now going to be toned down
3) I must admit i didn't quite think that bit through, but be prepared to see some much greater use of magic and specialist technologies
4) Specialist unit CTA14: another specilist squad
5) I'm trying to pan out the conflict a bit more, but when i do get round to the finale, prepare for some serious eviseration
I shall perservere
Good to hear! I salute your perseverance, seeing as lots of authors just give up on stories that did not get a good enough reception.
BTW I think I need to clarify my comment a bit.
First about the fighting "style" part. I didn't mean there was anything wrong with close quarter combat, going toe to toe with enemies had its own charm. It's just that you can put a lot into that melee given your sci-fi world setting.
Then about CTA14, that was just me making a
badjoke.And lastly about dismemberment and evisceration, that was also a joke. . . . Just write what you want, though with Chrysalis I guess every atrocities can be called a norm.
And lastly lastly, open your mind! Use your world setting to its full advantage, it's what most would find fascinating about your story , infinite possibilities just waiting for you to discover, don't let it go to waste. (Well if you do not consider this story a science fiction, then ignore those ranting)
Riiight... 1st of all... commas and capital letters seem to be your enemy. I'd really recommend being sure to read through your story an extra time out load, after taking some time away from it so you can look at it with fresh eyes.
As for the actual story... I'm sorry but you lost me in this chapter during the major fight scene and I had to keep myself from skimming it. I DID enjoy the 1st part and all the lead up to the fight, but once we got there... it quickly went down hill for me.
I don't mean for this to sound brutal if it does. For the most part I have enjoyed your work but this chapter is very much a weak point to me.
The 1st thing that comes to mind is... Alicorns. Our main characters are suppose to be the best of the best. The best that the Solar Empire has to offer. And yet for the most part they get torn to bits by a bunch of rookies on their 1st mission. These Luna guys might have done stuff before they were changed but after so long out of the field (how many years?) and so many changes to their bodies they are essentially rookies. Rookies that are beating the best of the best of the Solar Empire... in one on one fights. The Alicorns don't feel like... well Alicorns. They feel like normal ponies that just happen to have wings and a horn at the same time. Gotta give us, the readers, something to make us feel like the Alicorns ARE something special.
Next thing is pretty simple... what happened to all the future tech weapons and whatnot? I mean I'm in stage combat... and I LOVE brawling and whatnot but I feel like you should have had at least a little more firearms and future tech weapons being used on both sides of the fight. This really didn't cause me to struggle with this piece but it's something I think you should keep in mind.
Next... the Wonderbread fight... well the first thing that took me out of the moment for that was after Wonderbread had the advantage over his opponent (after the 1st charge) and he did absolutely NOTHING to use that advantage.
He did the weakest of his 3 options... which was to stand around and wait for his opponent. His two other options was to run (which of course in this situation prob wouldn't have happened) and then the other one... press his advantage. Finish the fight, rather than stand back and wait for his opponent.
The next major point that REALLY took me out of it...
...was the unicorn AFTER Wonderbread had been beating the crap out of it with his hooves... errrr... these hooves have been doing horrible damage to living things, armored, unarmored, and the surrounding environment... and these things are being brought down on this unicorns face/head... and after being stuck there (and it's unshielded too) at least 10 times (counting the "AND THIS! AND THIS! AND THIS! AND THIS! AND THIS! AND THIS! AND THIS! AND THIS!” plus the two mentioned before). There's NOOOoooooooo way that that bloody unicorn would have survived that, much less been able to call for help... he would have been death number 1 for the Luna Squad.
Also not sure why Jester was still alive when the Luna guy came to face Wonderbread. If they're only trying to capture Blaze I'm not to sure why he'd have left Jester alive for that long. But, that's just me.
The next point that pulled me away a bit from the story was the snipper as Blaze was being rescued. I am referring to the "warning shot" that was fired. I really don't get that. This is a war zone, in a planet that's under siege, and those aren't just hostile units, they're hostile specialists that just nearly wiped out one of the Empire's best specialists squads... why was a warning shot fired? That shot very much should have been a head shot/another vital area shot. Sure it doesn't have to kill, but I feel like the sniper would be going for blood as they're providing covering fire. If they don't kill those specialists now, when they have the advantage, they'll have to fight the Luna squad latter when they might not have that advantage. Shoot to kill.
Right... so some advice to help you with your writing, 'cause I DO want you to keep writing (I think you're getting better just in between chapters!
), and I don't want to just point out what's wrong with it... here are some tips on how to avoid said problems I had with the fighting here...
1: When writing the fight think about certain vital areas that are getting hit, such as the heart, lungs, neck/throat, or... the head. Getting hit there are fight enders. Even if they don't end it that very second once someone in a fight gets hit there they've got one, maybe two hits before they're done.
2: This connects to 1 a bit. Have a "injury count". And by that I mean, go through your fight and look at where your characters are getting hit, how hard, and how often and think about what that would do to their body. For things that aren''t a no brainer, such as the heart, you can decide for yourself how vital it is... such as a unicorn's horn. I personally thought that was a good touch where Wonderbread went berserk because of the pain and just what that horn meant. See you're doing the "injury count" thing and you didn't even know it! xD
3: When going through your fight think about what would be a strong action. For your characters to do. If they have their opponent in their sights and they need to only pull the trigger to take them down... and then they don't, you need to ask yourself, "Well why wouldn't they?" And then give a reason. If you hold a major over your opponent why are you giving that up in this war zone?
So there are three tips for ya. Hope they help, and if not... well maybe they at least got ya thinking and then you think of 1) something really clever or 2) something super clever.
Keep at it! I feel like your writing is slowly getting better, and with more hard work you'll get even better. Writing can be hard work... but it can also be a ton of fun!
1248829 Don't make me laugh.
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The garage is in the background.