• Published 17th Dec 2011
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Magic, and Mayhem, and... Murder? Oh my... - Invictus



Shawn Spencer, fake psychic detective, goes where no man has gone before.

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Chapter 3: Once Upon a Time in Ponyville

Even though Shawn would never admit it, the leisurely walk back to Ponyville was... nice. The evening sun touched the picturesque land with splotches of color, lending the landscape an even more surreal feel than when he first arrived.

Shawn and Twilight held an uncharacteristic quiet as they made their way to what looked to be a main road. One admiring the kind of scenery he would normally only view on a canvas, the other contemplating the ramifications of bringing an alien into the town she herself had only recently occupied. However, the natures of these two unlikely companions did not allow silence to reign for long.

"Sooo... What happened to the king and queen?"

Twilight looked up at him, clearly startled from her own thoughts, "Huh?"

"Well, you said the princesses ruled over... ahem... Equestria." Shawn knew he should probably start to work on not giggling every time he heard a pun, "But there must have been a king or a queen at some point for there to be princesses, right?"

"Actually, that's a good question. There's a lot of literature on the subject, but as far as anypony-"

SNRK.

Twilight stopped to stare at Shawn.

"Sorry. Please continue."

"Aaaaanyway... as far as anypony knows, they just showed up one day and deposed the crazy dictator that was making everypony's lives miserable. No pony knows where they came from, nor has anypony gotten a straight answer out of either of them when they asked," She grinned wryly, "Trust me, I know."

"And, let me guess, no one really bothered to dig too much into it at the time, what with their new goddess-princesses making everything magically better."

The mare shook her head, "You say that like it's a bad thing. The Princesses earned their privacy." She frowned at him, "You, on the other hand..."

Shawn made a pacifying gesture with his hands, "Ok, ok. Ixnay on the cismcrit-... critisnm-... alking-bad-about-the-princesses-tay."

Twilight let out a soft giggle at his antics before replying, "It may sound corny, but everypony loves them, and they love us back." The skeptical look on her two-legged friend's face did not deter her, "You'll see for yourself when you meet them."

Shawn only shrugged in response.

They'd already reached the main road, which was relatively deserted this late in the day. It was probably for the best... several accidents had already been caused by ponies staring at the strange, bipedal creature instead of paying attention to their surroundings. Shawn had actually seen a green earth pony walk his cart into a ditch when he waved hello as they passed. Several profuse apologies (and some magical help for the colt) later, Twilight had asked Shawn to refrain from 'freaking out' the passerby.

As it turned out, Shawn's initial impression of Twilight proved to be right. The inquisitive mare wasted no time in inundating him with questions about his world and its technology. Shawn, however, was not to be out-curioused and threw out his own question for each one he answered. Like this, the two chatted amicably as empty fields slowly became small ranches, then full-blown houses.

By the time the town skyline, what there was of it, came into view, the sun had fallen beyond the horizon and Shawn had gotten a basic primer on pony society and history... of which he would probably remember exactly zip, come morning. He never did handle lectures well. Though, certain things would be hard to forget.

Cutie marks... as if their names weren't enough. As soon as I get back I'm calling Disney. I'll be a millionaire in a week. Before Shawn knew it, he was lost in a fantasy involving royalties and movie rights.

The two companions eventually crested a hill and Shawn stopped to admire the scenery, the pain in his feet entirely forgotten at the sight of the town: If a child were given a box of crayons, asked to draw up a Victorian era suburb, spruce it up with some color, and miniaturize it, it would probably have been very similar to what he saw.

Twilight paused alongside him, giving Shawn a moment to take it all in before the two slowly wended their way through the town. The road never expanded into anything more than a wide swath of trampled dirt as it lead them through a large, grassy town square and quaint capitol, then ended at a massive tree.

"No way..." Shawn muttered.

As it turned out, the tree was the library. Windows dotted the multi-story structure, while a balcony sat high amongst the branches and offered what must be a fantastic view of the town proper. The door, like every other door he'd seen so far, was in the style of the one in Fluttershy's cottage. Scuff-marks and hoof-prints littered the grass before it, a telltale sign of a location visited often by many.

Twilight casually pushed open both halves of the unlatched front door into complete darkness and stepped in, Shawn following.

"Do you usually leave the door open like that?" Shawn's vision was still adjusting, but he thought he could hear breathing and... giggling?

The mare stopped just inside the door so that Shawn nearly bumped into her as she muttered disconsolately, "Oh, Pinkie P-"

"SURPRISE!!!"

---------------------------

The burst of light, color, and sound that ensued would have put a fireworks factory explosion to shame. In the brightness of the magically lit room, nearly two dozen ponies pushed and shoved their way forward to catch a glimpse of the creature they'd been dragged out of their homes to celebrate. Others hung back, still fearful despite their curiosity and a recent lesson about judging strangers from a friendly neighborhood zebra.

Shaking her head, Twilight turned to look back at Shawn, apology on her lips... only to see an empty doorway, "Wha-?" She looked back over to her right, where Pinkie Pie had stuck her head under a nearby table, its bright blue cover draped around her shoulders.

Twilight had hoped to spend a quiet evening in her study writing down Shawn's tales of a magic-less world. It was a disconcerting concept, one that still made her shiver, but should nevertheless be documented. Now it seemed that she would have to wait until the rest of the town was done with him first. Perhaps I should go start my letter to the princess? She dismissed the thought, First thing's first: Find the alien.

"Pinkie Pie... what are you doing? And where's Shawn?" Twilight's friend ignored her, continuing to chat with (or, more likely, at) whomever was under the table. She was about to ask again when it dawned on her.

Sighing, Twilight gripped the edge of the tablecloth with magic and yanked, leaving the cupcakes and punch bowl unmoved. The ponies in the room stomped their hooves in appreciation, then gasped at the sight of the very wide-eyed, gangly alien sitting awkwardly beneath the table of party favors.

"Umm... Hi?" Shawn waved at the gawking Equestrians as Pinkie Pie pulled him out from under his impromptu hiding place by his shirt.

As awkward an introduction as it was, Twilight noted that the... human... adapted to his new situation rather quickly. She was well aware that had she similarly been mobbed by ponies like he was, she would have cracked under the pressure.

Shawn, however, seemed to thrive in the attention and in no time at all became the main attraction. The Ponyville ponies found a wonderful new source of entertainment as he attempted some of the local games with mixed results. They were wowed by tales of his world and even managed to coax him out to the dance floor for a few rounds of square dancing, the hilarious sight finally convincing even the ones in the back to join in the fun. Just as the party was picking up some real momentum, the door burst open to Rainbow Dash and Applejack, each carrying several casks of the farm pony's "special cider"... of which Pinkie Pie was her biggest client.

Not one for drinking, it was at this point that Twilight decided to retire to her room, where she found Spike sleeping soundly in his basket. The baby dragon had likely passed out before Pinkie Pie even finished setting up the decorations.

She tiptoed past her slumbering assistant to her desk, where she whistled for Owloysius. With a low hoot, her junior assistant flew down from the rafters, quill and parchment in one talon, and landed on the perch next to her.

Twilight smiled in thanks, then used her magic to unroll the blank scroll and dip the quill in the vial of ink at the same time.

Dear Princess Celestia,

--------------------------------

As it always did, the sun rose to little fanfare the next morning. Ponies throughout Ponyville hopped out of their beds to begin the new day, while one particular non-pony in one particular library-tree woke to pounding. More specifically, the unwelcome pounding of his heart pumping blood into his skull.

A bright shaft of light seemed to be doing its level best to burn its way through Shawn's eyelids. Had he had the wherewithal to remember that someone... or somepony, in this case... was actually responsible for it, he would have cursed them and their children. As it was, it took a herculean effort for Shawn to get an arm across his eyes. He tried and failed to pull the tiny feather blanket he'd apparently been given over his head, then settled for trying to put together the fuzzy memories of the night before into a coherent picture.

Everything had been going fantastically, until the barrels of hard cider had shown up. Like a fool, he'd underestimated both the strength of Applejack's home brew and the capacity for certain blue pegasi to put away booze... I never should have taught her keg stands.

Shawn mulled over the thought of getting up. It was daunting, but he knew if he didn't get something greasy into his stomach, the jackhammers in his head would remain there for the rest of the day. Eyes still closed, Shawn slowly sat up... to a disturbing realization.

I can't feel my legs...

Frantically rubbing his eyes to get them open, Shawn tried to stay calm and think. Had the apple-flavored moonshine damaged his nervous system? Had one of the ponies accidentally paralyzed him while in a drunken stupor? Had...

"Oh."

He was on one of those beanbag couches, shoved to one side of the room for the sake of floor space. There were books scattered about, collateral damage from the rowdiness of the previous night. And there was a cyan pegasus sprawled across his legs. Rainbow Dash was snoring loudly, her chin on the floor and leaking drool all over the hardwood. Somewhat belatedly, Shawn realized that his "blanket" had actually been the pegasus's outstretched wing. He also noted that she was lighter than she probably should have been, though maybe bit heavier than him. Hollow bones, maybe? Shawn shelved the thought for later.

"Hey... Rainbow?" He poked at her side, but got no response. He had no idea how long she'd been there... a while, if the total lack of feeling from his legs was anything to go by. Come to think of it, this is all her fault. A fuzzy recollection of being forcefully dangled upside down over a half-empty cask came to mind. Rainbow Dash had refused to put him down until he beat Applejack's best time.

With a grunt of effort, Shawn shoved. A second later, he was rewarded with a satisfying thump as the pony rolled right off the end of the couch.

"What the hay!?" Dash jumped up from the floor, only to grimace and clutch her head between her hooves, "Oooooooooow..."

"Morning, sunshine! How are you feeling today!?" Shawn's own head protested at the volume of his voice. Petty? Maybe... Worth it? Absolutely!

Rainbow Dash withered under the verbal assault, then shot him a glare. She looked like she was about to follow up with something scathing when Applejack burst through the kitchen door, a large platter of pancakes balanced on her head and the smug grin of a natural morning person gracing her face.

"Riiiiise an' shine everypony! It's a new day an' we gotta lot a' work ahead a' us!" The blond mare didn't even bat an eyelash at the glares she received, opting instead to prance forward and offer up the pancakes as a sign of peace.

For his part, Shawn was more than ready to forgive in exchange for food that smelled half as good as those pancakes did. He lunged for the platter, momentarily forgetting that he couldn't use his legs, and ended up face down on the floor, letting out a pitiful groan.

Rainbow Dash laughed uproariously, while Applejack sniggered, set the food down on a nearby coffee table, and helped Shawn to his feet.

"You ok there, suga'cube?"

Unable to stand on his wobbly legs, Shawn decided to forgoe answering as he crawled over to the table and plopped down beside it. He grabbed a pancake and shoved the whole thing in his mouth, relishing the apple flavor, before mumbling out an affirmative.

Soon, the three were joined by Twilight and a tiny dragon, whom she introduced as Spike over his sleepy grumbling about the mess.

Sure, tiny talking dragons. Why not?

The little reptile glowered at him all throughout breakfast, after which the ponies' and human's dispositions improved dramatically. Shawn even felt well enough to attempt small talk with the tyke while Twilight planned out their day.

"Hey the-"

"Were you the one who filled the tub with melted chocolate and wafers?"

Shawn paused and tried to recall if it had, in fact, been him. "Nope, that was Pinkie Pie." That was probably not a lie. Maybe. The dreams about bathing in kit kats not-withstanding.

"What about the pineapple Twilight found taped to her head?"

"... That was Pinkie Pie, too." In for a penn- wait, where'd I find a Pineapple? He only remembered the part that came after.

To be fair, he had only wanted to give Twilight a "thank you" gift. Pinkie had been the one who'd brought out the tape... Shawn was starting to think that maybe he didn't make the best decisions when drunk. He noticed that the little dragon actually looked somewhat mollified, and Shawn wandered at just how common those kinds of antics were from the pink pony.

"Well, ok then." The little dragon grinned up at him, "I guess I can't blame you for Pinkie's pranks... especially the ones that don't make any sense."

Shawn grinned right back, "Exactly. Opposable thumbs need to stick together. Here, give me fiv-uhhh... four." There was an awkward moment where Shawn was forced to teach spike the intricacies of a proper high five before settling back into conversation, "So... do you do any magic?"

"Well... I can breathe Dragonfire. Twilight and the princess use it to keep in touch," Spike paused at the blank look on Shawn's face, "Erm... A puff of it can be used to burn small things like letters and teleport them to somepony. It's a lot faster than using a mailmare." He stuck his chest out, obviously proud of his talent.

"So you're a fax machine."

"A what?"

"Nothing. Not important..." Shawn's eyes had widened as a realization struck him, "Say, as a magic dragon, did you ever live by the sea?"

"What? No... I used to live in Canterlot..." Spike looked utterly bewildered at the sudden shift in the conversation.

"That's too bad. But you do like frolicking in the autumn mist, right?"

"I... I guess, I do?" The baby dragon was looking around and shuffling backwards, decidedly worried about the strange smile on the human's face.

"And strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff?"

"S-Sure, I like those too... umm... listen... I-I think I should go get started on cleaning up the mess..."

"Probably. See you later, Puff."

"It's Sp-... you know what, that's fine..." Spike walked away, casting backward glances at Shawn, who whistled a catchy little tune to himself while continuing to try to rub feeling back into his legs.

Aside from two more spills stemming from pony-inflicted lower body numbness, Shawn's day steadily improved. Apparently, he'd been a big hit at the party the night before and many of the attending ponies had found Shawn on their way out, promising proper welcome gifts if he would just visit their shops the following day. It should have shocked him that such an obviously tight-nit community could open up so freely to a complete stranger. But, then, Twilight and her friends were already treating him like they'd known him for years.

As the three ponies and one limping human made their way into town, they meandered over to the first stop on the list: Rarity's shop. By this point, Shawn was not the least bit surprised at the sight of the whimsical carousel-tent that stood before him. In fact, he was a little disappointed that it was only composed of three or four colors. At least the frills on every available edge were up to par.

A little bell rang as the four of them stepped through the door, accompanied by the sounds of hurried hoofsteps rushing down a staircase. Suddenly, Rarity emerged from behind a door near the back, perfectly styled purple mane bouncing with every step.

"Welcome to Carousel Boutique! Where every garment is chic, unique, and- Oh my!" The prim little unicorn gasped excitedly, albeit a bit melodramatically, at the sight of the visitors, "Well if it isn't my good friends! I'm so glad you could make it!" She paused and shot Shawn a look, once again making him feel vaguely like a dress-up doll, "I see your wardrobe is still in need of some... alterations."

Twilight nodded emphatically, "He's going to need some new clothes if he's going to meet the princesses later this evening."

"No, it's ok, really! I just need some patches and I'll be all- wait, WHAT!?" Eyes wide and slack-jawed, Shawn stared at Twilight, the disbelief plain on his expression.

"Oh, did I forget to mention that? I guess I was a little preoccupied trying not to rip my hair out this morning while removing a pineapple from my head." she smiled innocently at him while Applejack and Rainbow Dash sniggered from behind her, "In fact, we all have a dinner appointment with them at half past seven."

The other two mares stopped laughing and blanched, suddenly very aware of how incredibly hungover they looked.

"Ummm... I'll meet you guys at Pinkie's in a little bit!" Dash disappeared in a flash of color, a fading rainbow trail leading out the nearest window.

"Well, Ah'll be! Ah jus' remembered, Ah still need ta cart them casks back to th'farm! Stay outta trouble, suga'cube!" Applejack directed the last bit at Shawn before smiling and rushing out the door.

Traitors. Shawn thought darkly.

The two remaining ponies sighed and shook their heads in unison, while Shawn went back to staring at Twilight with narrowed eyes. He'd never thought she had it in her, "Of course, you realize this means war..."

Shawn thought she looked mildly perturbed, though she seemed to recognize it as a figure of speech.

Giggling uncertainly, Twilight glanced over at Rarity, "Did you come up with something good?"

"Have I ever not?" Nose up in the air, Rarity gave Twilight her best affronted look before stepping forward to more closely inspect the condition of Shawn's garments, "I can easily fix these... but not before dinner. Fortunately for you, darling, I spent all last night putting together the most marvelous ensemble!"

Shawn suppressed a shudder of trepidation as she led both him and Twilight up the stairs to her work room.

--------------------------------

"It looks like a hurricane passed through here..."

Twilight couldn't help but agree with Shawn's observation. Every time she'd visited the room before, the extent of the mess had always pushed her to offer up Spike's services as a cleaner. Rarity, of course, always refused, candidly insisting that she knew exactly where everything was.

Rarity had refrained from dignifying the comment with a response as she used her magic to levitate a mannequin, hastily reassembled into a more human shape, over to them. The outfit draped over it was... less garish than Twilight had expected. She saw Shawn start to step forward, but before he could get a closer look at it, a bandanna wrapped itself around his eyes.

"Now now! Can't have you seeing it before it's ready. It'll ruin the surprise. Now, all I need is a few measurements for the final touches." Rarity's horn glowed, and a veritable tornado of tailor's tools swirled around Shawn, wrapping around and groping various limbs and body parts as Rarity called out numbers for Twilight to write down.

"ACK! Help! I need an adult!"

"Oh, quiet down and stand still, you big baby!"

Rarity's assault continued for only a few minutes before Shawn was allowed to sit down on the floor where he'd stood. The white unicorn double-checked the blindfold before turning to make the adjustments to her newest masterpiece.

Twilight almost began to feel pity for her new friend, then recalled that morning's fruity incident. She briefly considered pelting him on the head with something before her pondering was interrupted by a frustrated exclamation from the fashionista behind her.

"Drat!" Tools hung in the air as the white pony frantically looked around the work room, "Now, where did I put those pinking shears? Oh, Sweetie Belle better not have messed with my stuff again. Twilight, be a dear and help me look. Shawn, don't you dare remove that blind fo-"

"Are you looking for the squiggly scissors under the clothing rack behind me?"

Both ponies stopped, staring at Shawn in amazement before Rarity rushed over to the aforementioned rack. She stood after a moment, scissors in hoof and an inscrutable look on her face, "That's quite a talent. You wouldn't also happen to know where the tracing wheel is, would you?"

"Does it look like a spiky pizza cutter?"

Rarity nodded, then seemed to remember that Shawn couldn't see. "Yes."

"Table to your left."

His pronouncement proved true, the shiny tip of one of the wheels sticking out from under a sheet of pink cloth. Twilight stood there, flabbergasted. Was Shawn somehow able to see in spite of the blind fold? Did humans have some sixth sense that he hadn't mentioned to them, assuming ponies had it too? She had to know.

"Shawn... How did you know all that?" Twilight stepped over to him, putting her face right in front of his and trying to squint through the blindfold.

"I got a pretty good look at the room before she put this on me." Shawn fingered the soft fabric over his eyes, a smirk on his face.

"You... you simply remembered where they were? From that one look?"

"You could say that's my 'special talent'," He paused to laugh at some private joke, "I wasn't exactly born with it, though. And, before you ask again: no, there's nothing tattooed on my ass."

Twilight stepped back, mind working a mile a minute, Could it really be that simple? I've heard rumors of ponies who claimed to have perfect recall, but I've never actually read of a confirmed case. Reaching out with her magic, she took hold of a nearby roll of clothing and aimed carefully, Let's see if you're really blind...

She didn't see the box of gems concealed within the folds of the silk until it was far too late.

------------------------------

"Shaw-"

"Still not talking to you."

Out of the corner of his eye, Shawn saw twilight sigh and hang her head. For the last two hours, the mare had apologized non-stop, nearly reaching the point of tears several times. He fingered the large, purple bruise just above his right eyebrow, wincing in discomfort... and maybe milking it just a little. It was the principle of the thing.

In actuality, Shawn wasn't really angry at Twilight anymore. True, he wasn't exactly happy with her either, but he understood that it had been an honest mistake. At this point, he was much more upset over having his old clothes confiscated by Rarity, whom he'd forced to promise not to do anything more than fix the holes and burns.

If my nikes come back pink and covered in hearts, there will be blood.

Although, he had to admit, the new outfit was stylish. The black silk trousers and soft boots fit snugly without restricting his movements, while the red, long-sleeved shirt felt like Rarity had spun the fabric out of clouds. A black vest lined with gold filigree completed the ensemble, which fit better than anything he owned back home. He absolutely hated the lace at the end of each sleeve, though it lent the whole outfit a formal, even royal, air.

Shawn, Rarity, and a still despondent Twilight had been making their way to Surgarcube Corner for the last half hour, their progress impeded as ponies who recognized him from the party continually stopped them to say hi or give him stuff.

So far, Shawn had accrued several fruits, a black, feathered hat to go with his new outfit, and a pineapple. The last one had been from a maroon earth pony who asked if he'd enjoyed the other one. Shawn assured the colt that he'd gotten better use out of it than any pineapple he'd ever had, and the farm pony left with a confused smile at the strange compliment.

Eventually, they reached what Shawn assumed to be the house of the gingerbread man's older, richer, much more flamboyant cousin. This was where they'd be stopping for a light lunch, as well as the workplace of the troublemaker who'd thrown him a party the night before. He gulped at the prospect of meeting the strange, pink pony again.

There was no doubt that she'd been an excellent compatriot during their drunken antics, but the unsettling way she had casually violated the laws of physics or thrown him across the room had made him sweat even when he wasn't sober.

"So, she owns this place?" Shawn stood at the doorstep, unsure of whether to knock or just step inside.

"No, silly! Mr. and Mrs. Cake own it, Pinkie Pie just works there. Oh, wait, thats me! Here, let me get the door for you!"

"Oh, ok, thanks Pink-" Frozen in place, Shawn watched in a mix of wonder and horror as the poofy-maned pink pony bounced past him, shoved open the door, and motioned him inside. He slowly turned to look at Twilight and Rarity, who merely shrugged their withers at him.

"Twilight..." Shawn whispered, "You didn't tell me earth ponies could teleport, too."

"They can't."

"But..."

"Yeah, I stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago. Just go with it."

Shawn wondered if this is how Gus had felt all those times... No! I will not be out-me'd! With newfound resolution, he stepped forward into the candy shop.

It was brightly lit, large windows letting in as much of the sun as possible so as to better illuminate the wide variety of sugary delights on display. Pinkie Pie was nowhere to be seen.

He could hear crashing noises coming from what he assumed was the kitchen, while several ponies looked up at him curiously from their places at the small tables. Since none of them had panic attacks, Shawn assumed the tale of his presence here had already spread throughout the small town.

Rainbow dash waved them over, the mane that made up half of her namesake just as messy as before, though her fur seemed much less matted.

Waving back, Shawn took the opportunity to "hoof" Dash hello before taking a seat next to her, "'Sup."

Twilight and Rarity joined them, while he realized that the relatively low table was still too tall for comfort when he sat on the floor. Note to self: Invent chairs as soon as possible.

The thought was rendered moot as Pinkie Pie pranced out of the kitchen, a tray of various sweets balanced on her head and a rudimentary wooden stool held up by her tail.

Shawn stared at it, "I thought you guys didn't have chairs?"

"What's a chair?" Pinkie Pie tilted her head quizzically, the tray remaining on her head despite the gravity defying angle.

"Ok, fine, I thought you guys didn't have stools."

"What's a stool?"

Shawn stared at her, "That thing you're holding."

"You mean this husitvice?"

"What the hell is a... wait... ok... It's a human sitting device, isn't it? Sure, that."

"I built it for you special, 'cause you're a special friend! Do you like it?"

Shawn glanced at the other ponies, who only smiled bemusedly. While he would never admit it openly, he almost teared up a little.

"Shawn... are you cryi-"

"Still not talking to you."

Twilight sighed again, clearly having hoped that Shawn had forgotten his grudge in the touching moment.

Quickly wiping a hand across his eyes, Shawn coughed, "Sorry, got something manly in my eye."

"Want some eye drops?" Pinkie piped up as she set the haphazard stool down for him to sit on, "We also have gum drops, candy drops, chocolate drops..." The list went on for a while.

It wasn't the most uncomfortable thing Shawn had ever sat on. That dubious honor still went to the chair in the interrogation room at the Santa Barbara Police Department. Still, it definitely made the subsequent meal much less awkward for him.

Now, Shawn wasn't like his dad or Lassie. He did consider vegetarian food... well... food and had resigned himself to the likelihood that meat would be off limits for a while. The one time he'd mentioned "having chicken for dinner" during their earlier chat, Twilight's eyes had gotten so wide that he'd made up a lie on the spot about his good friend "Chicken McNugget", whose parents' love of humor was only surpassed by their love of poultry.

Beyond that, Lunch and "double-desert", which Pinkie assured him was absolutely a real thing, were fairly uneventful. The group spent the subsequent couple of hours chatting and snacking. Shawn even spent a substantial amount of time in the kitchen with his new pink friend trying to recreate his favorite chocolaty snack. By the time their complimentary ride arrived, Applejack and Fluttershy had filtered into the shop and Shawn had finally consented to start speaking to Twilight again.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash were actually in the middle of a hoof-wrestling contest when a large, rather imposing white stallion pegasus in shiny golden armor marched into the shop. Dash, of course, took advantage of the brief distraction to slam Applejack's hoof on to the table with a victorious shout.

"I'm looking for a... Ms. Twilight Sparkle and company." The stallion gruffly called out to the room at large, looking very unhappy to be there.

Or, perhaps, merely unhappy in general. Shawn couldn't tell.

"Oh, we're over here! Come on, Shawn, girls." Twilight trotted over to the soldier, "Thank you for coming so quickly, Mr..."

The stallion eyed her for a moment, letting the sentence hang for a while before he answered, "It's Captain Aegis Fidelis, reporting for duty. All of you, please step outside and board the chariot in an orderly manner."

Cringing at the shortness of the reply, Twilight started to stammer a response when Shawn ambled over.

Unfazed beneath the guard's withering glare, he gave the glowering pony his most winning smile and stuck out his fist, "Good to meet you Captain Leeches. I'm Shawn Spencer: alien, detective, and mint-chocolate gumdrop enthusiast. I see you've met my associate, Twilight 'In the Zone' Sparkle. I promise I won't blame you if the inflight movie is terrible, but I can't say the same for her."

Aegis's glare shifted back and forth between Shawn's wide smile and offending hand several times before he finally grunted, "Please step outside and board the chariot in an orderly manner." At that, the stallion turned around and marched out, muttering something about being way too busy to be babysitting psychotic aliens.

The sound of the door being slammed seemed to snap Twilight out of her shock, "S-Shawn... what did you do?"

She looked thoroughly horrified, while the rest of the mares were openly staring at him.

Except Pinkie Pie, she was giggling.

"What? I just introduced us."

"We have to spend the next hour and a half in a chariot with that colt! And he probably hates me now!" Her ears were plastered to her skull.

"Oh, don't be a two-eyed, one horned, flying purple party pooper. I'm sure Captain Cheez-Its is actually a lovable teddy bear on the inside. Just watch, we'll all be best friends by the end of the ride."

"R-Really?"

"Absolutely."

--------------------------------------

They weren't.

Shawn wasn't going to sugarcoat it, but his lovable charm had finally met its match. Well, its second match... or so.

Throughout the flight, the Captain had so far refused to even acknowledge the existence of passengers on the chariot he was pulling.

Twilight, of course, was coming apart at the seams because of it, though Shawn could hardly bring himself to care. He was far too busy leaning as far as he could over the side of the golden vehicle, trying to burn every bit of the experience into his memory.

Fluttershy was sitting next to him, gripping the end of his vest in her teeth and attempting to coax him back to the center between squeaks of fear.

"Fillies and Gentlecolts, we are now on final approach to Canterlot castle. For your safety, please move towards the center of the chariot." The second guard pegasus shouted back at them over the noise of the wind.

Applejack stepped over and yanked Shawn away from the side, threatening to sit on him if he didn't stay still until after they landed.

Twilight stared forlornly at him for a moment, before giving him her most pleading gaze, "Please, please, pleeeeaaaase behave around the princesses. I really want them to like you."

"What? I thought I'd been doing pretty well so far..."

Twilight brought a hoof to her face before groaning, "What else can go wrong?"

She would come to regret asking.