There's going to be hay to pay

LoL twilightlichious just went Tara Strong all over AJ.

LOL

I feel sorry for Applejack. I HATE LOSING DIAMONDS AT MINECRAFT. God, that happened to me a lot of times when I was at my 'stressfull' ages. I raged like crazy. Well, it wasn't a death by Creeper, it were deaths by lava, the void, and even other players.

But I'm a lot calmer those days. But still, I don't fall for that 'Creeper' prank Twilight did. After all, I never did. Mmm, this made me want that I was there to actually teach Applejack how to deal with the monsters, unlike Twilight who did a prank to made her lose all the items. :l

I'm gonna stop my rant now.

Loved it. Made me laugh.

Have a moustache.

>>11234021123402

Image: http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/24370756.jpg

NodusClient is the way, my friend.

>>11234311123431

Mustache art always a good thing. We shalt accept thy humble gift.

Image: http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTy0Nkcvxwp-sRjdUDbRhdRL-9l_rnl3Bn86L0PRVBYBw0PqIUZDNmzSlrZ

>>11236321123632

I laughed hard. :P

Amazing, i've been reading a few gaming fictions, and this one, is one of the good ones.(one again)

I tought there would be some romance as the way Twilight was acting, but i think its was the best not put any.

And damn her, She's doomed, AJ is coming for her revenge, for sure.

From the T to the W,I, L,I,G,H,T. There ain't no other pony trollin' down like me I'm Twilightlisious. This is one of the best fimfics I've ever read. I love gaming

Just 1 LITTLE itsy-bitsy thing- I didn't really like how you used "cowmare". I, personally would have just sticked with "a certain somepony". But it doesn't take away from the story, and it's not something that any reader would or should make a deal about.I feel like such a meaniepants. Here, have a favorite and a like.

Hope AJ don't get addicted, them apples won't harvest themselves after all.

Okay, let's tackle the issues real quick: First, some of the dialogue is formatted a bit weird; if you're going to split dialogue in the middle of a sentence you need to use quotation marks rather than dashes. Second,it makes the story easier to read if you indent each time the dialogue changes speakers.  Third, Spike's line should be "Twilight's upstairs" not "upstair".  Fourth, I don't think "ironized" is a word.  "Said sarcastically" would work better.  Fifth, as said above "cowmare" just sounds weird for some reason.

But anyway, that's pretty minor as the story is pretty entertaining, and I laughed my head off at the ending.  I'm pretty much doomed to always think of this whenever I run into a creeper.  Twilight is a great troll.  

You also get like a million points for the Twi/AJ teasing.  

Okay, lets get the bad out of the way first.

First off, Minecraft is a title, so it is capitalized. And that also brings to mind the excessive use of pony puns. I mean a couple were fine, but the shear excessiveness is ridiculous. Not to mention some of them were just bad. Gigahayz? Haydos Seven? TooManyHaytems? Those last two didn't even make sense, or come close to sounding like the originals. There are plenty of words that could relate to ponies and still be funny besides hay.

Now let us move on to characters. Honestly, when I saw 'dis,' I was ready to stop reading. I mean I guess everyone has their own take on her speech patterns, but there was -in my opinion- more gangster than western or southern. Also, the dialogue itself seems well enough -besides THIS interrupting the lines-, but I think Spike was the most true to character with his lines. AJ isn't that clueless, and Twilight isn't -in retrospect- a bitch.

Also, sex puns? I hardly think that Twilight is so immature. Then again, in a world with mind- deteriorating videogames, I might be swayed to believe it if it had substance, or at least a reason she suddenly became the chick from Lollipop Chainsaw.

And that brings to mind the light and basically unnecessary shipping. Hell, the only thing shipping there was her one tiny insignificant thought to herself. And the f*yay*cking RD skin joke COMPLETELY contradicts that. Well WICH is it? I caught onto that too, I was wondering if it was a typo the first time, but the excessive appearance makes me wonder. I won't even ask how she got the damn skin in the first place.

Now, let's talk about plot and substance. Or perhaps the lack of it. I mean if you're telling a story about AJ playing Minecraft, I wouldn't mind actually reading about her playing. Instead, you seem to just cut to specific times to speed up the story. I wouldn't mind reading about her first encounter with a monster, or the drowning effect in water,  or even her questioning why the f*yay*ck she's playing as Rainbow Dash. But instead, you cut straight to when she's set to survive. And for what conflict? So Twilight can go into -pardon the equine pun- jackass mode and have AJ suffer the most known and mematic way to die in Minecraft?

The story is too short, with no conflict, plot or substance, or even comedy that doesn't make you wanna facepalm, and dumb-as-doorknob characters.

Now onto the GOOD about this.

Honestly, the idea of a simple -but not stupid, mind you- mare like AJ playing a complicated game like Minecraft, actually sounds entertaining, even funny. I think that's the only reason this has so many views and likes, because of the absurdity and potential that this could have. Honestly, if more effort was put into this, it might actually be fun to read.

So what do I think?

I think that the hype over this is only because of the title, and people just tolerate the story itself thinking, "It doesn't matter if it's bad, it's Minecraft." Really, it's not even much of a Minecraft story, and I am a seasoned Minecraft player. I gotta rate this one only one angry Twilight out of five.

If this was expanded and made into more than a one-off, it could be very good, but as it stands, it's not great.  It could definitely use an editor of some kind.  Also, the innuendos don't really fit in.  Nevertheless, it is not bad, only so-so.  It makes sense seeing as this is your first fic, so you'll only get better with time though.  So keep at it, you've got a good start.

I loved this! Just picturing AJ playing on a pc is adorable enough as it is. I look forward to more! This has motivated me to write more pony playing games stories. (flutters playing slendermane bein one)

Mooooooaaarrrr

For a first story, this is pretty good.  But as a story period, it's only meh. Basically, >>11259791125979 a million times. The shipping was completely and totally unnecessary, Twi acted out of character when making sex jokes and giggling at them, and a few grammar and spelling issues were present. That's not to say that this was bad. I've certainly seen much worse in the feature box. But it could still stand to improve a bit. Good job, though, really.

Kind of meh, but it did have some good points to it so have a like and an encouragement to do more.