• Published 20th Aug 2012
  • 8,928 Views, 133 Comments

No Regrets - horizon



A story about two alicorn sisters who love each other, and the worst decision they never made.

  • ...
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Bonus Material: The Twilight Letters

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

This is NOT the next part of No Regrets — it's a retelling of the original tale from as different an angle as possible. It's here as a frame around the picture that No Regrets paints.

No Regrets (what you read in Chapter 1) is complete and self-contained. You do NOT need to read this to enjoy, or understand, the story.

If you somehow haven't read No Regrets yet: stop now and read it. Otherwise, this WILL spoil No Regrets in a deeply unsatisfying way.

– H


(126 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

I came as soon as I heard. Please accept my apologies that I'm not writing you with some words of wisdom or reassurance, but this letter is first and foremost an attempt to re-establish communication. I've been here only a few minutes, but it's already clear that going in after you is a bad idea.

Please let me know that yourself and Princess Luna are okay.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle



(131 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

I ... don't understand. It's alright — we'll get through this — but I thought that would work. Spike's dragonfire is linked to your spirit rather than your physical presence, and yet my last scroll is apparently sitting on the floor by your feet.

Okay. I'm casting a Draymij's Dictation on him to modify his scroll transmission slightly. If that doesn't work, I'll ensorcel the scrolls themselves with a modified Maredankien's Mental Messaging.

Are you alright? Please respond as quickly as possible. We've only got two hours.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle



(138 AE)

(incomprehensible runes)



(146 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

It is of utmost importance that you respond to this letter, if you can. My friends are on their way with the Elements of Harmony, but I'm afraid of resorting to them unless there is literally no other way. As you know, large surges — oh, stars, why am I even telling her this? She's the one who taught me!

Spike! Cross out that bit.

Ehrm. As you know — don't "cross out what?" me, Spike! Cross out what I just told you and then keep writing down everything I say! I'll —

— Aaah!! Get that foal away from there! … … Well, why DON'T we have guards on the power cord? If the machine gets turned off —

Yes, Spike! Write EXACTLY what I say, okay? Except cross out the first thing I said! The two most important ponies in Equestria are counting on me and time is ticking and NOTHING! CAN! GO! WRONG —

AAAH THE LIGHT JUST BLINKED RED WHAT DOES THAT LIGHT MEAN

— YES, SPIKE, EVERYTHING I SAY!

(breathe, breathe) Okay. The light is green again. We can do this. I can do this.

YOU! GUARD THAT CORD WITH YOUR LIFE!

Right. The letter.

Anyway, as you know, injecting large surges of power into a delicate enchantment can have dangerous effects. I would never forgive myself, ever, EVER, if I hurt —

— no, you CANNOT leave to go to the bathroom! This is YOUR machine, mister, and if anything happens —

— YES, I'm upset! NO, I'm not overreacting! Do you have ANY IDEA what will happen if we don't get them —

— SPIKE! Why isn't that letter sent yet?



(167 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

First of all, I'm sorry for my last scroll. Really, REALLY sorry. I'm mortified at my lack of professionalism. I can only offer this: I'm keenly aware that every time I send a letter, entire years have passed for you. So I'm dictating as fast as Spike can write, and, er ... misunderstandings happen.

Please don't banish me. At least, not until we've gotten you out.

Secondly, I'm even more sorry for this letter's delay. Apparently I was overlooking an important detail of the enchantment's time dilation. Your response arrived so quickly that Spike tried to belch it while he was still breathing fire on the outbound scroll. Fortunately, one of the Royal Guards knew the Saltlick Maneuver and was able to get the burning scroll unstuck from his throat before he choked.

In short, please, PLEASE, wait one month after a scroll arrives before you write back to me.

I'm having Spike send this while we write answers to your questions. I beg your patience. Another letter will follow.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle

P.S.: No, I promise, this isn't a prank.



(171 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

Since you don't recognize me, the first thing we need to establish is what you've forgotten. They warned me that might be a problem — the enchantment has to obscure your true past in order to make you believe the world you're seeing — but we're all treading new ground here.

I don't have time for a full introduction — and I'm afraid I might not be able to establish my credibility, after that mess of a first letter — but I'm Twilight Sparkle. Your personal student, the Equestrian Friendship Scholar, and the current bearer of the Element of Magic. You're ...

... this does sound mad.

You and Princess Luna are in a machine that is enchanting you to relive altered memories. I don't know what you're seeing in there — but out here it's the year 2001, it's about an hour and a half until the scheduled sunset and moonrise, and if we don't get you two out to do it there's going to be a national crisis.

The inventors said there might be permanent effects if the spell on you is stopped midway through, so I have to figure out how to safely end it. However, I've only got 90 minutes, and in your world you've got 90 years of research time. I need your help, Celestia. Please.

Please believe me.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle



(177 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

Yes, I agree, I'll stick to answering your questions in order to economize our time. So:

The inscription on the inside of the tiara reads "OMNIBUS AMICITIA EST". I honestly don't know about the birthmark, but your favorite drink is Darjeeling, and based on your room decorations I'm going to guess red. We've never talked about passwords, so I really hope that's a trick question.

I call her Luna because, um ... that's her name. I haven't sent her scrolls because I can't. My assistant Spike is a baby dragon, and when you started teaching me you cast a Clover's Coronal Commingling ritual to link him to you for communications at a distance.

Is Luna okay, by the way? The more help we can get, the better.

As for why you two went into the machine ... I'll tell you what we know. The machine shows you a world without your greatest regret. Flim — or maybe Flam, I can never keep them straight — says that they don't ask what regret the customer wants erased; the spell takes care of that. All he could tell me was that you walked up, alone, and your disguise fooled him. Since you looked young, he told you it should take 10 minutes, 15 tops. Luna traced you down to the funway after you'd been inside for a little over an hour.

Once they realized who was really in their machine, the inventors started to panic, and Luna got very agitated at them. They apparently weren't saying what she wanted to hear, because she yelled that doing nothing was unacceptable, cast a defensive ward, and leaped into the machine to wake you up.

Remember what I said about large surges of power? Her ward caused some sort of reaction, which reset the spell and pulled you both into it. That was ... about three hours ago.

My brother happened to be one of the royal guards who accompanied you here — that's Corporal Shining Armor of the Second Solar Squad — and he sent for me. I wish I could live up to his faith in me, but at least I've managed to establish communications so that a true master can tackle the problem.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle



(184 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

Thank you. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU. You're a far better and wiser teacher than I ever could deserve.

That was very interesting reading. I think you're right about the inflection point. What actually happened then was ...

Oh, stars. You're not going to like this.

There was a war.

Luna ... was taken over by that spirit of jealousy, and you had to banish her to the moon for a thousand years. For a millennium, you managed both the day and night skies.

There's no Everfree Castle any more ... the whole area is tainted wilderness. I live in Ponyville, near the edge of that forest, but we're in the rural reaches of the nation. The capital was moved to Canterlot ... um, if I remember my history right, what you would call Canter Peak.

When Nightmare Moon escaped her banishment last year, she would have shrouded Equestria in eternal darkness, except that you sent my friends and I to find the Elements of Harmony and redeem Luna from her pain.

I ... I'm so sorry, Celestia. Your Equestria would have been a much better one to live in. But this is the one that needs you. Needs your sun, your radiance, your wisdom.

We need Luna, too. I ... understand if you can't convince her to help, or can't trust me enough to try, but we're doing this for both of you.

Maybe when you come back, she can be Aurora for us too? I ... don't know? I'm not sure it works that way, but it sounds like it's worth trying.

Any progress on the spell research?

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle



(188 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

That ... might be problematic. The inventors of this tartaric contraption — technically it's the "Grand Nostalgic Chronophagic Regret Eradicator 2000" — are gadgeteers, not ritualists. I'm trying to cross-reference all the effects they've woven into the machine against known spell families, but even a high-level understanding would take more time than I've got.

I recognize the base evocation patterns of an Eyes Inward, linked for ingress from a True-Tongued Muzzle, mixed with something that looks inspired by Maredankien, and then linked for egress through some sort of, um ... it's like an inverted Flank Finder ... argh. But that's all shot through, all of it, with a Nightmare's Touch, and at least two separate effects that are most likely illusions, and possibly upwards of five effects I haven't even STARTED to analyze, and it's all so hideously interlinked that every time I try to isolate anything the entire mess starts to destabilize.

I'll keep working at it, but ... but ... I'm just not good enough to give you the answers you need. I'm sorry. I'm ... I'm sorry. I —

— Hang on, my friends need to talk to me.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle



(193 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

On behalf of Twilight Sparkle, I wished to acknowledge receipt of your latest missive, and to inform you that she is ... ah, temporarily indisposed.

I am certain you realize how seriously she takes her duty to you, as student and as subject and as friend. In the present moment, the weight of that dedication may be a distraction from the task at horn. The other Elements are assisting her in overcoming her entirely rational, yet — I must specify — groundless fear that this puzzle may prove too intractable for our deadline. I hasten to assure you that we are in firm agreement that such is not the case.

Your Majesty, Twilight shall respond to your letter at her earliest opportunity, with renewed confidence befitting her skills.

With humblest regards,
Rarity



(204 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

First, thank you for the kind words. My friends said much the same thing. I'll do my best, I promise.

They were right about another thing, too. We ALL need some words of support in such a stressful situation. Every time I send a new letter, you've been managing the entire night sky for YEARS. Well — not the real night sky, but it's still awfully stressful.

That's what your red light means, the one I was wondering about earlier. They built some monitoring into the machine -- among other things, to make sure their customer was having a happy experience. I asked him what they usually did when the monitoring showed problems and he gave me a blank look. "Why would anypony NOT like a life without regrets?" he asked. When you're in somepony else's fantasy, I guess the answer is a little more complicated.

So — anyway — what I wanted to say was, you're the best pony I've ever known, and I believe in you. It's easy enough to forget to say that in normal circumstances, but with so much time in between letters, I need to make a point of telling you that over and over. Maybe that's the most important thing I can say.

As for your suggestions:

That's the first thing I thought of, too, but it wouldn't work. The enchantments are channelled into the machine's interior, a padded room about a ponylength square, by a mithril cage built into the walls. Leaving the door open for more than a few seconds, or tunnelling through a wall, would destabilize the field. Teleporting inside would put me within it.

Pulling the plug and overtaking the enchantment on my own, on the other hoof, is an intriguing idea. If I had your skill ... perhaps. But there's no way I could replicate the existing effect without comprehending everything that went into it, and again we run into the time barrier.

Joining you would give me the time I need to work on the problem, yes, but it's out of the question. The enchantment was already destabilized and reset once by Luna's entrance. Your red light has been sporadically active since then. Any further tampering might turn your fantasy world into some kind of nightmare. Not to mention, then we wouldn't have any effective method of outside communication.

I agree, however: "When all else fails, start from first principles." You taught me that yourself, years and years ago. That's what I've already been doing, though, in trying to analyze the underlying spell effects — is there something about your suggestion I'm not understanding?

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle



(208 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

Oh! That IS a good question. I don’t know … but I’m sending Rainbow Dash for my reference books now. It may take a little while. Don’t worry — we’ve still got an hour before your sun needs to set and Luna’s moon needs to rise.

That’s a tight deadline to break such a complex, ambitious, and sloppy enchantment, but you’re the most amazing mage in all of Equestria. If anyone can do it, you can.

Also, both of your vital signs look good, but I can’t take anything for granted since neither the monitor nor the machine itself were designed for the indefinite lifespan of alicorns.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle



(218 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

I haven't heard anything from you in 10 minutes. We were seeing two red lights for a while. Is everything okay? I have complete faith in your abilities, but a letter back would still help reassure us.

Rainbow Dash should be halfway to Ponyville by now. I've been continuing my research into your question.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle



(228 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

Okay, I'm getting worried now. Please respond.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle



(235 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

What's going on? It's been almost thirty years in there!

Princess, PLEASE respond. If I don't hear back from you by the time Dash gets back, we'll have no choice but to use the Elements of Harmony.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle



(239 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

I'm torn between relief at your scroll and panic at your news. I had been assuming both you and Luna would help to break the spell when it came time. I can't oppose an alicorn's willpower, Celestia. I just don't have the power. Nopony here does, not unless we resort to the Elements.

I've attached a diagram of the spells, to the best of my current understanding. Please tell me we have some other option.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle

P.S.: Dash will be back in about 10 minutes, and the instant I can cross-reference our letters from last year with The Alicorn Magic Compendium, I'll have an answer for you.



(242 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

Controlled internal feedback does seem like our best shot right now. Please be careful with it. I'll be monitoring. Good luck.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle



(243 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

That was scary. Please don't try it again. The monitoring went crazy for a moment — I think your vitals might even have skipped a beat — but the overall enchantment didn't waver.

If I had to guess, I think it targeted the wrong feedback loop, with the Nightmare's Touch and the Shadow Veil. If those collapse with the rest of the enchantment intact, it ... um ... well, don't do it.

Hang on, Dash just got back. I need to research what we discussed.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle



(248 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

It looks like you were right about the method of Luna's transformation, except for one thing: she couldn't have used a Clover's Coronal Commingling to become Nightmare Moon. It polarizes the spirits it links, like two matching poles of a magnet. Luna trying to merge with the Nightmare via a CCC would be like trying to push those magnets together.

I did get your latest letter, and I'll read and respond to it now.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle



(252 AE)

Dear Princess Celestia,

Oh my gosh! Could it really be that simple?

That's ... that's just brilliant. I can't see any flaw in your reasoning. If the spell itself is a source of the regret that it's trying to eradicate, then it will dismantle itself from the inside out, and thus consume its own feedback loop and terminate naturally.

But ... I don't understand.

You've GOT to be right. Her greatest regret was deliberately causing you pain. You went back to the moment of that decision, she turned herself from it, and she refuses to let go of the false world that lacks it.

But then your falling out half an hour ago should have —

— no. This makes less and less sense. I've been staring at your red light for most of the last hour!

Help me understand, Celestia. We're running out of time.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle



(253 AE)

Oh stars. How did I not realize —

Celestia — don't! It's not worth embracing that darkness — fake or not. The night can be a little late — we'll

(found crumpled up, unfinished)

Comments ( 83 )

Dammit, I really wanted a conclusion.
The ambiguity contributes a lot to how hard the story hits you, though.

Yikes, what a great follow up. Not as provoking as the piece it is a companion to (It only took one read!) but the level of tension throughout the whole thing is a good replacement.
It was fun to read the two side by side seeing where in Celestia's world the letters would be and filling in a few of the bottom lines.

All around a great addition to an already great story!

1222343
I think the conclusion lies in the last letter not being sent. I assume the final one is crumpled on the ground because they managed to free themselves before it was finished.

Well for some reason this ending is even more ominous.

Now it all makes sense now.

An interesting read, but I kept cringing since it's chock-full of what is quite possibly my most hated trope. It's a personal thing, though, so I won't hold it against the author.

Spike writing down literally everything Twilight said was pretty funny, and I burst out laughing when Rairty had to take over for a letter. You totally nailed Twilight's character.

This was really cool to read, and helped to give me another excellent perspective of the same story.
But if there is one thing I could request, it would be... Can I get a real conclusion? Do they get out, and will everything be alright once they do?

1222343 1230127
To steal from a more clever writer than myself: "The question of her decision is one not to be lightly considered, and it is not for me to presume to set myself up as the one person able to answer it. And so I leave it with all of you." This is a story about decisions, not consequences.

That having been said, we as readers know things that the characters don't, and if we trust that meta-knowledge, there are details that point toward a conclusion. In the original story, given only Celestia's flimsy tale and a bizarre scroll, why do we immediately believe that there's another world beyond Aurora's? Because we know who Twilight Sparkle is and what her relationship with Celestia is. Because we know what the world of Equestria is "supposed" to look like.

Choose to trust that, or choose to question it: that's your decision. If this is a story about the "real" Equestria, then of course everything turns out okay. (For one thing, Twilight's brother is in for a big promotion. We've seen him as Captain of the Guard, and royal sisters in harmony.) But if it isn't ...

... okay, okay. Here, have an ending: There never was any machine. Aurora's world is real, and it really was just Discord trolling Celestia with scrolls that played on her ego. Nightmare Moon attacks Aurora and they fight. Aurora banishes NMM to the moon and takes over the whole sky. In her grief, she renames herself Celestia in honor of her sister. A thousand years later, the lunar goddess, who has come to identify herself with her prison, escapes, and Celestia's student and five friends, the Elements of Harmony, stop her ...

:trollestia: :facehoof:

1222347 Thank you -- you give great feedback and it's great to hear such thoughtful responses. (And yes, that's a good observation on the final letter.)

1226291 I think the magibabble was going to be unavoidable from this POV, so thanks for giving me the waiver. (Hopefully the blah de blah did exactly what the trope was designed to do: show characters exchanging knowledge in a topic with which they are deeply familiar but we, the audience, are not.) I wasn't expecting Rarity's takeover to be a funny moment exactly, but I do agree, the "write down everything" letter was immensely fun to write and reread.

1231307

There never was any machine. Aurora's world is real, and it really was just Discord trolling Celestia with scrolls that played on her ego. Nightmare Moon attacks Aurora and they fight. Aurora banishes NMM to the moon and takes over the whole sky. In her grief, she renames herself Celestia in honor of her sister. A thousand years later, the lunar goddess, who has come to identify herself with her prison, escapes, and Celestia's student and five friends, the Elements of Harmony, stop her ...

:derpyderp2: I have no words...

Also, Rarity's letter was hilarious precisely because it lacked any direct, blatant homour. It was just Rarity being Rarity and Twilight being Twilight and it fit just so incredibly perfectly. In my mind's eye I can picture Twilight in total breakdown while Rarity dictates the letter with that Rarity-ish veneer of high-class calm and composure. And it's fantastic.

You, sir, are trolling for fish. This is deliciously ambiguous in the same way that a good doughnut is.

Well - written, and begging for something set in that time period in the "real" world. (Either of them)

Chiming in to say that I found the reverse engineering magi-babble very well (realistically?) done, and enjoyed it.

And the story too, but personally the description of reversing a hacked-together magical system to a tight deadline was a nice touch.

Also your rationalization of how the "good" (?) ending fits into the canon is awesome.

Extremely nice!

Okay, I'm late to the party, but this is incredibly well done. It does away with Tyrant Celestia and all of those tiresome things, and goes right to what I see as the heart of Celestia's character - love and duty.

I don't think the ending is ambiguous at all (even before I read the letters), because as you noted, the meta-knowledge, but up until the first appearance of Twilight the context is. What I find interesting is that even though they switched, in this alternate continuity, Luna still ended up slipping down the slope of authoritarian power. Admittedly it's a Lotus-Eater machine so it can't be trusted, but you have to wonder (I addressed that issue a little in my fic, and I find it heartening(?) that a great vignette like this shares a lot of the same conclusions I drew about them).

Also, I'm kind of sad this doesn't have more views/comments. Short fiction, when done well, packs a heck of a lot more punch than long fic, and this is one of those.

1234227 Deliciously ambiguous in the same manner as your comment, as well. Though from context I think a "thank you" is appropriate. :raritywink:

You'll be happy to know that I'm finishing my editing on the first 6,000 words of a longer historical adventure and should start posting chapters in the next week or two. It's not in No Regrets' continuity, but it's definitely set in the pre-War days.

1376722 Thanks for the kind words! I'm a sucker for Luna, so I've had Apotheosis bookmarked for a while, but I'll have to bump it up on the reading list knowing that you explore some of the same themes.

Tyrant Celestia is a cute meme, but if you look at the fact that she has singlehornedly maintained a utopia for generations upon generations, I don't think you can really come to any conclusion other than a deep and enduring love for ponykind. (The Darjeeling reference in the bonus chapter is a subtle nod to Skywriter, who manages to capture that powerfully — in a comedy, no less). Luna ... is a fascinating study, because Celestia's desire to restore her to co-rulership implies she's possessed of a similar love, but she's demonstrably imperfect in a way Celestia is never directly portrayed. There's a universe of stories exploring that fact alone, and I'm happy mine's a good contribution!

1382722

When I write pony again, I want to somehow convey that Celestia's love is genuinely terrifying because it's so powerful and so deep. It's just something beyond real mortal ken.

(I could talk about Celestia for days. Writing Luna was fun; but writing Celestia is a challenge I don't know that I'm up for.)

Interesting concept, with a nice, tight execution. Good job.

1808084 I'd go so far as to say that the primary skill of writing comes from learning which rules to break when. There are no actual laws of language (the same way that there are laws of physics); there are only conventions, and any rule can be broken (up to and including the shape of letters and meaning of words). The trick is in knowing when breaking a rule -- an act which draws attention to itself -- aids the story you are trying to tell.

¡uʍop ǝpısdn ǝʇıɹʍ uɐɔ I 'ʞoo˥ That's a silly thing to do in prose, because all it does is slow the reader down and make communication difficult. And yet I chose to break that rule (very very briefly) in Princess Luna Picks Up Hitchhikers. To whatever extent it works, it's still just a shadow of, say, Alfred Bester's The Demolished Man, which takes entire sections of the book and weaves pure unforgettable magic out of playing with textual formatting.

I'm curious which particular rules you think I'm breaking to good effect here. And thank you for the praise. :) (What are the other stories-for-smart people you've enjoyed? I ought to go read them.)

> I didn't think I'd see dragons written as enemies here. Who are you, and what did you do with the real Baxil?
Dragons are creatures of wisdom, honor, and benevolence. The key is is learning which rules to break when. :moustache:

(But seriously, headcanon: There was an entire dragon civilization before the Celestial War, wise and peaceful. The War shattered their race -- essentially nuked all of their cities -- and the few scattered survivors descended into a barbarism from which they haven't recovered. Possibly due to magical curse, or to all the best and brightest having fought and died in the War. ... and yes, I'm writing a story about this why do you ask.)

1931734
Thanks for reading it, and I'm glad you enjoyed it! I think the best way to answer your question is to point to 1231307 . :twilightsmile:

I liked it, however I want an ending. I guess both stories ended with [Spoilers] Celestia succumbing to the Nightmare in order to unwind the machine [/Spoilers], and if this was a one shot movie then it would be great and I'd love it, however I feel I need some kind of closure. What's up? It was good though.

2035307
Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment! You are correct, that is the action Celestia takes and that is the belief that drives her to do it.

Regarding closure, I don't know that I've got much of a better answer than 1231307 . Is it just an answer to the question "does she succeed?" that you're looking for, or is there something deeper? I won't rule out further writing or a sequel if I feel like there's something interesting I still have to say, but right now it's not as high on my priority list as publishing the other kajillion stories that are already written and in the throes of editing.

2039834 Well, after reading that... My first PM to you still stands.

2055972
It was a paraphrase of a Doctor Who quote, which spent the entire time I was reading this story running around in my brain.
And remember that the Doctor spends a good deal of time either participating in history, or stopping some force that is trying to change it. But then you get to something like the Mars Base, a "fixed point" in history. As hard as he tries to make it better, to protect people who have done nothing to deserve their fate other than simply being there, in the end all he can do is watch as events unfold exactly as they would without his intervention. That was the feels-punch I took from this story.

2055972 Hey, I'm flattered it's worth the time going through my back catalogue when there are so many great new stories being written all the time. Glad you liked it! There's a lot more where this came from.

Re the regret-framing machine, I stand by 1167403 — I don't think this story could exist in anything like its present form without the framing device, but it definitely does swing in late and heavy in a way that I'm dissatisfied with. Your criticism is well-taken. (Fortunately for my writing quality, 1155653 has been keeping me honest as a prereader ever since this story introduced us. And I do really appreciate your speaking up, even just as an analysis in hindsight; readers willing to step back and evaluate a story's overall flow are rare and precious and worth listening to.)

2058587 2055972
I don't think I was aiming for that specific sense of inevitability here, so much as Mark Twain's observation that "history doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme." Twilight's letters cause Celestia to conclude that the existence of Nightmare Moon was the regret she herself wished to erase, and Celestia independently decides that turning things back to that dark and tragic path will be for the ultimate good of those she cares about. The story's central question is whether she was right in that decision … and that's why it was important to leave it hanging.

1814461

Well, heck. For some reason, I never got a notification that you had responded. By now, I no longer remember which rules I was referring to. I suppose I'll have to read this one again, and try to remember. Regarding your ideas on constructive rule-breaking, it's certainly food for thought. But one of my bigger mistakes while learning to write well, was to try to run before I could walk, if that makes sense. I got better when I stopped trying to do fancy things. For me, a sign of an advanced writer is the ability to pull off these things well.

As for other good "head" stories: I think everyone knows this one, and all I can seem to come up with at this hour are this and this. If you like, I can link others if I find them.

As for the bit about the dragons, that makes a lot more sense. I'm kind of looking forward to that story now...

2077024
There's something weird going on with notifications, for sure. :\ I've missed several other responses that way on other authors' stories. I think it has something to do with where the response is written: you have to respond while in the same chapter view as the original comment in order for the notification to trigger.

Your recommendations are interesting. I'd already read White Box, actually, and its gimmick is handled well enough, but it didn't really stick with me beyond that. I would recommend a certain author's Savage Way over White Box in a heartbeat.

We'll see where that dragon story (codename: Finding Solus) goes.

2087986

:pinkiehappy: Well, I guess I had better write another, hadn't I.

She's living in the past
So you won't last
Without the proper care
With a royal Farewell
And an Animate spell
You won't have long to Prepare

2348153
New headcanon: Nightmare Night is the anniversary of the evening the Celestial War started. The Summer Sun Celebration was the date of NMM's return because she had to wait for a stellar conjunction, not because it was 1k years on the nose.

1382785 The little things matter. Emotional touches, hints of history and deeper connections. Celestia is surely a master of pony psychology -- she's had time enough to practice, after all.

The large white pony walked closer, the land itself seeming to glow slightly as if the sun's reflection still shone off her pearl coat -- despite the mud splashed upon it. Mudcutter blinked. He didn't need to see the sun on her flank to know who this was. He bowed instantly, eyes fixed on his Princess, fearful that she might be disappointed at the mess. A gentle smile and a nod to him helped, but all he could get out of his muzzle was, "I'm so sorry! I'm sorry!" over and over.

Celestia frowned slightly, and Mudcutter cringed, barely holding onto his sanity. She was going to have him thrown in prison! She was going to banish him far from the fields he called home and it was all going to be awful and the hay wouldn't taste right and--

"My dear little pony, there is no need for you to apologize. All will shortly be made well again." She lowered her head, breathing warm upon the terrified pony, just as his dam used to do. The knot in his stomach started to loosen, and he quieted.

Celestia raised her head and turned toward Big Mac. "Twilight was adamant that only my abilities could solve this, but I'm a bit skeptical that only I would be able to rescue your sister's farm from an encroachment of artificial grass. Still, she insisted and I am here. Please explain what happened."

1814461 I read The Stars My Destination in a library-discard SF anthology long before I found out it was famous. It is one of my top ten of all time. I've never read Demolished Man, though.

3773542
They're similar; if you like one you should like the other, and I can wholeheartedly recommend both. Demolished Man plays with telepathy where TSMD plays with teleportation.

This was a really good story, I can't decide if I liked the first chapter or the second better. I want to read more of this story but I can't really think what else could be written without losing the basis of the plot. Have this awesome gif.

3.bp.blogspot.com/-aJyJB7kmXfU/UoZ8w_EbVoI/AAAAAAABmVU/wi_YaSr2LdE/s1600/rock_paper_scissors_by_ponykillerx-d6uamxf.gif

3869219
Thank you!

You should be amused by the fact that I actually have figured out a way for ponies to play rock-scroll-scissors. It's in one of the author's notes/comments of Princess Luna Picks Up Hitchhikers and is actually a (really minor) plot point in the story. :twilightsheepish:

3870460
You're welcome.

That is pretty amusing, although I can't really think of much that would work unless you included other limbs. I suppose if they bent their fetlocks in certain ways it could be distinguishable from other ways but that begs the question of what they would call their game, certainly not rock, paper, scissors. Oh well here is a gif about life.

funnymama.com/store/130517/178720_v0_600x.gif

4237212
Wow. Many thanks!

This was a great follow up. The letters did a great job of capturing Twilight's emotions throughout the entire ordeal.

The one thing I do wish was here, though, was a third chapter - a thousand or so word epilogue. If only for a sense of closure.

That said, great story. Loved it.

5107755
Thank you! I'm glad both parts landed so squarely. :twilightsmile:

What exactly are you envisioning for the epilogue? I can see the outlines of what you're talking about with the closure, but I'm wondering if explicitly showing the reconciliation wouldn't deflate it somehow.

5108216
Honestly, those were my thoughts, too, after I took more time to think about it, anyway. I feel like the story definitely reached its proper conclusion, but at the same time, goshdarnit, I wanna see the reconciliation. I wanna see the sisters bond after this traumatic event.

It's a strange, conflicting feeling. And I can't decide which side is more right.

Very nifty story; thanks for writing it! :twilightsmile:

I'll second the request for an epilogue, though. Right now, it ends on a cliffhanger - we don't know whether Celestia's attempt to break the enchantment will succeed, or what the psychological effects on either of them will be, or whether Celestia going Nightmare in-dream will result in Nightmare Celestia back in the real world.

Making a story's ending ambiguous is a time-honoured tradition, and I realize that deliberate cliffhangers can work as an extension of that, but I'm not sure a cliff-hanger is a good idea here.

If you feel that a full epilogue would dilute the fic, even a sentence or two implying that they do wake up would be better than nothing.

Either way, it was still an interesting fic that put a very new spin on one of the old conflicts in the series. Well done! :twilightsmile:

5250690
Thank you!

I'm sympathetic to the view of you and 5108245 re resolving things with an epilogue. At the same time, as 1222343 says (and as Chris mentioned in his recent review), the ambiguity is a strength, and I would fear that continuing the story from here would deflate it.

I did discuss that in a little more depth in 1231307, as well as unpacking what clues do exist in the story as to whether things turned out alright or not. It's definitely possible to read around the edges and piece together some conclusions about the ultimate outcome, so hopefully that provides that "sentence or two" you're asking about. :twilightsmile:

5250978
The trollfic option you outline is evil, and you're a bad, bad pony for suggesting it. :pinkiehappy:

One of the nested-quote posters points out that conclusions can be drawn from the last letter not having been sent, but that could be read either as due to a joyful reunion with the now-awake princesses or to terror at Nightmare Celestia coming out of the machine or even to the machine failing in a way that leaves the princesses trapped, comatose, or dead. I'm not sure how much can be nailed down from the text as-written.

That said, I think we're at least partly talking past each other. The difficulty that I'm having with the fic isn't that there are loose ends, but that it lacks a "denouement" - the fic reaches its dramatic climax in each chapter and then cuts off immediately. That tends to be very jarring to most Western audiences, at minimum. Normally tension unspools a bit before a story ends, even if not much gets revealed as such.

On the third hand, this may just be my biases showing (I'm not a fan of cliffhangers). Your mileage may vary.

5251139
Fair enough. The cliffhanger/unresolved ending definitely has a foothold established in the upper echelons of western storytelling — off the top of my head, Inception, Reservoir Dogs, Blade Runner, Pynchon's The Crying of Lot 49 and Hemingway's For Whom The Bell Tolls — but if you don't like those that's totally your right.

I also feel like I have to point out (though you've probably already noticed) that the final scene is an explicit, and intentional, revisitation of the first scene. Part of my reluctance to extend it with an epilogue is that it would break that framing and ruin the story's symmetry.

That said, you make a good point about the ambiguity of the unfinished letter (I hadn't even considered those possibilities), and I'm glad you appreciate the evilness of my author's note. Gotta bank those evil points for an Evil League of Evil promotion — my 2055972 cred is running a little short. :trixieshiftright:

-H

5254317 I need to know or l shall diez My brain didnt understand and now that it does i will have many problems focusing for about 3 or 4 weeks!

5521218
There's good discussion in the comments, but 1231307 is basically my final answer. There's plenty of evidence that things turned out okay, but this story doesn't tell you for sure. You're welcome to write a sequel if you'd like to answer that question! :twilightsmile:

5530422 maybe i shall.....I shall contact you if i do!

Dunno what to say...I'm a few parts confused and amazed, with some surprise sprinkled in. Great story, left a lot to the reader's imagination while at the same time giving enough information to make us imagine more.
If that even made sense....

5873354
Glad you enjoyed it :twilightsmile: This was my first story on FIMFic, though I think it's held up pretty well.

Pah. You're evil for not resolving this, Changeling. I've seen people who say there's value in ambiguity, and there are, in a few stories, like Lady and the Tiger - where the point in ambiguity is to raise questions in the reader the author considers worth asking, like say, about morality.

But - we do not have that here. There's no real morality question at stake, and so I'd contend nothing of value is really gained from leaving it ambiguous. To me, it's frustrating and really not at all enjoyable going with 'How do you THINK it ended?' because...well, you can have any number of endings, as 5251139 really outlined. Like I can go with 'there are enough clues in-story to say that the 'good' ending is what really happened', but it's nowhere as satisfying as actually SEEING the good ending. And it never has been, in a single story I've read that resorts to this. It always feel like the author is cheating the audience of satisfaction because they don't want to cleave down on one thing or another.

I do know my writeoff stories often end on ambiguity/confusion, but in those it's always because I've built the solution into it, and left it to the audience to find, though it's there. I just am bad at hitting that balance of enough clues to 'solve' it if you will which is why I oft end up explaining it after the fact :twilightsmile:

6017425
Hmm. Sometimes I think a story is more powerful for closing unsettled, because it sticks in your craw more, and evoking a full range of human emotions (including uncertainty, lack of closure) is a legitimate story goal. Something like The Lady And The Tiger obvs has the moral dimension to it, so that's not a direct example of what I'm talking about; but something like the end of The Sopranos, which pissed lots of people off but got millions of people talking. Is art good because it makes people satisfied, or is art good because it makes people think?*

That said, thanks for speaking up. Most of my stories come to proper endings, so when I end one by leaving it hanging it's a conscious choice. It can really change the thematic tone of a story: in this case, if I say "And they walked out of the machine, the end," then you've read a story about Celestia's faith in the truth being rewarded. Fading to black makes this a story about Celestia loving her sister so much that she's willing to do something crazy. Remove the possibility of her being wrong and you remove the impact of her decision.

Anyway, I'm editing Mark of Destiny to add more agency to that final scene everyone hated (hopefully releasing it by mid-June), so I do think about this sort of feedback. I hope you can put up with me being occasionally evil in exchange for the good stories. :scootangel:

--
*(False dichotomy.)

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