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  • 23w, 2d
    Alright everyone. I need to know something.

    Recently I just had a huge streak of boredom and wrote out about 80% of a plot for a story. And although I know I'm most certainly not a great writer and not entirely interested in becoming one...I feel oddly motivated to write the story. If I actually wrote the story, would you all care? Let me know what ya think.

    1 comments · 34 views
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Three months after the incident at Panchea, Adam Jensen is happy to be on his own in Detroit. Until one day, some bad guys appear, and Adam will find himself in a place quite opposite of his apartment in the Chiron Building...

Deus Ex: Human Revolution and all of its characters belong to Eidos Montreal and Square Enix

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all of its characters belong to Hasbro and Studio B

First Published
20th Aug 2012
Last Modified
6th Sep 2012
#1 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

MOAR

#2 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

I feel like I should of played the game before reading this, but I was drawn to the story. I mean if im thinking of the right guy, he has built in sunglasses!

#3 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

So he's still human-cyborg, right?

And other than the totally BS reason for Sarif to get rid of Adam, I like it. Think what you might, but Sarif isn't really a corrupt corporate executive, so that was really BS.

#4 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

Standing on ground zero of a explosion send you to equestria apparently, quite cliche. But the story is good so far, so waiting for more here.

#5 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

Time for Jensen to start coma-punching once again. This going to rock!:rainbowkiss:

#6 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

now hes a cyborg human pony.....with wepons :pinkiecrazy: gotta remember the weponry The Grey Pegasus

#7 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1124779

:rainbowlaugh:

>>1124781

Of course. But I don't even think he can carry that much weapons in reality.

And why is there no explosive revolver?!

#8 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

He was currently watching the News, which was still going on about the discovery of the DNA- his DNA- alterations which could be made to negate the necessity for Neuropazyne, the drug normal augmented people needed to use to not die.

I think I will like this story.

Also, that's a horrible reason to kill him, but whatever.

#9 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1124641

I second that statement :eeyup:

#10 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

Well Sarif's just fantastically out of character and seemingly subject to plot induced stupidity. He seriously thinks he can kill Adam Jensen with  bunch of guards? If you were gonna throw Adam into Equestria like this you should've just had him blow up Panacea and wake up in Equestria.

#11 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

OMFG awesome!:heart:

#12 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

Brilliant man, and with only 1600 words or so. *Likes and favs* dont forget to check out my shiz

#13 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

Adam clambered to his feet because of this line i say he is still human/cyborg because ponies have hooves not feet

#14 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1124966

Yeah...I agree. That would have made more sense. And would have made a good explanation scene sometime later, assuming the reactions of those he was telling were good and in character...

#15 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

So to clear this up guys:

Yes, Adam Jensen is still a human. I would have mentioned otherwise

#16 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

I never thought I'd ever see the term "strafe-jumping" used in a story.

#17 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

So to clear this up guys:

Yes, Adam Jensen is still a human. I would have mentioned otherwise

>>1124738

I wrote this on a plane ride from Seattle to Dallas. I didn't really expect people to like this. If I had KNOWN people would be reading it, I'd have tried harder.

>>1124756

I was originally going to call the chapter "Cliche Entrance".:derpytongue2:

#18 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

The bit about him picking up his fridge and finding loot behind it nearly killed me, so true to the game and hilariously nonsensical at the same time. :rainbowlaugh:

#19 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1125628

By that, shouldn't the guards freak out then? Or at least say something unusual? Geez, those guards are ice.

Maybe some quick tweaks and revisions are in order?

>>1125638

This comment makes me laugh for some reason.

#20 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

MOAR   :flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

....If thats ok with you...:fluttershyouch::fluttershbad:

#21 · 113w, 4d ago · 1 · · I never asked for this ·

I'm very surprised that Adam Jensen didn't just block the guards line of sight by simply stacking a bunch of boxes and just walk right through the front door.

#22 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1124738

Actually...

If you ever played the game you know he hides plenty of things from you.

>>1125655 Btw, how much longer until the next chapter comes out? I've been looking for a story like this for a year+.

#23 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

Yeah...after reading this...I'm afraid that I'm going to have to take it off of my favorites list and give it a thumbs down. I like the concept of bringing Jensen into Equestria, I REALLY do, but the way you execute it is the definition of "weak" and "sauce." Some serious editing needs to be done if this story ever wants to reach it's full potential and greatness, but as it stands, I'm jumping off this ship like the first white bitch off of the Titanic.

#25 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1125842

In all honesty, I would have made a better reason, but I have said it before; I didn't think it would really matter. :applejackunsure:

#26 · 113w, 4d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1125871

Do you need an editor?

#27 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1125465 If he was a pony, he would of lost his augs (common sense, if your entire body metamorphs, your Augs arn't gonna still work or simply won't be on you. And what kind of Dues Ex fic has a augementless Jensen?

#28 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1125813 He hides stuff from you, but any person with even minor LA Noire skills (LA Noire interogations required listening to tone of voice AND what they were saying, not just visual stuff) making him tell everything is incredibly easy even without the voice aug, which is worthless.

#29 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1124723 Play it, Deus Ex Human Revolution is possible the greatest game ever made to this date, far superior then other games such as Dark Souls and Skyrim.

#30 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

Hrm...it has great potential,but it definitely needs to be polished up.Will keep track to see if improvements are made.

Oh,and a minor grammatical error.It's neuropozyne,not neuropazyne.

EDIT: Meant to ask...why Sarif's ending?Methinks the Self-Destruct ending would be a much better fit for this story.Plus,you get symbolism points for having Jensen be "reborn" into Equestria via drowning.

#31 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

In the great quest to crossover absolutely everything with pony...

#32 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

great idea, bringing in deos ex into the MLP world is a genius idea. Keep goin and stay golden^^

#33 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1126144

Because when I played the game, I didn't end that way. :derpytongue2:

#34 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1126198

Save right after the Hyron battle, and it's easy to get all four endings.  There really isn't any difference between them, except the voiceover and whether or not Panchaea Falls, Everyone Dies.

But I digress; unless you canonically had Jensen pull the anti-augmentation ending, then Sarif really couldn't even begin to have a reason to want Jensen dead or even fired.  Given that it's just a mechanism to pull Jensen into Equestria, I'd suggest rewriting that part.

#35 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

I never asked for this.

#36 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1126095

BLASPHEMY course i havnt played deus ex but still  BLASPHEMY

#37 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

This story is terrible. I could barely get past the first few paragraphs. No one big thing stuck out; it was lots of little things, like saying Adam's apartment was the only one in the building, misspelling Neuropozyne, him noting some random bit of equipment when he wanted to get a snack bar, et cetera.

#38 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1126329 Its fantastic at every point. It looks fantastic, it has incredible story, its well voice acted (although bad lip syncing), incredibly fun combat, multiple ways to do everything, good skill progression and has a good amount of gameplay (maybe 16 hours of story, but its so fun, it feels shorter then a cod campaign)

#39 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1126198 WHAT, SARIFS ENDING!!!!! The Taggart ending made so much more sense. Despite I believe Sarifs ending being cannon.

#40 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

I want to see him just pull a fast one on the guards. Hehe, the Typhoon would be cool to see but I think something more subtle is appropriate, coma-punch or killing blade?

#41 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

I actually was thinking of writing this.....

but you got to it first. :facehoof:

Oh well, if you need any ideas or editing id be happy to lend a hand! :scootangel:

#42 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1125813 Melon Hunter's had a Deus Ex crossover up over here for a while now. It isn't HiE, though, but it's pretty damn good.

Best of luck to the author. I'd like to see what you can do when you actually try hard.

#43 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1124738  >>1124966  uhhh... Taggart isn't Sarif.... how did you get those two confused !? :derpyderp2:

EDIT: Now that I've read more comments? How the hell are so many people confusing Taggart for Sarif!? wth people!?

edit2: I retract my remarks made above after the author informed me of an edit he made i wasn't aware of. >.> My apologies.

#44 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1126491

I edited it like, 10 minutes ago :P

#45 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1126500 .... Oh.... :facehoof: now i feel stupid. Thank you for informing of this... I must've read it JUST after the edit then...

#46 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

I probably should go buy this game now. I'm clueless on Dues Ex.

#47 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1126601

Or you could watch a playthrough. :P

But its an awesome game.

#48 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

>>1126610

Screw playthroughs! They spoil my fun!

#49 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

So, being on top of an explosion is a gateway to Equestria?

...brb getting a grenade.

#50 · 113w, 3d ago · · · I never asked for this ·

I wonder why Adam didn't just throw the fridge at the guards. That is what I would do in a situation like this.

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