I thought this was a great story. It wasn't too short and it didn't drag itself out; add some solid writing and good characterizations and we get this charming little story here. Good job.

one word: SEQUEL

The story was really great.

Green thumb incomming! bo-beep.....

You get 5 spikes from me:

And i just had to throw this one in:

>>11172581117258 i agree, there needs to be a sequel

Little dark in the wrong direction for my taste. Still a very touching story. I do feel some parts could have been fleshed out better. Personally, I think Spike should of been a little angry at the bastard as well as concerned for Rarity.

All and all, nice to have a worthwhile addition to the Sparity group's story folders.

Also, an epilogue about their vacation would be most welcome and appreciated.

Damn.

Well, good story, good story.

Well written, I must say. Slightly more detail might be something to add, but it's just fine the way it is.

you're going in my read later box for now

This was good. This was really good.

A sequel would be awesome, but I'm pretty happy with just this.

>>11173971117397i agree with you on that one

Let's hope this isn't "The Ticket Master But With Spike Instead"

Nice story, although I think Spike should've been more angry at the guy who raped Rarity.

I'd love to see a sequel to this please.

Epilogue!

This seems like an episode a brony would want to write only to get turned down by Hasbro, you're a genuis my friend!

Needs a dark tag.  Rape is the ultimate dehumanization.  To rape someone is to say that they don't have a right to their own body.  This is definitely not "slice of life" territory.  

So Rarity finally got raped. I knew this would happen sooner or later.

"Some sexual references, but nothing too mature. Some head-canon might be included, I wasn't exactly sure."

Zecora is best pre-read discalimer.

Great job Rarity's parts are very well written, and I can tell you took your time with this.

This was a good read, and I approve it of awesome. SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL!

Good job

>>11172581117258 I can just imagine that one going Netorare but if a happy sequal is made then Im on board.

>>11172581117258 sequel is needed

>>11180001118000 I'm agreeing with you at the top of my lungs. Readers NEED to be warned about the contents of this story with a dark tag. OR at least, the Mature rating. The dark elements of this teen rated story are not things I can find in any pg-13 movie, but I see it in plenty of R rated movies.

I'm going to tear Gray's unmentionables off

“If would be so kind.”

Shouldn't that be "If YOU would be so kind"?

As for the story, personally, I didn't like it. Grey was illogical- He obviously already had a willing partner, so what he did made no sense. The writing is a bit rough, and some of it is rushed and confusing.

I won't thumbs you down, though. I know it's a learning process :)

Come on there must be a squeal to this I'm begging you please

This is me:

Needs to go to bed. Glances at Feature box. Sees One Ticket Extra. Reads description. "I'm interested." Reads word count. 5300. Looks at clock. Should've been in bed twenty minutes ago. Reads first paragraph. Faves and likes so he'll remember in morning.

I'll get to it in like, 12 hours, until then I like where it's going after reading just the first paragraph and description. Call me an optimist and laugh, but I'm too tired and too nice to NOT do this. Oh, and you can keep the like, even if I think it's crap.

B-E-A-Utiful

She stood by the door, bouncing slightly with excitement, a big grim plastered on her face.

GRIN

She lookd on the bed,  some lubricant and some condoms ere on the bedside table.

LOOKED; WERE

Anyway, great story. Spike is always pimpin' as always!

SEQUEL *or how-ever you spell it*

Please make a sequel, or else i'll end up like this ----->

>>11195421119542 Gotta say I agree.

>>11176471117647 I agree with you.

>>11180001118000 I don't think it was quite dark enough to warrant such a tag...compared to some of the dark stories I've seen over the years; from different franchies. But then again, just mentioning confirmation such a Haines (I think that's how it's spelled) act is ghastly in itself, so you may be right.

As for that lack of material for the "slice of life" tag, that could be fixed with some added on material that is elaborated on.

Like for example: As a result of the incident (which happened roughly 9 years before the events of "Mare on the Moon" BTW) resulted in a pregnancy for poor Rarity. despite the emotional tolls that it brought, Rarity manage to umm.....pick herself up. She even managed to convince herself to keep the foal once it was born. Only thing was the highly potential public shame and humiliation that no one could bear; to avoid that, Rarity and her parents decided to refer her newborn daughter as her baby sister and keep her true parents a secret, even to Sweetie Bell (Imagine her reaction should she ever learn the truth of who her real mother is.)

At author: You sir just won the internet.

>>11270861127086

How many times have you seen rape discussed in PG-13 movies and T -rated video games? Not very many, am I right? There's a reason for that . Rape can mess a person up for life. Even this story's Rarity is still fighting with it.. And can you imagine being the child of such an act? There's no way that it could be good for your mental health. Having to live your life raising a reminder of your violation is, in itself, a very dark topic and would just enforce my point.

You know, I would elaberate on the spa trip. Just an idea.

Cooliofir135

10/10 mouchestaches   BUT WE NEED MOAR

>>11285021128502

I agree. I know people that have been raped and STILL struggle with it after twelve years!

Rape is the lowest form of crime. if their are levels of hell rapists are in the sub sub sub sub basement!

The very thought of rape is enough to make me want to harm the perpetrator

this is a very good story though.....SEQUEL!

  >>11236851123685   me too

>>11193341119334

count me in!

no one has a right to another persons body against their wishes

>>11577961157796

And the fact that some folks turn it into a joke makes it even worse.

>>11578211157821

Oh my gosh yes! that's why I like this story, it shows how horrible it really is and how there are guys that don't see a woman's body as the measure of her worth. I am with my girlfriend because I love her, she's pretty, smart, funny, ect. I could go on for hours but you get the point. and I don't believe in "fooling around" until you are married to that person.

I don't care about my own safety, if I see someone being raped I'm going after the rapist

>>11236851123685 I think I already have S-E-Q-U-E-L

It was good, except for the rape part. I hate it when there's rape in stories.

The story's not the end unless it says Completed.

Ur continuing it? YAAAAAAAAAY!

Happy STFU? AVGN FAN!

Nice!  Glad to see it continuing.

Is there a reason Gray's behavior makes me think of Hannibal Lechter?

Is good, well written but for Rarity to say she's repressed the memories enough to function at the spa and then to keep mentioning everything Grey did was odd. Edgar disowning his son was a cool additive

>>18497041849704 Well, inconsistencies are bound to arise, that's just how I roll.

I'll fix them soon enough, I've got a lot on my plate at the moment.

Edgar do you honestly think Gray's going to change, he's only gotten worse in the three years since he visited your spa.

Finally an update to this amazing story!

She then pulled out some rather saucy magazines of various female dragons posing seductively, fold outs included.

THAT'S MY BOY GET SOME!!!!!!!!!!

On other note what Rarity suffered would have her just a bit more shaken up . She seems to talk about this so freely and if I was Spike I would hate to hear anything over and over again.  

Will Spike  come along too?

Happy STFU. Alright, an AVGN fan.

And I hope Spike comes along so if Gray tries anything, Spike will make him feel true suffering.

I cannot wait for the next chapter. Happy STFU everybody!

Ehm...ok so you appreciate the criticism, right?

Then, let me say this right off the bat:

I did not dislike the fic.  I liked the events in the story.

But the reactions of the characters were really flat.

I mean, the story went like this:

Story                                                                                                           me

rarity gets two tickets to a spa.                                                                   aha.

Rarity for some reason doesn't want that her

money goes to waste and decides to invite somepony else.                      Ok. I understand that.

Short cameos of the mane six.                                                                  Ok. I didn't choose this fic because I wanted to read

                                                                                                                  about Applejack and co. It's all about Spike and Rarity.

Rarity goes to Spike.  But something is bothering her.                              I wonder what that could be?

She talks to Spike about her ex-lover.                                                       Ooooookay...Well, she doesn't know that Spike likes her so

And how willing she was to get down and dirty with him.                            why should she be delicate about it?

Spike is ok with that.                                                                                 Wow...Spike...you're a male among males. I'd at least feel

                                                                                                                 uncomfortable.

Rarity just tells Spike that she was abused                                              Wo-ah!!! This just got serious!  Spike will surely have

at the same Spa she was planning to go to relax...                                  something to say about it.

Spike is ok with that.                                                                                ....really?

Spike accepts to go with Rarity.

The two kiss and Twilight is ok with it.                                                      I like that kind of Twilight.

The end.                                                                                                  Wait already?

Please don't think I'm trying to be mean. I really liked it and because I liked it I know that it hasn't used it's whole potential.

I'm sure that if you try to make the reader feel what the characters are feeling, this fic would get 90% better.

Still, I'm sure you'll get a lot better in the next chapter.

I'll be watching you.

Happy STFU means happy shut the f*ck up? I never understood that.

Well, anyway. I loved this second chapter. I really really did no complains whatsoever.

The descriptions were incredible and when Spike and Rarity were taking that bath, I felt I was with them, the mood and setting were just great.

I'll just let you know of a few typos in the fic:

1)

Spike, you’re only going away for a week, you’re not moving house

This sentence feels wrong. I think ( this is only a suggestion) it could be something like:

Spike, you’re only going away for a week, you’re not moving somewhere else.

2)

It was no more than three tall

You're missing a word here.

3)

The girl you assaulted; Rarity ahs returned

This one is really easy. It should be HAS and not AHS.

Parts I loved the most:

1)  

“But, Rarity... Why did you book going there if you were raped there?”

“I didn’t think of it until yesterday. I can’t go Spike; it’ll just hurt me...”

I laughed really hard when I read that.

2)

“This is a Television Set, and is able to display pre-recorded and live shows displayed by video cameras....."

The explanation for the Television set was great. I loved it and gave the whole story a nice touch.

I knew this story was awesome the moment I saw it.

No! Gray! Again!? Please Edgar and security please don't let Rarity get hurt again it's just going to create more bad memories. She meant to be enjoying herself with Spike not meeting up with that scumbag of a pony. Please don't Rarity get hurt I don't want her vacation with Spike to get ruined and create more bad memories of that place.

YAY another chapter I like where this is going.....would anyone be upset if I killed Gray? no? okay then.

btw baby deer are called fawns, not foals

>>18630071863007 Are they caled Fawns? I didn't take any courses in animal biology.

>>18582711858271 More inconsitencies? IN MY FANFICS?! That's typical of me.

I suck at proofreading stories, just to add. I'll get better, I promise!

Good thing I Favorited this a long time ago. I feel that the part about Rarity in the letter should have been crossed out by the guards, Their usually very strict about what info should be shown.

Image: http://cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbBlsHOgZmSSI4MjAxMi8wNy8wNS8wNF81MF8zMV83NDVfMzIyNjFfX3NhZmVfcmFyaXR5X2FuaW1hdGVkBjoGRVQ/32261__safe_rarity_animated_crying_sad.gif

Gray turned to window and his laughter died down, as he continued to watch out the window, plotting his revenge.

The girl you assaulted; Rarity ahs returned to the spa and has mostly recovered from the incident, and has no intention of remembering you and thinks you are scum.

HAS

>>19830201983020 GAH, TYPOS.

THERE'S ALWAYS ONE.

>>19850141985014

If you thinks yours is bad check out mine on Runescape

When can we expect the next chapter?

>>19851311985131 Soon. College is being a right pain in the ass, and I still have to write and draft a couple of recent ideas.

It'll be here when it's ready, which hopefully won't be long.

So is it almost done yet?

>>20978542097854 No. I'm very busy at the moment, but I'll try and get something out next week, which is where college ends for the term.

I hope in the end Spike beats up Grey to protect Rarity.

>>20983042098304 Any further progress as of now?

>>21540442154044 Not as of yet. I cannot keep promises for the life of me.

About time this got updated. So the next part is the final chapter? I hope Gary gets his balls ripped off him or something before dying a slow painful death.

And I have a striking feeling that after Gary gets recaptured, he'll be the first pony put on Death Row.

Now nothing can go wrong.

Idiot. He doesn't know he's invoked the wrath that is Murphy's Law. Now I REALLY wanna see just how badly his plans will crash and burn.

And just how does Gray think he's going to get back at Rarity? Like she said he doesn't even know where she lives. He's an idiot.

Also, how does Gray expect to get rid of Spike? After all, he is like a freaking tank, thick scales and all.

The couple walked out, as Edgar turned to Dove and said, “My mind has officially been blown.”

I'm just picturing some older individual saying that... Seems legit

Glad to finally see an update to this. Now all we need is part 2 and my need for closure will be satisfied.

He's messing with 1/6 of the Bearers of Harmony.

Am I the only one thinking that in the confrontation between Rarity, SPike, and Gray, Spike's going to discover that his 'hoarding' traits can be triggered big time by someone trying to 'steal' his 'treasure' (Rarity)?

Picture that.  Gray goes after Rarity and Spike.  Spike tries to defend her, gets knocked aside.  Rarity screams in pain and fear as Gray leaps onto her.  Gray finds himself in the claws of a suddenly fully grown dragon looking ready to just bite down and rip his head off.

I somehow find that mental image to be very satisfying.

>>22025662202566

And a dragon who will probably grow to the size of 8 stories and is the adoptive grandson of Celestia.

All I can say to this epic, and dark turn is:

And Rarity and Spike were bf and gf all along?

I waited and waited and finally it's here. OMGosh are you serious? If he lays one hoof on Spike or Rarity, I will not I repeat NOT be responsible for my actions. FLUTTER FREAK OUT!!!

This Needs a Dark Tag, PRONTO!!

>>22052142205214 I have been thinking about that.

Maybe next week.

I'm worried about where this is heading, but I know Spike will protect her no matter what(unless Gray gets to him first)

love it!

RUN RARITY RUN! SPIKE, send him to Celestia!

Ok...

Spike better grow some titanium balls really fast, otherwise he's going to have a rough time against gray.

I hope there's an epic fight between Spike and Gray. I wanna read Spike burning Gray with his fire breath, then Gray gets a scar like Zuko!

WHYYY?!?!?! I knew Gray would become a conflict yet again.

Now I have to hope Rarity does not get raped AGAIN!

PLEASE let this turn out with the best case scenario! PLEASE!

please tell me there wont be months before the next chapter

>>23162162316216 I was waiting for a comment about this. So let me clear up my delay briefly.

Yes, I am writing the story. College, procrastination and Skyward Sword have been eating up my time, but I have at least over 3,000 words written already.

Since it's easter holiday next week, I'll have it done hopefully before then. Just be patient.

I'm glad to hear that there will be an update soon. This is one of the first stories that I had stared reading, so I'm quite eager to know what happens next.

What fuck! Well, criminous can found friendship too, no?

Now, Gray will see a purple fuking dragon weasome.

An epilogue.

Almost thought Rarity killed Gray for a moment there. I should've known even she wouldn't have it in her to do that regardless of Gray did to her in the past.

Glad to see that Rarity and Spike are o.k.

I'm afraid, technically, the mere mention of Rarity's feeling of 'penetration in her crotch area' bumps this fic up to mature sex/gore.

Well written, but I feel this chapter - and the resolution - was rather...rushed.

A nice conclusion and all and it wrapped up pretty nicely. Although I was wishing it would be Spike who would ultimately beat up Gray and send him packing, I can understand that this was Rarity's fight and that she needed to resolve it herself. I was certainly glad that Spike was given some much needed credit for what he did, but I wish Rarity had kissed him on the lips as a big thank you for his efforts. My only other complaint is that I feel the final battle between Gray and Rarity was rushed somewhat and needed more substance to it. There could've been some more added to it like Rarity running for her life while fending off Gray and the two using their wits to beat each other up. Overall though, a nice conclusion, even with some faults in it.