Upload rate may be erratic.

i like it

here have a pony

Image: http://cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbBlsHOgZmSSIsMjAxMi8wOS8yMi8wNV80OV8yMV80MjhfMTAzODc0X19VTk9QVF9fBjoGRVQ/103874__safe_princess-luna_filly_cute_adorable_woona_artist-aphexangel_calvin-and-hobbes_diabetes.png

>>13184531318453

the eyes... they're just very creepy to me... >.<

as for your story, it's pretty amazing. I look forward to more.

>>13184681318468

you can't say no to lulu

>>13184731318473

say no? who said anything about saying no? I just said they were creepy; I never said that was a bad thing.

>>13185401318540

nvm mate

>>13184531318453>>13184681318468

Thanks!

Great start

You have intrigued me. To that end, let me offer you some advice. There is a common flaw in stories about Luna that I have seen, and it happens to be one of my pet peeves; I have seen far too many otherwise spectacular stories ruined by this flaw and I would hate to see your story added to it.

Now, this hasn't come up yet because of the fact that you haven't had Luna speak much, but I'm assuming--and I have a fair feeling that I'm correct in this, ha, ha--that as the story continues Luna will become more vocal. You are having her use the Royal We, although it isn't clear yet whether you intend to follow that through to the logical conclusion--by that I mean the particular not-quite-Elizabethan dialect that Her Majesty used in Luna Eclipsed.

If you are going to have her use Early Modern English, please, please, please make sure you understand its rules. If you are uncertain, I would be happy to help you. This story has caught my attention, I would like to see it continued, and I would hate to see misused language getting in the way of my enjoying it.

On a non-language related note--a gryphon main character? Perhaps I have a selective memory, but that seems an uncommon choice--and one I think I will be very satisfied with, if your worldbuilding efforts so far are any indication.

>>13189091318909

Yeah, I'll be honest - I need help with the dialogue rules. I couldn't find the exact dialect on the net, so any help is appreciated.

And yeah, it's going to end with her speaking the dialect she uses in S2E4.

Thanks for the comment, though.

If only this were a crossover

*coughdianatroi *

This is something that  has not been dealt with. What would be the results of a 1000 years of isolation on the moon. If she was locked in stone for the entire time the sensory deprivation would be catastrophic.

We start to hallucinate in a relative few minutes. If we were kept in it for six months I don't think that what came out would be anywhere near sane.  Walking around free on the surface of the moon would not be much better. Total silence ( no air). The only moving thing besides yourself the impact of micrometeorites and the rare larger strike, felt, not heard.  Add  in an almost total lack of color, and it's a wonder she is able to communicate at all.  Excellent start, can't wait to see what you do with this

Well now, I believe you have my attention.

>>13129741312974 Was this fic inspired by American Mcgee's Alice? Seems quite similar in concept.

>>13907751390775

No. I haven't played the games.

I have heard what they are about, but only at the most general level.

So maybe it is similar in concept, if only coincidentally.

>>13909751390975 Ah, I see. Do keep up the good work :). I shall be waiting for more while my update is being verified.

Image: http://i298.photobucket.com/albums/mm258/Claudiu_2008/10%20Claudiu/Beautiful-Wallpapers2.jpg

and the journey begins...

HUZZAH AN UPDATE!

OMC! An update to a good story!

Not good

I missed this one when it first came out. Curses!

Good effort so far, I think. I'm liking what I see, although I am slightly worried about pacing. That said, I have no idea how long you expect this to be, so I won't get too upset about that.

I can understand the narrator's slipups, and thank you for justifying those in-story. That said, you still missed a few things in Luna's dialogue.

Changes are denoted like this.

I could see Luna whirl around, eyes affixing on me. “Thou hast returned?”

“Still, thou didst not answer our question,” she continued, walking closer, ...

Other than that, looks good. I'll move onto the next one right away.

Hmm, I was afraid something like this would happen. Needless to say, you've got me excited to see where this goes! Hope for the best, I say.

Also, your little worldbuilding anecdotes are awesome and I love them. Don't stop. I want to learn more about your gryphons, and how your gryphons see ponies.

Only one mistake here.

“Why didst thou stop?” Luna called out, softly, from beneath the shade of my wing.

Good day!

>>14896201489620>>14896761489676

Edited and fixed.

Thanks for your kind words! I'll try my best.

Wow I can see Luna falling in love with Sig not going to end well at all

Well this stinks now what the hell am I going to read after this masterpiece has been caught up to?

>>14934341493434

Read my other stories?

OTHER STORIES!!!

* finds table and flops shit*

Y u no tell me sooner?

I find it really annoying how much the guards harass Sigurd. Seriously, he's obviously not there to hurt Luna, just let him do his fucking job!

>>15304261530426 Quiet you, let the plot devices do their jobs.

You can never have too many Woona fics

Have I ever told you how much this story has exited me?

When this chapter came out I screamed so loud I passed out.

who needs to watch the news on hurricane sandy while it's hitting my house when i have this kind of entertainment

>>15304261530426

They're really just doing their jobs. He's angry because he knows he means no harm, but it's kind of their job to be suspicious.

Not my fav chapter.

More philosophical than anything, but at least it gets the two of them talking. You'd think, after being left to think for a thousand years, Luna would become an expert philosopher.

Also, this will be on hiatus starting from now.

:new chapter: YAY!  

:hiatus:  AWW!

Where do you get off playing with my emotions like that you monster!  

>>15840241584024............Why Why Why Why Why Why the hiatus..... I'm going to go stab something.

Why the hiatus?

>>15852021585202

Lots of work on my end.

Is the Hiatus over, or are we just getting a teaser?

>>16584161658416

I won't be updating in regular periods, that's what I meant.

Luna: "Will you stay and sleep with me?"

Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrvx2w5qyN1r3s520o1_1280.png

>>16589501658950

"The things I do for duty."

And no, they had not engaged in illicit activity.

FFS Celestia if you want his help you need to trust him

Image: http://assets.diylol.com/hfs/e96/83f/c08/resized/piseed-off-harry-meme-generator-you-ve-made-a-big-mistake-62625c.jpg

Now Heartfelt is either going to

A) Get jealous about what happened right there

B) Tell Celestia a.k.a get you killed

You should know that this story is really awesome.

>>17672171767217

No, neither of those is going to happen. Though you have given me an idea.

>>17780261778026

Thanks!

In response to your authors note....

don't you dare make this be a sad fic.....

I might go pinky crazy

seriously though, I could see it going both ways. Guess I'm going to have to wait!

I like writing broken characters as well....but mainly for the purpose of cheering them up at the end.

This is an amazing piece of art, can't wait for he next chapter

This is very good! I love how you used the change from 1st to 3rd person to explain what the hell went on inside that meeting.

>>17924091792409>>17953621795362>>18001491800149

Thanks! I appreciate the praise!

And yeah, I was wondering whether breaking the subjectivity of the narrator would mess the story up, but I decided to go through. Otherwise, events would have seemed illogical.

>>17958271795827

Broken link?

>>18030251803025

Image: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oEOBX6jWa3Q/T2phrtPzKyI/AAAAAAAAAAM/bT8C7GfxUvY/s1600/FIXED.jpg

I love this story so much!

Shit's about to go down... god it's hard to write on a ps3

Image: http://i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/004/077/Raisins_Face.jpg

Don't kill him Celestia!!!

Love the story. Celestia is pretty much a dictator at this point and anything she says goes so I hope she doesn't start something that could go VERY BAD fast. (either losing her sister forever or riling up griffon/pony aggressions even farther)

>>18448961844896

Hmm.

I set out to write her like the overprotective big sis...

Oh well.

Thanks!

Start of the chapter :

End of the chapter

I really love this direction, but the one flaw ruins a lot of it for me. You're not combining culture with story well enough. I can't get invested if you keep telling me about how griffons take a piss every morning. I would love to get into this, but throwing the background in my face is not helpful.

>>18649791864979

Sorry.  It was just to show how he tends to wander in his thoughts.

This... isn't what happens when someone goes insane... I'm glad to say and simultaneously sorry to say. It's worse, believe me. Fucking smiling, no matter how 'empty' or 'creepy' it is, hasn't been an offset of schizophrenia as long as I've known schizophrenia.

>>18650431865043

Can you PM me some symptoms?

>>16589501658950

Will you stay Shut up and sleep with me.

Okay...

There were too many sighs, and you used the King's English wrong waaayyyy too much.

That is all.

>>18651361865136

Complaints about the English specifically? (please give me an example)

>>18650451865045

What, symptoms about schizophrenia? I could write a fucking book on it. I've known dozens, and that's a literal number, more than 24, people with schizophrenia of some kind. Periodically, yeah, there are hollow smiles, but that exists with stress-centred instability, and although schizophrenia can easily be stress-formed, I don't believe it's considered it because it can be developed without trauma.

What the hell am I doing? Wikipedia it. Wikipedia knows everything.

And about the English - the 'thees' and 'thous' are informal, and the 'yous' are formal. She would say 'you' to him once she understands that he's an existant being, but before she became besties with him. The 'thee' is for when she thinks everything's in her head (because fuck manners in your head) and when she's talking with a friendly being. Thing. Pony-griffin-dog-arse-stalactite.

Beautiful story, please continue on writing!

>>18652231865223

For the symptoms, Wiki says they tend to be dependent on the individual.

For the English, my other source says it's the opposite.

>>18652681865268

Point one: well, consider Luna's personality. I was still taken out of the story when there was a 'creepy smile'. 'Cause come on. I've seen a veteran with extreme shell shock have a creepy smile, but that's it, and my life revolves around mental instability, literally. I was raised around them, I work with them, I am one of them.

Point two: Your source is wrong. The 'thee' set is informal. Just look it up.

>>18655581865558

You got the veteran part right...

Link me a webpage for the EME conventions.  'Just look it up' doesn't help.

Fluffy Romance? Whachumean?

>>18657431865743

No graphic description. Slow cook the relationship.

>>18655841865584

See? Fuggin' formal.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thou

Following a process found in other Indo-European languages, thou was later used to express intimacy, familiarity or even disrespect, while another pronoun, you, the oblique/objective form of ye, was used for formal circumstances (see T–V distinction).

>>18669401866940

Hmm, you're sort of right.

Thou and thee eventually got a connotation for contempt, or for referring to social inferiors.

I don't know what to do!

Oh well.

I love this, I absolutely love fics like this. Writing about psychology is a very difficult thing to do, and when it's done correctly, you get amazing things such as this. I haven't read anything else you have written but reading this has convinced me that I need to.

Also: >>19071451907145   oh god it hurts

>>19076411907641

Damn straight.

I'm not sure I got it right, though.  Psychology tends to be intensely personal, so... Luna's case is unique, for sure.

Thanks!

>>19076691907669 Luna was always the perfect topic for psychology fics because she has had the most troubling past of anyone. As for wether or not you got it right well, Let's just say that many manly tears have been shed

Be you a God? Because this is great! Also for some reason when reading this I am reminded of ww2 medical science

>>19078751907875

World is 19th century tech-level.

If that's not what you mean...

Done!

If you liked this, consider checking out my other stories.

Image: http://assets0.ordienetworks.com/images/GifGuide/clapping/golf-clap.gif

The end was very rushed but still, overall good story man. Cut it short just because romance isn't your thing eh?

Dafaq end, y u no b longer?

Loved this story.  I could now say that th ending should have been longer, but frankly, that's only because I did not want the story to end.

>>19382511938251>>19384271938427>>19393061939306

You could consider chapter 12 the end, and 13 is just a little addendum.

Still; done!

>>19410271941027 kk

>>19381731938173

Will do. But, why the sex tag? There was only the quick implied bit at the end of the epilogue. At least from my perspective, the sex tag is there to inform people of graphic sex scenes, or at least where the sex is described. You just left it to our imaginations, so... double check the FAQ for when to use it, because I don't think it's necessary here.

Although you never really addressed how NMM got on without having to readjust to her body. Meh, suspension of disbelief works well enough for now. I still really enjoyed this look at Luna's recuperation.

>>19424051942405

I don't know - Mature (Sex) is for graphic sex, but Teen (Sex) is... undefined.

I personally viewed it as some sort of magic she dabbled in, acting like a drug.

Still, it's all classified above-top-secret.  Sig will have no idea where NMM went.

Amazing story! I absolutely LOVED the premise. Having a Luna with severe mental disorder that opens up to her caretaker is a very touching and *hhhhnnnngg* subject, which I adore! Simply magnificent story, you managed to pull at my heartstrings. Go Luna!

Image: http://th06.deviantart.net/fs71/200H/i/2012/352/f/5/princess_luna__s_smile_by_junkiesnewb-d5obz7z.png

P.S. At first, when I read the title, I was like 'what does this have to do with Nocturnal and the Nightingales of Tamriel?'

Oh wow two chapters in and so far this is amazing. You could even have left the shipping out and it would still be good. I like your character obvious flaws that make your character realistic instead of broken a little reminiscent of sherlocke holmes in the way that he is a bit arrogant but in a rightful manner as he has the intelligence to back it up but is also minorly germaphobic.  Im barely even an amateur of psychology myself but my mother was a proffessional psychologist so i picked up a few things from her and always get a bit fangirl when a writer goes into the osychological view of a situation and seems to know what they are talking about. Not to mention the Luna shipping which is my favorite because luna is best pony!

Damn man keep this up and this story may just be my number 1. I am thoroughly enjoying this, a very interesting take on the events of the exile and having your protagonist be a griffon. I'm a little unsure about the political banter as it seems a bit unnecessary but at the same time it hasn't taken away from the story either, it just seems at times it tries to take precedence over the situation at hand.