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  • 108w, 21h
    I am a horrible horrible pony...

    I have watched this over 10 times in the last 8 hours, yea. Oh and I have uncontrollable fits of laughter when I watch it too...

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Authors note: I came upon a realization when re-watching the first season of MLP, there are several instances were things about Pinkie Pie do not add up, and not in the traditional “It's just Pinkie Pie” kinda way. Then I started to see things fit together, Pinkie's attitude, her back story, it just made so much sense.

Twilight Sparkle was annoyed, two days research and she had not found anything close to a clue about what a “rock farm” was. There was nothing in the library, she knew, she had turned the place inside out looking for her answers. Still nothing.

It had started with a normal day, normal for helping out the resident cutie mark crusaders anyways. The three fillies had shown up at the library looking for some ideas about what to try next in their quest for their cutie marks. In Twilight's efforts to help, they had started mentioning stuff they had heard of, but where unsure about what they meant.

After a few embarrassing questions about certain adult activities, or what they had misunderstood as something completely different, the infernal subject was broached. Rock farm, they had said that Pinkie Pie had grown up on one as a filly, where she saw the sonic rain-boom that inspired her to throw her first party.

Many hours had been spent pouring over everything in the library after that, and now Twilight was getting frustrated. “If there is nothing here, then I will just have to ask Pinkie Pie then.” she mumbled to herself. Setting her jaw, Twilight's horn lit up, and with a flash she was gone.

A bright flash of light illuminated the bedroom of a certain pink pony, the pop of the teleportation waking her up swiftly. A split second later she covered her head in the covers and spoke, “Uh, Twilight, why are you in my room?” with a slightly nervous tone to her voice.

Said pony watched for a moment as the covers lifted up on the other side of the bed to allow Pinkie to read the alarm clock on the night stand, this time her voice had a hint of annoyance, “Why are you in my room at three in the morning?”

Twilight stared for a moment then shook her head, as if to clear her head. “You have to tell me what a rock farm is Pinkie. I have been trying to figure it out for days now and I still can't find anything.” she pleaded.

Pinkies response was quick, punctuated with a yawn, “I'll tell you later, let me go back to sleep.”

Again Twilight asked, her stubborn and curious nature winning out over logic, “Pinkie, I have to know. I can't sleep as it is. Please tell me.”

In a tone uncommon to Pinkie, in which one could almost see her roll her eyes, “It's a farm that grows rocks, now go home Twilight."

Before Pinkie could continue, Twilight's horn lit up and the blanket was ripped from her bed. The sound of the comforter settling on the floor followed Twilight's gasp.

“Pinkie... Are those scars?” she said with some panic in her voice.

“Yea Twilight, they are...” The pink pony got up from her bed and turned on the light, revealing a crisscross of white lines covering the mare's body. “I usually keep them covered with makeup, ponies don't pity me that way.” she says with her head hanging low, tears started to form at the corners of her eyes.

“What happened?" Twilight asked, with concern in her voice.

“A rock farm is... Well it's what we called the mine, the scars are from the ones in charge.” spoke Pinkie quietly, eyes shifting to the side, as if seeing something farther away.

“Who, and why would they do that to you Pinkie?”

“The diamond dogs that captured us...” tears started flowing from Pinkie's eyes. “They said they didn't like my voice, that it hurt. So whenever I made a sound, they would beat me.” The pink mare curled up on her bed, her voice cracking as she continues, “Everyone was so sad, and they hurt us so much.”

As the resident party pony of Ponyville began crying in earnest, Twilight could only stare on in shock. This was not the mare she knew, and was frightened by the sight of it. “Pinkie, I am so sorry...” The purple pony slowly moved to her friend and hugged her, unable to say any more.

“The worst part.” Pinkie hiccuped, “ The worst part is that I will never see mom and dad again.” At these words she broke down and started crying harder.

After a time Pinkie cried herself to sleep, leaving Twilight to her thoughts.

It all makes sense now, why she is compelled to make other ponies smile, why she is always talking, why she is always eating cakes and sweets, why she is like a young filly in the way she acts. She had nothing but sorrow and pain as a filly, and is living like it could all come crashing down at any moment. Pinkie lives like there is no tomorrow because she came from a place where there might actually not be a tomorrow.

Having come to this conclusion, she realized that Rarity had almost been put in the very same position once upon a time. That a creature could do this to another sickened her. Tomorrow she would write a letter to the Princess, and see what she could do to help her friend, for now she would stay here and comfort her. An apology for bringing up such horrid memories.

She fell asleep with these thoughts, holding on to her friend, with troubled dreams of shackles and cold stone...

This back story also covers why Pinkie could have the Pinkie Sense, earth ponies are more closely connected to nature than the others. In a high stress high danger environment, she could have developed a way to read this connection, so she could survive cave-ins and other strange occurrences. Her story about living on a rock farm felt bogus even in the show, and when watching the episode where Rarity was kidnapped by diamond dogs just made it click. Rock farm, a slang term for slave mine.

There you have it my first fanfic, needs some work, and it could be done so much better, but I have trouble expressing thoughts with spoken word, written is so much harder for me. Any tips on how to make this fic better, or even just easier to read would be helpful. Until then, Stay manly my bronies.

#1 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·

how interresting. i never would have thought of that! good show! the king of clop fics is impressed by a teen rated story!

#2 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·

Let me try to be the first to say; THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.

"There you have it my first fanfic, needs some work, and it could be done so much better, but I have trouble expressing thoughts with spoken word, written is so much harder for me. Any tips on how to make this fic better, or even just easier to read would be helpful."

Here's where I jut in though!~  I'll do this like a list, because I can.

1.  This was your first fic?!  Impressive!

2.  There were one or two grammatical errors, 'where' instead of 'were', etc.

3.  Despite it not being very drawn out or extensive on any of the real deep parts of the story, this was actually really good.  Work on expanding things a bit more and I could see some huge potential in you!

4.  A tip for expanding things, since you say that you have trouble expressing your thoughts, don't express them.  Try writing down exactly what you think as you think it; piece all those thoughts together one by one, maybe throw in a few spacings here and there, and boom!  You've got a story!

Nonetheless, this was actually really good!  Definitely gonna favorite this on both my accounts.

#3 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·

Holy shit, that makes sense.

#4 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·

"You wanna know, how I got these scars?"

#5 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·

I liked this a great deal, I will be curious to see where you take this.

As a dyslexic/dysgraphic person, who is also a kinetic learner, I can relate having trouble getting thoughts into forms of speech or writing. What helps me a great deal is reading what I wrote out loud. Anything you pause or stumble on in your speech, you should revaluate that section via wording, punctation or tenses. I noticed a few parts that could benefit from this. I also caught a couple grammatical errors 'where' where there should of been a were silly stuff.

Other wise I've always liked the dark past pinkie stories I will be curious to see where this goes. Scars OooOO.

#6 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·

This raises a very interesting point, the only thing that doesn't really fit is the cutie mark party part, escaping tied to some party balloons makes more sense with this explanation. The story itself is kind of short, then again sometimes less is more, and even if short the story doesn't really feel rushed or unfinished. A pretty good first attempt at fiction, maybe not perfect but it's worth the time spent reading it and a thumb up.

#7 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·

This was really good. I'd like to see it expanded on, and in the very least, I'd like to see more from you. This is awesome!:pinkiehappy:

#8 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·


Thanks, I will try to go back and find the mistakes, no guarantees.


I will try that, mostly I end up with Spoonerisms that make it hell come editing. (I wix my mords up.)




I have a few more ideas for scenes with this idea, but do not expect more than one or two more chapters if I do expand.

To everyone else, The Great and Powerful Dave thanks you:trixieshiftright:I would start on the errors now, but I have to go to work.

#9 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·

I could see a possible sequel for this story.

#10 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·

Hmm. The concept is good, I enjoyed the story, but it needs some work. You portrayal of the emotions in this story seems disconnected. I think the problem is that you're describing what the characters are doing (e.g. Pinkie Pie cried) rather than what they're feeling. (Pinkie Pie glared at Twilight with misty eyes. This was like a nightmare, her friend suddenly disturbing her during the night and tormenting her with the memories of her past. She wanted to tell Twilight to go away, to leave her alone, to stop asking her these painful questions.)

The best stories start with a good idea, and this story has it. I'd love to see more from you! Good luck.

#11 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1108573nope! i was first! sorry.:pinkiehappy:

#12 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1108592 You all know what we were thinking!

#13 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1109715 and where does it say anything about first?

#14 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1111024doesnt have to. i'm the first commenter. dave is a good friend of mine and i read his story, like, immediately, so there for, i was the first to be able to comment. idk really. i'm only answering your question.:derpytongue2:

#15 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·

It made sense, until the thing about Pinkie's voice came up. You see, in that episode, Rarity's plan of escape was annoying them into submission, which they did. But apparently Pinkie Pie, who has been established to often overwhelm all creatures with her energy, was actually hurt when she annoyed the Diamond Dogs. Why didn't the Diamond Dogs hurt Rarity? Sorry, but those two events don't seem to work in the same continuity

#16 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·


Replying to you in a way that doesn't come off as angry is hard for this comment, I am not angry. I agree, but when I started to see the connections my mind went wild. I literally could not sleep with my brain making such a fuss. Fan fiction is here so that we can share ideas about what ifs and could have beens, in most cases the writers are completely missing many small details. Good eye however. :pinkiehappy:

#17 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1112500  Personally, I think that Rarity wasn't harmed because her voice is semi-nasaly when she whines or shouts, where Pinkie's is just rather high.  It is that nasaly sound that can sometimes actually irritate dogs into a state of submission.  That's just a theory of mine, as my uncle speaks normally but when he addresses his dog, he speaks in a nasaly voice and gets stellar results.  As for Pinkie, again, her voice is simply high pitched.  Speak to a dog with a high pitched voice, they just get annoyed.

AGAIN, just an idea.  No clue if any of this is true or makes sense.  :pinkiesmile:

#18 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

Alright, I have gone back over the story and fixed a few errors, point them out if I missed some. I have also fixed a few sentences to make it read a little better, the changes are minor and will change almost nothing. I have decided to continue it, like I said before it will only be another one to two more chapters before I am done. I will have another chapter soon, but I have to write it first, I have no Idea how long that will take me, on a side note I have an editor now so there will not be as many mistakes as there were in this chapter.


Grey Byte has given me just the amount of inspiration to remedy that problem. I also have ideas on how to explain the differences of situations between Rarity and Pinkie's slavery. Going further would spoil the surprise.

Am I being to wordy with this comment? :rainbowhuh:

#19 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1117583 Upon reflection, I can think of a way that this could make sense. Seeing that you retconed that Pinkie's rock farm isn't really a rock farm, you could say that Rarity possibly did get hurt, but managed to trick the Diamond Dogs and get them in a position in which they begged Mane 6 to take her away.

Or not. Your story, you do what you want with it. If there was a sequel, I can honestly say that I couldn't wait to read it.

#20 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

>>1117583 "Grey Byte has given me just the amount of inspiration to remedy that problem."

Yay, I helped someone!~  :yay:

#21 · 117w, 3d ago · · ·

this makes FAR to much sense.:rainbowderp:

#22 · 108w, 5d ago · · ·

First fanfic? You are an awesome beginner my friend, :scootangel:

#23 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·

This was really good for a first. I found a few spelling mistakes but there was only one real problem I found. When Twilight asked Pinkie about the scars, everything happened too quickly. You should have extended it by making Pinkie in denial or something. Example:

"Scars? What scars?" Pinkie asked while quickly grabbing the blanket back and covering up her body with it.

So on and so forth. Something like that. Have fun!!!

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