Comments ( 21 )
So, I'm going to offer some constructive criticism here.
The formatting, punctuation, grammar, and capitalization need work.
The story may have been amusing, or well-constructed, but it was simply difficult to read past the errors.
I highly recommend you take an extra hour or two to go back through and fix everything you can; it makes the story much more enjoyable to read, and makes it easier to take you seriously as an up-and-coming writer.
Remember; the reader is reading your story on their terms. You need to make them WANT to stay.
Good luck with your edits, and in your future endeavours :)
What the buck? Seriously... I would go back and edit if I were you. Names half the time aren't capitalized, letters like "I" aren't etc. Otherwise a good randomfic that made me laugh!![]()
... WHAT the BUCK I just read????
ah well Halarious getting a thumb and a fave for pure entertainment factor!
poor spike i feel soooooooo sorry for him right about now. lol
Okay, totally random!
It was funny because of it's randomness, buuuut...
You need to reread it and fix capitals, punctuation and all this stuff. Now it's look terrible, but if you put some work to make it look decent, then I'll give you thumb up ![]()
Oh, and FN P90 for Applejack? Hmm, not quite sure. It fits more for Rarity or Rainbow Dash. I see her more with Tommy Gun. Apple Clan, Apple Mafia, you know... ![]()
< "It needs to be about 20% cooler"
First thought:
This is better
But my reaction was:
And now it's
I have just read this Story again, as a good Question popped into my mind. What would happend, if something like this happend in the Canterlot Castle?![]()
you know why the hell not time to put gun songs in here







139
