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It all began by complete accident. All of it, just by a simple mistake. Yet, it changed the lives of two ponies forever. It began on the day of Hearth’s Warming Eve. Ponyville was full of activity as everypony prepared for the holiday. Twilight Sparkle was especially busy; she had been waiting for this day for a whole year after all. She couldn’t wait till tomorrow. She had the whole day planned out. First she and Spike would open up their presents for each other, and then she would get all of her friends together and play some games outside. She was especially looking forward to a snowball fight. Then, once they all had their fun, they would go to Twilight’s and exchange presents! It was going to be amazing!
Twilight was in the middle of decorating the main room when a knock came to the door. She made her way over to the door with a smile on her face. As she opened the door she wondered who would bother her at the end of the day. When she saw who was on the other side of the door she immediately bowed.
“P-princess Luna! What are you doing here?” Twilight asked surprised. She hadn’t really seen the princess since last year’s Nightmare Night as she had gotten sick on this years.
“Greetings Twilight Sparkle! It’s good to see you again!” Luna’s voice was soft and sweet and this time no Canterlot Voice!
“It’s good to see you too Princess! What are you doing here?” Twilight asked still a little surprised at the princess’s visit. She slowly got up and invited Luna in.
“I actually came here wondering if I, if I could… well….” Luna trailed off.
“Um, what was that Princess?” Twilight asked now confused as to why the Princess suddenly seemed a little shy.
“I was wondering if I could, possibly, stay with you on Hearth’s Warming Eve…” Luna mumbled.
“Princess there’s no need to be shy. Were both friends here, you can tell me what it is you want to do.” Twilight gave Luna a reassuring smile. This gave Luna some courage and she took a deep breath.
“I was wondering if I could spend Hearth’s Warming Eve with you.” Luna said now shying away a little. Twilight’s eyes grew wide with shock. Then a giant smile appeared on her face.
“YES OF COURSE YOU CAN!!!! I’LL GET THE SLEEPING BAGS! OH THIS IS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN!” With that Twilight ran upstairs to her closet to get two sleeping bags. Luna just stood there, shocked. She couldn’t believe Twilight’s reaction. She could have sworn that she had turned into Pinkie Pie for a minute. And she was still shocked at how eager Twilight had been to let her stay over. But what really had her shocked was that one word Twilight had said to her.
“A friend Luna, you have a friend!” Luna whispered to herself, a few tears coming to her eyes. She heard Twilight coming down the stairs and immediately wiped the tears away. Twilight came down carrying two sleeping bags on her back and a smile still on her face.
“Alright Princess, I have the sleeping bags!” Twilight said with excitement still in her voice. Luna gave a small smile.
“Um, Twilight?”
“Yes Princess?”
“Can you please just call me Luna?” Luna asked while looking at the floor.
“Of course, Luna.” Twilight saw that Luna was still looking at the floor. She slowly walked over to her and sat down next to her. Twilight’s nose picked up a marvelous smell. It smelt like a warm spring night with a hint of honeysuckle. She soon realized that it was Luna who smelled so wonderful. Twilight took in a deep breath and slowly let it out, letting the scent linger in her nose as long as possible. She then looked at Luna who was still looking at the ground.
“Luna, what’s wrong?” Twilight asked. Luna looked up at Twilight and their eyes locked. Twilight’s shining purple eyes stared into Luna’s sparkling sapphire eyes. The two were silent for a moment; then Luna began to speak.
“It’s just that, I’ve never really done something like this before.” Luna said with a small blush on her face. Twilight smiled at this.
“It’s okay Luna, I remember I was a little nervous at my first slumber party, and that was only two years ago.” Twilight said, blushing a little herself. Now Luna had a small smile on her face. “Now then, I’m going to show you what helped me with my first time at a slumber party.” Twilight’s horn glowed as she concentrated her magic on a specific book. Luna just looked on, waiting to see what Twilight was talking about. Soon Twilight was making her way back over to Luna, a book floating in front of her. Luna read out the title of the book.
“Everything You Wanted to Know About Slumber Parties but Were Afraid to Ask. This is the book that helped you?” Luna asked.
“Yep, of course it doesn’t have everything in it, but it’s a great guideline!” Twilight said with a smile on her face. Luna smiled back. Twilight set the book on the floor and opened it to the beginning. Then, she and Luna sat down and read over the book until it was late into the night. They soon both went over to the beckoning sleeping bags, and snuggled in for a nice night.
“Twilight, where is your assistant Spike?” Luna asked, wondering why she had not seen the purple dragon at all.
“Oh, he’s spending the night over at Rarity’s to help her finish decorating. He’ll be back tomorrow if you want to say hi.” Twilight said yawning. Sleep was finally winning and soon Twilight was out like a light. Luna, however, was still wide awake. She twiddled her hooves and looked around the now dark library. She looked over the large amount of books stacked neatly on their shelves, she saw Twilight’s work desk with ink and parchment spread out on it, and she saw an owl looking out the window on the top floor. She let out a sigh and tried to get comfortable in the sleeping bag. She tossed and turned but nothing seemed a good position to relax in. Her eyes then noticed Twilight sleeping. Luna stared at her in the dim light of the night. She seemed so peaceful. Luna let out another sigh. It was no use; she wasn’t used to sleeping at night. She quietly got up from her sleeping bag and began looking around at the books. She saw interesting novels, advanced spell books, encyclopedias, and many more. One book, however, caught her attention. She immediately pulled the book from the shelf with her magic and looked at the title. It was The Lessons of Friendship and Other Experiences. Luna could tell by the cover and the handwriting that this book was not officially published. She looked for the author and to her surprise it was Twilight Sparkle! She was writing a book on everything she was learning about friendship!
“Why keep it hidden on a shelf where nopony would think to look…. Oh…” Luna finally realized that Twilight had hidden the book for a reason. She was about to put it back when something fell out of the book. Luna carefully picked it up and looked over the item. It was another book. However it was much smaller than any of the books on the shelves. Luna looked for a title on the cover but found none. Her curiosity getting the better of her, she took a peek inside the book. It had a very odd format for a book. It began with a date, then a dear dairy.
“… Dear… Diary… Uh-oh…” Luna quickly closed the book. She had a slight blush on her face. She couldn’t believe Twilight of all ponies would have a secret diary! Luna’s curiosity began to get the best of her and she began to open the dairy.
“No Luna! That wouldn’t be very nice to intrude on somepony’s personal thoughts and feelings… but it’s right there! Oh why did I have to find this?!” Luna kept arguing with herself until she finally reached a decision.
“I’ll just read one page to stop my curiosity and then leave it at that.” Luna slowly opened the book to a random page and began reading.
November 1
Dear Diary,
Today I feel, weird. Last night was amazing though! My friends and I got to celebrate Nightmare Night together! I also got to meet with Princess Luna! I even got to help her make some new friends! I had a great time and I’m sure everypony else did too! But for some reason I keep getting this weird feeling in the bottom of my stomach. It’s not a bad feeling, it’s just weird. And for some reason I keep thinking of Princess Luna. When I’m reading, or napping, or even eating. My mind just keeps brining her up. I’ve read a lot of books on feelings but the one that it says I’m experiencing can’t be right. Could it? Am I in love with Princess Luna?
After reading that last sentence Luna immediately closed the diary. She then put it back into the other book and placed it back on the shelf. Her heart was beating fast, she was sweating a little, and there was a blush on her face. She was still trying to comprehend what she had just read. She then felt herself getting tired. She made her way over to her sleeping bag and cuddled into it. Just as she was drifting off into sleep a question popped into her head
“Do I love Twilight Sparkle?” Luna whispered out loud. Her eyes were now heavy and they slowly began to close. Finally sleep overtook her and she faded from conciseness. Little did she know that the lavender unicorn next to her was wide awake.
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And the forecast for tomorrow is... awkward with a chance of extra-special heavy-duty awkward!
Honestly, as much as I love TwiLuna, your blowing through this whole thing really fast, and it feels like your tossing in angst and awkward situations where they're really not necessary and don't really make much sense. I'm quite certain that a royal sister of Equestria would have the decency to respect her only friends privacy, especially since it's her only friend. It would've, in my opinion, been better if something awkward had occurred in the process of Luna putting away the book after NOT reading it. Something like say, Twilight waking up and noticing attempting to discreetly put away the book.
As it is, the story is okay, but is lacking details and explanations and is relying on avoidable situations to create tense situations.
I'm still tracking it and giving it a thumbs up for the record, just wanted to point out a few things I did not agree with.
I understand where you're coming from and I agree that it probably is a bit rushed. For some reason when I'm writing a story I feel like I'm watching a movie and I want to get to the good parts fast. I am getting better at stopping myself from doing this but as you can see I still need practice. And thank you for being honest and for the constructive critisim! And I do like your idea about her putting the book back and then Twilight jumping to conclusions. But I wanted to show that even someone as high up as Luna can succomb to curiosity and gossip. I'm trying to show that Luna is like everyone, sorry, everypony else. But again thank you for showing me my flaws so I can make future chapters better!
“P-princess Luna! What are you doing here?” Twilight asked surprised. She hadn’t really seen the princess since last year’s Nightmare Night as she had gotten sick on this years.“Greetings Twilight Sparkle! It’s good to see you again!” Luna’s voice was soft and sweet and this time no Canterlot Voice!
“It’s good to see you too Princess! What are you doing here?” Twilight asked still a little surprised at the princess’s visit. She slowly got up and invited Luna in.
you should really remove one of the questions.
Then, she and Luna sat down and read over the book until it was late into the night.
im pretty sure you didn't mention anything about the specific time of day when luna arrived, which might lead (as in my case) to assuming that it's midday or something like that, which clashes with the flow when you do read that sentence.
the pacing was incredibly fast. you even arrived at the awkward "both like the other but none will come out and confess" at the end of the first chapter, which was also very short.
i also agree with everything else that >>1108451 said.
I'll just leave this here because Pwincess Woona is best pony.
Image: http://mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3222-13305305842241.png
>>1110067 Come on Twilight Luna its going to be good no matter what. On one hand your have a socially awkward princess and on the other a nerdy bookworm with a want for acceptance. Two pees in a pod if you ask me. Whats not to find great about this kinda story. Keep it up and I'll keep reading.
"Suprise" instead of "surprise" in DESCRIPTION, "sleep over" instead of "sleepover", wrong, SO WRONG USE OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!! AND PERIODS.... (you use either only one, if writing something serious, or three, not four), inconsistent abbreviations, lack of commas, rushed story, lack of quotation marks in at least one place, (I'm SKIMMING through it) and that's probably it.
You... aren't going to yell at me? Tell me to take care of my own business? Try to deny everything? Hell, there's still hope for you. But do you intend to rewrite the entire story so it isn't rushed? I highly doubt that, and that's a shame it won't happen.
Also, in the description, it's "revealed", not "reviled".
No I don't yell or anything I take other people's advice to try and make my stories better for everyone.
I probably won't rewrite the entire story anytime soon but possibly one day. Again, I have a horrible habbit of feeling that writing it out long is boring to other people... that and I sometimes bore myself while doing that. 
But again thank you and I really need to proof read more.
One bit of constructive criticism, not necessarily related to this story, just writing in general. When you finish writing a chapter, don't submit right away. Set it aside, wait a day, then read it again. Giving yourself a day to remove your thoughts from the story will open your eyes during your next read to things you may have missed or would like to add.
Then after that, read it again, then edit, then read it again. I usually end up reading my own chapters multiple times before ever hitting the submit button. Its very tempting to submit quickly, so you can hurry up and see how others feel, but people will still be reading FIM fiction the next day.
So, is this an actual TwiLuna or is it some kind of emotional trip where everypony is confused?
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png
And another romantic dance of love starring our favorite unicorn.
*Steel grins.*
"Uuuugh..."
"Why is it never me?!"
"You already had Blueblood, Rarity!"
"He was HORRIBLE!"
"Please...take my place in this story..."
You don't like Luna?
"Well, I like Luna, definitely. She's been out of the loop for a thousand years, and reading even faster than me in order to catch up. She's determined to fit in, great personality, always ready to learn,"
"But why is it always a romantic relationship? I've got too many things to worry about as is!"
Oh come now, Miss Sparkle, we've all time for romance in life!
"Indeed! Even Rainbow could find a stallion, given enough time!"
"And perhaps single-minded enough..."
"That's a low blow, Rarity."
"To be blunt, dear, you aren't normally the kindest to others right off the bat, so to speak..."
"I can be nice!"
"I'm sure you could be, dear, you simply have to try."
I see Rainbow with a husband in the military, honestly...seems like the kind of lifestyle she'd be in to.
"Military?"
"Nah! I prefer stunt flyers over soldiers! Way less uptight, go with the flow!"
Soooo...
"Soarin'?"
That's who I was thinking.
"Why him? He seems more into his pies than mares!"
Clever.
Hey, man! Sarcastic bastard is MY job! (But thank you for saving me some words.)
Allow me to intrude, puh-lease.
"I probably won't rewrite the entire story anytime soon but possibly one day. Again, I have a horrible habbit of feeling that writing it out long is boring to other people... "
Re-read what I just quoted you on again; I want you to bear it in mind as I say these next few things.
Writing. Is. Sex. Yeah, you heard me right--writing is like that. You know all the jokes about some people only lasting a couple of minutes (or seconds)? That's because it's not supposed to be like that if it's good. It's meant to be an event of pleasure and paying attention to details while pacing just right, making sure it's allll goood. Not rushed, not too slow--just right, with all the right twists, pats, rubs, and et cetera. And while it may be boring for the person performing the act, as they are doing all the work, guess what? The partner loves it. If you just wanna hurry up and get it over with for your own sake, then guess what? Your partner sure ain't gonna stay with you, because you did nothing for them! You RUSHED, you skipped over details, you acted selfish and childish, and they're on to a much better lay!
That's what writing is, pal--taking it easy, doing it right, making all the little moves without thinking of what you want, because it's not FOR you. So, now, let's be specific on where you went wrong and caused such premature completion of what was meant to be a prolonged, happy act:
You were way, way, way too excited to get something written and shoved into our faces up here. It's like making cookies for the first time, sticking them in the oven, whipping them out while they're still plainly raw, and shoving those hot piles of half-baked-egg and too-little substance into our mouths. We're going to be burnt, disgusted, angry, and very dissatisfied. No me gusta. 
As BronifiedMind stated, yes, you should have put it aside for analysis at a later date. But even before editing, you need to take your time, man. Writing takes LONGER than reading, so the more writing you put, the longer it is for someone to read. So, think about it: if you're skimping on the writing to speed up time for the reader, then what's the writing going to look like? An anorexic sprinting down a racetrack. No one wants to read about an anorexic sprinting to their doom. If it's fast for you, it's even FASTER for the reader, and they'll be left with whiplash.
Also, this fic screams of the raw emotions of someone whose brain is screaming, "I LOVE PONIES TOO OMG LEMME WRITE A FIC ABOUT LUNA AND TWILIGHT IT'LL BE SO CUTE HOLY SHIT I GOTTA DO IT NOW!!!!1!!!11!!" I get wicked effing excited about writing and ideas, too, dude... but, just like how everyone gets excited for sex, if you don't pace yourself, take your time, and put in the effort to make it real good, you may as well have never even girded your loins.
If you are serious at all about writing, then throw your overexcited ass into a cold shower, and sit down to rewrite this whole thing. Explore the moment in every scene, ask how the characters would REALLY react (Twilight would never scream like a little girl as you had her do--that was both an insult to Twilight Sparkle AND Pinkie Pie, who felt she was made fun of from a mile away), and do. It. Right. Do not submit it until you've given it your best and NOT BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO SHOW US ALL YOU SLAPPED SOME KEYS. This idea has great potential, but Alfred Nobel started dynamite as a tool to help blast through rocks so humanity could build societies in even the harshest terrains, but look what happened when it landed in the wrong hands.
Be a good writer--don't *finish* before we even feel a tingle.
Image: http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/anchorman-well-that-escalated-quickly.jpg "Clop isn't what I'm worried about!"
"It's all these stories that put me in a romantic relationship...just, I haven't got time!"
"I guess it could work if the one who fell for me was a bookworm or a scientist; we'd be with each other all the time."
"But Princess Luna has all her royal duties, on top of the ones she does for Princess Celestia when she goes out!"
"It seems a lot like fantasy, honestly..."
I like where this story's going, but there seems to be a bit of an issue with the writing. Namely, it feels like it was very rushed.
You often wind up telling instead of showing with your writing, and it takes me out of the story, makes the scenes fly by too fast and doesn't give me the chance to visualize what's going on or see their facial expressions with my imagination as I read through it. Work on that and you'll get a thumbs-up from me!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to give it a thumbs-down either, it's on the fence for me. It gets a point for having a pretty good beginning, but loses two points both for rushing telling the story, and for telling instead of showing. Essentially, a point for the idea, but it loses points for the structure and method of storytelling.
Keep in mind this is just criticism from a fellow writer. You can decide whether or not I'm worth listening to by reading my stories to see how much I seem to both know and apply to my own writing.
I GET IT!!!! The story feels rushed and I again thank everyone who has told me this and has given me some advice. I'm working on rewriting it okay. Please enough with that I rushed it. I'm still very thankful for all the help and all of the views and likes and favorites. As I blogged I actually cried tears of joy from that. And I hope that the rewrite will go well. I'll save this version for anyone who likes it this way though. I can't thank you all enough for all that you have done for me and I hope you all have a great day! Wish me luck on rewriting it!
"Don't worry about the 'everyone', I'm used to it."
*Steel waves, grinning.*
"Living around him tends to teach you a lot."
"Anyway, I understand fantasy is an important part of anypony's life,"
"But I would enjoy it if that fantasy was at least remotely reasonable."
Well, not every fantasy is reasonable. Where would we be if imagination was limited to reality?
"Not quite what I meant. I like fantasy, I like created fantasy; I love reading fictional stories."
"But me and Luna...? It's...well, unless she handed off all her duties to Princess Celestia, it just...well, it seems like an unreachable dream."
"Much like two lovers separated by continents, anything feels like an unreachable dream..."
"Love always finds a way to connect the two and bring them together!"
Romanticist versus Scientist...ohhh, this oughta be good.
"I brought the popcorn!"
And I've got the Coke.
*Pinkie and Steel each crack a can and eat some popcorn from the bucket between them as Rarity and Twilight glare at each other.*
What could possibly go wrong?
Image: https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR_VK0G3To1nIGinY_QrxYhT_L0poE-B54UWkrC_Hy4T70n9t_O
>>1112405 Yep, and enough popcorn to feed an army.
"C'mon, dig in!"
Yeah, we've got plenty of pop too. Sit down, dig in and drink up, show's just starting.
*Pinkie offers you your own bucket of popcorn and Steel offers you a Coke from the open box next to him, while the argument between Twilight and Rarity starts to heat up.*
"Sure, love is powerful, but it's hardly reasonable when it's between two ponies of completely different circles! It's like asking a hobo to try and make a relationship with a soldier!"
"But, as you said, love is powerful, so don't you believe that they'd try and make it work? It hardly seems reasonable that they'd just let the feelings die, after all."
"It just can't happen! When two ponies of radically different upbringings and lifestyles have feelings for each other, a relationship just can't work, long-distance or otherwise!"
"Aren't Princess Cadence and your brother from radically different circles as well? But they're married, aren't they?"
"Princess Cadence doesn't rule over a celestial body, so she's able to work with my brother. Shining's duties also don't regard the ENTIRE Guard, there are other Captains who deal with his duties as well."
"Love sprouts everywhere, Twilight."
"I KNOW but it doesn't always make sense! It makes even LESS SENSE when you know it could NEVER WORK, but it ends up working anyways in some backwards upside-down twisted back-and-forth kind of way!"
Ohohoho...this is awesome...
"I've never seen them fight like this!"
Good times to share with a friend.
"Yep!"
"She's a Princess who's special talent is spreading love; she does not PRESIDE over it like Princess Celestia and the Sun! And that doesn't even have anything to DO with the argument! My brother and the Princess can actually work together, since Cadence doesn't have any royal duties to tend to!"
"But that does deem it possible, yes? A Princess can have a relationship with another pony, and make it work?"
"I believe the term for this is 'digging your own grave', my dear."
"THE SITUATION IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! With Luna, you have a Princess who has been out of the loop for a thousand years, has royal duties to tend to, meaning her night is filled to the brim with work, not to MENTION the work that she takes off Princess Celestia's shoulders so she can go and meet the public, which I say is COMPLETE HORSEFEATHERS,"
"No offense to either of the Princesses,"
"None taken."
"So a relationship with anypony and her just can't work! Not unless the relationship between her and Princess Celestia reverses, and she also starts getting up during the day! NOPONY is nocturnal like her, except for the Lunar Guard!"
"So what if one of the Lunar Guard took a liking to her? Surely Princess Luna must have time off."
"That's the only grey area, the one situation where this could work; if one of her soldiers got into a relationship with her. They're both awake at the same time, they both work closely, and she may even assign the guard to be her personal bodyguard, meaning they're moving around together constantly. THIS situation could work, but that's it."
"So you concede?"
"Twilight Star Sparkle NEVER CONCEDES IN AN ARGUMENT! Relationships with Princess Luna, or ANY of the royalty, JUST CAN'T WORK, because soldiers have to defend the country, and that means long-term deployment to the border, or patrols out in the less populated sections of Equestria, or even out-of-country on a diplomatic or combat mission! To get into a relationship with a soldier...well, all you're headed towards-"
"Is heartbreak. I understand, dear...but I suppose that creates the strongest love; one between a soldier and his love, both knowing that connection could be severed at any moment..."
"It's enough to ruin the soul and crush the heart!"
Ohhh this is so GOOD.
"You know it!"
"Indeed, I'm glad I came! Have any more popcorn?"
But of course.
*Pinkie hands a bucket of popcorn pulled from behind her to the Princess, and Steel pulls out a can of drink and hands it to her, taken by a golden aura of magic. Neither seem bothered by Princess Celestia suddenly being there.*
The troll in me wants to point out this was rushed like everyone else. But, I'm trying to write my own story, so I'm going to be nice and not.
I didn't see very many spelling mistakes, or grammar mistakes. And the writing itself, was enjoyable. I'd give it a thumbs up, but, I think you mentioned re-writing, so I'm going to hold off. However, its going to my favorites... Because Twiluna.. and that Steel guy's comments. Speaking of which... If that keeps up, I'm either going to throw my two bits down, or someone needs to get me a chair, and a coke... Not pop... bloody northerners and their 'pop'.
I'd add a few more thoughts... but, I feel like I'm just rambling away due to lack of better things to do. So...
Look forward to more, my good man. Have a cookie for Twiluna. And... I guess I have to let you keep your soul.
Ooo... dat argument.
OH IT IS ON TWILIGHT!!!!! I'm going to point something out here. You don't believe that this kind of relationship could work. Is it not true that you also thought Pinkie Pie's twitchy tail was all mombo jumbo. Hmmm? And don't you dare say that is something totally different because once you accepted Pinkie's special ability you saw that it does work... after getting quite a few injuries I might add! And also ever hear of the story Romeo and Juliet? Yes they died in the end but their families forgave each other in the end! Not to mention re-made versions where they survive and it works out! If two families that have a death wish with each other and their kids can work out a way to love each other then a busy princess and a normal pony can certainly work SOMETHING out! Do I need to go on? Oh and hi Princess.
that is cute but forces me to reply with
Image: http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/222/f/6/woona_wants_snuggles_by_zedrin-d5aj6k8.pngi like the story and hope the rewrite is even better
"That example was more ASININE THAN THE PINKIE SENSE ITSELF!! I never said I'd GIVE UP on trying to explain it, I said I'd ACCEPT ITS EXISTENCE. Everything, even the Pinkie Sense, has a reason for existing, has rhyme, order and law to it! I JUST HAVEN'T FOUND IT YET!"
*Twilight stops to take a few deep breaths, calming herself.*
"Ok. Pinkie Sense is futuresight; love between a Princess and a regular, street-walking pony is totally different. I don't care what backwards reasoning you use, this kind of relationship just can't work. If you WANT to prove your point, then use an example that actually ADHERES to the subject material!"
She's got you there, bud.
"Twilight is the master of arguing."
"You must have something to say to that!"
*All eyes turn to you, Steel and Pinkie wearing big smiles while Rarity and Twilight exchange glares periodically before staring back at you.*
You are quiet welcome. I'm always trying to help everyone I can. I need the good karma. Gingers are not the luckiest people out there, you know!
Twilight, let me quote you there...
'love between a Princess and a regular, street-walking pony'
You are entirely too modest. Saving Equestria... three times? I believe... Being the Personal Student to Princess Celestia and the Element of Magic?
While a relationship with one of the Princesses would be entirely difficult, and you would have to schedule most of the time spent, and probably be exhausted with all of it... If neither of you are emotionally usntable to the point of possession or insanity of some level, and both willing to put the effort, and deal with the fact you will not see each other 24/7 (Which is entirely a blessing)... Then It could work.
-clears throat- Right... I see some undead somewhere and I'm on Paladin(goldenboy) duty.
*Sigh* Twilight, first thing with the Pinkie Sense. It has to do with Pinkie Pie, it dosen't need a reason! No offence Pinkie! Now with what is relevent to this. Twilight, as far as I'm aware YOU have shared a relationship with a princess. CELESTIA!!!!! Is it not true that you shared a form of relationship with Twilight? I KNOW it wasn't a romantic kind but here's my point. Twilight, Celestia spent time with you and helped you with training in magic while controling BOTH the moon and the sun! And she must of had a lot to do ruling by herself. Yet she STILL found time for you! If you still find a way to counter this I'll still counter back! So I DARE you Twilight. I DARE YOU! Your move!
.... I am so dead....
Of course we are all people! I just lack a soul... Well... Sorta. I keep mine and others in jars. Or that scary, creepy chest that follows you around at night.
And its quiet alright! You were taking a different stance, but, we both may end up being attacked. Good thing I went to Paladin school, I can bubble hearth... You may need a rez, my friend.
"Referencing my relationship with Princess Celestia, huh? Mind you, I was learning then, I am her protege so I actually followed HER around, meaning she was able to tend to her duties while still teaching me. Not only that, but those were fleeting moments! I spent, at most, one hour a day with her, the rest was spent in my room with my books! I practically taught myself!"
"The penchant of a smart student; determination to learn, even without their teacher to watch them."
"Thank you."
"Back to the Pinkie Sense, PINKIE has a reason to exist, yes?"
"Though I'm not going to reference the exact process for obvious reasons,"
"PINKIE MAKES SENSE. The PINKIE SENSE DOES NOT."
Hmm...and the war wages on. Counter-point, Rarity?
"It appears the subject material has strayed off what I intended to argue about..."
"So I believe I shall take a back seat on this one, and wait until it returns to me."
A fair choice. Popcorn?
"Thank you, dear."
*Rarity takes a seat next to Pinkie, who hands her a bucket of popcorn. Steel tosses a can of Coke over to her which is caught by her magic, and they both look at Twilight, currently fuming, as she stares at the two interlopers who DARED to interrupt her argument.*
"Modesty has nothing to do with it; this is reality, not some story. If I'd suddenly fallen in love with Princess Luna,"
"Which I wouldn't be completely against if it were to happen,"
"There's no amount of scheduling I could do in order to make it work! First point, sleeping schedules. The most I'd be able to organize with her as ANY form of social outing is a sleep over, and I doubt I could stay awake long enough to entertain her! The only reason I stay up is during intense research sessions, and those leave me COMPLETELY DESTROYED in the morning! Second point, royal duties! Every time Princess Celestia comes out to speak to the public, or meet with me, it's always a small window of time, and Luna always gets the work stacked on her!"
"I mean, how does she stay CONSCIOUS?! Does she have coffee constantly flowing into her veins from somewhere?!"
"Third point, ME. ME, THE BOOKWORM, THE LIBRARIAN OF PONYVILLE, THE SCIENTIST. Why would I nail myself to the floor with a relationship, when I have 359 other things to worry about?!"
You mean if you were given the chance you would actually go out with Luna?....
Twilight, let me tell you something as a friend. Which I hopefully am. They are the Princesses of Equestria. I'm sure if one of them had a relationship the other could easily push off not too important things or take some of the other's work. If it is for love Twilight, and I mean love, it will find a way. Now I know you can shove your facts in my face, point out all my flaws and bad arguments but there is one thing you can't disproove, one thing that can't be completely explained yet we ourselves understand it... love Twilight. It always finds a way. Just relax a minute and listen to your feelings, not your brain. Okay, just this once... please?
You do make a few good points, of course. I can't really present you with scientific evidence that would put your argument to an end. Well, for now. So, it seems that the majority of this round goes to you, Miss Sparkle. I can't think of anything solid that isn't easily dismiss able for the current moment.
I'd let Rarity continue until I think of something to best you with. You may never concede, but I never give up. If I did, I'd be bad at killing undead.
Oh, I see Zonfic made a good comment to combat you with! I think I can take a break from undead killing with shiny magical powers to have a soda.
(I am enjoying my mentality too much to stop the paladin bussiness.)
"Grrr...dh..."
"Nnnn..."
"Urrrgh...I..."
*Steel, Pinkie, Celestia and Rarity all lean in, Steel and Pinkie completely unable to keep jamming popcorn in their mouths, while Celestia downs can after can of Coke.*
"I..."
"I..."
*Twilight takes a deep breath.*
"I...I give..."
*The sound of four jaws hitting the floor fills the room as Steel, Celestia, Pinkie and Rarity's brains nearly explode from disbelief. Twilight, THE Twilight, Queen of Arguments, GIVING UP?!*
"...I guess you have a point..."
"Love doesn't make sense sometimes...but it always finds a way to work."
"So...I humbly accept defeat. I'm not saying this is going to happen again...but love is just that kind of situation."
Impossible...
"She...she gave up...?"
"This can't be true...!"
"Good show! Magnificent!"
I...I never thought I'd see the day...
She gave up, man...THE Twilight Sparkle surrendered on the field of battle...unbelievable...
"Is it really that hard to believe?"
"It was my pleasure,"
"Though I'm sure Steel isn't going to let me forget this one..."
Nah, he's got a point. Lesson learned, right? You are still a student after all.
"Yeah, I suppose so! Thanks for the argument, I'm sure SOMEPONY learned from all this besides me!"
*Twilight immediately teleports in front of you, leaning into your face.*
"That tape isn't leaving this room."
Now, now, Twilight. I agree it is a wonderful lesson learned. And will not hold it against you.... I simply can not pass up this opportunity.
I really wish I could, but, I just can not.
-pats gently- Besides, we both probably know that this will end in you trying to stop me, I, for some strange and unlike me, reason... Will try to leave... and then shenanigans will be caused. I can not let that happen unless we have fitting old style cartoon chase music.
"As to you! I look forward to it as well, but for now, I've got a certain tape to deal with..."
Pinkie?
"Way ahead of ya!"
*Pinkie pulls a gramophone out of...somewhere, and plants it on the ground. Turning the handle, the theme from 'Benny Hill' starts playing. Twilight grows a big smile as her horn begins to glow.*
You've got five seconds I'd say. This is going to be amazing...
-scratches beard- Hrm, this is going to be interesting. Someone film this. As for myself... -He mutters something, becoming encased in a shield of magic- Good thing I took 'How to escape one of your idols when you have an embarrassing tape of them' class!
-He disappears into a random door, let the classic cartoon chase begin!-
Thank you for the link. I can only take so much of Johnny Cash - Hurt till I get sad.)
"COME BACK HERE WITH THAT TAAAAAAAAAAPE!!!!"
*Twilight books it through the door, the two suddenly bursting through a wall that opens up into a door, vanishing through a portal on the other side of the room, which leads through a chute down from the ceiling and into the floor, which opens up into the Police Box TARDIS from Doctor Who, and after a few moments, they shoot up from the floor in a small volcanic eruption, Twilight screaming with her tail on fire. Steel simply belts out a laugh, watching the chaos.*
THIS IS AMAHAHAHAHAAZING!!
"So true!"
"Well, it is particularily unladylike...but I can live with it!"
"You can get him, dear!"
We've got some already, Pinkie's providing the popcorn while I'm dishing out the soda. It's lacking white cheddar powder though...oh well, buttered popcorn is good!
I typically don't rip into fics, but I make an excuse when they get featured.
Exactly why was Luna even there in the first place?
I don't feel immersed in an actual story. The fact that both characters know of the opposite's romantic interest within the first 2,000 words makes me very much aware of the author's presence.
Why didn't Twilight ask why Luna wanted to stay there? Granted she'd never turn a pony away, but I'd be a bit curious of pretty much anybody just showing up to my house without prior notice.
The sentences at the beginning seem a bit choppy to me.
How convenient that she just happens to open the diary to that one page, eh? Once again, I'm very aware of the plot engineering taking place here.
That's my criticism. Take it or leave it. At least it's more useful than "awesome story omgplz update soon"
*Twilight's eyes flare up and she destroys the brick wall with a single blast of her magic. She runs into the empty space, still chasing you, the fire on her tail acting as a torch in the dark hallway.*
"My tail can be on fire, you can suddenly go through brick walls, YOU CAN EVEN ASK PRINCESS CELESTIA TO BAIL YOU OUT OF THIS, THAT TAPE IS NOT LEAVING THIS HOOOOOOUSE!!!"
>>1114092 No problem, but I do have some criticism.
Luna seems kind of out of character. Like her speech and the amount of shyness she had. I understand that she would be shy at that part, but it felt like a tad too much for me. Maybe if she talked a little quiet and stuttered a bit. The complete inaudible mumbling and blushing seemed a bit much. But I still liked it either way
Oh yeah, why did Luna go there?
*Steel chomps some popcorn.*
Good question. Pinkie?
*Pinkie turns to Steel, her mouth puffed out with all the popcorn jammed in her maw.*
"Yash?"
How long do you figure till...*gulp*...ahh, how long do you figure till Twilight gets back here?
"Urrrrm...Ah figur abooooout...fi' sheckonds."
There you have it.
*The group waits in the room, looking over at you, when a sudden explosion of light appears at the door. A VERY enraged Twilight emerges from the door, and suddenly Pinkie swallows her popcorn and starts bouncing a bit.*
"Oh no! A doozie!"
Ohhhh boy...what is it this time?!
"Itchy flank...fluttery stomach...mane standing on end...twitchy tail...it-it's a doozie, and it's related to Twilight!"
*Everyone's pupils suddenly shrink as they look at Pinkie.*
"Panic Room?"
Panic Room.
*Everyone suddenly vanishes in a cloud of dust, a heavy vault door slamming shut in the back of the room. Strangely enough, all the snacks and drinks have disappeared too. The only things remaining in the room are the lonesome computer, Steel's furniture, you, and an enraged Twilight.*
"Give. Me. The tape."
-He sighs and hands over the type.- Fine, fine... Besides, the tape was just for show, Madam Sparkle. The Camera is wirelessly attached to a computer that is out of your reach.
Now, excuse me while I disappear before you stab, maim, burn, or we clutter up the comments anymore then needed! Don't want to annoy all the good serious people, now would we?
-coughs- I also completely forgot... If you do need any proofreading, or whatever. I have too much time on my hands and I'm always willnig to help. Sorry, Twilight distracted me from offering that sooner!
I write on Microsoft Word too, There are two ways that suddenly come to my mind without me putting alot of thought into it. Email the file or its contents, or use something like Skype, a chat program that allows for file transfers between users. Of course, both evolve information best left for use in private setting and not comments on stories. (Not trying to be rude there!)
Oh... My lack of knowledge on this site's mechanics.. it is disturbing.... Forget my previous suggestions!
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