Hmmm... you got an interesting idea here. But capitalization is key my friend. Makes you look like you got some form of education.

the foal and the timber wolf

The Foal and the Timber Wolf

follow the white rabbit.

Follow the White Rabbit.

i

I

You get the idea.

Hmm. A bit shaky on grammar, frequent errors in capitalization, and a few lapses in spelling.

However. The story itself I like. I want to see more. Work on your grammar and stuff, and you might really have something here. I'll withhold a like for now, but I expect to see more.

I wounder what Big Mac will say about the thing.

I second this. This looks to be quite a cool story idea, but you need to proofread your stories and capitalise everything that needs to be capitalised.

Otherwise it'll turn people off from the entire story. It almost did me.

Also, don't forget to capitalise the Title and Summary as well!

-Phil

a few errors here and there, but a good story, lets track it and see where it goes.

        All of the above. Please get someone to preread for you. Reread your own story several times yourself, try reading it out loud. You will catch a lot of stuff that way. Use spell check but don't trust it too far, it doesn’t care if it's the right word, just is it spelled right. Good premise, will watch to see what happens

>>11054591105459 GAH! Capitalisation, my one true enemy! i'll get it fixed, scout's honour.

>>11054791105479 I apologise for the dodgy grammar and what not, I can't proof-read for the life of me, but don't worry, i'm working on it.

>>11056171105617 you're totally right, i have a terrible habbit of just throwing stuff out there without checking it first, i'll get it fixed, or die horribly trying

>>11056791105679 No worries, I can't read my own work either. I tend to skim automatically, and that defeats the purpose of proofreading, doesn't it?

But there are plenty of folks on this site who'll proofread for you if you ask, so don't worry.

>>11054851105485 He will turn into a jet and start a war with Alaska...

>>11057021105702 Wonderful :)

>>11057061105706

Sweeeeet...

Sounds good, I'm gonna add to read later

okay, it's been proofread, anybody sees any errors, don't hesitate to tell me

You got it proofread!

I commented earlier, but it seems to have disappeared into comment limbo. Like you never knew I said before, I'm noticing a pattern here: You write something, it has problems, but I keep reading because you come up with good ideas and create solid stories.

My last comment included words like "errors" and "capitalization", but you got it cleaned up for the most part

There are a few problems here.  The Timber Wolf is a little too intelligent.  I'm all for him being able to think and all, but how would a wolf know what a brewskie is?  Or magma?  Just small stuff like that.  Try to include Timber Wolf culture, which doesn't exist, so have fun making up an entire civilization!

>>11071211107121 i've added the intelligence for both comedic effect and to make the Timber Wolf more relatable, and the culture? it's going to be awesome! If there's anything you want from Timber Wolf culture be sure t tell me (i was thinking various gods, obsession with hunting etc)

>>11087531108753  The gods part was a nice add, and I think having multiple gods is great for a hunting species like that.

>>11100501110050 cool, i'll make sure to throw it in there next chapter or so.

>>11070601107060 thanks, it's nice to know my stories are being enjoyed :)

Came across this during one of my bouts of random browsing - it's pretty good.

Nice solid story, relatable characters, good story setup, this gets a thumbs up from me and I'll be tracking to see where it goes!

>>11157151115715 thanks, i'll do my best not to dissapoint!

It would seem the consensus is that you write solid stories. By the power vested in me, I dub thee Solid Squid

>>11202131120213 LIQUID!

Holy crap this is a good chapter keep it up

>>11232921123292 thankyou, i appreciate the support

Damn, Applejack and Minnesota can be metal. You have obtained all of my yes.

>>11212151121215

Image: https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSlzYQetmP5oQzMGmP-sJ0RBlEjOeQB8qxr8OFas0y01S6NCRBOgA

>>11338991133899 sorry, my mgs fanboy got the better of me

This is fun. I'm really liking the wofl's narrative tone and Applebloom suddenly appearing just adds even more to it. I love the idea of them knowing woods too thats a riot

>>11378641137864 thanks, glad you like it

Freaken good story please continue

*grins* This ought ta be fun. bit confused at the beginning though. Caramel's a guy and not in the Apple family. Do you mean AJ?

"Ah think ah'll call you Splinter, y'know, cuz yer made of wood and all, heh heh"

Silly story, timber wolves are not martially-proficient mutated rat-beings.

>>11534041153404

My thoughts exactly

>>11523961152396 I just imagined he was a nice guy willing to help. I could have really used anyone for the role

>>11534041153404 no, but they do train humanoid turtles in the ways of the warrior, I thought the show made that pretty clear.

>>11547341154734 Caramel hooked himself up to the reins and pulled her big brother off to Ponyville hospital. That was my issue. *Grins* that whole paragraph is confusing.

>>11592321159232 ohhh, I see, no prob, i'll fix that up. thanks for pointing it out though

>>11612501161250 *Laughs* no problem, sorry I wasn't more specific.

Is cute and funny with a sprinkling of sad. Please continue.

>>11682221168222 with pleasure :)

Boom, update. please don't hesitate to tell me what you think, rome wasn't built in a day, so I could always use some constructive critisism

I saw no problems mate. Keep up the awesomeness

Buncha typos dude happy to pm you or whatever and point em out. Nice chapter, bloody intense tho.

>>11841561184156 thanks for the heads up, i'll get on those typos right away.

DAWWWWWWW

Splinter, you silly old timberwolf. Everypony knows that you can never say no to a filly.

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!!!

i found this chapter to be quite hilarious

Very adorable but AB has reddish eyes like her mane not gold >.> <.< *hides*

*Pops out of hidey hole* great stuff can't wait t'see more!

>>12201971220197 aha! the mistakes SHALL be vanquished! thanks for pointing them out.

boom. chapter. As always, i'd greatly appreciate it if you were to tell me what you think, constructive critisism is always welcome as well.

[size=12"I wan't my mum..."][/size]

You might wanna fix that.

But otherwise this was a great chapter.

Okay, you really need some editing done.  Really really.  You have a gold mine of a story here, but right now there a cloud of errors keeping the audience from full enjoyment of it.  I know it's asking some effort on your part, but if you put up your story on google docs I'll go through and point out all the errors that I see.  Heck, if you want, I'd be willing to pre-read for this.

>>12428371242837 Damn my half-arsed pre-reading! i'll get right on it.

>>12431861243186

Thanks!

>>12431961243196 aaaand it's sorted, cheers for pointing that out.

>>12428761242876 Well, I could certainly use a good pre-reader. I do have a tendancy to just whip out my works without proof reading. sure, i'll be willing to give the google docs a try.

Ahaha awesome stuff. Oh gods That was painfully cute. If you want another pre-reader toss me on gdocs too i've always got a chance to glance over chapters.

Angle had it comming

>>12435891243589 thanks... mind telling me how to use google docs derp

>>12450141245014 yes, yes he did.

>>12435891243589 what's your name on google docs? I have the story up on my google drive right now, so if you want you could give some of my half-assed writing a once over

>>12521931252193 flcferret is where ya find me. ^^

>>12532401253240 mind giving me an email adress?

>>12536081253608 sorry >< flcferret@gmail.com

>>12538241253824 cheers, now, to figure this absolute mindf**k of software out :)

edit: wait wait wait.... i think i just sorted it out... kind of... I think I may have also accidentally sent you the entire story... my bad.

edit of an edit: scratch that, the damned thing is refusing to send at all... just gimmie a sec.

>>12538241253824 alright, i'm getting nowhere with this, mind sending me a message or something on Gmail? I just go by airbournesquid, if you could it'd be seriously helpful.

I fear that this story may be keeping me alive. You must update as quickly as possible to save my life!

>>12824721282472 very well. tactical update incoming

Well, here's the new chapter. props to maskedferret for giving me a couple of pointers. if you're reading this, cheers mate.

>>12867981286798 *grins and nods* I am indeed mate and even noticed some typos >< Maybe want me to do some proofreading?

>>12869181286918 yeah, that actually sounds like a pretty good idea I'll get iu up on google :)

>>12900771290077 no worries, toss up the next chapter on gdocs before you post it to fimfic n_n

>>12919751291975 Afirmitive :)

I thank you. I shall be able to live another day.

Interesting story, but my gosh there are a lot of punctuation errors.

More please

>>13588161358816mind giving me a helping hand and point them out? I hate leaving errors uncorrected

I love this. I didn't notice any punctuation errors (I'm a fast reader though, so I might not pick on any errors, and I'm somewhat very forgiving about spelling)

I can't wait for more!

>>13616601361660 Thanks, I think I'm (finally) getting over my atrocious grammar issues

"MOTHERFUCKEEEEEEEER!"

Why did Deus from Fallout equestria project horizions just pop into my head?

"CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT!"

Oh yea, thats why. (how many people know what i'm talking about?)

You know how to write a good story. All I am going to say.

>>14018591401859 Thanks, I appreciate it

Arrrrgh, I don't know if I can last two weeks without another chapter. It had better be a good one.

Also, have fun and party soft!

>>14634991463499Thanks a bunch, I'll try to get another chapter done in between all the hardcore ing.

MOAR please

There's a bunch of missing green, a few missing quotation marks and two or three spelling mistakes. It's good to see that this is still going, and bummer but oh well about the break. As for your liver, it fell down the stairs after walking into a door frame.

Heh, the situations Splinter always ends up in. Good story so far, btw.

>>15790811579081 Thanks, I appreciate it.

I love awkward situations

It's finally here... So much happy.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy new update woooohhhooooooo

No funny business going on here, just a friendly game of grab-ass is all.

This just HAD to remind me of the human centipede.  *shiver* well other than causing me immense mental damage from remembering that horrid movie, this was great!  No sarcasm intended.

>>16118201611820 Just wait until I write a story about Twilight surgically attaching the rest of the mane six together to create a pony centipede... hmm, y'know what? I might actually just do that

“Big Mac...” I manage to choke out "help me out here, and I will suck your dick… I swear to the gods I will.”

... What? Don't look at me like that! You would've totally done the same thing.

NO! WE WOULDNT!

NO! WE WOULDNT!

NO! WE WOULDNT!

*all three of them back the hell out of the room like it was on fire*

i see a color tag not closed

>>16882401688240 Curses on you color tags! I'll get right on it.