Image: http://assets.diylol.com/hfs/380/c4c/377/resized/creepy-willy-wonka-meme-generator-interesting-tell-me-more-db69a1.jpg

Tracking.

Interesting concept.  Feels a little rushed though.  A decent start, now let's see if you can follow through...

I knew this day would come. You have no idea ho much i want this story to happen! Ill help any way I can if needed!

ok ok, let's get down to business.

The story has a pretty good premise with how Eddie has already seen too much to be surprised by anything anymore.  However, I believe that Eddie was a little too willing to help them. But whatever.  Other than that, you have Eddie Riggs down to a tee.  Celestia and Shining Armor on the other hand.... all I can say is "meh".  There were several pieces of dialog where either Celestia or Shining Armor didn't quite sound like their characters would speak as. Sadness for the war: understandable for Celestia. Belittling the captain of the guard for having constructive doubts: not really part of Celestia's portrayed character in the show. This is, of course, considered with the assumption that you are trying to replicate Celestia from the show.

As for your formatting, there were several places in the story where there were words missing or words switched around.  You should either double check your work before you submit it or get a beta reader.

This story definitely has potential and the fact that this is the first Brutal Legend MLP crossover that I've seen (which I have been praying for for a long time now), I will follow it.  I expect more heavy metal in the future chapters.

>>11081211108121 Thank you for your criticism good sir, I agree that my portail of Shining Armour is a bit off considering I have only read a few fictions involivng him and barely got any personality details (either that or I took no time to notice him ) off the show for him, as for Celestia, I tried to make her stress out by the war, which would make someone, maybe even her a little bit more angry, therefore more likely to lash out at somepony, but I agree I may have overdone it a bit (or a ton, if I am under analyzing again). As for the formatting, I am working on getting a proof reader as I write this (is that considered a beta reader?) . So thank you once for your time and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.

>>11080081108008

YOUR MEME IS BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD

>>11082571108257

That enough bad for you? *sniffle*

Will read later.

That game was awesome

>>11082571108257

HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH A THING!?

FEEL MY WRATH!!!

Image: http://www.gamerdna.com/uimage/wQRQREe/full/epic-shoop-da-whoop.jpg

WEEEEEEELP this is being faved

Image: http://static.fjcdn.com/comments/HNNNNNGGGGGGGGG+RIGHT+IN+THE+GRAMMAR+_24c6d513a3ff59158fe726c2e29398ed.png

Seriously, I'm intrigued. As a metalhead, I'll favourite this for great justice.

\m/etal+ponies=badassery

A Brutal Legend and FiM cross over?

You have my attention.

Carry on

ME GUSTA

Image: http://www.google.com/imgres?num=10&hl=en&biw=1280&bih=933&tbm=isch&tbnid=8yskHGpV-4JH4M:&imgrefurl=http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/me-gusta&docid=Z10HKb17LePx7M&imgurl=http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/002/252/me-gusta.jpg%253F1310883034&w=200&h=200&ei=1sAvUJDYJcK2yAG08oHYCA&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=133&sig=115981949199724878076&page=1&tbnh=136&tbnw=136&start=0&ndsp=31&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0,i:76&tx=79&ty=46

MLP definitely needs some heavy metal.   

From what I've read thus far, my only major suggestion is to handle the dialogue with a little more 'flexibility' in terms of its construction. That is to say, every line spoken by a character is written down with no real break between it once they start speaking; it's coming down to ["dialogue" character said, *action during dialogue*] every time a conversation is up, both during lines where it's either too long to justify that structure (ie, Celestia's long-winded explanations, or unnecessary depending on the number of characters in question or when it's relatively obvious who's speaking, and thus the writing style begins to grow static and a bit repetitive to read. If you can fix that much, it'll be an otherwise well-written story.

oh man this is hilarious. please continue

SWORDS AND TEQUILA!

*ahem* Faved, tracked, watched, what ever. I'm going to make sure that this story is continued, even if I have to reach through my fucking screen and scream at you and belt out a face melter.

TRY. ME.

BREAD APROVES!!!! This is the best thing since sliced me.

wow  i just realized Eddie is a good cross over character because we don't have to go threw the boring introduction of coming to a new world because he already did all that stuff in Brutal Legend also he is just a plain funny likable character.

the only thing that bother me is the romance tag whats going down with that?

>>11147751114775 Just some scenes with Eddie and Ophelia coming up, no worries.

>>11161151116115

excellent

Manners = politeness

Manors = Multiple Large Houses

Needs editing, I would suggest a re-write, even.

I'm also a "fishy" (but at my school we call our selves Frosh) so I now how you feel.

SWEET FLAMING JESUS THANK THE TITANS!!! ANOTHER CHAPTER!!!

FREASH MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!! also sweet

Freshman... you make me feel old... anyways can't wait to see Eddie whip the guard into shape.

Great chap. this is YOUR First year? good luck kid. i'm lucky this is MY last. oh and WELCOME TO 4 YEARS OF HELL. can't wait for next chap.

i can only see this as celestia face when Eddie felt "the daww"

Image: http://scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw5280_medium.png

Summon the guardian of metal at some point. He was one of the high points of the game.

I get the feeling this is gonna be relevant:

HELL FUCKING YEAH THIS IS THE SHIT OF EPICNESS

>>11803911180391 FOOK YAH

>>11090521109052 Huh...That was my desktop background for a while.

>>11796981179698

Every time you come back here, there's another fucking scratch on that beautiful car!

>>11796981179698 You think I would pass up the hilarity of a scene like that. NOPE  

>>11992131199213 on a scale of one to ten; with one being one time on screen, and ten being a main character; how much 'metal god love' is Eddie going to need?

>>12035011203501 Lets say four, I do plan to send Eddie to the land on Heavy Metal, but he does have to go back to Equestria some time.

I somehow wanted RDs reaction to be similar to the headbangers in the game.

"Whats that sound?"

"Its like Discord screaming."

"Its a princess singing."

"Its the pounding of harmonys hammer on the anvil of love."

"It bucking awesome!"

>>12203141220314

I agree

Also great chapter

Pony's jaw? That seems... random to put in there. What relevance does that have?

>>12206331220633 It would also be alittle cool if one of the Metal Beasts to greets Eddie like a little puppy when he and the 'Mane 6' get back to ''Land of Metal''!

>>12208351220835

YES

>>12208411220841 And someone NEEDS to join him to a ''Motor Forge'' and meet Ozzy! For my part.... I think either RD (see for me she somehow befriends Eddie) or Twilight (her inner nerd NEEDS to meet the 'guardian of Metal') should be the ones at that.

PS: we need a cameo of the headbangers trying out the art of Apple bucking/banging

PPS: This banter must happen between Shining and Eddie, in one of the battles!

>>12208851220885

How do you think rarity is going to act when she sees there clothes

>>12208931220893 First... What about AJ vs Eddie in 'Razorboar rodeo/herding'?

Or RD racing Fletus?

Fluttershy meeting Rima?

AJ talking about alcoholic beverages with the 'Keeper of the Sacred Beer Tree'?

Rarity accidentally waking up the 'ghost of General Lionwhyte'?

And somehow... I want Eddie to meet a group of rams (which happen to be ramming each other) in Equestria talking with Shining/Twilight/Luna/Celestia like this conversation!

BTW This is the WORST. FASHION. EVER!

Image: http://iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/24545__safe_rarity_animated_glasses_suited-for-success_faint.gif?1342342533

oh god more please i need more i need to know what happens

Image: http://scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw7718-1344892348995443.jpg

>>12209751220975

First I think eddie would win and rainbow dash would stomp fletus

MOAR

I can wait for the next chapter.

(Three hour's later)

Image: http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyzd9iF80M1rnbuemo1_400.png

MOAR!

Nice...

My guess by least violent you mean very violent.

Welp. There goes their innocence.

the castle really needs better security changelings everywhere lol.

As someone who nearly got bit on their genitalia by a horse, I can sympathize with Riggs, here.

Eddy almost lost his genitals The ponies are about to lose their innocence so not a fair trade

Metal Beasts, If so, the Zaulia will find the ponies, amusing.

"Oh, and one internet for the person who can guess the reference in the story."

Devil May Cry 3.

METAL BEATS YES

Also great chapter

HAH! I see you decided to use my little idea there with the Metal Beast...

but what is it's name? Bobo, Boss, Fluffy, Taxi (imagine Eddie running around the land of metal and shouting for taxi...), snuggles, snaggletooth,Beelzebub, Dio, Chewie/Chewbacca?

more

I've been waiting for a story like this. It's easy to have fun with fanfiction of this game on this site.

If you like, I could help you suggest metal tunes.

>>12718641271864

I mostly go with stuff from the game, or bands related with said songs. If you want a request, I can gladly find a scene that can fit the song you choose. So yes, suggest ahead.

THIS STORY ROCKS

HURAY FOR VIOLENCE

-wargod

>>13047911304791 wooooo VIOLENCE

I was thinking... When they depart.... Is ophelia going to drive the Deuce and the rest of the crew in the bus, then the ponies ask "but how are you going to follow us?" "you guys take the 'low road' and i'll take the 'high road'." then turn on the demon gene, thus making RD wanna race.

>>13049791304979 Now that is a good idea, but can't Eddie only turn on the demon gene during combat?

>>13049891304989 in the game he did only turn demon while in combat stages.... But it was never mentioned in the game wether he could or could not turn at will inside or outside Of battle so you're pretty much free to set the conditions for what can and can't be and..... If you want to set limitations for his demon gene, you could say that it runs on 'fan energy'or the feeling of being idolized (demons being the land of metal's "changelings"), like a battery analogy.

but if you do that, you have to find a reason for the fan geasyr to pop up in equestria!

Finally! I've been waiting for some heads to roll in this fic! UPDATE QUICKLY

>>13050761305076 They didn't say specifically no. But after the second Stage Battle, you do see the transformation leaving him and you are not able to use the ability of flight until the next stage battle.

>>13081471308147 and you don't see the fan geysyrs either outside of the stage battles.... But behold this chapter as it's mending those plot holes, that wish to stop us!

The way I see it is that ingame, eddie's demon ego and fan geysyrs are connected.... Appearing an ddisappearing at the same moments.

>>13083371308337 Yeah, when the stage gets taken down.

It is impossible to say no to fluttering's cuteness

in a sing-song voice* Slender Mane, Slender Mane,

All the foals try to run.

Slender Mane, Slender Mane,

To him it's part of the fun.

Slender Mane, Slender Mane,

Dressed in darkest suit and tie.

Slender Mane, Slender Mane,

You most certainly will die.

Slender Mane, Slender Mane,

His branching arms are for collecting.

Slender Mane, Slender Mane,

His face is empty of expressing.

Slender Mane, Slender Mane,

He won't let you say goodbye.

Slender Mane, Slender Mane,

You most certainly will die.

Slender Mane, Slender Mane,

Sometimes hums a lowly drone.

Slender Mane, Slender Mane,

He will wander 'round your home.

Slender Mane, Slender Mane,

Blends in well within the trees.

Slender Mane, Slender Mane,

In the fog he's hard to see.

Slender Mane, Slender Mane,

Dressed in darkest suit and tie.

Slender Mane, Slender Mane,

You most certainly will die.

FINNALLY SOME BLOOD!!! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!

THIS PLEASES PINKAMINA!!!

Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1120_131524800909.gif

ah crap

"Splatter" kills?

...

*GASP* SPLATTER(Mouth gets zipped shut)

*Unzip* SPLATTER(Mouth gets filled with muffin)

*Swallows* Thank you Derpy. SPLATTER(Gets shot by the Orbital Friendship cannon)

*Blacked body weakly coughs out a puff of black smoke* splatter(dies)

(Anonymous commentator)

And so our hero dies a tragic death. The fates conspired and succeeded in keeping him from telling his allies his suspect of what the dreaded, all powerful author has planed to awesomely torture the audience. Will the audience survive the coming onslot of face melting win? Not on your life!

Yes... more...more...

i would have killed to see that simba part with fluttershy

Image: http://www.buzzlol.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Eye-Melting-Cuteness-Overload.jpg

>>13169521316952

i always found that picture adorable than disturbing for some reason

What happened to the facemelter?

PS: good chapter.

i loved this pinkie you so random

-wargod

Wait so pinkie also shook her head?

ALL I HAVE LEFT IS MY KNIFE THAT MEANS BLOOD

I just realized something. Celestia is going to be PISSED when she finds out that Eddie can raise the sun, too.

I want that to be a scene in this fic.

"I raise the sun of this world"

(Eddie) "Psh, no problem, i can do that too"

"What!? You lie!"

(Eddie) "Naw, seriously. Watch" (performs Light Of Dawn solo)

*pop*

end of chapter

wait, tons of no feedback? you gotta be shitting me.

>>14347591434759i agreee. *laughs ass out* so funny to see that. i would pay 90000000 bits /dollars to see that!

make more plz

>>13177871317787 quick someone make a pic of fluttershy being held simba style

I REALLY don't like how you aren't explaining the whole 'loss of innocence thing' becuase none of them had ever killed before as you said,and have not broken out in to tears. Hell I don't like how they are fighting in the first place,but other than that you seem to be doing an.....okay job at this crossover.

Also,you may now have caused cupcakes to actually happen.

WE NEED MOAR please I love mlp/brütal legend it is awesome. But where did pinkamena go

did you call me no not the face I will get molestia

why do you keep calling me first shirotora now harmony and heavy metal make up your mind 'sigh'

Sorry if I need to threatin people/ponies you need to learn to differentiate

I am trying

so when is he going to continue

I don't know pinkie I don't know

HO SHIT

short chapter is short

>>20782932078293

It's just a pass over chapter to get to the action. Sorry if it does seem short, but I still had to write this over homework and other things. I promise all those who read this that the next chapter will be longer.

i understand sometimes you need filler or it will all fall apart

Saw this in my inbox WHOA-OH-OH-AH-AH-AAAA-AH-HA-HA­

IT HAS RETURNED WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN YOU HEAD BANGER YOU

You referenced Devil May Cry 3? You officialy rock.