LunaUsesCaps
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At some level I wasn't sure I had, this scares me.
If your next question is "Was this story effective?" the answer is "More than you probably imagined."
I'm reading this later.
Heavy stuff. Well written though. I give you five out of five crying fluttershys.
1112497
I am pretty sure I had, despite the feels, a total braingasm. Hi Dusty!
This is an important story, LunaUsesCaps. Make no mistake about it. Consider yourself followed.
As someone who was dealt with this particular topic in real life, this story really got to me. It took me a moment to realize what had happened at the beginning of the story, and once you understand the scene, it really speaks towards Twilight's mental state. Rainbow's note really echoed a common idea regarding the world of ponies, that they're perfect or infallible. Here we see just how wrong that is. Even Celestia showed a bit of an emotional outbreak, something so rare for her, even in fan fiction. But most importantly for me, were Twilight's feelings of "I could have stopped it." To know that level of heartbreak and sorrow, it's almost unbearable. This is an amazing story sir.
Quite a powerful read. Very effective.
Hmm.....not sure if I like this, I dont usually like stories where one of the mane 6 dies, but being everfaithful to stories i read, I will follow this.
Wow. This was... confusing. I feel like nothing has been resolved. What happened? Did Twilight ever get over her grief? I'm totally confused!
Still, very good writing, and all the characters stay in character, which is good indeed.
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1112620 The beauty of this is exactly that. Sometimes our grief is never truly resolved, and whether the author meant for that to be intentional or not, I think it really adds to the tone of the fic over all.
This was really good and just the perfect amount of writing as well.
Oh my Celestia. Take my feels. Take my thumbs. That story touched me deep down, and I thank you for writing this
Pretty sure I preread this..
I am going to guess you wrote this for personal reasons. That said I would pick OCs in the future for this purpose or make more of an effort to keep the characters you use in character.
Rainbow Dash had absolutely no resemblance to her canon/fandom personality. You could have replaced her with any generic pony without anyone even noticing.
Twilight at least was mostly in character except for just letting Rainbow walk away. A shrug of the shoulders doesn't seem a likely response.
oh god this is deep
Good story!
There were some great emotional moments in this. Truly well-done. Seeing Rainbow's letter was an interesting take on how she acts and who she really is. Good stuff all-around.
Very well done.
This is one of the best stories I have ever read. Thank you for writing this Luna, Thank you.
1112793 The point was that it was out of character for rainbow. That was what made it so shocking, the utter change in who she was, the crumbling of her confident facade was why Rainbow was the only character that would work.
I saw Rainbow's suicide coming the moment she didn't react.
That only made the impact worse.
Oh look, there it goes.
My self confidence.
One hour, now that was the fastest damn feature I've ever gotten lmfao.
That was... dark.
Y'know, it seems that this story is incomplete. Officially, the seven stages of grief end with acceptance & hope. It seems Twilight just gets hung up on #5...
This story...hit home.
Please excuse me now, I have a book of memories to look through.
1113030
There is out of character and there is a complete shift in speech patterns. If you wouldn't recognize a character if the name given was swapped out that is no longer out of character. That is now another character wearing an established name.
Damn...
1113101 I think that's the point. The resolution is that there is none. The reader forms their own ideas of what might happen to Twilight. I myself have my own opinion, based on some possible foreshadowing in the last few paragraphs.
Sad Fluttershy approves.
Powerful.
1113361 I disagree. This was not taking away the character, it was suggesting that something more lay underneath. Yes the speech patterns were changed, but that was the point. This suggested that the speech she adopted among ponies was different than what she could have. That the rainbow dash we're familiar with was but a mask over the face of the one we met in the story. It was out of character, but to me, it seemed that the point was that the character we were used to was the brash surface of a very deep individual. Thus, it had to be Rainbow Dash. That is also why I say it is out of character as opposed to "a character wearing an established name".
1113566 Think "the ghost of Rainbow Dash's memory haunting Twilight after all is said and done". The beginning takes place way after the end.
1113566
I'm pretty sure that's Twilight hallucinating RD. She was having emotional problems because of RD's suicide and the beginning and end are Twilight in Canterlot staring in a mirror talking with RD who she is hallucinating.
1112793 Gonna have to agree somewhat with you on this one.
First off, I liked most everything about the story. The prose was good, the style wasn't overly flowery while providing accurate and tone setting description at the same time. Varied word choice and a good grasp of tense were also key. If there is one thing I do take issue with, it's characterization.
Now as you know, ponies and grimdark are sometimes a hard thing to bring together believably. For the most part, I think you've done a good job of doing that. My issue lies with Rainbow Dash's sudden articulate-ness in her note. Of course in order to explain why the most confident pegasus in Equestria would do something like this, you'd need an explanation (wow I felt dumb typing that). But the type of explanation given (the idea that Rainbow Dash could just be acting, and is actually much deeper than she appears) is the same type that could be used on a story like cupcakes. Could Pinkie actually be a deranged murderous lunatic? I guess, but there's no evidence (canon wise) to support that. Could Rainbow Dash have just up and kill herself out of the blue one day? I suppose anyone could, but the story didn't really give much substance in regards to why.
The whole failure thing didn't sit right with me, because she ended up winning the BYF competition, has met with her idols more than once, and led the pegasi to do that water tornado thing that one time. Other than me being over-analytic, this was a good fic and deserves it's place on the box, so have a thumb.
Nobody sees the signs of depression and everybody blames themselves. This story is probably the closest to what would be a real world senario and that terrifies me to no end so congratulations I guess
1113524
Hate to interrupt, but I feel like I have something to add here.
This argument seems to to be a case of the cart pulling the horse.
With a longer story, where we see the character both in mask and out, and maybe see that mask slip or change over time, then it would be characterization, adding depth to a character that already existed.
I don't doubt, based on the way the story was presented that the author probably was trying to do what you suggest, but I don't feel it really worked. It comes off as lazy writing much more than it does as deliberate characterization. The story works because the emotional gut punch doesn't rely on the death being Rainbow Dash's at all. As long as we see Twilight experiencing lost, and fighting with her mentor about the mortality and blame, the story functions fine - the story functions equally well if the suicide was one of her other friends, or Zecora, or with only minor modifications her mother or brother - anyone she cares about. We are asked to accept by fiat that Twilight cares for Blank Pegasus X, and given that it is within her character to do so, it doesn't pose a problem.
This comes up as much harsh than it really was meant to be.
this hit home...real hard...
1113874 I think it works much better with Dash though. The seemingly brash, arrogant, and shallow friend having hidden depths and emotional issues hits much harder than the other characters would.
God DAMN YOU FEELERS. THIS STORY IS TOO EFFECTIVE. GLOOMY SUNDAY ALL OVER AGAIN,
You know I was about to get angry that you had used your time to create this story rather than continue Athanasia, but then I read it. I then thought that this is one of the saddest stories I ever read.
So, I completely forgive you because you still created an awesome story. In other words, time well spent.
Im depressed
*suicides*
instant fav
I've been fortunate enough in life so far that I haven't had to deal with a situation like this. That said, this story was really moving and I think it had the perfect pace and structure to really get the message across.
I also think this story ended perfectly. If you would have included more stages of recovery it would have dragged on for another few thousand words, and I'm glad you didn't include the cliche "5 years later Twilight visits Dash's grave to put an orchid and origami figure near it revealing that Twilight was the Origami killer all along!"
1113909
How about Rarity?
She's on top of the world, high contacts in her career, and she's arrogant, confident, smart, and capable. Her life is perfect, right?
How about Pinky?
She's so damned happy, and is a walking talking party trying to cheer everyone up. She would never bring sadness to everypony by killing herself... right?
Fluttershy?
So kind, so caring, everyone's feeling always come before hers. She couldn't hurt everypony, right?
Applejack?
She's cheerful, determined, and hard working. She has responsibilities, dependents, ponies counting on her, the most dependable of ponies. She couldn't let everypony down right?
How about TRIXY?
The seemingly brash, arrogant, and shallow pony could have hidden depths and emotional issues, right? Given that twilight let her run off, she would even probably feel guilty if something were to happen to her.
This is easy. I can go on all day. Any character can have "hidden depths" if you give them to them. Every pony, including Rainbow Dash, has also shown some level of vulnerability that, if exaggerated enough, could be a good basis for suicidal depression.
and 
both have their performance anxiety and perfectionism, and get depressed when they don't live up to their potential. 
and 
are both arguably bipolar, and have gotten very, very depressed at points in the show. Even 
has multiple times depressed herself to the point she collapsed, frustrated from being unable to keep up with the weight of her conflicting promises and responsibilities
I'm sorry, but I don't buy it.
1114109
Rarity being a depressed artist would not shock me.
Pinky already showed her insane colors if you recall.
Fluttershy is only an emotional mess, she would probably be the least shockng one, what with her self worth and confidence issues.
Applejack would be surprising considering her upbringing and beliefs, as opposed to Rainbow, who's upbringing we know little about.
Trixie really isn't relevant, but it seemed very likely that she was over compensating for self doubt with her callous exterior.
I say Rainbow dash is the best because unlike Trixie, she seems stable, unlike applejack, she shows little depth, unlike fluttershy, she is seemingly confident, unlike pinkie pie, she seems generally stable, unlike rarity, she does not seem to externalize her problems.
I really do think she was the best choice.
Wow, this was a really powerful story, great read. Although, I have to ask you something: At the very, VERY end, when it says Twilight's in Celestia's room and she was alone the entire time, what does that mean? Like, nobody was ever there, and Canterlot was an abandoned old nothing where a single mare, gone insane from being abandoned in this town alone, sat crying endlessly about the death of a friend she never had?
I doubt it, but if so, I applaud you for an utterly horrifying ending.
Mustache for you, my good man.
you do not know how depressed this made me, considering in my opinion rd is best pony. you killing her off made me shed tears, not manly tears... full on tears. I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!!!
R.I.P RD you will be missed
1114109
Perhaps the problem is that you haven't come to grips with the illusion of being sold anything. As if you weren't going to already click the link for this story.
Or maybe I shouldn't type while to all appearances being sloshed. I dunno, masks under masks under masks, so on and so forth.
1114195
I find myself curious if you've watched the same episodes I have. In Sonic Rainbow, she is put through basically an anxiety attack by the idea that she might not be good enough. In Mysterious Mare Do-well she basically does the exact same thing. It may be a little bit of a stretch, but her drastic reaction to not being superior to Applejack in their contest and her anger and indignation at being called on her cheating can serve as a third example of the same behavior.
Rainbow being drastically insecure and depressed, and compensating for it with bravado, would not shock me.
BUT, I feel like we're still kind of behaving like two ships passing in the dark. I'm not actually saying that Rainbow isn't the best subject for being a shocking suicide, which is what your insisting. I don't have any problem with that assertion.
Where I take issue is with the black characterization of Rainbow Dash. We only see a depressed shell of herself, who is somehow more eloquent and more philosophical. We are given no explanation of whether she was holding back on her vocabulary earlier, or chose to simplify her speech pattern, or chose to behave more simply to fit in or something. My point is that without that extra characterization, one pony works as well as the next in this specific story.
1114316
I'm afraid I don't follow you. Can you explain or rephrase that?
God... this story.... the feels.... I feel physically sick now.... I'm going to go cry in a corner until I stop feeling depressed now.